Chapter Text
It was a beautiful day for many, except for Simon. It was never a beautiful day for Simon, you wanna know why? Because he’s a teacher, that's why. Minimum wage hell is all Simon sees teaching as. You’d think adults would “Like their job” but when you teach a boring ass class in a boring ass way, the chances the kids aren't terrible are slim as hell.
“Okay guys today we are going to have a work period-“
“HIP HIP HORRAY 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️” little Timmy shouted from the back corner.
Simon never knew why he signed up to teach naughty ahh kids. He didn’t like the job, the hours, (the subject). At this point, he should just quit to avoid further bullying.
“Mr. Gwon, are you going to retire soon? You looks really old you should fucking retire,” little Timmy said. Simon was in his late 20s.
“Y’know what Timmy, you’re a cunt and I hope you get tossed out by your filthy ass parents"
“My father will hear about this.”
“I sure hope he does,” Simon replied, staring at little Timmy with his thousand yard stars.
Later, Simon had to walk in on PE because his bum ass brother didn't return the laptops he needed for another lesson the kids wouldn't listen to. Why the fuck would his brother even took the laptop cart he’s so stupid he teaches PE in the fucking gym. Simon walked in on the gym to see Sven instructing kids to throw basketballs at the laptop cart for literally no reason.
As soon as he walked in the door, he knew he was cooked. His arch nemesis and worst enemy, little Timmy was there. Not to mention the army of kids who were so immature he couldn't believe most of them, other than little Timmy, had drivers licenses.
They all started to pick up medicine balls and swing their arms around like a wheel, then chuck it at 100km/h at him . Sven joined in, because mentally he's one of them. Simon was so flabbergasted that he didn’t even move, he just stood there and accepted his fate, as millions of 10 pound balls hit him in the head.
“SIMON ARE YOU OK”
“Huh what”
“YOU WERE FUCKING DEAD FOR THREE MINTUES”
“Pat what the hell are you on”
“THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK JUST CATCH THE BALLS ITS NOT THAT HARD”
“Wait what happened again?”
“WERE YOU HIT THAT HARD”
Simon didn’t know his 9 to 5 would end him up in the hospital. Thank gosh he has health insurance cause he paid his taxes and he lives in Canada, that's starting to become one of the normal customers. A month later, he appeared back at his job, Little Timmy walking in the door with a Shit eating grin on his face.
“Gosh diddly darn Mr Gwon is back BOOOO 🍅🍅🍅”
“Guys, I like FUCKING DIED”
“You know the substitute was really cool, unlike you,” little Timmy said, giving him a fat middle finger.
“NO YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING MURDERED ME”
“I would do it again if it means getting a sub.”
“I FUCKING QUIT THIS BUM ASS JOB, I HOPE YOUR PARENTS DIE IN A CAR CRASH AND LEAVE YOU NO MONEY YOU LITTLE SHIT”
The entire class bursted out into cheers and someone popped a streamer in the back. Little Timmy bought a cake and everyone started to celebrate and danced around. And no, Simon did not get a slice of cake. Simon walked into Tanya, the principals office declaring his resignation.
Tanya was NOT having it. “NO SIMON YOU
DONT UNDERSTAND. YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD TEACH THAT CLASS ESPECIALLY WITH LITTLE TIMMY. EVERY TEACHER I TRIED TO HIRE TURNED IT DOWN.”
“But TANYA, THEY KILLED MY ASS”
“ILL PAY YOU AN EXTRA 1 CENT IF YOU KEEP THE JOB.”
One cent for a teacher? Sold!
“Okay, but if I die again you have to raise it to one dollar”
Simon walks back into his class, already knowing he was cooked as hell.
Everyone stopped celebrating and sighed, little Timmy put on a sad background music and they started to mourn their little win. Just then Simon had an idea in his little head. He’s going to get rid of little Timmy by getting him to transfer school. Wowzers, he’s so smart!!! After he got home, he started PLOTTING.
“You can’t get little Timmy to transfer school! HES THE FUCKING LEAD IN THE MUSICAL!” Patrick tried to argue.
“WELL IF YOUR DUMBASS COULD CAST PROPERLY, THIS WOULDN'T BE AN ISSUE”
“ITS NOT MY FAULT HES GOOD AT LYING”
“BUT IT IS YOUR FAULT YOUR AN IDIOT”
“THE MUSICAL IS NEXT WEEK CANT YOU WAIT UNTIL AFTER “
“BABE HE KILLED MY ASS, LIKE NI DIED WHAT ON PLANET EARTH COULD MAKE YOU THINK I WOULD WILLINGLY TOLERATE HIS ASS”
“He’s a good kid trust 😁”
“Patrick I love you but I aint trusting jackshit, his ass HAS to go”
And so the next day, Simon came to school PREPARED. Unfortunately, little Timmy was 3 steps ahead. He even arrived earlier than Simon did.
“How the FUCK are you in MY class room already”
Little Timmy was sitting in the teacher’s chair, “having a nice day Mr. Gwon?” He spoke like a Disney villain.
“Better then the day you KILLED me”
“Tsk tsk tsk, haven’t anyone told you to let go of the past,” little Timmy said, “that was months ago.”
"Hasn't your dad told you you’re adopted? That was YEARS ago”
“My father picked me. I couldn’t say the same about yours.” Little Timmy opened up a page on the computer, “I know all about your past.”
Simon was done with his ass, he didn’t know what to do. Then suddenly, he started crying? Well fake crying anyway.
“YOUR RIGHT MY FATHER HATED ME IM JUST A BITCH WITH NO FRIENDS AND NO FAMILY WITH ONLY I TWINK WHO CAN’T DO JACKSHIT TO KEEP MY WARM AT NIGHT” Simon SOBBED.
Little Tommy had his phone out recording the whole thing. He put it on the Simon Gwon Hate group chat, oh boy the students are having a field day with this. One of those bitch ass kids showed it to Patrick.
Later that night…..
“Simon, pardon my french…..BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS”
“It was all I could think of”
“YOU THINK THESE KIDS WOULD PITY YOU? THEY DON’T FEEL SHIT”
“Yes it appears that my plans had failed…”
“AND WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT ME BEING A TWINK WHO CAN’T DO SHIT”
“… as I was saying, it seems that this approach is not working on little Timmy. I will need to traumatize him rather than myself…”
“Listen Simon, you GOTTA figure something out”
“Hmmm well the kids love you don’t they… why don’t you persuade little Timmy to transfer school.”
“IM NOT ABOUT TO BE APART OF YOUR FUCKASS PLAN”
And so the next day, Simon once again went to this hellhole of a school… he saw little Timmy sitting in his back corner desk.
“Timmothy” Simon said in a rather condescending voice.
“Hello Mr Gwon,” little Timmy said in a sweet voice laced with… little Timmy energy.
“Have you ever thought about switching schools, or classes? I think the special ed class would be a perfect fit!”
“And why would I do that? I’m perfectly happy here.”
“BECAUSE YOUR A FUCKING BIT- because they could offer you much better education then you could ever indorse in my class”
“Really? But the cooler Mr Gwon said "I have a bright future here!”
“Did he now…”
A few moments later…
“SVEN YOU DUMBASS MOTHERFUCKER,YOUR ASS NEEDS TO STOP SETTING ME UP FOR FALURE”
“But you’re already a teacher how much more Ls can you get in your life.”
“Y’KNOW THE PAST FEW DAYS IVE LOST EVERYTHING! MY LIFE, MY SANITY,MY HUSBUNDS TRUST!
“Sounds like uuuh an issUe not an issME.
Imagine. L. Bozo. I’m going to make out with Zach in front of you.”
“IM LOSING EVERYTHING BUT LITTLE TIMMY,also ew don’t do that”
“Little Timmy, yeah good luck. His parents are richer than ours.”
“IM GONNA GET HIS ASS ONE DAY JUST WAIT AND SEE” cartoon villain looking ahh Simon.
He stormed out of the teacher lounge and went to find little Timmy’s schedule. Hmm it seems like he also has Math with Mr Petrova, let’s hope he hates him as much as Simon does.
“DENVER” Simon shouted across the halfway
“What?”
“DO YOU WISH LITTLE TIMMY COULD DIE”
“The kid that confidently shouted that 1 divided by 1 is 0? Yes.”
“CAN YOU HELP ME”
“Well what’s your plan?”
“Um so, funny story, the plan doesn't uh, exist yet, I was kinda hoping you’d help me with that?”
“Hmmm come back when you have a plan and stop wasting my time. I have to mark Zach’s class assignments cause he wouldn’t do it.”
“Why are you doing his classes assignments”
“Because I’m getting paid a sweet 10 dollars on top of my teacher salary every week for it.”
Simon couldn’t fuck with that, that was a good ass reason. Back home Simon went, with no plan, and no way to get rid od Timmy>
“Pat you gotta help me”
Patrick was half asleep on the kitchen table eating cereal with coffee for some reason. “Huh??? Is this about Little Timmy?”
“There HAS to be a way to get rid of his ass”
“Hmmm… have you thought of… uuuh…. I don’t know :3”
“PAT WAKE YOUR ASS UP THIS IS SERIOUS, IF TIMMY ISN’T GONE BY NEXT SEMESTER, ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE”
“Little Timmy doesn’t have to be gone.. not from this school at least… he just has to… not show up!”
“So should I permanently disable his ass?”
“Or… send him on a very long vacation?”
“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO DROWSY, WHAT DRUGS ARE YOU ON?”
“Maybe you need some drugs dealing with little Timmy! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET HIM TO DO BIS FUCKING JOB AND THE AFTERSCHOOL REHEARSALS??? I CANT DEAL EITH HIM FOR 6 HOURS A DAY ANYMORE”
“Wait, didn't you like him?”
“THAT WAS THREE DAYS AGO I CHANGED MY MINE I HOPE HIS DUMBASS TRANSFERS. HE FOUND OUT ABOUT US HES MAKING MY LIFE HARD TOO THIS IS ALL YOU FAULT”
“ITS NOT MY FAULT HE'S A HOMOPHOBIC PIECE OF DOGSHIT”
“IM PRETTY SURE HE JUST HATES YOUR ASS WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM”
“BREATHE, ITS NOT MY FAULT HE HAS A PROBLEM EITH ME”
“No, you definitely did something.”
“Patrick im DEADASS i didn’t do JACKSHIT”
“Kids don’t just hate you. You need to give them a reason to.”
“YOU’RE THE FAVORITE TEACHER YOUR BITCH ASS WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND”
“That means I’m doing something right…” Patrick yawned, “maybe you’re being an asshole to them.”
“Y’KNOW THOSE DRUGS ARE REALLY MESSING WITH YOUR ASS,THIS IS NOT THE MAN A MARRIED”
“I’m not on drugs it’s little Timmy interactions 🥀🥀�… oh look I’m speaking in emojis 🤯🤯”
“Y’lnow what Pat, stop gate keeping WHERE ARE THE DRUGS IM DRUGING HIS ASS”
Just then little Timmy appeared by the window. Like a horror movie. He had a huge shit eating grin on his face and he was staring into Simon’s deep dark soul. Thankfully, he didn’t hear “the plan”.
“Actually now that I think about it,” Patrick said, “little Timmy did make brownies for the entire class. Maybe he fucking drugged me lmao. Why the fuck would he eat that? I have no idea he has 0 survival instincts”.
“YOUR JOKING"
“I wish I was”
“OH YEAH NO I AM KILLING HIS ASS HE CAN FUCK WITH ME BUT THIS BITCH CANT FUCH WITH YOU”
“Do you think my entire class is dead 💀”
“No I don’t think there death drugs I think it's just a bunch of melatonin”
Little Timmy is no longer at the window, that is concerning. Rustling and strange sounds can be heard.Fear insured.
