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My name is Kusuo Saiki. It’s been a few years since the main story has ended. About 5 years in our world, to be exact. Everyone from the disastrous life of Saiki K are thus 5 years older. All of my highschool friends are now adults.
All in all, not much has changed for me. After graduating high school I went to your run of the mill college. I earned my degree in an average major with average grades. I got a job at an average company as an average employee working an average desk job. My life has gone according to plan, I lead a very average life, and my day to day is nothing special. It’s bliss.
I’m sure you’re wondering what happened to my high school classmates. Well, unlike me many of them went on to do some extraordinary things. Hairo for one went to the olympics twice and won 8 gold medals in various events, before joining the military and becoming a top soldier. Aiura and Toritsuka are stars in their respective TV shows, featuring fortune telling and supernatural discovery. Both of their net worth combined is almost enough to be half of what Metori Saiko has, who’s now the second richest man on earth. Also, Mera is president. Various other unnamed extras in our class have also become rich and famous, making PK alumni notorious in our world. I try to avoid mentioning where I’ve gone to high school whenever people ask.
I tighten my tie and pin it in place with a silver tie clip. I check my watch. I have about half an hour before I have to go. Today is the day of my graduating year’s PK high school class reunion. Good grief- I really don’t want to go, but they promised Coffee Jelly would be served. How can I refuse?
I’m sure you’re wondering about the two people I haven’t mentioned yet, Shun Kaido and Riki Nendo. Well, Kaido has become a rather successful manga artist and light novelist and lives in a respectable mansion right down the street from me. He hasn’t left this town. And Nendo, well he-
“Oi, aibo!”
There he is. I walk up and open the door to a familiar butt chin. He grins and pats his blazer. “Want to go eat ramen before the reunion?”
I’ll pass. As I close the door, I add, by the way, your tie is backwards.
“Huh? It is?” I hear as the door shuts. Good grief. He must have gotten into a fight with his wife again for her to not have helped him dress. Yes, that’s right. Nendo is married. He’s also a detective that works down at the police station. You wouldn’t expect him to be good at it, but he somehow locates the suspects each time unknowingly with the help of his spirit father, who sticks around. Things in this world are strange indeed.
My eyes cross as I use my clairvoyance. She’s already at the school as part of the organization committee, ordering around the decorative arc around the entrance. My eyes uncross as I glance at the photos above the kitchen mantle. Photos of our wedding and honeymoon have been hung up, candids of various dates that she somehow was able to take… Yes, as part of my average life, like many of my peers at this age, I’ve gotten married. A year ago, in fact. Well, if Nendo could find someone, it’d be abnormal if I didn’t, right?
The doorbell rings. It’s Kaido. I open it and see him standing there, dressed in a long overcoat.
“Hey there Kusuo. Are you ready to go?”
Among all of my friends, I’ve told Kaido the truth about my powers after many years. I’ve also told Nendo, though he seemed to only half register it. As a result, Kaido’s best selling manga, The adventures of SK, feature a blue haired protagonist with edgy one-liners and a bandaged hand, along with his sidekick, a pink haired no brainer idiot with psychic powers- an amalgamation of myself and Nendo. In fact, his name is ‘Kuriki Saido”. I’ve already beat him up for it.
Not yet. I’ll teleport there at the last moment. I say.
“Alright then. You better hurry- the Dark Wings Reunion awaits!” Kaido said dramatically, striking a pose. After a moment passes he straightens up. “Ok, bye then!” I close the door. Though Kaido’s mainly grown out of his phase, I suppose some of it has to remain for his ideas to flow for his manga. I return to the kitchen table and sit down. Speaking of which, Kaido’s married as well. The fickle hearted Yumehara at last stuck to one choice and settled down with him. She was probably going to arrive there with him.
