Chapter Text
The deafening sounds coming from the speakers, and the smell of alcohol reach Toge as soon as he enters the venue hall. Alongside him was Yuuta, whom the blonde was holding on to, dragging Yuuta across to reach the middle of the crowd.
Yuuta throws sorry and excuse me to each of the people they both bump into, desperately wanting to be closer to the stage. The place was nothing fancy; it was just a bar, with a small stage right in the middle. Bright, colorful lights hung from the ceiling, each color changing against the faces of both males as they made their way closer to the front.
Come on! He’s already performing! Toge signs, turning to his back to face Yuuta. Yuuta smiles in disbelief at the blonde. A wide smile was plastered on his face, shaking his head as he watched Toge’s whole face brighten up when he spotted his favorite local indie singer, Kasumi Miwa.
Miwa’s soft voice fills the venue, a few cheering sounds popping up here and there. She starts slow, closing her eyes as she feels the lyrics coming out of her mouth, and everybody seems to be enchanted by her voice, with everyone looking up at her with such awe.
Small talk, no conversation
That look makes me impatient
I can’t tell what you’re thinking
Please tell me what you’re thinking
Yuuta glances at Toge as he feels the blonde gently swaying his body with his eyes closed, casually bumping into Yuuta’s arms when he gets close to him. Everyone seems to be doing the same, enjoying the performance, some by themselves, others wrapped around their partner’s shoulders while swaying along to the music.
I’m falling faster
If you’re looking at me with a heart of doubt
Don’t kiss me right now
Don’t tell me that you need me
Don’t show up at my house
All caught up in your feelings
“I’ll be right back,” Yuuta whispers to Toge’s ears, making the shorter slightly jump at the sudden voice. He looks up at Yuuta and nods, bringing his attention back to the song.
Much to Toge’s surprise, Yuuta comes back holding two beers with his left hand and a digital camera in the other, already filming Toge.
You’re filming me again, Toge signs as he reaches for the camera lens, gently covering it, not wanting to leave any scratches. He laughs at the taller’s antics, he’s been doing this for years, Toge wonders how come he’d never run out of storage.
Yuuta laughs but still manages to film Toge enjoying the performance. He hands him a beer, which Toge happily accepts. Yuuta occasionally switches between filming Toge and the singer, laughing behind the camera, clearly enjoying it.
…
Toge doesn’t know how many beers he drank or how he got to Yuuta’s apartment, but there he was, sitting on the floor, a beer in his hand, with his back leaning on the bed frame. Across from him sitting was Yuuta, laughing with—a girl?
Toge frowns, he didn’t realize Yuuta tagged a random girl with them to his apartment. He looks down, hiding his teary eyes, probably from the numerous beers he drank tonight, when he sees beers scattered across the floor, along with it were opened chips, bits of them scattered.
Toge drank the beer, gulping down up until the last drop. Yuuta seems not to acknowledge him at all when this new girl comes into the frame. Toge didn’t care. He doesn’t have the privilege to. Toge placed his palms on the bed and prompted himself up, making both Yuuta and the girl finally look at him. At least he knows he’s not just a ghost watching them.
“Where are you going?” Yuuta asks, looking up at him. Toge looks down, seeing Yuuta’s hand placed on top of the girl’s knees made him want to vomit.
I’ll just go to the bathroom, Toge signs sloppily. He almost fell as he took a step towards the door, making Yuuta place both his hands at Toge’s waist. “You okay? I can go with you” Yuuta frowns. At least he still cares about me.
No. I’m alright. Stay. Toge’s tired of Yuuta’s actions whenever he’s drunk, he always treats Toge as if he were a kid.
It took Toge a while to reach the bathroom, given that his surroundings were spinning and it was a dark hallway. He didn’t actually have to go to the bathroom, he just needed to get away from that room. To get Yuuta away from his sight, not when he’s getting all touchy with that stupid new girl.
Toge plops down on the floor with a soft thud, leaning against the wall. He stares at the wall on the opposite side of him when he hears it.
“Yuuta, you’re so funny!” Toge hears the girl scream, following sounds of laughter afterwards. Toge clicked his tongue. He wants to rip that girl’s vocal cords out of her throat.
He felt tears blurring his vision until an uncontrollable stream flowed out of his eyes. Toge tried to keep himself quiet, not wanting Yuuta to find him crying alone in a dark hallway, with his head viciously throbbing, not that Yuuta would actually care.
Once he calmed down, he forcefully made his body go inside the bathroom, splashing water on his face, making an attempt to wake himself up.
He made his way out of the house afterwards, not even telling Yuuta. They’re probably enjoying the time without Toge’s company anyway.
Toge knocks on the door three times, realizing that his knocking sounds weren’t heard, he knocks once again, this time louder. Toge groans, he leans his head on the door, he’s too drunk already to be waiting this long.
