Work Text:
“Oh, what a beautiful day!” Y/N beams as she hops out of bed. She throws on her usual oversized hoodie and shoves her hair into a messy bun. Before she leaves her apartment to go to work, she glances at her mirror propped up in the next room. Should she do makeup? Nah, she’s too glorious already.
She drives to her new workplace, Olympus itself. She applied for a job at the Underworld because she’s not preppy like the other girls, but Hades wouldn’t hire her because she was apparently “too much of a spoiled pick me brat”? Crazy times. But maybe Olympus could be good for her after all. Biting her lip nervously, she starts to sing, “La la la la la la la! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!” And she creates an Orpheus entrance up to Olympus! Her Y/N powers are unmatched.
It’s so scenic up on Olympus that her natural beauty feels slightly threatened. When she gets to the main building adorned with a bunch of lightning bolts and marble statues, she’s greeted by a very buff young woman with red hair and a sour expression.
“You must be the new employee. You’re Y/N, right?” The woman says snidely, clutching her clipboard to her chest. Y/N nods excitedly.
“I AM, I AM! So… what’s my job here exactly?” She replies nervously, shifting her weight slightly at the woman’s intimidating stature. The redhead forces a mop into Y/N’s petite hands and points to the lobby of the grand building behind them.
“You’ll be filling in for the janitor for now.”
“Oh… um… I didn’t catch your name?”
“Athena, goddess of wisdom.”
Y/N freezes in horror. Less than five minutes on her new job and she’s already pissed off Athena herself.
“I’m… I’m really sorry, but I think there’s been a mistake,” she mumbles squeakily. “I applied to be someone’s personal assistant!”
“You’ll get promoted if I see fit. I’m your supervisor, and I can assure you that no mistake happened under my watch,” Athena says sharply. Y/N’s smile falters as she quietly walks into the lobby. But right as she’s about to start mopping, she bumps into someone tall, hot, and muscular who seems to radiate static electricity. Y/N is a gray-skinned, bald, blue-orbed, three-foot-two little gremlin, so no hair stands up because she doesn’t have any.
“OH MY GOODNESS I’M SO SORRY!” She wails, going down on her knees out of fear that she’s bumped into the worst person possible. She hears a deep, hearty laugh.
“No worries, Y/N,” says the seductive voice of the man she bumped into. “So… you can be my personal assistant, if you know what I mean.”
“I… Are you really offering? I thought Athena wasn’t going to let me!” Y/N stammers quickly, her face going red as she looks up at the man. He can only be Zeus with his lack of a wedding ring, long Greek hair tied into a messy ponytail matching hers, and his devilish smirk.
“Ha! I make the rules around here, not my daughter.”
“Dad, we agreed no more hitting on the employees!” Athena snaps angrily from nearby, breaking the clipboard in two and launching into an angry song in the key of E major.
“Athena, shut up! I do what I want!” Zeus groans.
“She’s just one of the, yawn, more spoiled little brats! Prim and proper lovely ladies! Pride of the upper class—perfect princess nepo baby!” Athena scoffs.-
“Um… Mr. Zeus, can I go up to your office now?” Y/N asks in a petite voice fitting of her petite frame.
“Of course you can, Y/N,” Zeus growls, glaring at Athena murderously as he leads the way up to his penthouse office. She flips him off and goes back to greeting everyone coming in.
As Y/N follows Zeus up through Olympus Incorporated, she sees a ton of new faces, all of which she’s too afraid to approach.
“So… does being your personal assistant mean that like I get you coffee?”
“Perfect answer as always. Here’s my order: Black coffee with NO sugar. In fact, I want you to use your petite size to shrink down into each coffee bean and take out every single glucose molecule in there.”
“That’s… really specific, but I can do it!” Y/N promises, her sparkling blue eyes lighting up the entire room. “Mr. Zeus… I’m not in trouble or anything, right? Like, Athena isn’t gonna be mad at me for this?”
“Of course not. She’s just angry because I hit on everything I see. Even that tree over there…” Zeus trails off and stares at a tree through the window with unfiltered zest in his gaze.
“Well, okay… But… I don’t know if I’m… um… ready for a relationship right now. Tee hee!”
“Y/N, I’m not hitting on you YET. Yet…” He laughs to himself, refusing to elaborate any further. An old woman glares at Y/N from nearby.
