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Connor’s grabbing his clothes. It’s a frantic rush to get out of there if Oliver’s ever seen one. Connor doesn’t even bother trying to hide the hurt on his face. That look that Oliver had only seen once before–when they broke up. And damn it, if the anger from their helpless situation wasn’t leaking out of his veins, leaving nothing but shameful guilt in it’s wake.
“Connor,” he says, stepping forward. He wants to grab the other man by the arm, but Connor side steps away from him. “Connor!” His voice becomes more earnest when Connor spins, looking momentarily lost, before whipping towards the bed to grab his computer.
“Would you please just stop?” Oliver begs. “Look, we can still talk about this, okay? Just hang on a minute!”
Connor ignores him. And Oliver watches helplessly as the other man throws on his pants and shoes. How is he supposed to fix this? How is he supposed to fix them? The burden shouldn’t be on him! “Look I didn’t mean it that way, okay?” Oliver says quickly before the other man can rush out. “Of course I don’t think you’re damaged. That’s not even what I said!” He watches Connor throw his laptop into his bag, ignoring every word that comes out of his mouth. “I–I just meant that you carry… emotional baggage, or something–I’m sorry–Connor–”
His last desperate plea goes unheard. But he throws his hand out to grab Connor’s arm just as he’s heading towards the door.
“Don’t touch me!” Connor finally hisses, throwing Oliver’s hand off. His eyes are angry, with a hint of grief and hurt, but Oliver sees it all. “I fucking hate you,” Connor whispers, shaking his head.
Oliver swallows the lump in his throat, Connor’s sharp words striking him like a dagger. The painful tightening in his chest is agonizing to bear. His mind whirls as he tries to think of something to say. “You don’t mean that, Connor,” he tries. “You’re mad, I get it. And I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I said that. But the stuff I said before… it’s all true. And we need to face that. We need to, if we’re ever going to get past this.”
Connor scoffs. His lips twist into an ugly sneer, not the gorgeous smile Oliver’s used to seeing from him. “You think I want to get past this?” Connor asks softly.
Oliver blinks. “Well, I mean–”
“You think, that I would want to get back with a man who’s hurt me again and again?”
“You’ve hurt me too, Connor.” Oliver says firmly.
Connor laughs again, dry and mirthless. “You don’t get it, do you?”
“So explain it to me, Connor!”
“All I’ve ever done is try to protect you from this,” Connor shakes his head.
“I don’t even know what this is!”
“That’s the point!” Connor shouts. He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. “I’ve tried to keep you from it, for your own good. And every time you do the opposite of what I say. I’m not trying anymore,” Connor says softly, shaking his head again. “I wanted to leave, and you took my choice away from me. Call it payback for me being controlling or whatever. You broke up with me… You broke my heart and then had the nerve to say that I don’t know what love is.”
“Connor, that’s–that’s not what I meant,” Oliver croaks, the guilt painfully stabbing him in the chest.
“I don’t care what you meant,” Connor hisses, his eyes fiercely holding Oliver’s gaze. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe… maybe it’s not love. Maybe I never loved you.”
“You don’t mean that, Connor.” Oliver whispers.
“What would I know about love?” Connor lets out a choked breath. “You said… you want to know everything about me? This is me. This is who I am. Yeah, maybe I’m fucked up, and broken, and… damaged–whatever you want to call it. Maybe I am!” Connor quickly blinks, but he can’t hide the tears in his eyes. He bites his lip, watching Oliver as he silently tries to make himself look as small as possible. He sees the guilt on his face but it does little to relieve the pain he feels. There’s no coming back from this. He knows this now. These past three days, were nothing more than a wishful dream by two people being willfully ignorant about the fallacies of their relationship. It’s all over now.
Connor swallows hard and takes a shaky breath. “Do you know what it feels like to have the worst thing you think of yourself thrown back in your face by the man you love?” He doesn’t wait for a response from Oliver. He simply lets out another soft laugh before turning on his feet and heading towards the door.
“It sucks.”