I use my clairvoyance to check out the scene at PK. Good grief- it’s already bustling with faces, faces that look about 10 years older since I’ve last seen them. The sound of a chopper reveals a helicopter that’s landed in the schoolyard- with bodyguards streaming out. They lead the way for Mera to step out, gnawing on a leg of ham as she enters the school. A second chopper lands and bodyguards stream out, Saiko entering the school with a superior look on his face. A third chopper lands, bodyguards jumping out to make the way for Aiura, in a leopard print scarf and knee high boots. A fourth chopper lands-
I end my clairvoyance. At this point the entire schoolyard will just become a parking lot for helicopters. Good grief, I had forgotten how many of my classmates had become famous. Even Takahashi- well no actually. All of them except Takahashi.
I stand. It’s time for me to go. I can already hear the bustling and laughter as more and more students enter the building. A grin slides onto my face in spite of myself. Despite my dislike for social interaction and large crowds, I can’t deny that I’ve been wanting to see my friends again.
I teleport to the school, in one of the empty stalls in the bathroom, and walk out. The hallways are busy with chattering people in suits and dresses. I made my way to my old classroom, where the dessert table was said to be set up.
I slide open the classroom door and heads turn towards me. And then a large muscular arm drops onto my shoulder.
“Oi! Saiki! It’s been a while!” Hairo says, his big boisterous voice filling the room. His head is shaved close to his head and he’s wearing a military uniform. Dirt smudges his face and he honestly looks like he just escaped off of a battlefield.
“Hey! Saiki!” Toritsuka says, strolling up. “Oh- Hairo! I didn’t think you could make it, what with the war in the middle east going on right now.”
“I’m the commanding lieutenant right now for one of the major operations that could end the war- but I asked for some time off so I could come here!” Hairo laughs, his chest puffing out. I’m not sure that’s a situation you should just leave.
“Well alright,” Toritsuka says, grabbing a glass from a nearby platter. He hasn’t changed much, though his purple hair is longer and tied in a single tail. He wears his signature golden suit that he wears on his TV show, the pant legs rolled up in a temple fashion still. He waves a hand. “It’s been a while, Saiki. I haven’t seen you since graduation 5 years ago.” His eyes began to tear up. “I’ve missed you Saiki.”
Hairo sniffles. “Yes Saiki. I’ve been so busy training for the Olympics and fighting in the war that I haven’t come back in a long while. I think I’ll ask for more time off so I can get reacquainted with everyone!” I feel like the war should be your main priority. Suddenly Hairo salutes. “Madam president!”
Mera arrives with a dango stick. “Hello, it’s been a while. Oh Saiki kun! I haven’t seen you in 5 years, what with my presidency run and all! It’s been a while!”
“Oh, Saiki’s here?” Kuboyasu and Saiko show up, each holding a plate of desserts. Where did you get that- I start before Kuboyasu slings an arm over my shoulder. “It’s been a while- I haven’t seen you in person for 5 years, what with me building my own automobile empire. I’ll give you a free bike if you ever stop by one of my stores,” He says, patting me on the shoulders.
“No, you should come to the Saiko shop, I’ll give you two free bikes!” Saiko says, holding up two fingers. He and Kuboyasu glare at each other, sparks flying between their hostility. Thanks, but I’m just going to go get some Cof-
“Oh Saiki! You’re finally here.” Nendo and Kaido wave and walk over. Nendo’s holding an entire cake with dripping chocolate glaze. Where on earth-
“Oh, the gang’s all reunited now!” Toritsuka says, clapping his hands. His head rotates from side to side. “Well almost, we’re missing-”
“I’m here!” A familiar trilling voice rings, and Aiura appears. Good grief, her fashion sense was still something. Clad head to toe in clashing patterns that somehow fit her. I nod and she catches my eye.
“Oh Saiki kun! It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” She sidles up and I cringe as I hear her thoughts. Good grief, hasn’t 5 years been enough for her feelings to have dissipated? I guess the whole soulmate thing still holds strong.