“If only my Kore had stayed up here…” She mutters under her breath. “Welp, good thing she and her husband are coming up to visit tomorrow. They’ll put that three-foot-two little missy in her place!”
“Excuse me… Are you… talking about Persephone and Hades?” Y/N asks, her voice barely more than an obnoxious squeak. The old lady jumps out of her chair at the sight of the tiny gremlin next to her.
“UGH! Why is it talking to me? Yucky, yucky…” She runs off, but not before shoving Zeus out of her way.
“Calm down, Demeter. Only 22 more hours until your daughter comes up here. You can manage.”
“You can’t even go two minutes without your wife before you cheat! You think I can go that long without my daughter before I go insane?”
“To be fair…” He pauses, raising his eyebrows. “It’s been two minutes and seven seconds.” A nymph from across the room smiles and waves at him. He winks back and clicks his tongue zestily. “Well, record broken, I suppose.” He runs over to the nymph and points Y/N towards the coffee maker. She purses her lips and starts extracting glucose from each coffee bean individually to ensure that she makes the ULTIMATE black coffee.
After several hours of this BACKBREAKING labor, she’s finally done. Hopefully, Zeus hasn’t noticed that his coffee isn’t there yet… She can’t get fired on day one! She JUST CAN’T. Her plot armor is way too strong.
But Y/N realizes that she’s actually a little thirsty herself, so she makes herself a normal coffee with a good amount of cream and sugar. Not paying attention to the drinks in her hands, she accidentally takes a petite sip of the one meant for Zeus! The bitter taste makes her want to throw up. It’s so bad that she drops both coffees on the ground like the clumsy girl she is! It’s already three in the afternoon, and even though time is a relative abstract social construct, she can’t waste another MINUTE of it. She hurries up to the penthouse, spilling a lot of coffee on the way, and stumbles into Zeus’ office only to find him passionately making out with the nymph from earlier.
“Am I… um… am I interrupting something?” She asked, her eyes wide. The nymph quickly ran off, and Zeus adjusted his collar.
“Y/N… You’re back,” he smirked, cracking his knuckles. “Do you have my coffee?”
“Oh, um, uh, yeah, here you go.. I accidentally dropped your coffee, so, um, enjoy this one?”
“Heh, I could never be mad at you. It’s okay, Y/N,” Zeus replies, wrapping his arms around her barely existent waist. For a long moment, the tension between them is thicker than Wall Maria. Then, Y/N slinks away to go file some paperwork. Zeus takes a sip of the coffee she got him and spits it out because of how sweet it is. But he quickly hides his reaction, not wanting to offend her.
The rest of the day seems to go by quickly. Y/N can’t stop thinking about how cute Zeus is, and he can’t stop thinking about how she would be a good addition to the list of people he’s cheated on his wife with. Y/N over Hera any day.
Day two:
Y/N wakes up at four in the morning, realizing she was working so hard at her enormous desk—way too big for her tiny body—that she fell asleep at it. She looks over at Zeus’s desk, but he isn’t there yet. “I guess it’s too early,” she thinks to herself.
“GOOD MORNING THNEEDVILLE!!!” Apollo sang into the morning light. Suddenly, electric guitar started blaring in her ears, and Gregward came out of nowhere.
“How ba-a-a-d can I be? The CEO better fall in love with me! How ba-a-a-ad can I be? And I wanna see Y/N dead in front of me! How ba-a-a-d can I be? Once she’s gone, the CEO will start to see. How ba-a-a-d can I be? That he and I are all each other really need!”
Y/N realizes she was just IMAGINING Gregward. The trauma from him constantly attacking her back at her OLD office job clearly hadn’t left her. She shivers and goes down to the floor with the coffee machine in order to wake herself up for the work day. But she’s greeted by two women yelling at each other… Tsk… Other girls are always fighting—WAY too much drama for Y/N. That’s why Y/N only hangs out with the boys.
“NO MOM, I’M NOT FAT! I’M FIVE MONTHS PREGNANT!” One of them fumes, her green eyes rife with fury.
“See, now you have to be a parent and balance your job at the same time. Lifelong farm work would have been better for you, Kore,” the old woman from the day before replies, tapping her foot on the ground impatiently. Y/N remembers Zeus called the old woman Demeter yesterday.
“It’s too early for me to be dealing with you. I’m going back to the hotel where I’m staying…” The younger woman sighs exhaustedly.
