Work Text:
You know what I hate about these parties? Well, let me tell you.
Everything.
I hate every single person present at this party, actually, the sight of these people grinding against each other like horny animals literally makes me want to puke all over Daria’s obnoxious hair, which really.
She looks like a walking cactus.. maybe it’s just caused by the humidity but seriously, does she even look at herself in the mirror before throwing a party?
Taylor throws me a sympathetic look from the other side of the room. She’s leaning against the wall, listening and rolling her eyes at something Maddie’s telling her. She beckons me to join them but, thanks. No thanks. I’m planning on sitting on this very dusty couch till the end of this pathetic high schoolers party and wasting my time by making people feel uncomfortable and unworthy all night. Sounds like a nice plan, after all.
“Someone looks lonely.”
My eyes roll to the back of my head at the voice suddenly tearing down all my plans for the night. I don’t dare to turn my gaze because it’s completely useless, not when his cologne’s so intense. Fuck, I could feel him coming from miles and miles away.
I sense him sitting right next to me and I give an indignant snort at the persistent aroma of his cologne literally assaults my senses, making me feel light headed.
“Ugh. Okay. Could you please go sit somewhere else? The pussy-bait you’re wearing is making me feel nauseous.”
“It’s a cologne.”
“It’s trash,” I tell him with a growing smirk on my face. “Unless.. are you perhaps trying to lure me into your net, Stevens?”
He shakes his head with a smile on his lips. “Oh. Darling. I know I'm not up to your standards. No one ever will."
“Glad we’re on the same page.”
Daria calls everyone to sit down in a circle, I reluctantly get up from this middle age sofa and find Taylor in the crowd.
“What’s going on?”
“Daria wants to play a game.”
I roll my eyes for the tenth time in the last half an hour. “A game? That’s so middle school. God. What’s next? Are we gonna play blindman's bluff?”
Taylor gives a chuckle, rolling her eyes. “You’re a menace.” She tells me, beckoning me to sit down next to her. “Let’s just play this fucking game and get over with it.”
Seven minutes in heaven.. like, are you kidding me? Oh, my God, this is so middle school! I was right! Like any of us is seriously gonna get some inside of that closet. She’s so horny. Oh my, God, she’d plan a burlesque- themed party if that meant to get some from Stevens. She’s a colossal bitch. I can’t even.
Look at her, smiling charmingly at Connor as she flips her frizzy curl between her fingers. I’m surprised she’s not winking. Oh no, I've spoken too soon. Here she is. Oh my God, what is that?! I’m tempted to tweet this. ‘AAA looking for Daria’s dignity. Send help.”
She’s embarrassing.
“Jude. If you glare at Daria any longer she’s gonna burst into flames.”
Taylor’s snarky voice brings me back from my chain of thoughts.
"Well, it will probably make her hair look prettier."
"Jude."
"What?" I ask her, not leaving my gaze from Daria's disturbing hair for a moment. I can't bring myself to not look. I mean, look at her. "Oh come on, don't tell me I'm the only one that's imagining pigeons pissing on her head."
"You're such a bitch." Taylor laughs.
I smile to her, a hand patting on her shoulder. "Thank you."
A loud ‘ohhhhhh’ echoes through the room and I was too distracted by Daria’s slut-parade to get my head on the game. I lean to Taylor, noticing how everyone’s gaze is on me.
I'm used to it but...
“Why everyone’s looking at me like I’ve won the jackpot?”
Taylor doesn’t dislodge her gaze from them as she gulps. “Um. I guess you’re gotta get some, J.”
I can’t help the nervous laugh escaping my lips.
“What? Me? Getting some?” My voice’s still incredulously high pitched like it’s the funniest joke of all the time.
I’m basically laughing my ass off because yeah, why not.
My eyes are drawn to the bottle pointing towards me and it basically make me a sacrificial lamb. A undiscussed victim of this nasty group of people.
“Okay,” I tell everyone, inhaling a long intake of breath. “Who’s the lucky lady?”
There are coughs and muffled laughter around me that honestly makes me feel a cold, unpleasant shiver crawling up my spine because that’s not... this isn’t happening. I swear on Daria’s bird's nest, I will not...I refuse to kiss him.