“So, Saiki kun, should we grab a coffee sometime? We’ve both grown, maybe it’s time for what’s been prophesied to come true-”
“Hold up! Aibo is married.” Nendo says, holding up a hand with a mouth full of cake.
All heads whip around towards me in shock. I hear “what” about 6 times, their mouths dropped in disbelief. I’m a bit hurt that they’re so shocked. Well, I guess while they were busy the only people I could invite to the wedding were Nendo and Kaido. They’re the only ones who don’t have their mouths hanging open, but I guess that’s mainly because their mouths are stuffed with dessert. Hey, I want some too!
“Saiki kun… is married?” Aiura murmurs in disbelief. “But how? I thought we were meant to be soulmates!”
Your prediction was wrong. Well, if I’m to be completely honest, the fact that I’d gotten married surprised me as well. I’d thought I was destined to be alone, as finding someone who’d accept my powers would prove difficult and troublesome. And I was right, I didn’t search for someone like that. They found me…
“Well who is it? Who is Saiki married to?” Toritsuka asks, biting his nail jealously. ‘How did Saiki get married before me? I’m a rich and famous TV star with a killer fashion sense while Saiki looks completely ordinary! Did he use some sort of mind control power- oops sorry Saiki, I forgot you could read my thoughts’. I’m going to cut you out of my life.
“Eh? Well, I guess this could come as a surprise, but Saiki’s actually married to-” Kaido begins before he’s interrupted by a loud voice.
“Teruhashi’s here!”
The crowd instantly swarms towards the door, where a golden glow envelops the space above their heads. Good grief. Now that she’s here things are going to get complicated. I thought. Well, now’s my chance to go get some dessert. I sneak away from the crowd towards the table while they’re distracted.
“Teruhashi san’s here? I haven’t seen her in 5 years, I’m dying to see how much prettier she’s gotten!” Toritsuka says, exhaling hard. He’s still as perverted as ever.
“Oh, Teruhashi! Over here!” Nendo waves, parting the crowd. I hunch over a plate of perfectly molded coffee jelly. There was a whole table, racing from cappuccino to dark roast to caramel! What heaven was this! I lift a plate and inhale the sweet, slightly acrid scent. Oh, coffee jelly!
“Hello everyone! It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” I hear her say behind me. I focus on the coffee jelly. Good grief. I should hold off on making myself known.
“Hi everyone! I’m here too,” I hear Yumehara say as the group erupts in greetings. Teruhashi, the person I’ve least been wanting to see. She confessed her feelings towards me five years ago in the courtyard on the day of our graduation underneath the cherry blossoms. Our school doesn't even have cherry blossoms for one, but it was a shoujo-esque scene for sure. After I rejected her it was awkward, and the part I’ve dreaded most about this reunion was coming face to face with her again…
“Oh? Saiki kun, is that you?”
Oh no. I’ve been spotted. Oh well, I guess it’s time to face the music. I couldn’t avoid this forever. I turn slowly and take the spoon out of my mouth.
“Saiki, come say hi to Teruhashi san!” Kuboyasu urges, his inner monologue going on and on about how pretty she was. I grimace and reluctantly make my way over to the group. We make eye contact and I take in her appearance. Yep, still the same skinless muscle diagram as five years ago. Remember, my x-ray vision makes me see through flesh, though as my powers have grown I now have the power to turn that feature off. I do so now, just to see her appearance. Well, I get why she’s considered the goddess of PK. Her dark blue hair is straight, and cut to her shoulders in a respectable fashion. Her brown eyes sparkle with the light of the heavens and a light pink blush forms over her cheeks as she glances up at me. Yep, time to turn my x-ray vision back on.
Hairo claps her shoulder in a friendly manner. “Teruhashi, how have you been doing? I haven’t seen you on TV, so you’re not famous. Are you an astronaut? A secret mafia leader boss? A spy playing both sides of the communist and capitalist persuasion?” When did you get there?
