Work Text:
To Sakamoto Kaori,
who was once mine,
I'm selfish for addressing the letter like that. But, now that you're married, no matter what feelings I have, you're not just gonna suddenly become my whole life again.
Isn't that funny? "My whole life". I hadn't realized it for so long, I think I only realized when you told me you were marrying him, that everything I was doing was for you.
Or well, inspired by you. Like, I kept skating because I wanted to be "better" than you just one more time. Haha.
I keep laughing as I write this. Laughing much like you, even if I'm not really happy, like you.
And it's really selfish of me. I'm being selfish because things hadn't gone "My Way".
"Obviously," you should tell me.
You should tell me so many things.
I want your advice so much more than you think.
I want you so much more than you think.
I want us to go back to that old rink.
I'd forgotten where it was, and I will never forgive myself for that.
How could I forgot the name of the place where I had almost told you? Almost kissed you? Almost asked you to be my girlfriend?
How could I forget the name of the place where we pretended we were doing Ice Dance together? The only time I could safely call you "my partner"?
How could I forget the name of the place where I wanted to risk our friendship? The friendship where I was yours, and you were mine.
That friendship is all I have now, and it means everything now── although, I'm still yours, but you're not mine.
Kaori, you are the brightest girl I have ever met, far brighter than our sun,
And I wish you eternal happiness.
I may not be there as much I hoped,
but I think even being there is something.
Not everyone is a person who means so much to someone and impact their life so much.
This is stupid, why did I write this?
Should I try to be all edgy, ending this, like I have been writing it?
Wakaba Higuchi
And the letter I'll never send