“If you’re even THINKING about driving there yourself—”
“My husband is going to drive me there, because he and I LOVE EACH OTHER!”
“You’ll have to wait until he’s out of that business meeting with Zeus.”
“Screw Zeus!” The younger woman—who could only be Persephone—storms off in the direction of the company meeting room, accidentally tripping Y/N in the process.
“AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Y/N screams instinctively, expecting someone’s muscular arms to take her out of the air and into safety. But Persephone doesn’t even notice and instead lets Y/N’s petite spine hit the ground.
“GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!” She shouts.
“LAAAAAAAA!” Y/N sings so loudly and so beautifully that she breaks the sound barrier. Everyone freezes and stares at her in complete awe… except for Persephone, who keeps walking even faster to the meeting room.
“What’s going on with your voice?” Demeter asks, wrinkling her nose. Y/N blinks a few times to get her ridiculously naturally long lashes out of the way of her enormous blue orbs, which begin to well up with tears.
“My… my petite spine!” She exclaims before dramatically falling onto the ground.
“Y/N!” Zeus suddenly appears by Y/N’s side and gently scoops her up from the floor. Just being held by him automatically heals all of her wounds.
“You… saved me!” Y/N squeals, happy tears streaming down her face.
“Anything for you.” Zeus holds her tighter against his chest, much to the horror and disgust of everyone in proximity.
“What the ****?” Persephone gapes. “Hades, your brother is such a player.” A middle-aged-man even taller and buffer than Zeus nods in agreement.
“Y/N and I are having a moment, fools!” Zeus hisses, carrying Y/N all the way up to his office.
Right as they’re about to kiss, Athena kicks down the door and starts brutally beating up her father. In all the chaos, the master of war STEPS ON Y/N!
“DIE, HAG!” She screams, stomping on Y/N harder. Zeus can only stare in horror as the woman who was once his favorite child is now beating up Y/N!
“Athena, think about this—” Zeus begins, but Athena whirls on him.
“That was the LAST STRAW! I’m getting your wife!”
“Daughter, please—”
“No, shut up! I warned you about—”
“AHAAGUAGAUGAUGAGHGAHGAUGHGAHGAHAGHGHHHHH!” Y/N screams so loudly that it sends a ripple through the universe itself. Everything goes silent except for a rustling noise in a nearby decorative plant.
“Y/N!” A bunch of hot voices all yell at the same time as two dozen hot men spawn out of the bush.
All at once, the CEO, One Direction, Justin Bieber, Draco Malfoy, Levi Ackerman, Goku, every male K-pop idol ever, and Telemachus of Ithaca all appear in front of Y/N.
“So many hot guys,” she mumbles to herself as they all help her up and make an arm throne to carry her.
“Y/N, which one of us will you choose?” They all demand at the same time. Y/N bites her lip and looks at them. It’s the hardest decision she’s ever had to make in her entire life.
“Everyone, I have an idea!” She announces, her tiny voice barely carrying to even the other side of the room. “All of you who lust after me must fight to the death in the Y/N Games!”
“What the hell are the Y/N Games?” Athena facepalms, horrified.
“Exactly what they sound like!” Y/N steps off her arm throne and stands in front of them all, her hands on her hips. “The arena is this office building. The winner gets to take me as his bride!”
“Genuinely, who would want that?” Hades and Persephone both start gagging at the mere thought of anyone wanting Y/N, but Y/N ignores them.
“We’ll do anything for you, Y/N!” All of her hot boyfriends say.
“I… I don’t like all of this attention. I’m a little shy,” Y/N admits softly.
“DID YOU NOT JUST SILENCE US ALL TO ANNOUNCE YOU’RE GOING ON A POWER TRIP TO FIND A BOYFRIEND!?” Athena retorts, flipping the nearest table over. It crashes out of the window and falls thousands of meters to the ground. She barely notices the property damage, though.
“Let’s go back to the hotel, love,” Hades says to his wife in a low voice.
“Good idea,” she swallows as he walks her down to the ground floor.
“LEGENDS NEVER DIEEEEEE! WHEN THE WORLD IS CALLING YOU~~~” Y/N sings as a beautiful battle cry. “The fight starts tomorrow morning. I’ll spectate with the other gods. Good luck, boys!”
**day three*
The arena is reminiscent of the tenth hunger games, mostly because Zeus refused to allow the company headquarters to get trashed any further than it already had.
