Work Text:
Over the course of five minutes, Shen Yuan learned three things.
Number one: he was dead. The final chapter of Proud Immortal Demon Way had been so awful that it had literally killed him. Rest in fucking pieces.
Number two: transmigration was real. This came as a bit more of a shock, but Shen Yuan would be damned if he’d be one of those annoying protagonists who refuses to believe something obviously magical is occurring and mess things up by not taking anything seriously!
Number three: parallel dimensions were also real. Because according to the System – the annoying AI which had explained all of this to him and now apparently had carte blanche to do whatever the hell it liked to his immortal soul – an alternate version of him had already transmigrated.
Unfortunately, learning anything else would have to wait until the System downloaded a mandatory update. Goddamned day one patches!
【 System notes: update 2.0.1. Hello and welcome to the new and improved System! As part of our dedication to providing users with unmatched service, we are proud to offer a brand new function which will enable certain users to preview a prior successfully-achieved ending to their story! We hope that this bonus feature will empower User in his primary mission goal of improving the work of Proud Immortal Demon Way into first-rate fiction. (*^▽^*) 】
Shen Yuan, who had been instinctively prepared to refuse to co-operate altogether out of principle, paused. So, his purpose here was to try to ‘improve the story’? While a noble goal in theory, it was annoyingly vague; by whose standards would the ‘improved’ story be judged? Therefore, getting a better idea of what it was willing to accept as a successful result could grant him potentially life-saving information.
Not to mention that he was deeply curious as to what a ‘fixed’ Proud Immortal Demon Way would actually look like. Could Shen Yuan become strong enough to short-circuit all the pointless porno plots plaguing that wank-fest of a webnovel?! Oh, or maybe the ending was the key: how bullshit, to just trail off with some lame bullshit about Luo Binghe dying alone thousands of years later?! He had a harem of hundreds of wives! He was the least likely character in the universe to ever get lonely!!
(Not that Shen Yuan would mind orchestrating some sort of Liu Mingyan slash Luo Binghe matchmaking scheme if that’s what the System wanted from him, though. If Luo Binghe had to only have a single wife – and he was far from convinced that he did – Shen Yuan could at least sleep well knowing that it was the best one.)
And so, with whatever communication abilities he possessed within this strange limbo-space, Shen Yuan accepted the System’s offer.
【 User has accepted the mission “YOU COULD YOU UPPED”! Please hold tight while the System prepares the completed world for User’s viewing pleasure… 】
Another loading screen?! He hadn’t even gotten into the gameplay yet!
Shen Yuan blinked, and then he was standing on Qing Jing Peak.
For a few minutes he simply took in the sights and sounds of it all, from the mountaintop rising up behind him to the bamboo forests ringing with quiet birdsong on either side. When he attempted to lay a hand on a nearby bamboo shoot, he simply phased through, so he understood quickly that this ‘program’ was working on astral projection type rules and he wasn’t actually capable of interacting with anything.
Still, it was nice to know that in this world, Cang Qiong Mountain Sect was still standing. Had his other self managed to cool Luo Binghe’s temper enough that he never sought to raze it? That was undoubtedly an improvement… but he hoped he hadn’t interfered with the protagonist’s revenge against the scum villain, Shen Qingqiu. Most of the people on Cang Qiong were innocents, but Binghe’s cruel Shizun deserved everything he got in canon and more!
He still hadn’t seen anyone he recognised from the webnovel, though, least of all himself. At least, he presumed he hadn’t transmigrated into any of these background-level NPCs, if he’d been able to change the plot to this extent already.
Okay, System, I’ve got it: Qing Jing is still around! Got anything else to show me? Ahh, how cool would it be to get to see Luo Binghe’s demonic palace in person…?!
【 User 001 is advised that he is capable of moving around within the current area! 】
...did that fuckass AI think he was an idiot?!
Irritably, Shen Yuan stomped around a little, following the path. Before too long he encountered a small cottage surrounded by especially tall bamboo. It appeared to match the description of Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu’s living quarters; though it was unlike the scum villain not to show off his wealth and opulence, the ideals of Qing Jing were meant to honour mildness and minimalism, so he probably hadn’t had a choice with it.
From within the cottage, Shen Yuan could hear voices.
Strange. Maybe somebody else had taken over as Peak Lord after Shen Qingqiu’s trial? It certainly didn’t sound like the scum villain, thank god: the voices were pleasant and friendly, and accompanied by movement and the sounds of cooking. In fact, it smelled downright delicious…! Shen Yuan would’ve assumed that historical food would be super bland to his overstimulated modern tastebuds, but maybe those health freaks were on to something after all!