After an agonizing minute, he hears the door click on the inside, swinging it open. He didn’t have the time to straighten himself, making him fall with his head against Maki’s chest.
“What happened?!” Maki worryingly looks at him, running her hands on Toge’s back, soothing him. He doesn’t reply, feeling a lump in his throat, he decides to let it all out, crying loudly on Maki’s shoulders. Maki doesn’t push and instead comforts him even further. “It’s okay, I’m here. It’s okay, it’s okay.”
₊˚ ✧ ━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━ ✧ ₊˚
“Have you finished your painting yet?” Megumi asks Toge with his mouth half full, munching on the custard bread they bought earlier from the small bakery shop near their building.
Not yet, but I’m almost finished, just need to add a little bit details. Toge’s graduation is in 3 days, but he still hasn’t finished the project his professor gave him. It wasn’t an official project, but it was a big opportunity for Toge to do this.
His professor always liked Toge’s work; each piece of his had earned compliments from Nanami-sensei, his professor, hence why he had asked his student for an opportunity to have a slot in the department’s museum.
The museum was very popular since the beginning of the university; every fine arts student majoring in painting’s dream is for their work to be placed there, for everyone to see, but of course, having a slot wasn’t easy. It’s not something to apply for; a professor must recommend a student to put their work on display.
That’s why Toge felt over the moon when Nanami-sensei had offered him a slot there, not wanting to slip the opportunity out of his hands, he accepted right away, though he felt a little bit pressured, Yuuta was the one who encouraged him throughout the whole process.
Toge continued to munch on his matcha cream-filled bread when he felt his phone ring inside his bag. He placed the bread on his lap, carefully reaching for his phone, not wanting to accidentally drop the bread.
“Hello?” he asks softly, not wanting to irritate his throat.
“Toge, where are you? I have an emergency.”
…
Toge walks towards the door when he enters the gate of Yuuta’s house. He knocks softly on the open door and peeks inside. “Mr. Okkotsu!” he greets when he sees Yuuta’s father on the couch, reading a newspaper.
“Oh, Toge!” The man stands up as he reaches Toge for a hug.
Where’s Yuuta? Toge sits in the chair beside him, placing his bag on the floor. “He’s upstairs, probably still sleeping. Do both of you have any plans?”
Toge frowns, No, he called me, he said he has an emergency.
Yuuta’s dad laughs, shaking his head, “Emergency,”
He was about to read the paper again when he called Toge again. “Are you excited for graduation?”
Yuuta’s dad looks at him fondly. Ever since he and Yuuta became close, he has also become close with Yuuta’s family. He was invited occasionally to spend time with them, whether it be a casual lunch or an outing, Yuuta’s family never failed to make Toge feel that he was no stranger to them. That’s why Toge treats them as his own family now, every awkwardness lifting away from his body.
Yes, I’m excited. I’m finally free from that boring school I've seen every day for the past 4 years. Even happy that I won’t see my professors again, not Nanami-sensei, of course. Toge laughs.
“It’s good that you’re excited, you can finally do what you want to do with your life. Yuuta on the other hand, I don’t know what to do with that kid. He said he wasn’t excited since his school days aren’t over.” Yuuta’s dad sighs, shaking his head.
Toge stops for a second, processing what he just heard. His eyebrows meeting together, What?
“He passed medicine school. I think he wants to follow our footsteps, not like we’re pressuring him or anything.” He smiles, shaking his head once more.
Toge feels himself frozen in place, when he hears Yuuta calling him. He turned his head up, seeing Yuuta peeking at the staircase. He then looks at Yuuta’s dad to bid him goodbye. He’s awake already, better check him out. Yuuta’s dad nods in response, smiling at both of them as he flips through his newspaper.
When they enter Yuuta’s room, he looks at the taller dumbfounded. Yuuta was holding up two blouses. A plain mauve shirt with two black and gray stripes at the bottom on the left, and a dark gray button-up with chest pockets on the right. “Which one?” holding the blouses closer to Toge’s face.
Are you fucking serious right now? You made me come all the way here for a top? Toge looks at him with disbelief, he can’t believe he wasted his precious time coming over for him to pick out Yuuta’s shirt, which he obviously can choose on his own.
“What? I have a performance later, obviously I need to look good.” Yuuta looks at him with such an innocent face, Toge can’t refrain himself from giving the taller a shake of his head in disappointment.
“So? Which one looks better?” Toge reaches for the button-up shirt and throws it across his face then falling on Yuuta’s feet.
Toge sighs as he sits on the bed, next to Yuuta. “Where’d you been?” Yuuta looks at him as he buttons his top.
School, did some touches with my painting. Toge explained as he reached to fold Yuuta’s other shirt before placing it carefully on the bed.
“Oh, right! How’s that going? Is it done yet? I wanna see it.” Yuuta looks at him with such eagerness in his eyes.