Y/N is seated in between Zeus and Demeter. Athena, Persephone, and Hades are all nearby. Apollo and Artemis are the referees.
“Let the games begin!” Poseidon announces. Everything plunges into chaos. All the hot men start brutally beating each other up, and within seconds, the weakest K-Pop idols are already dead on the ground. Telemachus is drifting away from the main fight, his eyes following Athena as if to ask for direction. For the moment, no one notices him.
“I’ll love you forever, Y/N!” Harry Styles grunts as he’s stabbed in the back by Levi and Goku at the same time.
“You should get in on all the action, Mr. Zeus!” Y/N muses, squeezing Thunder Daddy’s hand.
“Oh, I’d obliterate them all,” Zeus’ hearty laugh fills the air once more, effectively hiding the REAL reason why he won’t go down there… Levi Ackerman is a force to be reckoned with.
“Y/N! You’re so beautiful that it almost makes me want to be straight… Almost,” King Yaoi III whispers into the air. Y/N giggles at the fact that not even the gays are safe from falling in love with her! She’s just that perfect!
“I had my reservations about coming up here to visit my mom, but this is surprisingly entertaining,” Persephone remarks, leaning against Hades’ shoulder.
“Fight, little wolf, fight, wanna entertain me?” The CEO starts singing in a low growl to Telemachus, who’s too stunned to even react.
“Y/N’s mine!” He says after a moment of tense silence. He charges right at the CEO, his sword outstretched at arm’s length in front of him. But right as he’s about to stab him through the heart, he trips over an exposed pebble and falls to the ground. Expecting to get violently slimed, he opens one eye. But thankfully, the CEO is busy dealing with Levi and Goku, who have now teamed up because the power of anime is unbeatable. “I need an ally before I get myself killed!”
“Hey, kid,” Hyun-Jin says, grabbing Telemachus’ shoulder. “Let’s wait for those guys to kill each other, and we’ll finish off the last one standing together. What do you say?”
“Sure! Somebody tell me… Come and give me a sign. If I fight these monsters, is it you I’ll find?”
“Hey, Athena, do his parents know he’s here?” Demeter asked curtly.
“I don’t know, but I can guarantee you that if Telemachus dies, none of us are safe from Odysseus’ wrath,” Athena chuckled to herself. “NO TELE, DON’T EAT THAT! YOU KNOW NOT TO EAT ROADKILL!”
“I’m rooting for that blonde twinky kid,” Persephone said, pointing towards Draco as he Avada Kedavra’d everyone coming near him.
“MY FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS! AND THAT! AND THAT!”
“I’m hoping they all revolt and kill Y/N,” Hades said, slightly concerned as he caressed her hand. “I mean, they can’t be this dumb… right?”
“Ooh… I don’t know.”
“Y/N!” Justin Bieber cries out as the light leaves his eyes. “Baby, baby, baby OHHHHH!” Before he can finish the iconic moan, his last breath leaves his lungs, and his body goes limp. To everyone’s shock, Telemachus comes up from behind Draco and shoves him onto the ground. Hyun-Jin takes Draco’s wand and does the killing curse on him, a bloody end to his reign of terror in the arena.
“Gregward… If only I paid more attention to Gregward…” The CEO gasps when Goku and Levi finally manage to overpower him.
It’s down to the final four… Hyun-Jin, Telemachus, Levi, and Goku.
Hermes tosses a smoke bomb into the arena, blinding everyone from the insanity that ensued. Y/N squeezes every petite muscle in her body, hoping that the hottest one prevails so that she can finally settle on a nice man.
The smoke clears, revealing only Telemachus and Levi still standing… Right as they start to clash, Y/N jumps into the arena.
“GUYS! Stop fighting!” She cries, stepping over the bodies of everyone who has ever loved her. “I… I love you both! Can’t we just be in an open relationship?”
“Or we could rock-paper-scissors,” Telemachus shrugs lightly as if he hasn’t just committed mass murder.
“I don’t really want the brat that much anyway. You can have her,” Levi grumbles dismissively. Y/N’s face falls in heartbreak.
“Um… You can just be with that Zeus guy you like so much, Y/N,” Telemachus grimaces.
“But… But… I really thought we had something!” She protested.
“It’s okay, Y/N,” Zeus smirks from the crowd. “You’ll always have me.”