Chapter Text
Odysseus of Ithaca created ‘Army of Greece’
Odysseus of Ithaca added Eurylochus, Polites, Menelaus of Sparta, Diomedes, Little Ajax, and 3 others to ‘Army of Greece’
12:02 a.m.
Odysseus of Ithaca: Hi
Menelaus of Sparta: What is this witchcraft?
Odysseus of Ithaca: It’s called a phone. My great-grandfather introduced it to me back in Ithaca
Menelaus of Sparta: Who’s your great grandfather?
Eurylochus: WTF ODY WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A WAR AND YOU MAKR A GROUP CHAT!?
Polites: *make
Eurylochus: STFU POLITES
Polites: :(
Odysseus of Ithaca: Eurylochus
Odysseus of Ithaca: With all due respect
Odysseus of Ithaca: SYBAU
Polites: :)
Eurylochus made Odysseus of Ithaca’s nickname: smol king
smol king: HEY I’M NOT THAT SHORT >:(
Menelaus of Sparta: Guys
Menelaus of Sparta: Focus
Menelaus of Sparta: We have a war to fight
Diomedes: yall do know that we’re all in the same room
smol king: Im too lazy too talk
smol king: plus yall are yappers. The Trojans might her you
Diomedes: *hear
smol king made Diomedes’ nickname: sybau
sybau: ayo chill
Menelaus of Sparta: Wait a minute
Menelaus of Sparta: aren’t we forgetting someone?
smol king: who?
Menelaus of Sparta added Agamemnon of Mycenae to Army of Greece
smol king: oh. You.
Agamemnon of Mycenae: yes. Me.
smol king made Agamemnon of Mycenae’s nickname: most vain person to ever exist
most vain person to ever exist: fck u ody
smol king made Menelaus of Sparta’s nickname: vainest person’s brother
smol king made Little Ajax’s nickname: smol Ajax
smol king made Eurylochus’ nickname: annoying right-hand man
smol king made Polites’ nickname: bestieeeee
bestieeeee: this is the highest honor you can give me :’)
annoying right-hand man: 🙄
smol king: anyways
smol king: here’s the plan
smol king: dio u will lead the charge
sybau: 👍
smol king: memmy u will take out the guards
most vain person to ever exist: why? And don’t call me ‘memmy’
smol king: you were kind of the cause of achilles’ death and memmy is a cute nickname.
smol king: Menelaus, you will . . . *dramatic pause*
vainest person’s brother: yes?
smol king: you will open a door
vainest person’s brother: what
smol king: yeh. Anyways Teucer?
Teucer: here
smol king made Teucer’s nickname: 2nd best archer
2nd best archer: who’s the 1st best?
smol king: me, OBVIOUSLY🙄but you’re still good ig so u will shoot down ambush attacks
smol king: jack jack
smol Ajax: *ajax noises*
smol king: u will stay back
smol Ajax: *angry Ajax noises*
Elpenor: oddyssaus
Elpenor: odyssuess
Elpenor: ifuaayraa
Elpenor: godsdammit I’ll google it later
Elpenor: anyways
vainest person’s brother: what is google?
Elpenor: google it
vainest person’s brother: 😐
Elpenor: Ody there’s a problem
smol king: yeah?
Elpenor: I have stage fright
vainest person’s brother:
most vain person to ever exist:
annoying right-hand man:
2nd best archer:
sybau:
bestieeeee:
annoying right-hand man: bro
annoying right-hand man: YOU’RE IN A FREAKING WAR HOW DO YOU HAVE STAGE FRIGHT!?
Perimedes: guys
Perimedes: we listen and we don’t judge
smol king made Elpenor’s nickname: stage fright drunk
smol king made Perimedes’ nickname: I love drunks
stage fright drunk: hey I didn’t get THAT drunk at the Kronia party!!
I love drunks: yes, you did
smol king: guys!!
smol king: focus
smol king: what do you live for?
smol king: what do you try for?
smol king: what do you wish for?
smol king: what do you fight for!?
stage fright drunk: uhhhh captain?
annoying right-hand man: you good?
bestieeeee: guys it’s fine
bestieeeee: he’s just daydreaming abt Penelope
most vain person’s brother: ahhh makes sense
bestieeeee: *inner angst*
annoying right-hand man: what?
bestieeeee: what?
bestieeeee deleted a message
smol king: ok back from afk
smol king: let’s go ✨SLAY✨
bestieeeee: ✨SLAY✨
annoying right-hand man: yall are just so cringe sometimes isttgs
12:10
Odysseus of Ithaca: HOT DAMN WHAT A HEADACHE
Unknown contact: it’s not a headache, it’s a ✨vision✨
Odysseus of Ithaca: HOT DAMN WHO ARE YOU!?
Unknown contact: I am none other than . . .
Unknown contact: THUNDER DADDYYYYY
Odysseus of Ithaca: um ok Zeus
Odysseus of Ithaca: why r u here?
Thunder Daddy: I need to tell u smth…
Odysseus of Ithaca: I have a wife
Thunder Daddy: no it’s not like that
Thunder Daddy: bro
Thunder Daddy: kill this baby
Odysseus of Ithaca: what no why
Odysseus of Ithaca: give me one good reason why I should kill this innocent infant?
Thunder Daddy: he will stalk you
Odysseus of Ithaca: nah lol
Thunder Daddy: he will burn your house and throne
Odysseus of Ithaca: that’s fine
Thunder Daddy: he will kill Penelope
Army of Greece
smol king: hey, kid, it’ll be just like the Lion King
smol king: except the movie ends a lot earlier
stage fright drunk: ODYSSEUS IS THAT YOU!?
smol king: what? Oh, my hand slipped
annoying right-hand man: Polites cover your eyes
most vain person’s brother: . . .
smol king: oh, oh man