“Yo lowkey why do I feel like the genre of the story is turning to horror.” SYBAU Pat 🥀🥀
“Its the drugs, sleep it off, trust.”
“No seriously , is Little Timmy nearby?
“Probably, his ass will always find a way to show up.”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHERE WE LIVE”
The light started flickering and the wind picked up its pace. Outside it howls, as the light shuts off all together. The doorbell rang.
“Its him”
“SIMON WHAT THE FUCK” Patrick said with all his co workers on speedail just in case he had to say his last words.
“Im gonna answer it”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONT LET THE FUCKASS KILLER IN” Patrick yelled at him.
“I have to face him, my worse enemy”
“THIS IS HOW PEOPLE DIE YOU DUMBASS”
“Im going, just in case I don’t get back, I love you and your the first and only name in my will”
“NO YOUR ACTUALLY INSANE LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO JUSY CALL 911 IM GOING TO CALL 911”
“Anything I said during our arguments was stupied, you’re, emotionally at least, the smartest person I know”
“PLEASE SIMON ARE YOU ACTUALLY STUPID HE PROBABLY HAVE 6 GUNS AND A KNIFE LIKE DONT OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR.”
The doorbell rang again.
“I have to settle this once in for all, for BOTH of our lives.”
“YOURE ACTUALLY GONNA DIE LIKE HAVE YOU SEEN YOURSELF YOU CANT FIGHT FOR SHIT”
“I'm happy to have met you Patrick, you're the sweetest person I've ever known, I’d hate to die to a middle schooler holding a baseball bat. If you see Sven, tell him I hate his ass and I hope he dies. If you find Denver, tell him I have a plan, its a suicide pact, and if you see Timmy ever again, BEAT HIS ASS FOR ME.”
“STOP YAPPING OH MU GOSH IM GONNA -“ Patrick quickly dial 911 on his phone but appearantly the signals were FUCKING OFF. Ofc little Timmy already had cut that. “SIMON I CAN SEE HIM THROUGH THE WINDOW IFS NOT A BASEBALL BAT ITS A FUCKING SWORD. NO ONE WILL DIE IF YOU JUST STAY PUT AND THINK THIS THROUGH THIS IS VERY OOC FOR YOU RIGHT NOW PLEASE OH MY GOSH HES HOLDING 2 SWORDS M- THERES A GUN”
“Im going, Im dying for history, These like, 10 years with your theatre kid ass has been the best years of my life. I can’t imagine life without you, without all the moments we’ve shared, and all the off key songs we’ve sang”
“🎶History has its eyes one you🎶- AHEM- NO BRO BE SO FR RIGHT NOW IM GOING TO FUCKING TIE YOU TO THIS CHAIR IF IT STOP YOU FROM LEAVING STOP MONOLAUGING AND STAY HERE”
“I love you” Simon said as he gave Patrick one finale kiss before going to open the door
“OH THATS FUCKING IT” Patrick said as he got up and grabbed Simon down “ YOU ARE NOTNOPENING THE FUCKASS DOOR”
“WE will not be safe in a world were timothy tommy Tackens also exist”
“WE’RE NOT GONNA BE SAFE IF YOU OPEN THE DOOR FOR SAID TIMMY TO GET IN! SIMON YOUR TWINK ASS CAN FIGHT FOR SHIT, AND I KNOW I CANT ONE V ONE HIM!”
Just then a loud bang could be heard, the door crashed down. Appearantly little Timmy had explosives on him 💀.
“… SIMON WE ARE GOING TO RUN YOU HEAR ME WERE LEAVING THE FUCKING COUNTRY”
“Y’KNOW I SPENT ALL THIS TIME MONOLOGUING AND NONE PLANNING”
“I DONT CARE I DONT WANT YOU TO DIE SO WERE GOING TO RUN PLEASE”
Just then Simon runs to the garage and gets an ak forty seven and tossed Pat the keys to his sleek ass tesla
“Patrick go”
“WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE A GUN” he screamed as he got shoved into the car. “SIMON NO”
“I'm sorry our relationship got cut short, I love you!” Said Simon directing his testa to drive him to Scarlet and Tanya's rich ass house.
“Well well well Mr Gwon and so we meet again,” little Timmy’s voice rang behind him as the car drove away “what a coincidence!”
“THIS IS MY FUCKING HOUSE”
“Game is game”
At Scarlets house
“Patrick why the fuck are you at mu house?”
“I THINK SIMONS GONNA GET FUCKING MURDERED” sobbed Pat.
“What do you mean??”
“Little Timmy…”
The name made Scarlet’s blood run cold. Tanya came downstairs with a worried expression etched on her face. That’s a name that gives any teacher fear for their life.
“I THINK HE'S DEAD…..HE HAD A GUN….. I MISS HIM” Sobbed Patrick incoherently
Meanwhile… on the battlefield…
“It’s a shame Mr Gwon… this game had been fun…” little Timmy said, raising his pistol at Simon’s head.
“It is ON you little shit”
WHOOP WHOOP, police sirens could be heard in the background
“It would be a shame, Mr Gwon, if they find you beating my ass”
“What are you saying…”
“HANDS WERE I CAN SEE EM BOTH OF YOU” the police women(cause women role) screamed.
“I need to kill this kid” Simon thought.
Patrick walked outta the police car, Scarlet and Tanya beside him
“Patrick what the hell why did you do that”
Patrick ran to Simon and gave him a giant hug
“I COULDN'T LOSE YOU WAAAAHH” sobbed Patrick.
“YOU DUMBASS THAT RUINED EVERYTHING!”
Meanwhile little Timmy was playing victim and crying on the garage door
“THIS ADULT WAS HITTING ME”
“YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE”
“waaaaahhhh” little Timmy cried.
“OFFICER YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HE WAS GONNA KILL MY HUSBUND”
“Ms officer… this not trusted adult is being mean to me waaah waaaah” little Timmy started to cry a river.
“HE LITERALLY CAME WITH I SWARD TO ME AND MY HUSBANDS HOUSE AND BOMBED THE WINDOW, AND- WAHHHHHHH” Patrick
inchoherently whined.
“Oo I yada,” the officer sighed, “THIS IS NOT A CRYING COMPETITION 💀✋”
“NO BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT LITTLE SHIT ALMOST KILLED ME, AGAIN”
“ALL OF YOU ARE UNDER ARREST NOW PUT UOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK!”
“WHOA WHY AM I GOING TO JAIL”
“CAUSE YOU WHINE TO MUCH NOW GET YOUR TWINK ASS IN THE COP CAR”
“Even me 🥺🥺” little Timmy said .
“hmmm you are just a little boy…. Maybe I should let you go…”
“HE KILLED ME WHAT THE FUCK, IF YOU DON'T TAKE HIM DON'T TAKE PAT WHAT THE HELL”
“I have evidence saying he didn’t kill you. You’re standing right in front of my face being an annoying bitch.”
“WELL I HAVE EVIDENCE HE DID IN FACT DIE I HAVE REAL PAPERS” Patrick screamed, he’d soon be deemed mentally incompetent to stand trial.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I SWEAR TO GOD-“ she pulled out her walkie talkie, “THEYRE ARMED I NEED BACKUP THEYRE ALL ARMED AND THEYRE GOING TO HARM A CHILD 🤯🤯”
“WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU A COP LISCENE” Tanya screamed.
“SIMON WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GONNA DO” Patrick shouted.
“I already monologued so I don't know”
Just then a dozen police cars pulled up into the driveway and they all jumped out with a gun pointing at the teachers. “HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM STEP AWAY FROM THE CHILD. DROP YOUR FUCKASS WEAPON RIGHT NOW”
“SIMON WHY THE HELL ARE YOU THE FAVORITE CHILD YOU UMB TWINK ASS BITCH”
“SHUT THE FUCK IP SCARLET WERE GETTING OUR ASS ARRESTED RIGHT NOW”
“Sven is going to enjoy this…” Scarlett muttured
“SIMOM IM SCARED 😣 WHAT IF WE GET SEPERATED”
And then they got arrested and spent a night in jail 🥀🥀🥀🥀 you’ll never guess who bailed them out.
“Wait who the fuck are you again?” Patrick asked their rescuer
“IM ALEC WEVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR 10 YEARS!!”
“OH YEAH YOU MAKE THE FOOD:D:”
“IM SORRY HE WAS DRUGED AND I THOUGHT IT WAS MELETONEN BUT I THINK IT WAS MUSHROOMS”
“BRO DRUG DO NOT LAST THIS LONG”
“How do you know…” Tanya said.
“No reason…” he hides the suspiciously drug shaped back pocket he have.
“Pat I think your ass is gonna be sent to the hospital your like, really loopy”
“Well Simon said It would just go away”
“Well Simon is a dumb bitch and your ass needs to go to poison control”
“Guys they’re still gonna have a court hearing for yall you know.” Alec informed them as he hit the bong, “and you’re all on house arrest.”
Tanya souls left her body as her mouth hang wide open, dropped to the floor, “WHOS GONNA RUN THE SCHOOL! AND DEAL WITH LITTLE TIMMY??”
“No one fucking knows, whatever sub they hire”
Tanya looked at her phone, “WHO THE FUCK IS- WHY IS SVEN THE ACTING PRINCIPAL”
Meanwhile at school….
Sven had turned the principal office into a fucking skatepark and he’s skating around.
“Sven, have you seen Tanya? She's not picking up?” Penny was confused why her sister's office was hijacked by some tall middle school looking ass bitch.
Sven missed a turn and he fell, right out of the open window. He landed on the ground and cracked his skulls. But hey at least he’s touching grass for the first time!!
Back to the scene in Alec’s car
“I GET ONE PHONE CALL RIGHT,IM CALLING PENNY RIGHT NOW”
“I mean at least we’re safe from little Timmy,” scarlet said, fucking jinxing it.
“Hey is that him driving in the car behind us,” Patrick said, pointing to the back.
“Patrick, you’re high as hell theres no fucking way-“ Simon said turning back.
It was little Timmy, driving . He’s fucking 12 how is he driving?? And he’s definitely following them.
“TANYA ARE YOU OK? I MISS YOU I DON’T KNOW HOW TO RUN A SCHOOL!!!”
“JUST WING IT SIS”
“I CA-” And then Tanya hung up the phone, HUGE mistake if you ask me.
“ALEX QUICK DRIVE AWAY WERE BEING FOLLOWED!”
“By who…”
“LITTLE TIMMY!” All four of them screamed at once
“PENNY IM SORRY FOR HANGING UP, I WAS JUST TIERD OF YOUR SQEAKY ASS VOICE CALL ,THE FUCKING POLICE”
“Oh little Timmy! That fuckass kid that eats half of the amount of food that we have. Yeah he’s real friendly! A fatass tho.” Alex said, “ I taught him how to put drugs in your food to spice it up!”
“Do you,by any chance, KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HE PUT IN PATS BROWNIE. HE HASN'T WALKED STRAIGHT(ever really) FOR 48 HOURS STRAIGHT”
“Alex I’m concerned like do you put drugs in your food,” scarlet said, “ALSO WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU TEACH A KID HOW TO PUT DRUGS IN FOOD”
“Cause it’s nummy 😋😋😋” Alex licked his lips thinking about his forever weed brownies at home.
“YOU FUCKING DRUG ADDICED, IF IT WASENT FOR YOUR ASS PAT WOULD BE LIKE KINDA FUCTIONAL”
“I’m pretty sure little Timmy would do it either ways but okay,” Alex said, “beside, he never used the stalking knowledge I gave him!”