Don’t worry, I’ll finish it soon. Hopefully, before you enter med school. Yuuta stops, lingering his hands on the last button of his shirt.
You didn’t tell me you want to be like your parents. Didn’t it occur to your mind to tell me your plans, Doctor? Toge bites sarcastically. He knew Yuuta didn’t have to tell him everything, there were only just friends after all, yet it still stung Toge’s heart not knowing Yuuta’s plans after they graduate, especially when he told the blonde he didn’t want to continue his family’s legacy before.
“To be honest, the real reason I made you come here was to listen to the new song im composing.” Yuuta changes the topic. Toge’s smile fell when he heard Yuuta. The news hurt Toge, but he didn’t care about him at all.
Yuuta stands up and reaches for his guitar beside his bed. “I just wanted to hear your comments, being my best friend and all.”
And there it was, those two fucking words Toge hated. Best friend. It constantly reminded him that Yuuta would never see him outside of being just friends. It aches Toge's heart, but he endures it, it’s better for him to be a friend to Yuuta rather than being nothing to him at all.
I get out my records
When you go away
When people are talking
I miss what they say
Toge looks at Yuuta with fond eyes, his favorite sight was always when Yuuta sang to him, especially when he’s playing his guitar. Because of Yuuta, Toge learned to love music. Yuuta’s always been interested in music ever since they were younger, influencing Toge, making him discover that his throat doesn’t hurt when singing.
Since then, Toge learned to love singing, music, and all those sorts of stuff. They’d always hang out at Yuuta’s place to listen to newly released songs, occasionally singing along. Along the way, maybe that was the reason Toge fell for Yuuta, at how he was passionate for music and how he would look at Toge with sparkly eyes whenever the blonde sang, as if he was the only person in the world. But that doesn’t matter. Toge knew Yuuta didn’t like him that way. Being friends with him is the safest option for the both of them—for Toge’s weak heart.
‘Cause it all means nothing, my dear
If I can’t be holding you near
So tell me you love me
‘Cause that’s all that I need to hear.
“I only managed to write up to there. It’s not finished yet.” Yuuta scratches his head.
Toge blinked away the tears that were forming in his eyes. Damn, you inlove or something? He laughs.
Yuuta reaches the pillow beside him and throws it at Toge, which the blonde manages to catch, making both of them laugh.
No, but in all seriousness, it’s good. You’re getting better at this.
“Thanks, Toge.” Yuuta smiles.
That fucking smile.
…
Yuuta pulls up to a convenience store near where he’ll perform. “Stay here in the car, I’ll buy. How many bottles do you want?” Yuuta parks his car and looks up at Toge.
I’ll have two Yuuta then nods and leaves the car. Toge watches as Yuuta gets the bottles from the convenience store. When he saw Yuuta pay, he decided to break contact and fidget with the rice ball keychain he had on his bag.
Toge looks up at Yuuta when he hears the door click, eyeballing the plastic bag he holds.
Did you get- Before Toge could finish signing, Yuuta held up two packs of Toge’s favorite grape gummies. “Nice,” Toge softly whispers as he gets the gummies out of Yuuta’s hands. Yuuta smiles at the blonde, reaching for the plastic to get Toge’s two bottles of beer, handing them to the shorter.
Yuuta’s voice fills the hall as he finishes singing his song, making everyone clap and cheer, though Toge could only do the former.
“This next song will be my last song. As a student.” Yuuta laughs into the mic
“I dedicate this song to those who have unrequited feelings for someone, but still provide support for them along the way,” Yuuta speaks into the mic, eyeing the crowd.
“You’re getting too personal!” someone shouts at the crowd, which made Yuuta and Toge both laugh at the remark.
“I also dedicate this song to my best friend, Toge. He’ll graduate on Sunday, too. Where’s he..” Yuuta looks around, and he then smiles when he finds Toge at the side, raising his beer.
“I love you! I love you, bro!” Yuuta points at him at the second time when he repeats those three words. Those three specific words that made Toge’s heart stop whenever it comes out of Yuuta’s mouth. He knows it’s platonic, given the word bro after it, which left a bitter feeling inside him, but he can’t help but burn up hearing it.
Toge pushes the thought aside and raises his bottle higher, smiling widely at Yuuta. He decides not to spoil the night because of his feelings. He just needed to be there for Yuuta, especially when he’s having a lot of fun tonight.
Beauty queen of only 18
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
Toge smiles when Yuuta starts singing, casually leaning against the wall. Yuuta’s voice complemented the song, which made it hard for Toge to tear away his gaze from Yuuta, not like he wanted to anyway.
Yuuta’s voice was always Toge’s favorite sound, especially when he was singing. He discovered that when he first heard Yuuta hum a song so softly when they were kids, Toge influenced him to actually form the words and sing it out loud.