Without hesitation – without mental preparation of any kind – Shen Yuan phased through the walls and entered the cottage.
Seated at the low table in the center of the room, fan in hand and the picture of contentment, was none other than Shen Qingqiu, scum villain extraordinaire.
What…?! Shen Yuan gaped, unable to tear his eyes from that comfortable, easily-smiling expression. System?! What the hell kind of a ‘better story’ is this?!
His blood drained cold: could it be that his other self had inadvertently redeemed the scum villain…?!
【 Answering honored user’s question: this vision provides an example of a satisfactory ending to the improved story! User 001 is not required to pursue this ending, however, this storyline resulted in an extremely high Protagonist Satisfaction Points score and so is recommended to new transmigrators! 】
High protagonist satisfaction points?! Who exactly is meant to be the protagonist, here, then?!
【 Answering honored user’s question: the protagonist is identified as Luo Binghe, son of Su Xiyan and Tianlang-jun, wielder of Zheng Yang. 】
Then there must be something vitally wrong going on here because there is no possible universe in which Luo Binghe would be satisfied to see Shen Qingqiu sitting around happily living his best life!!
Before the System could even respond once more with its infuriatingly condescending tone of Google Translate voice, the delicious scent became even harder to ignore and the door to the kitchen opened.
Out of it walked the most gorgeous man Shen Yuan had ever laid eyes on: thick, full curly black hair trailing freely down his back, dark eyes shrouded by eyelashes too long to be real, and clad in mouth-wateringly expensive-looking black silk robes which opened to reveal just a lick of toned, pale chest.
It was undoubtedly the protagonist: if the quality of his beauty wasn’t proof enough, the unearthly pulse of the red zuiyin on his forehead could not possibly be replicated by practical effects.
And yet, after a moment of (entirely justifiable, in his mind!!) awe, it was something else which shocked Shen Yuan to the bone.
Luo Binghe was smiling.
...System. Would you mind explaining to me exactly what I am looking at, here…?!
【 Answering honored- 】
Just answer the damn question, already!
【 User is witnessing an interaction between an alternate version of himself and the Protagonist, Luo Binghe! 】
Shen Yuan swayed dizzily on his nonexistent feet.
…that’s me…?! Shen Qingqiu?!
【 Honored user is correct! This alternate version of User was bound to the role of “Shen Qingqiu”! 】
But… Shen Yuan shook his head repeatedly. Well, the basic fact of it wasn’t so unbelievable – transmigrating into a villain was a common plotline within the genre to raise the stakes and provide at least some early obstruction to the protagonist’s growing power.
It was everything else about this which Shen Yuan’s mind repelled as though it were poison.
Before him, Shen Qingqiu – alternate universe Shen Yuan, if this dubious computer program was to be believed – closed his eyes and hummed, lips quirking. “Smells delicious – just like always, Binghe!”
Luo Binghe – in all his dark, openly-demonic emperor glory – preened like a small child being praised for his schoolwork. (It was, Shen Yuan could distantly admit, surprisingly cute.) “Thanking Shizun. But he should save his praise and eat quickly before it cools.”
“Will do!” Shen Qingqiu rubbed his hands together and quickly snatched up the chopsticks, shovelling congee into his mouth without hesitation. A moment later, a loud groan escaped his lips. “Oh, Binghe…”
All this, already, had been enough to send Shen Yuan’s world upside down and scrambling.
But before he knew it – before he could mentally prepare himself to reject what his eyes were telling him – he found himself at last within the grasp of Revelation Number Four:
On hearing Shen Qingqiu’s obscene moaning (Shen Yuan didn’t seriously sound like that when he ate, did he?!), Luo Binghe… appeared to go a little pink. And half-lidded.
His grin shifted into something more like a fond smirk. “Does Shizun appreciate his Binghe’s efforts so thoroughly…?”
That.
That wasn’t… flirting, was it?!?!
System…????
【 Does honored user have a question? This System is ready to respond to any and all queries—】
That!! That’s my query!!! What the hell is that?!?
【 Could honored user be more specific? 】
Shen Yuan swore mentally until he ran out of synonyms.
Nothing about the scene had changed: Shen Qingqiu had frowned, but then he had made some comment about it still being early in the morning, and Luo Binghe had rested his chin on his hands and continued to watch with an intense expression which sent goosebumps racing up Shen Yuan’s incorporeal spine…!