“Alex look me in the eye and tell me that you didn’t just teach a kid how to stalk.” Tanya hissed, “HES RIGHT BEHIND US”
“THAT'S WHY HE KNOWS ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP, WHAT THE HELL BRO, SO MAYBE HE IS HOMOPHOBIC”
“No guys but he couldn’t possibly had used the knowledge I taught him on fake crying for sympathy!”
“I hope you fucking jump off and kill yourself Alec”
“WHY DO YOU THINK WERE IN JAIL???” Tanya screamed, chucking her Nokia at his head and making a huge dent.
Just as she said that, a bullet ran through the window. Not one meant to kill, one meant to scare.
“oh yeah did I ever tell you how I taught little Timmy how to aim and use a gun! It was such a great day!”
“FUCKING KILL YOURSELF! I WISH WE WERE NEVER FRIENDS YOU CRAZY ASS DRUG ADDICTED”
“YOURE FIRED ALEC YOURE FUCKING FIRED YOUR FOOD ARE SUCK ANYWAYS YOU NEVER COOK YOU THINK UOUR COOKED BUT ITS JUST SLOP!”
She knew that wasn't true, she just wanted to hurt his feelings. However he does thinks that he can cook at anything just because he’s a chef. 🥀🥀🥀
“I hope you know we WILL sacrifice you first" Said Scarlet, tired of his bullshit
Little Timmy’s car was right beside them as they drove 100 km/h on the highway. He pulled out a machine gun and aimed it toward their car, started firing.
“NOW WHY THE
HELL DOES HE HAVE THAT! DONT TELL ME YOU TAUGHT HIM!”
“Of course not! I bought it for him on his birthday”
At this point everyone was ready to throw Alec out of the moving vehicle.
“IVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER TO OWN A CYBER TRUCK”
“YOU FUCKASS NO WONDER WHY I FEEL POOR SITTING IN YOUR CAR!” scarlet screamed
“CAN YOU GUYS STOP ARGUING AND CONFESS YOUR FEELINGS WE’RE LITERALLY ABOUT TO DIE!”
“WHAT FEELINGS WE ALL FUCKING HATE ALEC”
“Um NUH uh I’m actually Pat’s bestie right”
“I literally don’t know who you are and I’m very conscious right now.”
“NO, THE GAY ONES, PAT WAKE THE FUCK UP”
“Does that means… I actually have no friends and that all the people I know actually hates me and I’m not a significant individual🥀🥀🥀” Alec said, starting off a monologue.
“How long have you been sitting on that information,” Simon muttered.
“No one likes you, like your best friend can’t even remember who the hell you are”
“But,,, Fiona… and Gwen… they… miss me right…. But what about the guy I met once in kindergarten….. but what about… Jonathan…. We had great conversations…. And Rohan? I thought that when he give me a glare its a friendship glare….”
“Gwen likes that you have food and Fiona is trauma bonded to you due to your unhealthy manipulation”
“Who am I… if not everyone’s best friend-“ his monologue got cut short due to the fact that he opened the window and a bullet filed through just missing his head by a few centimetres, unfortunately.”
“DAMN IT,I mean, im so glad that missed”
“Alec why the fuck are you OPENING ALL OF THE WINDOW.” Tanya screamed.
“I need fresh air… I’m too emo for this 🥀🥀”
“Are…we…homoe yeet”
“Pat, at this point go back to bed, this will all be over soon enough”said Simon.
“HES PULLING OUT A SECOND ROUND OF BULLET” scarlet screamed, “OU MY GOD. ITS A BAZOOKA”
“I THINK WE KNOW WE’RE NOT GETTING OUTTA THIS ONE, SO BEFORE WE DIE, MY BIGGEST SECRET IS-”
Just then, a song came on the playlist… it was Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus
“AND I PUT MY HANDS UP THEY PLAY MY SONGS THE BUTTERFLIES FLU AWAY”
“Are just gonna ignore that Pat may or may not be half dead right now!”
“It’s my fav song… this will lighten my sad mood from the discovery that nobody wanna be friends with me 🥀🥀🥀”
“Ok jackass, what I meant to say is, DRIVE US TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL YOU PEICE OF SHIT, I’VE LOST EVERYTHING, I CANT LOSE PATRICK TO DRIVE TO THE DANM HOSPITAL”
“You know guy… we’re in a cybertruck… little Timmy isn’t. Just drive into his car what is he gonna do… we’d win that fight….” Patrick mumbled.
“Patrick, THIS IS WHY I MARRIED YOU FINALLY SOMETHING SMART”
“WHY HAVEN'T WE THOUGHT OF THAT” Tanya scream
“CAUSE I WOULD DIE IM IN THE POSITION THAT WOULD HIT THE CAR FIRST” Alec screamed.
Scarlet grabbed the wheels from the passenger side and started steering, “GOOD” him and Alec started to fight for control of the wheel. Simon carefully strapped on Pat's seatbelt, knowing he couldn't do it himself.
“IM GONNA DIE”
“I DONT CARE ALEC CLOSE THE FUCKING WINDOWS LETS GO!!!” SCARLET YELLED
“Hey guys is it just me or is little Timmy pulling out a big grenade.” Tanya said, pointing to the side.
“WELL YEAH NO SHIT SHORLOCK I CAN SEE WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA DO”
They drove into little Timmy’s car and crashed, except the cybertruck being a cybertruck is still in one piece just upside down. The other car is tattered into pieces and hopefully little Timmy is dead.
“Yknow the best part?” Scarlet said with a smile, “ALEC IS THE DRIVER SO THE BLAME WILL BE HIS AGAHAHAHAHHAHAH”
“Pat, do you need to go to the hospital?”
“Simon your so silly :3”
Little Timmy was in fact NOT FUCKING DEAD he arises from the vehicle unharmed and unbruised or anything. Chat I don’t think this kid is human.
“Aw man I guess I’ll have to use my 19372th car from now on. Rip the other ones,” little Timmy said. “Mr Gwon YOU COST ME MY CAR I WILL NOW FIGHT YOU”
“Time for me to ACTUALLY settle this once and for all, this time, Pat is so high, he can’t even stop me” Simon sighed”Take care of him for me, tell him to use all my funeral money to go on vacation and never work again.”
Here we go again…
“BOI ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE”Tanya screamed, “YOURE GONNA FUCKING DIE SRE YOU ACTUALLY DUMB ARE YOU SPECAIL WERE YOU DROPPED ON THE HEAD NO WERE STAYING OUT THE CYBERTRUCK WILL PROTECTVUS!”
“I have to, or else everyone around me will have to pay”
“NO WAY MOM AND DAD CHOSE THIS ONE OVER ME FOR THE COMPANY INHERITION” Scarlet yelled, “YOU ACTUALLY HAVE ZERO SURVIVAL INSTINCT AND ITS A WONDER YOU MADE IT THIS FAR IN LIFE “
“Yeah I kinda hate you rn” Alec said, “but you’re actually being stupid this is like dumb.” Alec said as he started snorting cocain.
“BABE NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN STAY, PLEASE, for us, for me”
“Can we do whatever rom com bullshit is later
“Yeah what he said,” Alec said, “tho you are so not my type.”
“Wait….. say that again…” Patrick said. 💀💀💀”Why did you call my husband “Not your type” like yeah i’d hope not that's my fucking man”
“Why are we fighting over Simon again?”
“AGAIN??!”
“Simon are you a cheater”
“Scarlet no what the fuck Im FUCKING MARRIED”
“Um hate to interrupt but little Timmy is approaching…”
“Tell him to let me finish saying my cringey ass yaoi monologue before he kills my ass”
“No can do buckaroo, he’s uuuh, using those glass cutter thing to cut open the window.”
“Well fuck uh, I love you Pat and uh-”
“STOP YOUR CINGEY ASS MONOLAUGE I DON'T WANNA HERE YOUR TUMBLER ASS “I love you” LIKE THIS IS LIFE OR DEATH SHUT THE FUCK UP CUDDLE AFTER WE MAKE IT OUT ALIVE”
“Okay now I’m confused like is he still high or-“
“Oh my gosh I’ll do it myself,” Patrick said, pulling out a huge ass hammer and a gun from his back pocket.
“What the fuck Pat”
“I got enough shits and giggles,just wanted to make sure you still loved me after that argument the other day”
Pat opened the door and leaped on little Timmy. One would think that he can beat the doggie doggie shit out of the child. One is wrong 🥀I mean yes indeed he did managed to grabbed little Timmy and swung him around like a fucking hammer throw and then chuck him far away but the problem is that little Timmy isn’t human therefore not harmed.
“That should buy us some time”
“Wait so you were literate the whole time and I said all that cringey ass shit for nothing?”
“Not the WHOLE time, just like, the past half hour”
“Are you sure”
“GIYS CAN WE TALK LATER AND DRIVE AWAY”
And so Alec sped into the sunset to safety/ Penny's kindergarten classroom to hide away from timmy
“He’s not a monster, he would never attack children,” Alec said.
“I feel like you’ve taught him to attack children at one point…” Simon said.
“Wait so timmy laced you with fet and you beat his ass? What the hell were you guys thinking” Penny said, trying to confirm that she heard them right.
“Honestly I wasn’t I don’t think people who aren’t high would wanna fight little timmy… which begs the question, Simon are you fucking high off your ass when you wanna fight little Timmy”
“Knowing Timmy it was gonna be me or Patrick, and I kinda didn’t want Pat to DIE so…”
“So basically, you were in a car chase, crashed, Simon simpped for i bit and you ended up hiding out here?
“I’m being genuine bro like you are not thinking straight if you want to fight- he’s right behind me isn’t he.”
“I’m right behind you aren’t I.”
Little Timmy was in fact right behind Patrick with a huge ass chainsaw like the one in chainsaw man. I was made of fucking rubber but Timmys dumb ass didn’t know that.
“Hello Mr Gwon :D are we having a nice day!”
“Um, after you DRUGED my husband? IM DOING JUST SWELL”
“Come on he didn’t die like he was supposed to so you should count it as a win!”
“He was supposed to die”
Silence, not awkward silence, that silence that tells you you fucked up.
“So uh, how's your day?” Penny said, not knowing how deep the lore was.
“HE WAS GONNA FUCKING DIE”
“No like yeah I put a shit ton of drugs and poison in there… sorry Mr Alec, I haven’t perfected my drugging people skill yet 😔😔😔”
“Hey so um, I'm not super aware of what's happening but like, I have a feeling that you forgot how much of a simp Simon ACTUALLY is.”
“Maybe the poisons cancelled each other out… dang it I should’ve done more research!” Little Timmy said, “like uuuh what was it called? Cyanide?”
“You have five seconds”simon mumbled
“What” Timmy's annoying naive ass asked
“I MEAN YOUR ASS HAS FIVE FUCKING SECOUNDS TO GO BACK TO THE PLANET YOU CAME FROM BEFORE I DISTROY YOUR ASS. YOU CAN MESS WITH ME ALL YOU WANT BUT WHEN YOU TRY TI FUCK WITH PATRICK,HELL NO IMA SEND YOUR BITCH AS BACK UP INTO THE ATMOSPHERE
“Fight fight fight fight!” The kindergartener shouted and started to hype them up, running and jumping around.
On the other hand, Penny was crying in the corner.
“Whaaat. But he didn’t die!!! Mr Gwon yknow I’m just messing with you right 🤪
“What do you mean you’re “messing with me”
“Like yknow… you’re the fucking least favourite of this school and a really easy target like your ass is a sad as hell and as my job as the class clown, I need to provide hahalarious moments!”
“Are we deadass”
“Yeah!!!! Am I winning!!”
“YES YOU ARE” Alec said “SO PROUD OF YOU 🗣️🗣️”
“Timmy I have a question for you”
“Yeah?”