Ever since then, Toge had never found a voice that’s comparable to Yuuta’s. He realized that he might be a bit biased, but he doesn’t care. He knows it’s a fact when he says that Yuuta’s voice is the best one out there.
I’ve had you so many times
But somehow, I want more
I don’t mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
Toge drinks the beer in his hands, swallowing the bitterness away. He tried to be positive tonight, he really did, but he can’t help but resurface the feelings he has. A single tear suddenly escapes from his eyes. Toge wipes it clean and breathes deeply to control himself. This wasn’t the place for him to break down.
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
Toge watches Yuuta close his eyes as the chorus comes, feeling the music as he strums his guitar softly. He was about to take another sip when Maki came towards him and nudged him softly, offering a smile. He smiled back at her and continued to take a sip.
I don’t mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Please don’t try so hard to say goodbye.
Yuuta’s soft strum on his guitar as he ended the song filled the room, and sounds of cheering and clapping erupted afterwards. Toge then took this opportunity to make the most out of it and screamed for Yuuta, knowing he’ll regret this later.
When Yuuta heard his scream, he immediately looked at Toge and smiled as wide as he could, creeping a blush up to Toge’s cheeks as he did so. He thanks the room for being dimly lit, making Yuuta not aware of what his action did to Toge.
“Damn, risking your voice for your crush? You’re a madman” Maki snorts at Toge, shaking her head as she drinks her beer.
Her comment made Toge roll his eyes and playfully push the green-haired. Whatever he signs.
Yuuta makes his way up to them when he finishes fixing his things. Toge raised a fist bump at him, which Yuuta acknowledged.
You did well, Toge smiled at him, genuinely proud of his best friend.
“Are you going to sleepover at Maki’s again?” Yuuta asks, making Toge raise his eyebrows, Yeah, why?
“Let’s go to Shirahama,” Toge laughs when he hears Yuuta, but he stops when he sees that he was dead serious.
You’re serious? Confusion was very much visible on Toge’s face. Yeah, Yuuta might be a little bit impulsive, but never this impulsive.
“Yeah! It’s been a while since I went to the beach. I want you both to come along.” Toge realizes Yuuta really was serious about this when he began explaining his longing for the beach. Toge can’t help but shake his head at the taller’s impulsiveness.
Are you dumb or what? We literally graduate on Sunday. Toge frowns. If this is one of Yuuta’s antics to avoid graduating, then he’s not having any of it.
“We’ll return by Saturday! I promise!” Yuuta looks at him with puppy eyes. Toge looks at Maki, desperately asking for help, but she just laughs.
“Please, please, pleaseeee” Yuuta’s tugging Toge’s wrist by now, shaking his whole body in hopes for the blonde to give in.
“Yuuta,” Toge sighs, his mom will beat the shit out of him when she finds out about this impulsive outing.
“Come onnnn, it’ll be fun!” He stops shaking the blonde but still holds his wrist tight, but not tight enough to accidentally hurt the shorter, which he never wants to do.
“I’ll just go to the bathroom quickly, okay? Wait for me by the car, then we’ll go to Maki’s apartment to get both your things.” He smiles, then makes his way to the bathroom, leaving a confused Toge behind, with Maki laughing at both of them.
“I won’t come by the way,” Maki laughs, drinking her beer.
“What?” Toge says softly, No, you have to come!
“Nuh uh” Maki shakes her head.
You can’t just “nuh uh” me! Don’t you love me? It was Toge’s turn now to give Maki puppy eyes, clinging to her arms, softly shaking her.
Come on! I thought you were my best friend?
Maki laughs at the blonde’s antics, “I thought earlier you didn’t want to come, but now you’re urging me to come?”
Well, you saw Yuuta’s face earlier! You know I can’t resist whenever he makes that face! Toge whines
“Well, I think that’s a you problem, not mine.” Maki shakes her head for the nth time, sipping her beer once again.
Toge huffs, then an idea pops into his mind, I heard there are a lot of girls that happens to be your type there.
That seems to work when he sees Maki stop at drinking and turns to him, “That better be true lover boy, if not, I’ll kick you right in the face!”
…
Toge lies on Maki’s bed while staring at the ceiling, contemplating whether he made the right choice or not. Don’t get him wrong, he loves Yuuta, and he is more than willing to go anywhere with him. But going on this trip requires a lot of strength from Toge, it’s hard for him to go on a platonic and totally normal trip with his best friend, whom he happens to have a crush on.
Maki rummages beside him, picking clothes and placing them inside her bag. “Make sure we’ll really go back by Saturday.”
Toge breaks his staring contest with the ceiling, facing the green-haired shooting daggers with her eyes at him. Toge laughs at the sight, Yeah, yeah. You really think I’ll miss my graduation?