All right, you worthless piece of shit, I’ll say it clearly: why the hell are Luo Binghe and the scum villain flirting?!?
【 Answering honored user’s question: this vision provides an example of a satisfactory ending to the improved story! 】
Go fuck yourself! Get fucked! Fuck off! Fuck you!!
And yet, to his horror, the scene went on, unpaused. Luo Binghe eventually ate up his own breakfast, but his attention was clearly zeroed-in on Shen Qingqiu, who wolfed down that damn congee as if it was ambrosia. In the webnovel Luo Binghe’s cooking skills were legendary and reserved for only the most special of wives, so Shen Yuan could only imagine what it’d be like to actually get a taste of it – but not if it meant putting himself into this type of a relationship!!
From what point of view could this possibly be described as a satisfactory ending?! The scum villain abused him! When he was only a child! And he was supposed to be his mentor, his teacher, practically his goddamn father – in what sicko’s fantasies could that possibly be any kind of a basis for a lovey-dovey domestic happily ever after?! Luo Binghe is supposed to be blackened by Shen Qingqiu and lose all faith in the world and ultimately torture him violently in revenge! When you said I’d be fixing the story, I might’ve thought I’d finally able to get that creep castrated like he deserved all along!!
【 User is reminded that this storyline resulted in an extremely high Protagonist Satisfaction Points score— 】
Bullshit! Luo Binghe would never be satisfied playing housewife to the man who ruined his life! Why are they even here on the peak, anyway? Where is the palace? Where is the harem?!
【 User is reminded, 】 the System continued with what Shen Yuan could almost grudgingly respect as painstaking politeness, 【 that User was bound to the role of Shen Qingqiu in this storyline. Once the OOC function has been unlocked, User will be free to make whatever choices he believes will be necessary to improve upon the original narrative! 】
Which solved exactly goddamn nothing, because even if Shen Yuan had been wrong about Luo Binghe in some way (and as PIDW’s most infamous hater and proud[?] number one contributor to the unofficial PIDW wiki, he highly doubted it), all that did was shift the causation onto one more place which could not possibly sustain it: himself.
There is no world – no timeline, no dimension, no parallel universe – in which I would seek to improve Proud Immortal Demon Way by turning it into some fetish-fuelled age gap yaoi fanfiction!!
The System did not respond to this coup de grâce, presumably because it could find no objection to such a clear statement of fact.
And yet, throughout all of his ranting, these puppets dressed as Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu continued unrelentingly to flirt.
By now, Luo Binghe had shuffled over to sit beside Shen Qingqiu and had rested his head on the other’s shoulder. What should have been a very awkward movement – Luo Binghe being the taller – appeared only endearing to Shen Qingqiu, who patted his head with an indulgent expression that Shen Yuan had seen on himself in photographs with his younger sister.
…all right, so: this thing had figured out some of his mannerisms, if nothing else, for authenticity. He had indeed always had a bit of a habit of patting the heads of children and was particularly fond of purely wholesome fanarts of his favourite characters receiving them. And if for some inscrutable reason Luo Binghe wished to appeal to the scum villain in this way, there was no question that he would find a way to do it as beautifully and adorably as he was right before him, gazing up at his Shizun from beneath long, dark lashes and smiling softly.
Wait… was that what was going on? Was this all just some long-term ploy to get under the scum villain’s skin—to hurt him all the harder once he revealed his true intentions of revenge?
【 Protagonist Luo Binghe does not bear any intentions of revenge against User 002, currently bound to the role of Shen Qingqiu! 】
But it just doesn’t make any sense.
What could the scum villain possibly do to redeem himself in Luo Binghe’s eyes so wholly? Even if he never threw Luo Binghe into the Abyss in this scenario—
【 User 002 did indeed complete the critical quest “The Endless Abyss and Endless Hatred, a Sky Filled with Crystal Frost and Tears of Blood” within this storyline! 】
Then how…?! Far from Luo Binghe forgiving him, Shen Qingqiu should never forgive himself for subjecting an innocent child to such horrific torment!
How was any of this ever supposed to get better? What, did they hit it off at the trial Luo Binghe set up to ruin Shen Qingqiu’s reputation, or something…?! Halfway through the torture, did Luo Binghe realise that he was only hurting his old Shizun because he wanted his attention…?!
“And what does my Binghe request, precisely…?”
Shen Yuan unwillingly tuned back in to the scene before him. The two men were still sitting together – still cuddling – and their faces were dangerously close.