“Do you ever feel the weight of your BIG ASS FOREHEAD THAT GOOFY AHH BULL CUT AINT COVERING SHIT WE CAN STILL SEE THAT HALF OF YOUR FACE YOU PIMPLY BITCH. WAAH WAHH WAHH LIKE A LITTLE BABY LIKE THOSE FAKE ASS TEARS AINT FULLING NO ONE.
“THAT'S MEAN!”
Little Timmy was not aggravated and he pulled the switch on the chainsaw, leaping at Simon. The chainsaw goes vrrrrrrrrr vrrrrrr yknow as chainsaw does but then Penny says some dumbass teacher phrases
“MAC AND CHEESE”
“Everybody freeze” the kids sighed, knowing they can’t move until Penny is done saying directions
Just then Penny had an idea. One of these phrases will fucking activate a core muscle memory in little Timmy’s dumb brain and cause him to stop. Better be quick before there’s blood everywhere.
“IF YOU CAN HEAR ME CLAP ONCE!”
“HOCUS POCUS”
She raised her hand. It didn’t work. What education could this kid have possible received.
Also Alec just standing there like an NPC while Tanya, Pat and Scarlet tried to get little Timmy off of Simon.
“CLAP CLAP CLAP AP AP”
“Flee fla Flo…”
“KAPEESH”
“HEY CLASS”
“Man I give up 🥀🥀🥀”
But just then, she remembered one more
“SCOOBY DOOBY DOO”
“Where are you” Little Timmy said, his core memory being activated
Just then, Tanya grabbed his leg and swung him onto a nearby table, bashing his head on the table and stuff. “Kids… don’t try this at home…”
JIST THEN, LITTLE TIMMY TRANSFORMED FROM A LITTLE LAD INTO… THE ULTIMATE TIMMY DEMON FORM (it have 4 arms) AND NOW HAVE DEMON POWERS.
“I think its time for my finale monolaug-”
“NO SIMON IF YOU START TELLING PAT CRINGEY SHIT IN FRONT OF ME EVER AGAIN I MAY PASS AWAY, WE ARE NOT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, I UNDERSTAND YOUR GAY AS HELL FOR HIM SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BITCH”
This is what the ultimate Timmy demon form look like btw for reference:
“Okay guys… HE CAN'T KILL US IF WERE ALREADY DEAD!!” Patrick suggested off of his dumb ass.
“Okay kids remember what we practiced? Single file second tile!” Penny said as she led the kids to safety without getting hit because, even Timmy likes Penny.
“Y’know what Scarlet, You can FUCKING KILL YOURSELF IM MONOLAUGING!”
“Simon I’m gonna be so deadass with you right now, we’re gonna die if you keep talking, also yapping is lowkey my thing not yours”
“Babe, ok….I’LL DO IT INSTEAD I LOVE YOU-”
“KNOW I LOVE YOU MORE-”
“I HATE GAY PEOPLE DAMN”
They yapped a bit too much and Timmy having 4 arms and being a giant picked each one of them up and started spinning them around like helicopters
“They honestly deceived it lowkey” Scarlet said
“You lowkey right, this is their problem, you just wanna go on a date?” Tanya replied
“Y’know what, fuck it bet”Scarlet said knowing it would probably be their last date.
“MS KATCHADOURIAN YOURE NEXT” big little Timmy shouted in a demonic voice of an elderitch god.
“He might take Penny its like,50/50” Said Tanya, knowing it was indeed NOT 50/50
“Haha 50/50 like the wish system in Genshin?” Patrick shouted as he got yeeted in the window.
“Tanya, there is a 0% chance he would kill Penny over you” Scarlet said, knowing that if she was Timmy she’d chuck Tanya out too.
Big little Timmy started to open his mouth and shoot fire and lava out of it.
“IS HE A FUCKING ALEIN”
“YES PAT WE’VE ESTABLISHED THIS”
“SIMON I WAS LITERALLY ON CYRISTAL METH HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW”
“Oh it wasn’t just that it was other poison too!” Little Timmy informed them.
“AND THAT TOO- OH THIS LITTLE SHIT THINKS HES SO SMART DOES HE. IM GOING TO BEAT HIS ASS”
“THATS WHAT WEVE BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR THE LAST 2 DAYS”
“OH WORD! YKNOW AFTER WE LIKE, GET BACK TO OUR HOUSE DO YOU WANNA LIKE, GO OUT SOMEWHERE”
“PAT NOT THE TIME WE’RE DYING”
“IM STILL HIGH AS SHIT”
“IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALL” little Timmy said
“Oh in what way :3”
“Pat….. its not”
“YOU TWINKS NEED TO LEARN HOW TO FIGHT. I TOLD MOM SHE SHOULD’VE FORCED YOU INTO MARTIAL ARTS”
“Oh my gosh! I can tap dance!” Pat started tap dancing 💀
“THAT ONE PART OF THE HAMILTON CHOREO IS NOT GONNA FUCKING SAVE US”
“Yall are so silly :3” he started ATapping and his shoes magicalled turned into tap shoes, making obnoxiously loud clicks
The good news, timmy has mesophonia band news, Simon also has mesophonia.
“CAN YOU STOP WITH THAT FUCKING NOISE ITS TORTURE”
“Aww sorry :(“
“DONT FUCKING STOP ITS HELPING!” Alec screamed.
“Simon’
“Patrick”
“Don’t divorce me after this”
“What-”
Famous last word before Patrick started tapping like crazy.
“IM GOING TO JILL YOU TOUR NOT MY FAV TEACHER ANYMORE” little Timmy screamed.
“I HOPE YOU KNOW WHEN WE GET HOME IM GONNA HURT YOUR ASS” Simon yelled half joking
“In what way :3”
“PAT NOT RIGHT NOW’
Little Timmy pulled out a knife from his throat and threw it at Patrick. It missed by like 1 cm. It was like those gacha memes where they jump over the knife before it hits.
Unfortunately little Timmy had more knives down his throat. Make you wonder what he was doing with them… BUTBTHATSVA QUESTION FOR ANOTHER DAY
“Simon im lowkey scared :3”
“YEA NO SHIT”
“We should like, renew our wedding vous before we fucking die”
“Patrick there is a fucking knife in your stomach.”
“I think it missed all the important organs, that tickled :3”
“WERE THE HELL ARE SCARLET AND TANYA”
Scarlet and Tanya was cuddle fucking somewhere in the school. Somewhere… somewhere YURI kissing….
“THESE GAY ASS BITCHES COULD MAKE UP ANYOTHER TIME BUT NOOO ON THE DAY I DIE WERE SUDDENLY SUPER IN LOVE LIKE YOU CAN CRACK ANY OTHER DAY!”
“That’s a lot of blood :3 “
“PATRICK YOU’RE LIKE DYING”
“OH I KNOW!’n :3” Patrick pulled the fucking knife from his fucking stomach (hey kids DO NOT EVER DO THAT IF HOUR STAB) And threw it at the big little Timmy monster (ALSO DONT DO THAT THATS YOUR ONLY FUCKING WEAPON DONT THROW YOUR ONLY WEAPON AWAY)
“IT WOULD BE REALLY NICE IF I HAD A SISTER WHO COULD SAVE MY ASS RIGHT NOW, BUT NOOOOOO YOU FUCK TODAY ARE WE DEADASS”
Just then we unlock a new character! It was… ZACH
He walked in at the exact moment and took a look at the surrounding. Then he nodded and did some stupid finger gun things
“That’s a lot of blood, and that’s a monster.” NO SHIT SHERLOCK OH MY GOSH ITS LITENANUT OH WOW AND DEPUTY NO WAY 🤯🤯🤯
“I HOPE ALL OF THIS STAFF DIE, EXCEPT PAT WHO IS THE ONLY ONE THAT IS GONNA DIE. ALEC DOSENT DO BULL TANYA AND SCARLET ARE TOUGE KISSING WHILE IM FUCKING GETTING MY ASS BEAT, GWEN IS SOME HOW STILL HAVING STEAM CLUB RIGHT NOW NAOMI IS TO BUSY YAPPING WITH THE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS, FIONA AND ELLIE AND JOHN ARE FUCKING USELESS EITHER WAY SVEN IS A BITCH ZACH IS A NUTCASE DENVER PROLLY CLOCKED OUT BY NOW, BEA IS MENTALLY INSANE, AND THE ONLY OTHER TEACHER THAT I CAN KINDA TOLRATE, IS MY HUSBAND WHO IS BLEEDING OUT ON THE PAVEMENT! YOU USELESS WHORES I HOPE YOU CUNTS GET NO BITCHES AND DIE”
“Oh my gosh Simon shut the fuck up,” Alec shouted.
“YOU SHOULD THE FUCK UP FACEBOOK MOM ASS BITCH ITS YOUR FAULT TIMMY KNOWS THIS SHIT AND KILLED MY FUCKING HUSBAND”
“Dw I got this,” he said, pulling out a sandwich.
Gwen had spawn because she smelled Alec’s sandwiches from china. She looked at the surrounding and smiled, pulling out a big ass sword, “heh just like that one part in the gooner impact game I play”
She started attacking the big monstrous demon little Timmy. After she beat the shit outta him, she went to check on Patrick.
“Twin are you alive”
“Yea :3”
“Are you drunk?”
“No i got drugged :3”
“Hmmm why is the knife from your stomach gone.”
“ I pulled it ou:3”
“You’re not supposed to do that-“
“Oh okay:3” he grabbed the nearest knife on the floor and put it back in. 💀💀💀
“NO-“
“Oh-“
“DONT PULL THAT SHIT OUT YOU DUMB FUCK”
“Its okay if I die a true loves kiss will bring me back trust"
“YOU LITERALLY JUST STABBED YOURSELVES IN A DIFFERENT ANGLE”
“Gwen don’t worry love WILL rise above all”
“Love doesn’t fucking exist and what you need is a medical professional. Don’t worry I spent many hours on Maple Hospital on Roblox I got this”
“Yea it does :(”
“Its made up by the government to get more of our tax dollars”
“Gwen he’s fucking dying stop bringing politics into this,” Alex shouted, “ALSO I HEARD YOUR NONLONGER MY FRIEND :(????”
“No one ACTUALLY likes your ass, we just like food”
“Hah. Valid,” Patrick said.
Simon is still internally mentally break downing in his head thinking about if he should kill himself and pull a romeo and juliet or jump off a bridge.
“Simon, if I dieeeee will you kiss me and bring me back to life”
“Again doesn’t fucking works” Gwen said.
“I mean, I’d try I guess if you want me to” Simon said, not sure if what he was saying was the truth.
“ARE WE BEING DEADASS GWEN YOU HAVE A PHONE ON YOU RIGHT NOW CALL 911” Alec finally said something helpful for the first time ever in his life.
“This is just like the kdramas I watch,” she sniffled.
Meanwhile
“Well it's nice to know we’re still kinda in love” Scarlet said
“Yeah I sure hope little Timmy is dead by now so our job would be easier”
Ring ring ring ring
“scarlet , we’re in the hospital right now”
“Is it to get that stupid brain of yours checked out.”
“No its so that your brother in law doesn't pass away after getting impaled”
“Huh, sounds like aaaa an issUe not an issME.”
“Fuck you and your fuckass girl friend”
“Yeah we are fucking thank you very much” 💀💀😭😭😭
“That's fucking tmi”
Back at the hospital
“Yeah so I’m a legit real doctor trust trust and uuuh according to the info I’m getting, your husband should not be fucking alive. Are you sure this is human? “
“Yes I promise you he's at least 99% human”
“Well uuuh according to this, he had been drugged by things that would kill you within 24 hours so yeah, actually, no.”