“Toge, I only tagged along this trip because I support you and your questionable interest in Yuuta. If you disappoint me and not shoot your shot during this trip, I’ll beat your fucking ass up.” Maki playfully smacked Toge’s right leg, producing a soft ow to come out from his mouth.
A beat passed by. I hate Yuuta so much, I’m so freaking annoyed at him, Maki only laughs at Toge, watching him sign while continuing to fix her things.
He said it already, those L fucking words already. But he had the audacity to add “bro” at the end! Toge signed frustratedly, his whole face engulfed with irritation. Maki only laughed at him once more.
“You know, even if he didn’t add bro, he still meant it to be platonic.” Toge frowns at Maki’s remark, expecting her to be on his side, but she decides to rub more salt on his wound.
“Here, if your Uncle tells you he loves you, would you fall for him? No, right? Saying “I love you” doesn’t always mean having romantic feelings, you yourself should know what Yuuta meant when he said that.” Toge fidgets with the curtain beside him, slowly realizing that Maki was right.
Smartass Toge signed in defeat, Maki only shrugged, then zipped her bag.
Hey, Toge waved at Maki to get her attention, earning an eyebrow raise from her.
Do you think I have a chance? Toge went back to his staring contest at the ceiling. He already knows the answer, but he still hopes otherwise.
“Dude, I’ve been saying this to you a hundred times before, you really don’t.” Maki looks at him when he manages to tangle his hand in the curtains from fidgeting with it too much.
“You’re the only one left hoping, even hope itself has given up on you.” Maki helped Toge, both with his dilemma and untangle him and her curtains.
I thought you’re my best friend? Side with me this once, won’t you? Toge looks at her with disbelief.
“And as your best friend, my job is to snap you back to reality,” Maki playfully poked his forehead.
“Come on, let’s go, you’re prince charming’s waiting for you at the car.” Maki pointed her head to the window, they both peered and saw Yuuta leaning against the car, scrolling through his phone.
…
Bright lights from the streetlights and different establishments hit Toge’s face as he looks outside. He’s sitting at the passenger seat while Maki’s sleeping soundly behind them, with Yuuta driving, of course.
“So,” Toge said softly, breaking the silence. Medical School? You didn’t tell me you have plans like that.
“Sorry,” Toge was about to sign again, but stopped when he heard Yuuta’s response. He expected him to say that he didn’t have to tell Toge every single thing about his life, but he looked so apologetic, which was unexpected.
It’s okay, a beat passed.
But, Toge hesitated, Seriously? Med School? You already spent so much on your music course.
“It’s okay, who knows, I might be able to use that in the future.” Yuuta laughs, eyes focusing on the road.
What, you’ll sing to your patients while treating them? They both laugh at Toge’s remark, with Yuuta turning to face him, eyes crinkled with how wide his smile was. That made Toge stop, feeling his heart beat fast. He looked at his lap, laughing softly, trying to push his feelings aside once more.
Silence passed them by once more when they both calmed down. “How about this,” Toge lifted his head to look at Yuuta when he heard him.
“Let’s have a movie marathon when we go back to make it up to you.” Toge smiles, it has been a while since they last did a movie marathon together, with them both busy with their respective academics and all.
He hums in response, looking out the window once again, silence getting longer this time. He looks at Yuuta from time to time, hesitantly trying to bring up a topic.
Toge taps at Yuuta when the stoplight turns red, Have you thought about dating again? Toge signs nervously.
He watched as Yuuta opened his mouth, but nothing came out of it. He opened them once again, but before he could even respond, Maki cut him off. “Guys, I need to pee.”
They both looked at her and laughed lightly.
Damn, hurry and go to the gas station if you don’t want a mess in your car, Toge laughs.
Toge dries his hands after washing them, knocking at Maki as he finishes. “You’re still not done?” Toge softly asks, coughing afterwards. He used his voice too much today, it’s starting to catch up on him.
“Asking the important questions already, huh?” Toge rolled his eyes at Maki’s remark.
“Don’t stay here, go to your man, that’s why I excuse myself” Toge rolled his eyes again then laughed, making his way to the car.
She’s still not yet done, Toge signs as he enters the car. Silence then engulfed afterwards, the last topic long forgotten. Toge thought it’s for the best, he doesn’t know if he’s ready to hear Yuuta’s answer yet.
After the long deafening silence, Toge tried to make a conversation. “Yuu-“ The car door then clicked open.
Toge turned around and glared at Maki, her being the cause of the blonde to miss a chance to talk to Yuuta privately. That earned him a what mouthed by Maki, looking clueless.
Toge just sighed when Yuuta started the engine, going back on the road. “I know,” Maki breaks the silence, forwarding herself clutching both Yuuta’s and Toge’s chair. “We should play the music roulette again!” she says enthusiastically while pulling out her phone from her pockets, handing it to Toge.
“You shuffle the music,” Maki pointed her index finger to her chin.