“Yes, surely you’re doing something stunning, spectacular with your life, Kokomi,” Saiko says, taking her hands to his lips. “With your beauty, prestige and beauty, I’m sure you’re on top of the world by now!”
Teruhashi laughs politely and slips her hand away. “Actually, I’m a teacher here at PK academy. I accidently enrolled in a teaching major in college and surprisingly fell in love with it. In fact, I teach in this exact same classroom.”
The group is silent for a moment before erupting with sound once more. “That’s Teruhashi san for you! She could have done anything and chose to enrich young minds, enhance the next generation with her guidance of light! How magnificent!” They crooned.
“Ehehe, thank you everyone. But actually, I should tell you- I’m not Teruhashi anymore. I’ve gotten married.”
The group falls silent before erupting yet again. “What!?” 6 voices simultaneously roar. I could hear death threats and sobs in their inner monologues. ‘It must be a foreign prince!’ ‘A superhero for sure!’ ‘A top model!’
“Who are you married to Teruhashi- or Kokomi san?” Toritsuka asks, nearly sobbing. Hey, don’t use this as an opportunity to transition to her first name.
“Wait, Saiki kun is also married! What a coincidence!" Mera says dizzily, knocking down another flute of champagne. Maybe someone should stop her.
I meet Teruhashi’s eyes. They were full of peace. She had accepted the rejection. I nod. We had both grown. And now that we were both married, she had moved on. This was good, finally I could-
“Kusuo kun.”
I froze. Her voice cut through like ice. It was my wife. I turned toward the source of malice.
“You didn’t tell them?” The voice belonged to Teruhashi. I was wrong, it wasn’t peace but rather the emptiness of the dark void from the fury I was about to face.
“Tell us what?” Kuboyasu blinks, his brows scrunching together. “Wait a second…”
Nendo barks. “Are you guys seriously stupid? Aibo is married to Teruhashi!”
The group is silent before erupting for the nth time. “WHAT????”
“Wha- what? Then why do you still call her Teruhashi?” Aiura sputters, looking back and forth between me and Kokomi. Her eyes shown with the promise of what she would do to me when we got back. ‘Kusuo kun, not telling the others that we’re married? How dare you! Why wouldn’t you want the world to know we’re together? I’m Kokomi Saiki for God’s sake!’ I heard her rage. Good grief. Well, I guess for the first episode of our return I wanted to make the surprise a bit bigger. Did I trick you, listeners? It’s true that I rejected Kokomi on the day of graduation, and I thought that was that. But she followed me to college and eventually, one day she wore me down with her advances and I realized her love was sincere. So we got married. That was a bit of an oversimplification, but it’s the general story. Now back to the present.
“Because her name is Teruhashi Saiki,” Nendo announces. Everyone is stunned for a moment by his idiocy before resuming their disbelief.
“W-well, congratulations Saiki kun. Teru-Saiki… san.” Hairo says, looking weakly between us. Somehow he looked more aged by this news than the war he had gotten out of. “I think I need to return to the battlefield” he murmurs before wandering off.
“Why on earth did you marry this peon? Er, I mean person!” Saiko corrects, pointing accusingly at me.
“Eh! Well, erm… Saiki kun just completes me,” Kokomi says bashfully, blushing as she looks down.
Offu! I heard the school’s collective mind gasp. And what was with that cheesy declaration? It was making me blush too. I saw Kaido’s dumbstruck face at my expression and I immediately returned to my impassive expression.
Suddenly my skin prickles. I touch the goosebumps on my neck. Something’s about to happen. But what?
“No, I refuse to believe it!” Saiko says, clutching a flute of non-alcoholic cider. His cheeks are flushed and he glares angrily at me. “Teruhashi, this worthless scum must have manipulated you somehow! Why else would you settle for this nobody?”
The room silences and hushed whispers spread across the room. Saiko drains his flute and wobbles, wrenching away from his bodyguards that appear to support him.