“Twinks are just built different”
“I know taken that into account he should’ve died in 12 hours instead of 24. Anyways, since we live in Canada, I can’t scam you into taking more treatment or smth uuuhhhh what was I bouta say. Oh yeah, what exactly happened to cause this?”
“He just uh, tried to commit suicide and it didn’t work”
“Okay! Psych evaluation it is!”
“Wait what what’s the other choice…”
“Hahah nothing. Okaaaay I’m gonna leave now. Leaving. I’m leaving. Gone. Not here anymore. Whooop. Gone.”
“Hey what hospital are we at again cause this is starting to feel like a fakeass hospital”
“Um the pysch ward. I told them you were suicidal and they put you in the mental ward.”
“… now why would you say that.”
“Cause I didn’t want them to contain me for saying “oh yeah a monster came”
“You threw me under a fucking bus I fear if I’m staying here I will be suicidal frfr”
“I didn’t “throw you under the bus” i just…….”
“THERES AT LEAST 5 OTHER WITNESS FOR THE MONSTER NOT TO MENTION AN ENTIRE CLASS"
“Pat to be honest, I was scared and I-I didn't know what to do so I….”
“Oh my gosh we need to get out of here now,” his dumb ass started to rip off the IVs
“PAT YOU DUMB HOE”
“Simon, trust me. I PLAYED THESE GAMES BEFORE 🗣️🗣️🗣️”
“ARE YOU QUOTING SQUID GAMES RN”
“I SAID. I PLAYED THESE GAMES BEFORE 🗣️🗣️”
“Maybe you DO belong in the mental hospital”
“Yeah been here once 0/10 doesn’t recommend 🥀🥀😔😔😔💔💔💔”
"How'd you end up here anyway”
“Fiona found my diary. Honestly if you read her diary you would send her here too.” What could he had POSSIBLY put in his diary 💀
“What middle school ass shit could be in there”
“I don’t know man anyways let’s get out of here before they force me to take medication.”
“We can’t leave Pat. Any other place we could go would be more dangerous than staying here”
“Oh shit did you order the fucking 3 days stay. IM GONNA KMS.”
“If you die we won’t be able to, wait what did you want us to do earlier before we died? Oh yeah- renew our wedding vous”
Just then a nurse fe fi fo fum into the room with a face only a mother could love.
“OH MY GOD” Patrick yelled, “WHATS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE. ITS SO… PURPLE”
“Bro wdym this is my normal face 🥀”
“Wait, are you, who do think you are?” Simon inquired.
“Fym by that” the nurse gave them the fattest middle finger ever, “and tf why is your IVs out. I knew it you’re mentally challenged”
“Are you, PURPLE GUY FROM FNAF”
“BOI STFU OR IM GONNA DO THINGS”
“What sit on me?”
“WHOA OK WE DON'T NEED TO GO THERE YOUR WITH ME REMEMBER"Patrick said.
“Pat im not gonna cheat on you ever, like you’re the only person I care about”
“OH MY GOSH I GOT ASSIGNED TO THE GAY ONE 🥀🥀” the nurse said, “TAKE YOUR FUCKASS MEDCINE OH MY GOSH”
“Erm ackshually I’m not taking my medicine 🤓☝️” Patrick said.
“Babe, can you please take your meds”
“Im not going on meds again that shit made me crazy”
“These are safe ones though trust”
“Then why the fuck does it have skulls aura flying out of it” 💀💀
“Y’know, I think we’re good on meds the other doc already gave us some”(he didn’t)
“Omg. We don’t have a doctor here. CODE RAINBOW WE GOT A HALLUCINATING BITCH” the nurse screamed.
“BABE THEIR GONNA SEPARATE US”
“SHUT YOUR BITCHASS UP BEFORE WE FUCKING CHAIN YOU DOWN”
“I think I should tell a trusted adult I don’t feel safe” Pat said.
“IF YOU SEPARATE US IMA COMMIT A CRIME THAT I CANT SAY FOR LEGAL REASONS”
“Nah I’m just kms,” Pat said, “comeon nurse big bones we’ve been thro this before. Only one of us have a fucking gun here rn and it’s not you.”
“WHY DO YOU HAVE A GUN CODE SILVER HE HAVE A WEAPON IN THE BUILDING 😨😨😨😨”
It was a nerf gun.
“Now why did you say that”
“Idk I freaked out I've literally never been without you for like, 10 years”
“Oh my gosh I’m gonna get you guys couple therapy…”
“Why? We have a healthy functioning relationship”
Later that day they got admitted into group therapy with a bunch of other FUCKASS people especially…. SVEN. WHY THE FUCK IS SVEN SVENIUS GWON IN THE PSYCH WARD NOW???
“So, how are we feeling?” The group couples therapist or whatever asked.
“I miss my bestie westie zesty Zach” Sven said.
“I think me and my husband DON'T NEED FUCKING THEARPY”
“That’s exactly what someone who need therapy would say.” The therapist said, “I’m going to diagnose you with dumbitch syndrome”
“We have each other, we'll be fine. Literally everyone else could DIE and as long as I have Pat I wouldn't give a shit” Simon said.
“Oh scratch that I’ll diagnose you with a case of Hyper SIMPathy.”
“I am NOT a fucking simp”
“Yeah right anyways, next!”
“My name is bob and I wanna kill people.”
“Oh um… that's not”
“My brother Timothy Tommy does it all the time tho!”
Everyone stopped their track and a thousand yard stare appeared on their face. They all slowly looked at Bob this little stupid half bald kid in a bowl cut with the hugest chin ever. Suddenly Pat started hyperventilating, causing Simon to act the Cynthia erivo with Ariana.
“Your brother does he happen to uuuhhhh be called little Timmy?”
“Yeah our parents called him that cause he have a little-“
“DOES HE TURN INTO A MONSTER”
“Yeah I also wanna unlock my cool mega awesome alpha sigma skibiddi monster form” oh no… bob is a … GEN ALPHA
Patrick was just sobbing in the background during all this.
Just then Bob started to sing the brainrot song 🥀🥀 and even Sven was mortified.
“I WANNA GO HOMEEEEE” Patrick sobbed
“Alpha signs, skibidii toilet, don’t stop edging to my gyatt (your gyatt”
“YO IS THAT THE BRAINROT VERSION OF SEVENTEEN” Pat was so fucking flabbergasted by that that his brain did a full factory reset and he stopped panicking.
“And that will be the end of our session today um, go back to your rooms”the nurse said
“But we didn’t do anything,” Simon said.
“I’m the alpha in the leader I’m the one to trust 🐺🐺 AWOOOOOOO” bob started howling
“I think leaving would actually be good lowkey, plus, we can spend more time together” said Patrick.
“WHOA WHOA WHOA NOT SO FAST, YALL HAVE DIFFERENT ROOMS” The nurse announced “AND ROOMMMATES”
“SHUT UP THANOS”
“Wait whyyyyyyy”
“Cause we’re not allowed to let couples stay together”
“How am I gonna know that Pat is safe if im not with him every waking moment”
The therapist whispered lowly to the nurse, “we need to keep this purple dumbass emo isolated his hyper SIMPathy is progressing to fast “
“Again im NOT A FUCKING SIMP, I just wanna make sure that Patrick is alright, and is with me, every moment’
“It’s okay Simon like I said, this ain’t my first time in the psych ward”
“But what am I gonna do without you? I can’t stand anyone else”
“You’ll be ok, I promise”
“But Patrick, you make my life worth living-”
Ahh shit here we go again.
“You’re the only thing that keeps me alive, every day whenI get up, I know you’re right beside me. Ever since we first met in college, I knew you were the one for me. You make life worth living Patrick. Any day without you feels empty, but when I'm with you I feel like it gives me life again. I couldn't make it without you and-”
“CRINGE BRO”Sven said hoping this kind of love never finds him
“To be honest, I'm scared for me. I forgot how it's like to be without you. The one that's always by my side to reassure me. The one that's always up for late night chats, the one I haven’t slept without for the last ten years of my life, the loud one that balances my melancholic ass out. The reason I’ve been telling you all these things is because I love you, and for the last two days I felt like I was gonna lose you. I’ve been scared that the one who's helped me through my worse won’t be there to look me in the eyes when I wake up. I can’t- I can’t lose you Patrick, I only have you. The idea that the guy that falls asleep in my arms each night won’t be there to kiss or hug or feel l- the idea of your presence physically not being there scares me.I love you more then anything Pat, I love you so much, and I can’t be apart from you.” Simon says, finally finishing his long ass monologue.
“I love you Simon, I love you so,so much. I can’t imagine life without you either, but sometimes we have to be apart, and it hurts so much to think about what could happen when we can’t see each other. But I will be down the hallway and it won’t be that long. I promise as soon as I wake up I’ll come see you ok?” said Patrick. Holy Shakespeare
“So are we done, or” Said Sven stuck overhearing this shit.
“Yeah yeah we’re done, okay here’s the plan, we’re gonna attack them at dawn-“ Patrick started
“I HEARD THAT-GO TO BED” The nurse shouted
“NO WE’RE GROWN ASS ADULTS” Said Simon
“ILL TELL YOU WHAT, IF I LET YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR FUCKASS BOYFRIEND WILL YOU GO TO BED” The nurse said
“YESS ABSULALUTLY”(I can spell trust)
Later that night
“So did you like,e mean everything you said” questioned Patrick
They were cuddling in one of those shitty ass hospital beds watching elemental cause its underrated.
“Yeah uh, I did”
“ 🤗🤗🤗🥰🥰😍😍😍🫶🫶🫶”
“That's sweet. I didn’t know you uh…. Liked me that much” said Patrick. They have been married for 10 years mind you 💀💀💀💀 I DON'T KNOW WHY IM SO CRINGE RN
‘I really couldn't live without you” said Simon
“But we lowkey do need to get out, if these hoes are anything like the last time, it should be easy”
“You wanna hop outta that window over there? Its an easy ass exit”
“I would love to” said Patrick,already getting up to open the window.
It was at that moment they remembered, THEY WERE ON THE FUCKING GROUND LEVEL.
They climbed outta the window.
“So uh, do you wanna go home? We can like netflix and chill” said Simon
“I mean, if you can figure out how to get there then sure i guess, our windows are broken though” said Patrick
“Tanya paid someone to fix them for us”(cause uh, she did? Idk i just wanna write fluff/hurt comfort ok?
At home
They got back home and put back on elemental cause its still peak.
“Maybe we should call to see if Scarlet and Tanya are like, alive” said Patrick
Ring ring
“Hello?” answered Scarlet
“Hey I just wanted to make sure that you and Tanya didn’t get fucked up by Timmy’
“Oh well uh, we’re alive, how was the psych ward?”
“Awesome sauce, monologued a bit y’know, the usual”
“Oh my gosh you fucking simp”
“You’re just mad my partner loves me! But like back on the monologue thing it lowkey got deep”
“We’re lucky they didn’t pull out the real medical records or you’d deadass never see each other again. Y'know Simon you were dropped on your head as a kid”
“That nurse was a giant grape as a dumb ass bitch im pretty sure she was homophobic"
“Is she homophobic, or did she not wanna hear your cringey ass shit”
“I think she hates us 🥀”
“I mean yeah, i’d hate ya’ll to you “I miss my coco butter kisses” ahh relationship having gay ass bitches”
“Actually she hates me last time I was there I almost killed her and got her fired” Patrick added.
“That shits crazy fr, Also what do ya’ll even have to monologue about anymore”
“Life y'know. One of these day, a little boy named Timmy can just burst into your fucking house with a huge AK-49 and kill you and your loved ones.”