“Hmm, who should go first..Yuuta! You go ask a question” Maki pointed at Yuuta, which earned a soft laugh from him.
“Uhh..” Both Toge and Maki waited for Yuuta to form a question, but he was taking si long that Maki lost her patience.
“Ugh, you’re so slow. Fine, I'll go first. Will I meet a cute girl in Shirahama?” Yuuta and Toge laughed at Maki’s question, but the blonde still swipes the phone while eyes closed and stops after a second.
You’re the sun to the moon
You’re my ocean, painted blue
You, I’m nothing without you
you by lany played, getting them caught off guard. “Ha! I knew it! I’m so glad I joined this trip” Maki laughed in victory while Toge and Yuuta laughed as well, shaking their heads at Maki’s childish behaviour.
“Your turn!” Maki pointed at Toge. He took his time to think his question would be, wanting it to be general, it’s not like the song that’ll play actually tells him about his future.
What will my future be like in the department of love? That earned him oohs from Yuuta and Maki with this poetic delivery, he then swipes again and clicks on a song.
Trade drinks, but you don’t even know her
Save me ‘til the party is over
Kiss me in the seat of your rover
Real sweet, but I wish you were sober
Wish you were sober by Conan Gray played, which made Toge frown. He hated how accurate the song is with what he is currently experiencing. Toge snapped back to reality when he heard Maki laugh so hard he swore people outside can hear her.
Toge then playfully smacked her head, not wanting any of her teasing anymore. He looks at Yuuta beside him, laughing as well, that made Toge roll his eyes at the sight
How dare he laugh at my situation, Toge thought.
“Guess you really don’t have any luck at love” Maki teased him, earning another smack at her lap by Toge.
Hey it’s your turn now Toge looks at him waving Maki’s phone at his side.
Yuuta thinks for a second, “I’ll have the same question as you then.”
Copycat. You don’t have any originality. Toge sticks out his tongue at the taller. Once he was satisfied with the amount of scrolls he made, he stopped and clicked a song.
What am I now? What am I now?
What if I’m someone I don’t want around?
I’m falling again, I’m falling again, I’m falling
Toge stared at Yuuta as the song continues to play, looking at his reaction. The taller looks at Toge, then switched to look at the road quickly.
“Ahem” Maki cleared her voice, looking at Toge with her eyebrow raised.
What? Toge mouthed. The green-haired shakes her head, leaning on the couch. “Don’t change the music just yet, let it play.”
I’m falling again, I’m falling again, I’m falling
You said you care
And you missed me too
And I’m well aware I write too many songs about you
Toge gave Maki back her phone, letting it play through the speaker. He leaned on the window, letting himself bask in the cold breeze coming out the air-conditioner and the warm lights from the streetlights.
Toge hears Yuuta yawn, his hands closing his mouth as he does so.
You want? Toge uncaps the energy drink he got earlier from Maki’s fridge, figuring it might be useful later on. Yuuta mouthed thanks to Toge and drank it.
Toge places his elbow against the window, letting his temple sit on his palm. He taps his fingers on his lap, following the beat of the song playing on the car speaker.
I was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me
I was a functioning alcoholic ‘til nobody noticed my new aesthetic
All of this to say, “I hope you’re okay”, but you’re the reason
Toge didn’t realize when he started singing along with the song playing. He started slowly, allowing himself to recall the lyrics, only then did he confidently sing louder when the chorus came, swaying his head along the melody.
And I love you, it’s ruining my life
I touched you for only a fortnight
But I touched you
Toge hears Yuuta softly chuckle at the sight, head swaying along, occasionally humming whenever he knows the lyrics. Toge continued to sing closer to him, in an attempt to wake himself and Yuuta.
He took Yuuta’s arm that was sitting idly on his lap, making it his makeshift microphone as he continued to sing, earning a laugh from the taller. Toge taps on it gently, urging Yuuta to sing along with him as well.
And for a fortnight there, we were together
Run into you sometimes, comment on my sweater
Now you’re at the mailbox, turned into good neighbors
My husband is cheating, I wanna kill him
They both sang loudly when it hit the chorus once more, not caring if they were heard outside or whether they woke Maki up, which the two will probably earn a smack in the head if she ever did wake up.
…
Toge woke to a cold, wet object pressed against his cheeks. “Wake up, we’re here.” Yuuta laughs when he sees Toge’s eyebrows furrow, clearly bothered by the cold sensation from the beer from earlier.
They both exit the car, with Toge feeling relieved when the warm, fresh air wraps his body. He pulled his wrinkled shirt as he looked at Yuuta stretching, his body looking tired and worn out from all the driving.
It was still dark out, with the sun rising in a couple of hours, he figured they might have a bit of rest tonight before enjoying the beach later on.
Toge knocks on the car door, waking Maki up. “Maki, we’ll leave you in the car if you still don’t wake up.” Seeing as Maki opened her eyes and fixed her things, he took the time to look around him.