When Taylor tells me to stop laughing, I realize that my body’s being crossed by the wave of hysterical laughter, shaking me to the core.
I raise my eyes to his hazel ones and the look of pure blankness on his face hits me square in the chest, more than I’ll ever admit.
Why should he look eager to get stuck into a closet with me for seven minutes? It’s not like he’s.
He’ll never be.
Of one thing I'm sure of. If I’m thinking about Connor being gay, in whatever alternate universe, really means my brain's gone wildfire.
Silence falls around us as we both stand up. I gesture him to go first and when the door closes behind us, only then I hear the whistles and laughter echoing through the room. Pathetic coward morons. All of them.
It’s not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. It’s just quiet and honestly, I prefer this calm silence rather than hear his asshole voice.
“Can you please stop breathing so loudly. You sound like my grandma with her freaking inhalator.”
I honestly don’t want to laugh at this but I do. It’s short and sarcastic but It seems to clear the tension, just a bit. Who would have thought that our bickering would have made this moment perfectly okay?
“Only if you stop fiddling with your hair every fucking two seconds. God, your ego is so big it covers half planet.”
It’s dark in here but despite the poor source of lighting right now, like this very unstable bulb that’s probably gonna fall on one of our heads in a matter of time, I still can see his smirk and I notice for the first time ever how plump and kissable his lips are.
“You’re blushing.”
“Shut the fuck up. I’m not.”
“You are.” He states the obvious with a way much-satisfied smirk on his face for someone’s romantically interested in girls.
“God, It’s so hot in here. I get it now why she always makes up plans whenever we plan a spa day. .”
He laughs harder and for some strange reasons, I want to make him laugh more. It’s an urge kicking in, to hear that sound over and over again.
“What?” He asks with the softest voice I’ve ever heard coming out of him. It’s the first time he resembles a human being and it honestly startles me, how good he looks right now. The blush of my cheeks gets even more flushed when he actually comes to lean against the wall. Right next to me. Where our shoulders are brushing against each other. Oh hell.
My heart won’t stop pounding like a hammer as silence falls between us once again, but this time. This time it doesn’t feel quite right. It makes me feel like drowning, the intensity of my heart beating in my chest.
Please Connor, say something...
My prayers have been heard by someone from the high floors. Thanks dude, by the way.
He sighs softly before mumbling, his voice low and incredibly soft against my ear. “Have you ever kissed someone?”
I feel my adam apple bobbing in my throat at the thought. “No,” I tell him honestly and then even though it’s useless and pathetic asking back-- because his reputation precedes him.
I do it anyway.. “Have you?”
He doesn’t reply and that’s enough answer for me, even if I’ve heard rumors and witnessed on display any fucking time he's parading his girlfriends around.. I know the answer to that question.
“Would you?”
A pained snort escapes my throat, I try to cover it through a cough but I’m apparently doing a terrible job at it, because three seconds later he's moving away from the wall, settling himself in front of me. Connor’s a hunk. His body is ripped with muscles despite the tender age making him look like a mini Hercules, so it really shouldn’t be that hard for him to pin me against this wall and get his wicked way with me but oddly, he doesn’t. He just keeps standing there, few inches away from me with eyes terrified and fists clenched at his sides.
“Connor? What are you doing?”
I honestly can’t figure why I’m acting like this and Where’s my undestroyable armor made by bitchiness where I most need it? I mean.. come on, this can’t be real.. is Connor Stevens we’re talking about here.
Connor doesn’t like guys and neither am I. It’s surreal and I’m sure I’m about to wake up in a minute, yeah my alarm clock’s gonna put an end to this dream, probably before our lips touch.
“Connor. I..I don’t know what you’re doing but please. Don’t.”
If any of this is real, at least let me keep it. I'm a bitch okay. I'm aware of that but I'm also a hopeless romantic and I admit I've imagined, several times actually, to have my first kiss with him so I'm like, totally on board with this. (He'll never know about this.) But if he's just messing around with me. please, God, don't let him. Don't let him steal my first kiss to break my heart afterward.
Please.