“Well damn thats , oddly specific, well im gonna hang up, have fun doing uhh, gay shit idk”
They hung up.
“You wanna hear something crazy?” Said Patrick.
“What?”
“WE HAVE TO CLOCK INTO WORK TOMORROW”
“FUCKKKKKKK ”Can we just tell Tanya we’re going on vacation and not show up”
“No simon your class have been without you for like two days. THAT CAN KILL A MAN”
“And the days shall keep counting, Pat I love you, but im not going to teach thoughts little cunts.”
“Hey on the bright side little Timmy is dead so you have nothing to worry about!”
“Those kids all still hate my ass though”
“Uuuuuuhhh well hmmmm gosh diddly darn I have no idea. Take them to my class and call it a day?”
“I don’t wanna torture you by giving you those kids”
“They’re not little Timmy, I'll be fine!”
“Patrick, unrelated, do you wanna fucking run away together” Simon asked
“🎶🎶run away with us for the summer let’s go upstate (and we can stayyy)🎶- umm idk where?”
“Anywhere we can be together” said Simon lovingly.
“Hear me out. Big Mac from my little pony”
“Hear me out, the second cabinet battle”
“🗣️🗣️🗣️ ahem Ermmm anyways. SIMON WE ARE FUCKING TEACHERS DO YOU THINK WE CAN ACTUALLY RUN AWAY LIKE WERE BROKE AS HELL MAN THAT WINDOW REPAIR IS GONNA CAUSE US EVERYTHING”
“Patrick, what is Tanya gonna do”
“Cut our paycheck 😨”
“Pat, y’know im rich right? Paycheck my ass ima just use daddys money”
“Then why the fuck are you a teacher. Why would you do this to yourself”
“Just to say I'm employed, I thought relying on my parents was weird, but then I realized, I LIKE MONEY”
“YOU COULD HAVE WORKED AT MCDONALD. WE WOULD HAVE MET SOONER IF YOU WORKED AT A MCDONALD”
“Welp, im happy we met at all, I love you Patrick" Said Simon's simp ass.
“Yeah me too. I would’ve been dead lmao 🤪”
“Patrick, you always joke like that, but really, seriously, what happened?”
“Yeah I was actually depressed when they sent me to psych ward 🤯”
“Patrick, I seriously want to talk to you like, for real, you can trust me”
“Well uh y’know, things happened”
“What “things”
‘Well, I guess you could say my classmates didn’t “like” me that much.”
It did not, in fact, take a genius to figure that one out.
“Well what do you mean by that?”
“They saw that I was “Different” if that makes since”
“Pat, you can tell me alright?”
“Simon, I’m fucking gay you know this! Back then are NOT a good place to be gay.”
“And so?”
“And so they didn't like that. They use to pick on me, and harass me and kids like me, and eventually it, kinda “broke me down. Slowly I began to struggle with mental heath related thing s, and eventually, I couldn't do it anymore. I started copping in unhealthy ways, and eventually, I couldn’t do it anymore.”
“And you”
“I ended up were we just left” said patrick
“Didn’t you have anyone?”
“Gwen’s clueless, and Alec isn’t really… well you know Alec. Fiona’s struggling with her own stuff. Remember when I said you saved my life? You really, really did and im so grateful that I have you and im able to, i don’t know “be myself” with you. And im happy we were roomates and that in collage, cause I couldn’t live without you” Pat said, tears slowly forming.
“Didn’t you say that Fiona finding your diary was why you got sent to the psych ward?”
“Yeah, I took a gap year because of that. But they kinda suck, when they release me I was still going with my “plans”
“Why did you go to the pysch ward? What was in there”
“I was writing letters to myself like dear even Hansen describing how I didn't wanna still be here. I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to live, well that was, until I met you” Said Patrick, “I guess it was something about you that made me want to postpone my plans because… you didn’t want to befriend me. In a way I made that my mission and it helped.” Pat said, with a slight shake to his voice.
Simon was taken aback by Patrick's confession. He didn’t understand that, this was truly what Patrick felt. Simon didn’t know what to say, he was frozen speechless.
In the middle of the awkward silence, Simon could only push out three words:”I love you”
“I love you too Simon, and I'm really happy that I met you,and that after all these years, we’ve lasted through it all. But honestly, the shits that’s going on, I’m afraid I might relapse.”
“Well, no matter what you do, remember I love you and i’ll always be there. I know we fight a lot but, I think it makes our relationship stronger. I care about you Pat. And I don’t know if this is helping to talk you off the edge, but I'd miss you if you were gone.” Said Simon.
“Thank you, this…really helped. I love you.” Said Patrick. “And you know, it goes both ways. I’m always here for you too.”
For some reason I don’t know yet, Simon just started sobbing.
“Simon, are you ok?” said Patrick.
“I'm fine its just, really weird to hear someone tell me that,”said Simon through tears. “I get that it’s the normal stuff and normal families do that, but it’s just never really a thing in my family.
“Im sorry I shouldnt be crying it childish” Said Simon.
“No, crying is good, it means it matters.”said Patrick
“I haven’t cried like this since our wedding day, I love you so much Patrick” Said Simon still through tears.
“Tell me, what’s wrong?”
“It's nothing, I'm fine, I don’t want you to worry about me,” said Simon.
“Simon, your feelings matter too. I care about you, you know that right?”
Simon just started to cry harder. Patrick sat there with Simon crying in his arms.”I love you its ok” said Patrick in a comforting way.
“Well… okay… my parents just don’t really acknowledge… feelings. It’s a distraction they say. That’s why they don’t like Sven actually, he was the most dramatic and emotional person in his teens. All my life their wrong beliefs have been pushed on to me, and I believed that it was for the best. But then… I became a motherfucking teacher in spite of them. And I hate this fucking job I hate the kids and the hours but I also loved how it’s the first thing I’ve done for myself, purely out of my emotions, even if it’s hate.” Simon stated
The tears had calmed down by now. Silence is comforting. They held each other close not saying any words, but their actions communicated enough.
“Yknow Simon, I’m proud of you for making that decision. Hate isn’t bad, and totally valid in this scenario. I love you to the moon and back Simon. The past ten years have been the best years of my life. I hope one day you understand how intelligent you are.” said Patrick.
Simon softly kissed Patrick's forehead,”I love you too” he said. They slowly scooted towards each other.
“You, quite literally, light up my world,” said Pat.
“You are my world” said Simon, 'cause he's cringey like that.
Patrick pulled him into a tight, passionate hug.
“I appreciate your presence tremendously" Simon said because bread told me “I love you” sucked ass.
“And I guess me too, big words haha,” Pat said.
Simon’s hand combed through Patrick's fluffy hair. They wished they could freeze this moment of intimacy forever. It was nice to have a moment for themselves before they had to do their jobs.
The night drifted on as they slowly began to doze off. Eventually, they fell asleep, there in each other's arms, just as they always had, only this time felt different, more special.
The next day
It was 5 in the morning. Patrick and Simon were still on the very same spot they fell asleep in the night before, arms wrapped around each other.
Simon woke up first, his body was used to waking up this early naturally. Work started for them at 6:15, so Simon knew he had to wake up Pat.
“Babe, it’s time to wake up” Simon said softly
“Really? Are you sure you want to go to work today,” questioned Patrick, “I wanna stay here with you”
Simon really thought about it. Did he really want to teach these fuckass kids, no. Was it financially necessary, no. Would Tanya care, maybe but she’d get over it.
“I’m gonna call in sick, I don’t think I’m making it to work today.” Said Simon” I’ll stay here with you”
Simon gently slipped out of Patrick’s hands and made his way over to the phone.
Ring ring ring
“Hello?” Said Tanya”why are you calling”
“After everything that happened with little Timmy, I think it made me physically and mentally strained, and I don’t think I’m going to make it to school today”
“Wait but Simon we need yo-“
Beep. Simon hung up the phone and headed back to the couch.
“What did she say?” Patrick asked.
“Um, idk I hung up” Simon replied.
“Well at least we get… one singular day to ourselves!”
Just then the phone rang again
“I swear to god if Tanya ask me to clock in”
He looked at the caller ID. It was a random ahh number.
“Hello, who is this?”
“What the fuck this is your mom do you not have my number saved???”
“Why would that be the case?”
“… ANYWAYS ummm so it had been 10 years since we’ve seen any of our kids (I wonder what we’re doing wrong 💀) so I’m inviting the family to dinner!”
“So uh, no to that”
“But ummm…. We wanna be better trust!”
“Fine mom i’ll go”
“Awesome sauce! I can’t wait to meet your family!!! I wanna be a grandmother” little did she know 💀💀💀
“Hahaha yes mother 💀 hmm grandkids interesting concept… not sure where you imagined that from. That’s crazy”
“You’re married right?”
“Yes.”
“Then why don’t you have a family?”
“Oh um. I mean we never discussed kids yknow. Kids. In this economy?”
“Ok well, I can’t wait to meet you’re wife”
“Ohhhh… just a question have you met Scarlets and Sven spouses like ever?”
“Nope! I can’t wait for the surprise”
“Awesome, wow just gimme one second-“
He hung up.
“Patrick. We are so fucked.”
“And why would you say that?
“My parents want to meet you. Wait, I gotta warn Scarlet and Sven too!”
“And that's bad because???”
“Patrick, they suck even more than I told you. They’re homophobic I’m like 99% sure, and if they’re not they’d hate your ass anyway.”
“Do they know they have 3 queer kids??”
“We haven’t talked for 10 years one might thought they’d forget about us!”
Simon went and texted in the sibling group chat
Simonella: GUYS WE’RE FUCKING COOKED
Svenius: did you fucking release little Timmy from prison again
THEBESTEVER:And, what makes you say that?
Simonella: Mom and dad want us to come to dinner, with our partners
Svenius: they like Zach tho!
THEBESTEVER: Sven they liked Zach when he was a friend.
Simonella: SVEN THEY’RE HOMOPHOBIC AS SHIT
Svenius: WAIY WHAT IF WE SWITCH PARTNERS FOR A DAY AND THEN PRETEND WERE STRAIGHT
THEBESTEVER: THAT DOESNT WORK THERES THREE OF US
Svenius: Zach said he can dress girlypop and be a really good drag queen his name will be zacha
Simonella: Do you think that I could convince Patrick to do that shit?
THEBESTEVER: you guys are dumb as hell if you think anyone falling for that
Svenius: YOUR MAD CAUSE TANYA CANT PULL OFF PRETENDING TO BE A MAN
THEBESTEVER: She could she just wouldn’t wanna fucking do it
Simonella: what if we hire 3 entirely different person with the yknow ettiquete and stuff that they would actually like
THEBESTEVER: on our fucking teacher salary, your so funny Simon hahalarious what a knee slapper that’s a good one
Svenious: Zach would prolly say im cheating
THEBESTEVER: let’s just show up normally and piss them off
Simonellla: also they want grandchildren
Svenious: Then they’re batshit crazy
THEBESTEVER: what if we cancel them by recording the whole thing using the house security system
Simonella: Cause they’d cut us out of the will
Svenius: I’m hacking the system rn
THEBESTEVER: Simon, you are the ONLY one in the will they hate the rest of our asses
Simonella: WHAT. WHY IM LITERALLY THE FAV
Sven: Don’t worry when they find out you’re gay as hell, you can join us in the useless pile
Simonella: Sven I have news for you you’re fucking gay ass he’ll too
Svenius: No but you’re literally a fucking simp you don’t just love Pat you’re fucking obsessed with him
Simonella: Im not OBSESSED, I just heavily appreciate him
The siblings all agree to pull the fuck around and find out method in the end. They’ve also decided to not dress fancy or anything because that’s a waste of effort and time for a family that wouldn’t appreciate them. Also Sven said he’d glitter bomb the place when they leave.