Luo Binghe hummed, eyes almost shut like a happy cat. “Perhaps Husband should seek to surprise this one…?”
Shen Yuan almost choked. And then truly did, a few moments later, when Shen Qingqiu tilted his head forward just enough to press his lips to Luo Binghe’s.
And that’s just one more thing that doesn’t make a tiny fucking ounce of sense here, Shen Yuan muttered gravely.
【 The System is listening! 】
I’m. Not. Gay.
【 … 】
The System failed to respond.
It was nauseating, watching some alternate version of himself made to kiss another man. Sure, it didn’t look like him, but the little details – the way he fidgeted with his hands, his little scowls of disapproval when Luo Binghe huffed a laugh up against him – were surreally familiar. Under other circumstances, it might have been fascinating to observe his own behaviour from an outsider’s point of view.
Right now, though… all Shen Yuan felt was dread.
I’m not going to be – forced into this, right? He asked, suddenly worried. I know Luo Binghe is the protagonist – every girl falls for him – but… but, it’s not like he’d want to sleep with his evil mentor unless I did something to initiate it, right? I’d be the one with the power in that relationship, after all…
The System remained silent for so long that Shen Yuan began to get legitimately anxious.
【 User will not be punished for refusing to take part in romantic and/or sexual activities with the Protagonist! 】 it finally announced.
Shen Yuan’s shoulders drooped. And then rose all over again, because that meant—
So you’re claiming that everything I’m seeing – here - …it’s all, what? Of my own accord? Alternate dimension mine’s accord?!
【 That is correct! 】
So – then, this must come from some other dimension where I’m – into men in some shape or form, right? Yes: now Shen Yuan felt like he was beginning to gain a grasp of the situation. In that case, what was even the point of all this?! Why show me a ‘successful ending’ that I would never have any desire to seek for myself?! That’s just playing with people’s lives, torturing them for funzies!
Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu were still kissing. Nobody’s clothes were off – hell, they were more modestly dressed than Shen Yuan ever would be outside of the dead of winter – but it still felt obscene. Shen Yuan was basically a voyeur right now, right?
The System was keeping quiet for real this time, it seemed. Even if he’d somewhat worked this whole thing out, Shen Yuan felt the opposite of reassured. Did kissing really always sound so… wet?! He didn’t want to even look anymore. Through robes that thick, could somebody even…?
Nope, nope: he was turning around. Staring at the wall. Trying not to listen to Luo Binghe make out with some alternate universe gay version of Shen Yuan.
...it was making him a little… jumpy. Abruptly he stood and phased back through the wall to the outside. Even if he couldn’t actually breathe, it was a relief to be outside again and away from that claustrophobic little love-nest…
【 Is honored user satisfied with his experience of the System’s Future Preview function? 】
Shen Yuan told the AI voice exactly what he thought about all of that.
【 Re-phrasing for honored user: is user ready to leave this world and dive in to his own unique System storyline? 】
Shen Yuan definitely wanted to get away from this place… but had he even learned anything useful yet?!
Should I expect to be given the role of Shen Qingqiu as well?
【 If user wishes to request the role of Shen Qingqiu, the System will be happy to honor that wish! 】
No, wait: don’t give me Shen Qingqiu, give me… Shen Yuan’s brain span. Was there even a male character in this world who wasn’t destined to be violently killed by the protagonist? Could he escape the clutches of Shen Qingqiu as Liu Qingge and join Luo Binghe as his companion war god, perhaps?
【 Unfortunately, the role of Liu Qingge is not available for binding. Would user like to view Liu Qingge’s status within this storyline? 】
Shen Yuan was going to demand a goddamn refund: the guy who showed up next wasn’t some heavily-muscled, scar-faced warlord like everyone headcanoned him to be, but some girly-looking twink with a beauty mark!! Admittedly, it did make a bit more sense once Shen Yuan considered that he was older brother to peerless beauty Liu Mingyan…—
Which, of course, the System also offered to show him.
Shen Yuan had never so badly regretted possessing the ability to read Chinese.
So, to recap: the protagonist was blissfully gay-married to the scum villain. The fandom’s pinnacle of masculinity was a borderline femboy. And the one genuinely well-written wife out of the entire hundreds-plus harem was a goddamn fujoshi.
This must be some kind of a sick joke. How was he supposed to believe that his presence alone could transform a dog-blooded stallion novel into a slice-of-life BL world…?!
【 Is user ready to move on? 】
And yet. And yet.