“You want this.” He states calmy just like he's reading my mind and fears.
I don’t like boys or girls for that matter, but Connor... he has always been my biggest weakness. Always been, always will. And yes, I want this... I’ve had similar dreams in the past few weeks and it always ended up in the same way, every fucking time.
We never made it to the kiss. I finally get why.
Those dreams are about to turn into reality. This time, we’re gonna make it.. to the kiss.
“Jude..”
His lips are inches away from mine and I can feel his soft breath against the corner of my mouth. “Connor..”
My eyes flutter shut in anticipation of what’s Coming next. Oh my God. It’s coming.
My heart stops on his erratic beats when his hand grabs mine in the darkness.
I feel his eyelashes fluttering softly against my cheek, his soft voice pleading me. “Tell me you want this.”
That’s no reason to deny it. “I do.”
The moment our lips touch it’s like fireworks bursting in my chest. It’s fluttering and heart stopping, I swear. His lips are surprisingly soft as they move against my own. I whimper against his lips when my back hits the wall and he takes advantage of my parted lips to slip his tongue inside. I feel my whole body going on fire. A rush of possessiveness firing up from the pitch of my stomach wondering how many girls have had this before me. It’s upsetting and fluttering at the same time because I can’t picture how it had been for them... but for me it’s fucking heaven.
He moans softly as he sucks on my upper lip, making me whimper in delight. Wow.
I grab a strand of his hair as he pushes my hips against my own and Jesus fucking Christ if that’s not the best sensation of the world, feeling his bulge rubbing against my own.
He moans my name against my mouth in a way that can only describe as reverent. I think I’ll imagine his voice calling my name like this for the next fifty years during my jerking off sessions.
He jumps back when someone decides to bang their fist on the door, yelling that seven minutes have passed.
“Fuck.”
Connor smirks with the most adorable blush on his face. “Yeah.. um.. perfect timing. We should go.”
“Yeah.”
He smiles awkwardly before opening the door. I hear myself giving a sigh as the urge to talk to him about this, about us starts to kick in.
Tomorrow.
We can do it tomorrow.
“After you.” He smiles charmingly as he holds the door open for me.
“Thanks.”
He smiles again and Later that night when I’m tucked beneath my comforter, I drift off to sleep with that smile and the soft touch of his lips lingering against my own, on my mind.
It actually does sound like a fairytale, doesn’t it? Well, guess what? I've come to the realization that Fairytales only happen in movies or books.
My reality is just shit because Connor Stevens avoids me like the plague after our kiss. He sees me in the hallways and the asshole fucking changes his route.
“He probably just needs time to process this,” I tell myself. “He’s gonna talk to me, eventually.”
I’m positive we’ll talk this out, okay? He’s a jackass most of the time but the boy I’ve shared my first kiss.. that was the real Connor. I just know it. He’ll come around eventually.
“I don’t know why he keeps avoiding me. I just want to talk to him... He’s been my first kiss, why he treats me like he hates me?”
I write in my journal, one day when my emotions are just too strong and unbearable.
I keep hoarding questions day after day.. about his strange behavior and those unreadable looks he uses to throw at me when I’m standing at my locker and he thinks I’m not looking.
I have all the answers I need, ten days later.
I’m at this stupid party, trying to drown my problems on this disgusting punch when I see him walking past me. Surprisingly, it’s not his empty gaze that hurts me the most. It’s his hand clasped in Daria’s as he drags her to the bedrooms. His hollow eyes locking with mine as he opens the door for her.
He stops in his tracks and somehow it feels like the world has stopped too.
It's just us. Me looking at Connor with pain rushing through my chest and Connor looking back at me with an emptiness in his eyes that honestly makes my heart sink. He sucks a deep breath before turning his face towards the open door. Daria's probably asked what's taking him so long.
There's a part of me that wants to ask him not to do this, but sadly my body's being crossed by waves of crashing sorrow and that's the part that wants to get on my legs and just smash something against the wall.
It's unbearable. I don't think I've ever felt this hurt in my entire life.
The pain resembles the one that comes after being ripped out of vital organs.
Connor Stevens you’ve done ruining me. I swear to God. There will be hell to pay for you.