“Patrick, are you sure you’re gonna come in with me and do this shit” questioned Simon
“Oh 100%! I mean sure they’re shitty horrible people, but I’d rather be there with you than you do it alone!”
“Can ya’ll be cringe somewhere else” Said Sven, secretly jealous his relationship wasn't that strong.
Zachs blonde dumb shinny ass was sitting beside them in the car (the car was big). He’s so fucking shiny that everyone is blinded. He’s like that crab from moana. “Sven is your mom hot,” he asked.
“What.”
“Is your dad also hot?”
“WHAT”
Meanwhile, Tanya and Scarlet were arguing in the parking lot.
“IM JUST SAYING SCARLET I WILL PUNCH AND BEAT THE DOOGIE DOGGIE SHIT OUT YOUR MOM IF SHE ACTS UP”
“You can’t do that, she writes the will! I’m still in her will!” Scarlet wailed.
Who's gonna break it to her.
The cars rolled up on the hugeass driveway of the BIGGEST MANSION that is in the city. It took up ITS OWN ISLAND ON THE FUCKING SEA AND HAVE A HELICOPTER PAD
“Yeah it’s a tiny house ain’t it?” Scarlet sighed.
“If you’re ass dosen’t learn how to be greatful, THIS IS A FUCKING MANSION” Said Tanya, understanding that money is a luxury.
“Is that a cruise ship?” Patrick asked, pointing to not 1, not 2, not even 3, BUT 67 cruise ships on the dock.
“Oh yea, those are our vacation ships” said Simon causally”
“Man you guys only have a helicopter pad? No private jet? L” Zach said because he in fact is richer.
“Don’t worry, got one of those too” Sven said lying through his teeth.
Just then a butler appeared, “ah welcome!”
“YOU HAVE A FUCKING BUTLER- no offense sir but normal people don’t hire butler,” Patrick said, immediately apologizing to the butler.
“I have more then one” Said Simon
“If you’re rich as hell why do we live in a one story house”
“You said you liked that house when we saw it”
“Well yeah but I didn’t know you were FUCKING LOADED”
“You wanna move?”
“I mean not now that im attached to it, but like damn”
“Scarlet… please don’t tell me you have a full cast of staff in there,” Tanya said
“Enough to put on a Hamilton show.”
They stepped inside AND IT WAS LIKE BARBIE DREAMHOUSE FUCKING HUGER ON THE INSIDE- IS THAT A FUCKING DIAMOND CHANDELIER??? WHAT TYPE OF MAJESTIC MEDIEVAL CASTLE IS THIS
“SIMON WHAT THE ACTAUL FUCK” Screamed Patrick at the top of his lungs
Just then their PARENTS APPEARED. Mrs Gwon looked like a majestic queen… a mythic… bitch. Mr Gwon looked like he did not share any of his fucking DNA with the kids, gatekept it. It’s probably for the better he’s chopped as hell. He only gave his genes kinda to simon, I.e Him being the height of a basketball player.
“Hello my wonderful kids- something’s not right either one of yall is gay or all of you are gay,” Mrs Gwon started then squinted at the kids.
“SIMONS THE GAY ONE” Sven said not wanting his parents to yell at his ass. He grabbed Tanya.
They threw his ass under the bus so quick.
“YES THAT IS THE CASE!” Scarlet yelled, grabbing Zach.
“WOW FAMILY I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH” Simon said sarcastically knowing his ass was most definitely cooked.
“This is my glorious wonderful wife Tanya whom I very much love and respect,” Sven said. Tanya gave him the death stare and was ready to beat people up.
“And this is my rich ass husband zach who uh i srich{“ Said scarlet
“This is my husband Patrick,uh we’ve been married for 10 years-” Said Simon, just to keep the pattern going. “We were roommates in collage”
“Oh my gosh! Sven’s straight!” A random butler shouted, “EVERYONE OWNS ME 100 DOLLARS!”
“Dang it I thought he was gay as shit for Zach.”
“Well i mean Simon was still gay as hell so I keep my money on that one” Said another npc ahh butler.
“I see…” Mr Gwon said, “this is time for… the roast!”
“The fucking what now-“ Tanya said
Oh it turn out he meant they did roast a turkey for dinner.
Simon gave both of his siblings a 50 yard stare. The only reason he wasn’t losing his shit is because he knew he was the favorite, and they could never hate him.
“So Tanya.. dear, tell me what’s your job?”
“I’m a princ-“ she got kicked in the foot, “AHEM a neurosurgeon.”
“What about you Zach?”
“Haha yknow still acting. You should watch my latest anime that I voice acted in it’s called I Got Reincarnated Into Vending Machine in a World Full of Coins”
They skipped Patricks ass cause they hated him so much, and was still coming to terms that their favorite son was the gayest one.
“So Tanya how did you meet Sven.”
“Oh um…. I was operating. On… his uuuuh actually on him yeah. I did a brain operation on him. I found out that he have stupid syndrome”
“Ahh i see, never liked him anyway. How about you Zach how did you meet Scarlet?”
“She was in a coffee shop I like to go to.”
“Aw that is so cute!”
“Hey so um, im here too” Simon stated. Bros first mistake of the night 🥀
“Hey, do you hear that voice? It’s so squeaky!” Their mom said.
“Must’ve been the wind”
Simon knew he fucked up when his mom wouldn’t talk to her “favorite child.”
“It really is just me” repeated Simon.
“You,” his mom said, pointing at Patrick ✨elegantly ✨”what’s your fucking name again.”
“Patrick ma’am” Said Pat, not knowing how cooked his ass was.
“What are your intentions with my son” said Mrs.Gwon.
“Um, that's an incredibly vague question”
“Well the answer can be anything” little did Mrs Gwon know… Patrick was too dense to let it get to him!
“Uh idk, to love him? We’ve been through a lot together"
“Actually loving him is our job”
“Well um, no offense but you’re kinda terrible at that. Yeah.” Patrick making more mistakes left and right🔥
Simon immediately stared intensely at Patrick, Pat smiling thinking he nailed that response.
Sven choked on his drinks, “damn mom he kinda got a point-“
Mrs Gwon was seething. You can see steams coming out of her ears
“Simon, just why did you pick this one?” Questioned Mrs.Gwon.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“He’s just not, who we’d thought you’d pick” Said Mrs.Gwon in that condescending tone she almost always had.
“Wow. No wonder all of your fucking kids didnt talk to you for 10 years!” Tanya snapped.
“Tanya they still like you rn stop,” scarlet hissed.
“Scarlet, genuinely what the fuck are your parents on”
“Children calm down! I’m just saying that lifestyle is wrong and anything else that isn’t approved by us is wrong!”
“Who are you? Lifestyle police?”Tanya argued “I usually wouldn't give a shit, but you have no good reason to not like Patrick. If you don’t support the “lifestyle” you can at least support the relationship”
“Okay fine. Let’s see, his hair is chopped as hell he looks homeless and unemployed, looks like he peaked in middle school, quotes brainrot, raggedy ass clothes like why the hell woould you like his ass”
“I literally almost died for this man like 5 times” Said Simon
“Look at how stupid looking he is 😭actually is this a joke? Are you finally not a stuck up loser anymore Simon you can make jokes now? Cause not only did you brought home a man you brought the worse ever option you can get.”
“NO, I LITERALLY ALMOST KILLED MYSELF MULTIPLE TIMES FOR THIS MAN, I REALLY DO LOVE HIM”
“Maybe he’s using you.”
“He didn’t know I was rich until right now”
“Um excuse me for the moment I need to use the washroom” Patrick said, leaving.
“Okay Simon cut the fucking jokes where’s the real fine shyt.”
“Mom, he is my husband, this is not a joke, we have fucking matching wedding rings like im heavily in love with this man”
“HAHAHHAHAHAAH YOUR SO FUNNY DO YOU HEAR OUR KID” she nudged mr Gwon, “WHO KNEW EMOASS CAN MAKE A JOKE HAHAHAHAHHAAHH”
“IM NOT FUCKING JOKING, WE LIVE TOGETHER, WE SHARE A HOUSE, WE SLEEP IN THE SAME FUCKING BED”
“Yeah yknow what,” Tanya said, stepping in, “ALL OF YOUR KIDS ARE FUCKING GAY IM ACTUALLY MARRIED TO SCARLET FUCK YOU”
She said, running to the bathroom to check on Patrick's, probably sobbing ass.
“Wait if you’re not with Sven, then what’s Zach doing here!” Mrs Gwon said, “hold up! SMTH AINT RIGHT”
“Mom I’m gonna be deadass with you. All that time when I was a teen bringing Zach over as a friend…. We made out. A lot. We used your bed.”
“WHAT THE FUCK SVEN”
“Yeah we also-“
“DONT GO INTO DETAILS”
“Sven what the fuck if I was you i’d take that shit to the grave” Said Simon.
“Game is game-“
“Yknow Mrs Gwon,” Zach started, “I was gonna do you good tonight”
Everyone:
“YOU WERE GONNA FUCK MY MOM, THAT'S WHAT IM HERE FOR”
“Guys guys calm down nobody is fucking ANYONE!” Scarlet shouted.
“I was gonna do you dad next,” Zach added.
“No zach… that's not”
“Then I was gonna take them both-“
“THAT IS FUCKING ENOUGH!” Mrs Gwon shouted, “I can’t believe it… my children’s are all.. British cigarettes.” She started sobbing into mr Gwon arm
Meanwhile, Patrick was sobbing in the bathroom, lowkey also dissociating.
“They didn't deserve your ass anyway” said Tanya in support.
From afar you can hear the yelling of the rich people.
“Where the hell is Simon anyway? Isn’t comforting you his job? Weres that cringey ass monologue when you need one.
Meanwhile Simon was forced to listen to how Zach would take his parents. That’s when it hit him like a truck that isekai people that Zach was creating a distraction (definitely not intentional)
Simon slowly slipped out of his seat, successfully not getting noticed.
“PATRICK ARE YOU OK” Shouted Simon as he busted the door down.
He can hear hyperventilating. Also ya guessed it! It’s time for cringey ass monologue!
“There your emo ass is what took so long” Said Tanya
“I was too busy getting traumatized hearing Zach graphically describe how he’d swordfight my dad” Said Simon as if he survived the first world war.
“Well yeah meanwhile your lovers getting war flashback or smth”
“Oh yeah that's why im here- Patrick are you ok?”
Pat didn’t response.
“Pat babe, what's wrong?” As if the what’s wrong isn’t obvious
“Yknow,” Tanya said, “what if we leave”
“WERE ON AN ISLAND TANYA STFU, Patrick im sorry about what just happened, but I don’t understand why you’re upset and I really need you to tell me” Said Simon's oblivious ass.
“Simon are we being deadass right now,” Tanya said, “were you selectively deaf during that dinner”
“I feel like I missed something important”
“… Simon I don’t even want to hold your hands when I say this…” Said Tanya as she took a slow deep breath”YES YOU MISSED SHIT WHY IS YOUR ASS SO FUCKING DENSE”
“I SPACED OUT. THATS HOW I DELT WITH LIVING HERE FOR 17 YEARS”
Pat spoke up, “They were just… yelling at me”, his breathing calmed down.
Normally this is where Simon goes on his revenge arch, but he realized he still wanted to stay in the will,so I evidently didn’t do that.
“Where- are we still at your fucking parents house?” Pat asked.
“Unfortunately, yeah.”
“Babe, can we talk about this at home?” Patrick said, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible.
“My parents closed the bridge to the city.”