Shen Yuan… still had no idea what he was supposed to be learning from all of this!! If anything, he was more confused than ever!! If the story could change to this extent just from one person’s actions, what was to stop the genre from changing even further? Even a gay world like this would be preferable to an out-and-out apocalypse!
Wasn’t there anything he could glean from this so-called alternate him?
Once more he was taken to Qing Jing Peak, and once more he followed the paths that took him towards the Bamboo Cottage. Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe were no longer in the living room. Shen Yuan’s confidence nearly fled him, but curiosity – and, he would later stress, a proactive need to salvage something he might be able to use to munchkin himself out of losing all his arms and legs a few years down the track – drove him to push a head through the wall to the bedroom.
Nothing was happening anymore, thank God. Or nothing sexual, anyway – though those bare chests might’ve been enough to send a more insecure man running. (How bizarre was it that he had now seen stallion novel protagonist Luo Binghe’s nipples?)
They were just… lying down. Cuddling again.
Confusion pricked at Shen Yuan’s stomach as he tried, desperately, to understand. Nobody could ever have seen him make an expression like that, in his past life. So why was Shen Yuan so certain that this was him, just as the System had said?
It should have been embarrassing, to think that a virgin like him who’d only ever vaguely hoped to get married (to a woman, mind you) someday in the distant future would actually be able to do that, but only with another guy. But this was Luo Binghe. Even like this, lounging in bed, curls mussed, he was perfect.
He’d never imagined Binghe wearing this sort of an expression, either. No matter how many endless smut scenes Shen Yuan had impatiently skimmed through.
He looked…
Without realising it, Shen Yuan drifted a little closer. There was a little freckle on Luo Binghe’s neck, just beneath the jaw. Had PIDW ever mentioned that? Shen Yuan was sure he would have remembered it if he did. It was a little nice to think that he now knew something about him that nobody else could. Only him, and the other him.
At last, his stomach began to turn. Why was he staring so hard? He already knew he wasn’t gay, and this proved it: just looking at Luo Binghe gazing soulfully at a man was making him sick to the stomach.
It was absolute bullshit. Luo Binghe wasn’t gay. Shen Yuan didn’t have anything against gay men or anything like that, but being gay would instantly K.O. half the reasons Luo Binghe was so cool! The porno stuff had already been cringy enough with only girls, but if Binghe were slavering over manly dudes that whole time…?
He just… wasn’t supposed to be like that. It didn’t suit him. The whole fandom would look at him differently, and – Shen Yuan didn’t want that.
And so despite it all, Shen Yuan still had no goddamn clue what kind of ending he was meant to be working towards.
Would it really be so bad if he lived out his fantasies of seeing Shen Qingqiu castrated and then called it a day? Wait, no: he’d probably have to be Shen Qingqiu. So… he’d have to figure out a way to avoid hurting Binghe, or evade Binghe’s revenge depending on when he transmigrated, but without accidentally triggering whatever flag he did that turned them both gay.
That should be easy enough, right?
It had to be.
Steeling himself at last, Shen Yuan firmly wiped from his memory any lingering images of Luo Binghe and himself – or rather, Shen Qingqiu – tangled up in bed together. Of the coy looks and flirtation. Of Luo Binghe’s expression of paradisaical contentment.
He wasn’t really going to be robbing him of innumerable ‘Protagonist Satisfaction Points’, was he…?
Ugh, now that he thought about it again: didn’t that just mean that they were—?! Of course Luo Binghe was doing a lot of that! He had a whole harem of girls covering every conceivable (acceptably pro-social) fetish!!
God he was an idiot.
【 Is user ready to leave this world and dive in to his own unique System storyline? 】
He sure would’ve liked to be readier than this, but – whatever. Since when do good things in life come that easily, ah?
He nodded.
Slowly this time – and more easily tracked, now that he wasn’t actively dying in the process – the world faded away around him. The next thing Shen Yuan knew he was in the room next door, lying on a somewhat familiar-looking bed.
*
Luo Binghe was a mess. Dressed in rags, covered in dirt, skin mottled with the remnants of past whippings and unspecified bullying; he looked far too young to be the fourteen he offered Shen Qingqiu.
Part of Shen Qingqiu winced: it was great that he still had the time to fix this all, but would it have been so impossible to let him transmigrate in before the scum villain got his hands on this little lamb…?
A bigger, much louder, part of Shen Qingqiu thought without conscious intention: I would rather die than fail to give this child the happy ending he deserves.