Work Text:
*flashback*
“Mr. Zeus, I… I really thought we had something special,” Y/N sobs into Zeus’ enormous stripper chest. She hears his familiar hearty laugh yet again.
“We do! I just also have something special with everything else that has a hole!”
“We’re… We’re over! I quit!” Y/N says squeakily, getting up and clenching her fists fiercely. “That’s it! I’m getting a job somewhere else!”
*present day*
“Oh boy! I finally found a new job!” Y/N sings, jumping out of her bed and putting on her typical oversized hoodie that she got from the boys. She doesn’t wear makeup like the other girls, but since she got a new job in the Underworld, she decides to wear just the TINIEST bit of maroon lipstick.
She skips all the way to the nearest entrance to the Underworld, her smile bright and happy. Thankfully, Nyx decided to give her another chance at an interview, which means Y/N still gets to work with the gods! Just… the Cthonics instead of the Olympians.
“I really hope I make a good impression on everyone down here!” Y/N says to herself, getting flashbacks to her LAST interaction with Hades and Persephone.
“Y/N! Welcome in!” An oak nymph says when Y/N gets to the gates of the House of Hades. “I’m Eurydice!”
“I didn’t know you guys were going to welcome me in!” Y/N giggles shyly as she adjusts her messy bun.
She soon finds herself in the interview room with a woman radiating darkness.
“So… you said you quit your other job because of a personal matter with the CEO?” the goddess Nyx repeats as she stares down at the resume Y/N filled out in perfect handwriting.
“I’d rather not talk about it,” Y/N sniffles. “Can I get a job here? I think you’ll find that my qualifications are VERY extensive. I can sing, dance, get sold to One Direction, be a sugar baby, AND I’m automatically amazing at anything I do!”
“Right. How well do you get along with other people? Like… would your former colleagues describe you as someone pleasant and easy to work with?”
“All of the men would, but… other girls just don’t like me. I think it’s because they’re a little intimidated… I mean, they always say I’m really pretty and smart, but I don’t think so.”
“So you find it difficult to get along with your fellow employees?” Nyx furrows her brows, trying to process what Y/N just said to her.
“Like I said, I… um… It really depends on the employee. But I’m nice to everyone! So I think… if they don’t like me… then maybe it might not necessarily be my fault?” Y/N offers sheepishly, blushing slightly.
“Moving on, what would you say is your biggest weakness?”
“This might be, erm, a little cliche, but I’m not super physically strong. I won’t be doing any hard labor in this job though, right?” Y/N squeals nervously, biting her lip.
“Hmm… Would it be alright if I called your former employer, Y/N?” Nyx asks as she dials Zeus’ number.
“Um… uh… I… Please don’t!” She begs, her crystal blue gaze burning into Nyx’s dark eyes.
“Very well. I fired Dusa recently, so you can take her place as a janitor for now.”
“NOT AGAIN!” Y/N moans, doing Jacob Lopez’s moan of the century. Nyx physically cringes and puts Y/N’s resume into a violet-colored folder.
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry, I… um… I just have a really bad experience with that job,” she mumbles shyly, blinking her naturally four-foot-long eyelashes out of her eyes.
“That’s the only spot we have open for now,” Nyx replies, getting up from her desk. “You can start once you get your cleaning supplies from my son, Hypnos, and if you encounter some kind of problem, let me know. I’m your supervisor, after all.”
“Okay, Miss,” Y/N swallows, grateful that Nyx isn’t as hostile as her LAST supervisor was.
She makes her way to the main hall, where she sees a young man with curly, white hair and pale gray skin waving her over.
“I’m Hypnos. You’re Y/N, right?” He yawns.
“Oh, um, yeah… You’re pretty cute—eep! Why did I say that?” She fake-hiccups to mask the lost aura and hastily snatches the cleaning supplies from the son of Nyx’s hands.
“Mommy told me you can start in the lounge.” Hypnos points towards a doorway leading to a taverna and a bunch of tables. When Y/N gets there, she sees three other employees hanging out at one table instead of doing their work.
“Yeah, so then I told Father to shut the hell up,” a young man with heterochromia and spiky hair remarks with a smirk.
“That was five years ago and it’s still all you ever talk about,” a woman with blue skin, blue hair, and a whip retorts. Y/N flinches at the sight of her, remembering one of her encounters with a crazy cerulean-headed prodigy prosecutor who also had a whip…
“Yeah Zagreus, get over it,” another man who looks similar to Hypnos orders.
“Uh… Hi, guys! I’m Y/N!” Y/N chirps excitedly, climbing and standing up on a barstool to be eye-level with the others.
“I didn’t realize my mother had hired a replacement for Dusa already,” the man who looks similar to Hypnos says. “I’m known as Thanatos, death incarnate.”
“I’m Megaera and this is Zagreus. He’s the son of the House’s master,” the woman with light blue skin adds, gesturing to the spiky-haired one. Zagreus smiles.
“It’s been a while since a new employee got here,” he chuckles, taking a swig of ambrosia. “I’m surprised she hasn’t been scared off yet.”
“Judging by her happy-go-lucky face, I don’t think she’s met either of your parents yet,” Megaera says, stiffening slightly. Y/N puts her hands on her hips.
“I met Hades and Persephone when I threw the Y/N Games the other day!”
“That was you, mate?” Zagreus gasps. “Crazy. Anyway, don’t you have work to do?”
“Don’t you three have work to do too?” Y/N counters. Zagreus, Megaera, and Thanatos all exchange a look
“We’re on break,” Thanatos grumbles, nonplussed.