“What the fuck is WRONG WITH YOU RICH PEOPLE” Tanya screamed at him. “NOW WERE STUCK IN THIS INSANE ISLAND WITH… RICH PEOPLE 😨😨😨”
“Listen, it's gonna be alright, we have each other, remember?” Said Simon
“WELL YOUR ASS IS FUCKING USELESS SIMON”Hollered Tanya”TRUE LOVE AINT GONNA SOLVE SHIT. I ALREADY KNOW YOUR GOOFY ASS GREW UP ON TUMBLER YOU EMO TWINK GAY ASS BITCH”
“Okay guys… here’s the game plan. We take the private jet it’s in the basement. And get out,” Simon said.
“Andddd can you fly a private jet?”Questioned Tanya
“DONT worry about that part.”
Just then scarlet, Sven and Zach ran down the hall “ GUYS WE NEED TO RUN”
“FUCKER WHY”
“THEYRE GONNA MAKE US STAY THE NIGHT” Scarlet yelled
“THEY CLOSED THE GATE DUMBASS WE CANT RUN ANYWHERE” Shouted Tanya, she sure does a lot of shouting.
“WE HAVE CRUISES AND PLANES AND SHITS-“
“None of which you children have anymore access to,” a butler said, walking toward them menacingly.
“OH NO, WE’RE FUCKING STUCK HER WAAAAHH”Sobbed Patrick.
“PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER”
“At this point I might just kms 🥀”
The butler gave them all a stern glare, “all of you, back to the dinning room.” He was also sharpening a knife while he’s at it.
“Do you happen to hire special butlers that are assasins?”
“Unfourtionitly no”sighed Scarlet
“Simonnn can you ask you’re bitchass parents if we can just hang out in the rooms we’re getting forced to sleep in” Patrick said, still tearing up.
“Yeah you all are not sleeping in the same room. You’re lucky we have over sixty nine rooms in this house.” Sven informed them 🤓☝️
“Now why the fuck would Sven and Zach make out in our parents room when there’s a whole other bunch to chose from,” scarlet said.
“Waitttttt but if we get split up how am I gonna stay with simonnnnn” whined Patrick.
“Boy shut your bitachass up,” the butler said.
“No I have to stay with Patrick, we’ve slept together every night for 10 years straight” said Simon
“We actually didn’t need to fucking know that,” scarlet said, “actually same with me and tan-“
“Ah there you kids are!” Mrs Gwon said.
“Have you mad it to your rooms?” asked Mrs.Gwon knowing damn well that no, no they did NOT find their rooms its been 5 seconds bitch what the fuck.
“Oh we’re having trouble-“ Tanya started seething
“Well scarlet Sven and Simon you know where your room are, and umm butler #9 will take you three to your room!”
“Wait, can Patrick come with me?” Said Simon's simp ass.
“Actually I’ll lead them to their room myself!” Mrs Gwon said.
“No like mentally i NEED Patrick to come with me”
“NO SIMON WE NEED TO CORRECT THIS BEHAVIOUS NOW!”
“THIS ISN'T EVEN ABOUT LIKE THE GAY SHIT, PHYSICALLY I FUCKING NEED HIM” Simons so fucking down bad.
“YEAH I MEANT YOUR SIMP BEHAVIOUR I SEE IT TOO 💀”
“IM NOT A SIMP I JUST NEED HIM TO ALWAYS BE WITH ME”
“THATS WHAT A SIMP IS!”
“FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT A SIMP I JUST LOVE HIM VERY, VERY MUCH”
Patrick sighed and he pulled out the black male card, “ma’am we both know that we can very well report you to the police for emotional abuse, because we both know that’s what’s going on here.” Little did he know…. RICH PEOPLE DONT GET AFFECTED BU THAT SHIT
“WHY DO YOU GUYS WANNA SLEEP TOGETHER SO DAMN BADLY”
“CAUSE SIMONS A FUCKING SIMP” everyone said simultaneously, except Patrick, who was lowkey cringing in the corner.
“Well what if I pay you to not,” NO WAY SHES PULLING THE KDRAMA EVIL MOM CARD
“MOM YOU CANT PAY ME SHIT I LOVE HIM HE HAS TO SLEEP WITH ME”
“How much- I MEANT NO” Pat said knowing Simon needed him more than he needed Simon.
“CANT YOU GUYS NOT SLEEP IN THE SAME BED FOR ONE FUCKING NIGHT”
“UGH FINEEEE” Simon whined like a child. Dw guys he’s just not used to being the fav.”But what if something happens to Pat and I'm not there?”
“Nothing will happen to me,” Pat said knowing full well that Mrs Gwon might sneak in at night with a knife.
“ARE YOU SURE WE HAVE TO BE APART MOM, IS THERE ANYTHING I COULD POSSIBLY DO?” Said Simon.
“YALL CAN NOT CUDDLE FOR ONE NIGHT” Said Tanya, jealous her own wife wasn’t as in love with her.
Simon started to bawl like the lil bitch baby he is
“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CRYING” Mrs,Gwon asked, genuinely confused.
“IM GAY AND THIS IS HOMOPHOBIC”
“YOUR JUST A SIMP IF THERES ONE THING WORSE THAN GAY PEOPLE ITS SIMP”
“YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME MOM” Simons emoass said.
“Omg Simon I thought your emo phase was 15 years ago. Not this again 🥀”
“He's not even fucking emo he's to down bad for Patrick” Scarlet said.
“Heh like I’m down bad for your dad” Zach said running his palms together
“I DON'T WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT HOW YOU WANNA FUCK MY DAD” Screamed Sven, jealous Zach liked his father more then him.
“I’m bouta be your step dad” 💀
“So, did we settle the room thing or” Tanya said lowkey wanting to start shit.
“GET TO THE FUCKING ROOM THAT HAVE YOUR NAME ON IT” Mrs Gwon screamed at them, then she stormed away.
“ONLY I'D PAT CAN COME WITH ME BITHC” Simon screamed at his mom down the hallway.
Later that night…
Tanya had studied the entire layout of this 100 stories house (why do they need so much space??) and had reached the conclusion. THEY ARE NOT GETTING OFF THIS FUCKING ISLAND… ITS TIME FOR… SURVIVE 99 NIGHTS ON THE GWON ISLAND! Meanwhile, Simon had fucked with his mom enough times for her to be like :”FINE YOU CAN SLEEP WITH YOUR BITCHASS BOYFRIEND.”
“Hip hip hooray 🗣️🗣️🗣️” Patrick theatrically screamed,don’t you ever get Deja vuuu
“I am putting you into a padded white room,” Mrs Gwon threaten him, then she left.
“Simon why is this room a fucking walk-in closet…”
“She wants us back in the closet” Said Simon blankly.
“Your mom is fucking insane?”
“Yeahhhhh, it do be like that sometimes.”
“Why do your parents hate gay people again”
“Ah a gay person is their biggest competitor company rn” replied Simon
“Well, you should tell her to put us in a real fucking room” Demanded Patrick.
“This is like a really huge walk in closet, we should ruin the shit out of her dresses”
“But aren’t you like, gonna get cut outta the will”
“That won’t matter, all still have you” Said Simons simp ass.
“Holy cornball- I means, yeah I love you too 🤗”said Patrick, done with Simons bullshit, but appercative to the thought.
“Errrm so about earlier, Im sorry I was zoned out that whole time, and that I didn’t stick up for. I would if I could but my brain almost automatically shuts down every family dinner. I love you and Im sorry” Said Simons cringey ass.
“It’s okay Simon, it’s a totally valid response to dinner if that’s how your family always is.”
“Y’know Patrick, I'm happy I met your loud ass in college.”
“Me too Simon, me too.” Patrick is starting to have second thoughts about how Simon probably wouldn’t turn out to be a huge simp if they haven’t met, despite not regretting it at all.
“So, my family doesn't seem to like you”
“Uh no shit Sherlock.”
“Im really, really sorry about that. I should've, idk stepped in. it was a mistake coming here”
“Hey its okay, we can leave in the morning. I just got sent back to high school, that’s all.”
“Yeah im like- really sorry about that Patrick. I should’ve hung up when my mom called, its all my fault” said Simons whiny ass.
“Simon there’s nothing you could’ve done about this, you couldn’t have known that your mom is still a bitch after 10 years. I mean people usually get a huge development arc at that time.”
“No this ones really on me, I knew they werent gonna change, i mean I-I guess just hoped they’d except us, hoped they’d except me.”
HURT/CONFORT PArt 2 HERE WE GO AGAIN 🗣️🗣️🗣️
“Well you don’t need to seek acceptance where you don’t want or need it. As long as you accept yourself, that would be enough” Pat dumb theatre ass was holding back breaking into songs and dance
“Well its just that…. I down think I accept myself” Said Simon's emo ass.
“Why do you feel that way?”
“Its just, I’ve seeked approval from my parents my whole life, I don't know who I am with out it”
“So to yourself, you're still hiding in a glass closet?”
“Patrick what.”
“Shhh lemme cook an analogy. You’re hiding in a glass closet, doing amazing things that everyone could see but yourself. Because your hiding. In a glass closet. Get it?”
“Yeah no I got that-“
“Also when light shine into the glass it makes a rainbow on you but that’s unrelated.”
“PATRICK”
“What”
“Sometimes I can’t with your ass, in the most loving way possible”
“I know I know I’m pretty wise”
They ended up just vibing in there cause like, there's no other shit to do for real. Tanya tried to take Scarlet with her there at some point to see Pat and Simon cuddling on the floor together. They lowkey just awkwardly stared at each other for a bit.
“Um what’s up” Pat said.
“Why the hell/ what the fuck were you doing in the closet???” Said Tanya.
“Hiding?” YOUR SO FUNNY PAT HAHAHAH WHAT A KNEE SLAPPER
“Know like actually, why the fuck were you guys in here??”
“Uh the same reason you're here” Patrick said, not actually realizing what Scarlet and Tanya were planning to do in that closet.
Scarlet and Tanya's reaction to that information:
“Isn’t this like a big house isn’t there more closets” Patrick said
“YOU WER DOUING WHAT NOW-” Scarlet said as if 40 pages earlier she didn't tell Simon in a moment of distress that Tanya and her were cuddle fucking.
“SYBAU SCARLET GO CUDDLE YOUR WIFE SOMEWHERE ELSE”
“IM GONNA KILL YOU”
In the next day, all 6 of them work up on the fucking ocean because their parents had enough of their gay and shipped them away.
“GUYS, PARDON MY FRENCH BUT WERE THE FUCK ARE WE” Shouted Patrick.
“Maybe if you use all of your 5 senses, you’ll see that we’re in THE FUCKING ICEAN” scarlet yelled
“Dw guys land is right there that’s the city!”
“Um guys I lowkey can’t swim” Simon said.
“I TOLD MOM AND DAD THEY SHOULD’VE GAVE YOU SWIN LESSONS”Yelled Scarlet
“Don’t worry i’ll bring you back Simon:)” Patrick said knowing damn well he can’t carry Simons tall ass.
“Yeah for 2 fucking miles?” Sven said.
“If he wanted to, he would. AND I WANT TO”
“Simon I’m gonna be honest idk how to carry people in the water never took lifeguard lessons”
“Its ok Patrick i’ll just drown its ok. As long as I die besaide you., i’ll be alroght”
Just then! A DUCKING WHALE CAME FROM UNDERNEATH AND CARRIED THEM TOWARD THE SHORE. No guys not a Genshin whale that spends money, an ACTUAL whale
Even the whale didn’t wanna hear Simons death monologue.
The whale actually don’t wanna be part of their symphony
‘So since we’re like, in our home town, you wanna all go to my place and watch a movie” suggested Patrick
“Okay i guess?”
At home cause why no plot dosent exsist
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