Yuuta, this place looks expensive. Are you sure we’re staying here? Toge furrows his eyebrows at the sight, the buildings looked extravagant, with a big fountain in the middle, along with flowers surrounding it.
“It’s the only place with any available rooms in it. Don’t worry, it’s on me, since I tagged you guys along here.” Yuuta leaned on the car, plastering a soft smile on his face.
Toge’s face brightened when he heard the taller. He faced Maki and knocked on the door louder, Maki, get out already. Yuuta’s treating us! He signed excitedly.
Maki, being too sleepy to process anything, just gave Toge a smile and nodded.
Yuuta opens the hotel room, revealing two twin beds with a small table separating them. A small dining area with three chairs was placed on the far end of the room, the bathroom and closet being close to the door.
Who’ll share the beds? Toge looks at the both of them.
“I’ll sleep there, you both decide to sleep wherever you want.” Yuuta walks towards the bed near the windows. Toge then looks at Maki, the green-haired, raising her eyebrows at him.
Maki plops on the bed near the door, spreading her legs and arms, leaving Toge no choice but to sleep beside Yuuta.
Unfair, you didn’t even ask me where I wanted to sleep. Toge frowns at her.
“You really think I’ll sleep beside Yuuta? I think you’re forgetting that I’m the only girl here,” Maki raises her head and looks at Toge with disbelief. Seeing as Toge walks towards him and Yuuta’s bed, she pulls herself up, sitting with her legs crossed.
“You know what I wanna do tonight?” Toge raises his eyebrows, What?
“I wanna drink.” Toge beams at what came out of Maki’s mouth, practically smiling from ear to ear. He shakes Yuuta, “You hear what Maki said?” Yuuta only groaned in response, too tired to join their fuss.
Toge rolled his eyes when he heard Yuuta. “Whatever, we’ll go have some fun while you stay and sleep here.”
…
Toge and Maki sits on the cushion, lying on the wooden floor of the mini restaurant they found. Fairy lights surrounds them, along with curtains and flower decorations, which made the place lively.
The cold air breezes, touching their bodies as they drink their beers. “Hey, there’s only two days left before you can finally confess to Yuuta,” Maki teases, drunkenness filled her voice.
Fuck you, Toge rolls his eyes and laughs.
“Well, this is the final week before we officially graduate. Are you ready?” Maki sipped her drink, looking at Toge while waiting for his answers. Toge only laughs, shaking his head.
They both moved back when the waiter came to their table and filled their beer-filled bucket. Maki mouthed a thank you to the waiter, while Toge smiled widely with his face all red. That confused the waiter a little bit, but he decided to smile at Toge too.
“What? You really won’t confess?” Maki looks at Toge, suddenly finding interest in the brand logo of the beer, avoiding eye contact, evidently.
A beat passed.
“Seven years, you’ve been admiring—no, loving him nonstop, for seven fucking years.” Maki points her bottle at the blonde
A sigh escaped Toge’s mouth.
Well, he signed hesitantly.
Is it really worth it to throw away a lifetime friendship just because of my stupid feelings? Toge looks at her, defeated, hand gone cold from holding the ice-cold beer for a while.
Maki’s eyes soften at the sight. She watches him take a drink, eyes getting red from the tears building.
He looks at her once he finishes, I don’t think I’m ready to lose him yet.
Silence passed them for a while.
I mean, Toge started.
We do make a good pair, his eyes shift again on the beer he’s holding, only then he laughs when he realizes what he said.
Fuckin delusional, Maki laughs along, shaking her head, in disbelief, he still managed to insert humour after almost crying earlier.
“But..?” Maki sets her beer aside to get a better view of Toge.
The blonde gulps down his beer, finishing it up until the last drop, then places it on the table with a loud thud. He stares at the table, tears forming in his eyes once more.
But he doesn’t love me back. Toge continues to have a staring contest with the table in defeat.
“You’re still getting your hopes up,” Maki warns, opening him another bottle of beer before passing it to Toge.
I know Toge sighs, pressing his temple on the table, wiping the water building up on the bottle.
“After all these years, you’re still hoping.” Maki flicks his forehead.
Toge raises his head and looks at her. It’s not too late. Give me time.
“Give you time?” Maki laughs, “All these years, the universe has given you nothing but time, yet what did you do? You wasted it all.” Toge frowns at Maki’s scolding.
He gulped down his beer, trying to drown his own stupidness.
Fuck, I just realized, Toge stared at the table, then at Maki. Did I make the right decision to come here?
Maki laughs at him, “You’re a fucking masochist, that’s why we’re here.”
Toge snickered, shaking his head at his unbelievable decision-making in life.
“Entertain me for a bit, let’s play a game,” Toge cuts his sight from the bottle to Maki.