“Can I, um, join you?”
“Nyx won’t be happy about that. The reason Dusa got fired was because of the amount of breaks she took,” Zagreus grimaces.
“I’m Y/N. I have too much plot armor to be fired,” Y/N scoffs.
“Not down here. The only one who gets ANY special treatment is my mother,” he explains.
“Oh, we’ll see about THAT!” Y/N fumes. She’s about to talk again about how not even the gays can resist her, but she slips off of the barstool and breaks her petite spine! “AAAAHHHHHHH! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!”
“I don’t get paid enough for this shit,” Thanatos sighs, darkly floating away.
“I knew we needed a replacement, but I didn’t realize it was THIS urgent,” Megaera says, side-eyeing Y/N before cracking her whip and leaving the room.
“You’ll just respawn in the Styx if you die. It’s one of the employee benefits,” Zagreus grins helpfully as he fixes the fallen barstool.
Y/N’s magical healing powers save her because she has too much plot armor to die! She realizes that if she’s going to manage at this new job, then she’s going to have to work out an arrangement with her employers… Nyx doesn’t seem very enthusiastic about helping her, so maybe talking to Hades will work!
“Hi again, Mr. Hades,” she says, arching her head up as high as it will go to see over his desk. “So… umm… I’ve never been at a job where I have to do this much work before. Could I maybe be someone’s personal assistant?”
She gets no answer, and that’s when she realizes that her teensy voice doesn’t even carry over the desk. She’s just that petite. Determined, she screams louder and climbs up on top of the desk.
“What the fuck is that thing?” Persephone asks rudely. Hades glowers at Y/N.
“You’re not becoming anyone’s personal assistant,” he says dismissively.
“But I… I… I think I’m too petite for a janitor’s job!”
“You’re a temporary hire until we find someone better suited to fill in for Dusa,” Persephone explains, her tone curt and icy. “If you can’t do this, then we’re firing you.”
“That’s not fair! I can’t control my petite stature! I deserve to be comfortable at work!”
“You’re such a bitch. No one here even needs an assistant,” Persephone points out.
“What about you, Mr. Hades? Don’t you need help doing paperwork?” Y/N stammers desperately.
“I have help. She’s sitting next to me, as you can clearly see. If you continue to test us, you’ll find yourself in Tartarus, Y/N,” Hades says sharply.
“UUUGHHHHH EVERYONE HATES ME!” Y/N dramatically intentionally falls off of the desk, hoping someone will catch her as usual. No one can be heartless enough to let her break her back TWICE within three minutes! As if on cue, all of the shades of her boyfriends that fought for her in the Y/N Games surround her, making sure that she lands in their arms.
“We love you, Y/N!” They all assure her.
“Could you guys help me with my new job please?” Y/N asks quietly.
“Of course!” They say all in sync as they carry Y/N back to the lounge to do all of her work for her.
“IF I HAVE TO HEAR THOSE MANWHORES SIMPING FOR HER FOR AS LONG AS SHE’S WORKING HERE, THEN I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU ALL!” Persephone screams, slamming her fists down on her husband’s desk.
“Seph, calm down,” Hades says quickly as he takes her in his arms.
“Unfortunately, everybody with eyes and a dick simps for me. I… I just think her pregnancy hormones are acting up,” Y/N says delicately. Even though everybody in the room should OBVIOUSLY be glad that Y/N decided to grace them with some of her wisest wisdom, she instead gets incinerated on the spot by Hades and Persephone at the same time.
**day two**
“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” Y/N sobs, forcing tears to come out of her eyes while she does the Erika Kirk stare because she really doesn’t feel that bad about what she said at all. “I didn’t mean to offend anyone, Miss Nyx!”
“I don’t think this job is going to work out, Y/N,” Nyx sighs, her lips tight. “Yesterday, apart from THAT incident, I received four separate complaints from the other employees about you. Two were related to slacking off, one was from my son Hypnos about you hitting on him, and one was from his brother Thanatos about your incessant attention-seeking ploys. The bar for being a good employee here is quite literally in hell, so do better. You’re fired.”
“But Miss Nyx, I wasn’t slacking off! I was just meeting my other colleagues for a moment!” Y/N protests. “And Hypnos liked when I was flirting with him! Everybody likes that!”
“Let’s not forget that your shift was hours long yet you got literally NOTHING done.”
“I’M TOO TINY TO WORK AT A NORMAL RATE, IT’S LITERALLY NOT MY FAULT!” Y/N wails, putting her head in her hands. “Being this petite is hard! No one understands it! I’m not as strong as that girl who was here before me! She was average-sized, probably!”
“Dusa was a disembodied gorgon head, and she still did more in a few seconds than you accomplished during your entire eight-hour shift yesterday.”
“Well—well—I—”
“Yeah, and again, no one wants you here or likes the prospect of working with you long term. Goodbye, Y/N.”
“But people only want me gone because they’re jealous of me for some reason! I mean, I don’t know why they would ever think that—I’m ugly and tiny and have annoyingly pronounced natural curves… What is there to be jealous of?” Y/N shoots back, squirming slightly in her seat.
“You ARE ugly and tiny. Please report to Lady Persephone. She wants to speak with you.”
“Oh… okay.”
Y/N isn’t about to be bossed around by anyone—she’s an independent barely legal eighteen-year-old woman—so she screams really loudly again and calls for her army of sexy boyfriends to carry her away into Elysium.
Everyone in the House of Hades is very glad that she’s gone, but Persephone’s furious about not getting her revenge.
To be continued?