“Since you’re basically a millionaire, enumerate all your stupid financial decisions you spent on Yuuta.” Toge furrows his eyebrows at Maki but smiles afterwards.
“For seven years, that’s a long time,” Maki pointed at Toge. The blonde just rolled his eyes. Fine, whatever.
“Okay, what year did you fall for Yuuta?”
2012, Toge responded almost too quickly.
“Wow,” Maki laughs at his quick response.
“You still remember,” Maki teases, to which Toge rolled his eyes.
“But first, rules. I’ll say a year, and you have to answer me in 5 seconds, if not, drink a shot.” Toge clicked his tongue, Easy.
“Confident! I love it” Maki laughs.
“2012”
Toge looked at the ceiling and thought for a second, We were in a convenience store, when he saw his favorite bread. He wanted to have more, but it was the last stock. I bought him three big full boxes of the same exact bread a week later.
He laughed when he recalled the memory. Toge remembers the exact look on Yuuta’s face. Shocked, happy, and, most obviously, he was horrified. Horrified at the fact that Toge bought him that much just for him.
He explained to Toge that he wanted just at most three or four, just enough to supply for the whole week, but Toge didn’t mind, at least now he has a supply for one to two months.
Maki’s mouth drew agape, “Dang, and that was just the first few weeks of liking him?”
Toge nods, laughing, he really was crazy back then.
“Okay, 2013”
After school, we went to the mall. He saw his favorite action figure on display, but he didn’t buy it since he already has one in a different color. I went inside and bought it anyway. Toge chews on the gummies he didn’t finish earlier as he watches Maki’s look of disappointment.
“Unbelievable. 2014.”
Toge thinks for a while, “5, 4, 3,” Maki counts down, but he remembers.
Ah! That was the time when he was so heartbroken, I bought him VIP concert tickets to the concert of his favorite band.
Toge remembers having a lot of fun during the concert, especially when he saw Yuuta with his whole mood upside down, jumping along with the crowd.
“Freaking down bad.”
Hey, I also enjoyed the concert, not just him. Toge defended himself.
Maki just raised her eyebrow at Toge, “2015.”
The best freaking purchase ever. I bought him 2 different shoes, both limited edition. I stayed up all night that day, waiting for the release.
He remembers that day, he just came home from school, but instead of washing up, he opened his laptop, clicking on the website. He had a huge test the following day, but he didn’t care, it was important for him that Yuuta get the shoes he wanted. He still aced the test even without studying. Best decision ever.
“At this point, you should be his sugar daddy, not his best friend.” Toge smacks Maki’s hands playfully, both laughing at Maki’s remark
“2016”
Toge thinks for a moment. He knows he bought something bizarre for Yuuta that year, but he couldn’t remember.
“..2, 1” Maki imitated a buzzing sound. “Time’s up, drink up loser.”
Toge huffs, Unfair, I was thinking.
Maki just shrugged, pushing the shot glass at Toge. “Rules are rules.”
Toge gulps down, winces as he feels a burning sensation in his throat. It was different from what they were drinking earlier, much stronger.
“You still have to answer though.”
Yuuta dragged me to a Lego store, wanting to buy something he saw online. When we got there, he couldn’t choose between two sets. I told him to buy the other one, then I went back the next day to buy the other.
“2017? Dang, this is getting so long. How did you put up with Yuuta for all these years?” Maki laughs.
He thought for a second, it was my birthday, I wanted to go to Hawaii, but figured I might be lonely, so I tagged him along, I paid for our tickets and hotel.
At first, Yuuta didn’t want Toge to pay all of those, but Toge insisted. They both agreed for Yuuta to buy their meals instead, which Toge didn’t mind.
“Lastly, 2018.”
Maki ditched the countdown, watching the blonde ponder for a moment. From the way his cheeks were burning up, and how he blinked longer, it was obvious that Toge was getting drunk. She just lets him take his time. It was evident that the blonde was close to breaking down, eyes getting filled with tears.
During Valentine’s Day, he called me saying that he got ditched. He was far from where I was that time, plus, Toge suddenly remembered, raising his index finger between both of them.
I was working on my painting at that time. But I dropped all my work, just for Yuuta. In just 15 minutes, I was there beside him, inviting him to a fine-dining, and I paid for our meals.
Toge stretched his arm across the table and rested his head on his forearm. To answer your question from earlier, Toge signed sloppily.
Putting up with him was easy, loving him was the hard part. Toge traces the shot glass.
He felt his tears building up again, this time, he didn’t even try stopping them. It fell across his temple, feeling it reach his arms. He sniffles quietly as another escapes his eyes.
He blurrily saw Maki reach for the tissue box and wiped his tears.
But, Toge sat back up.
Once I graduate, I will make sure to also graduate from Yuuta. Toge’s determined this time. He let himself suffer for a while now, he’ll make sure not to lose himself again this time around.