Well, he wasn’t the only one thinking it. Ever since the truth came out, the same thought had been ricocheting around the room in one form or another. Even my friends had spent the evening quietly wondering it themselves, interrupted only occasionally by Kaido offering awkwardly self-aware apologies. I’m just about to give my usual response of how they’re right, and that I don’t know why the goddess has chosen me either, when Teruhashi cuts in.
“You’re wrong.”
The room turns to look at Teruhashi. Her head is down, and I can’t see her eyes. The wedding band on her ring finger sparkles- a contraption I presented to her that blocks my mind reading abilities, a symbol of my trust. She raises her head and I can’t help but groan internally. Oh no.
“Saiki-kun is the most devoted husband a woman could ask for,” she declares. She tosses her hair, inciting offu’s still around. Her brows knit together as her cheek twitches ever so slightly. Only I know that she’s suppressing a smirk. Teruhashi…
“Saiki kun makes my lunches every morning, he remembers every anniversary, and holds me when I have nightmares!” She declares. She wipes away a fake tear and members of her former fan club gasp, one diving to catch the fallen drop. Her golden aura crescendoes with every word. We’re approaching the point of no return.
“He touches her?” A voice echoes. “Affectionately?” This causes a stir.
I’m going to teleport into the ocean.
“And,” She starts, meeting my eyes so I know what I’ve done. This is my punishment, and the mischievous glint in her eyes confirms it. Teruhashi delivers the killing blow. “When we’re alone, he calls me by my first name.”
The room is so silent that the only audible sound was Mera finishing off a roasted schnitzel. I didn’t even know they served those in Japan. I glance at Teruhashi just as she absentmindedly slips her ring off her finger and spins it between her fingers. Instantaneously her thoughts become audible again.
See you at home, Kusuo. She thinks smugly. Then she steps back as the world explodes.
“YOU DARE CALL TERUHASHI-SAMA BY HER FIRST NAME?!” one man roars.
The guy beside him tears off his shirt and begins pounding his chest like a gorilla.
“You address our goddess? By name? Who do you think you are, puny mortal?” A woman screeches, jabbing a finger at me.
How come it’s okay for Toritsuka to say it then?
“Good point,” she nods after a moment, before tackling the purple haired pervert to the ground.
“You’ll pay for this sacrilege,” crows the crowd as they close in on me, several of them holding weapons. At some point, this reunion’s genre has suddenly changed from slice of life to horror. I step backward until my shoulders hit the wall. Shoot. Well, I guess I only have one option left, my secret weapon. I raise my arm and point dramatically over the crowd’s head.
What’s that? I gasp.
Heads turn and then turn back, but I’m gone. Now twenty feet above the school grounds, I hover silently outside PK Academy while chaos erupts inside the classroom. Tables overturn. Doors slam open. People flood into the hallways searching for me like an angry mob in a zombie movie.
The night wind rustles through my hair as the lights of PK Academy glow beneath me. After another moment of watching Kaido screaming as he runs from the gorilla man, I blink. When my eyes reopen I’m home.
“Welcome back, Kusuo.” I hear, and my wife greets me.
Was that really necessary? I ask, stretching a crick from my neck. And as far as I know, you take on most of the cooking, and just last month you gave me the cold shoulder for forgetting our 9 and a half month anniversary.
Kokomi smiles sweetly and holds up a goblet of coffee jelly. “To make up for it.” She knows my weakness. I sit at the table and dig in, the bittersweet pudding instantly relaxing me. I sigh and she sits across from me.
“It was nice seeing everyone again, wasn’t it?” She smiles sweetly, as if she hadn’t just psychologically destroyed half our graduating class.
You weaponized your fan club against me. I deadpanned.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Kusuo,” she chirps. A blatant lie. Her ring hangs on a silver chain around her neck, and her thoughts float into my head.
That was unbelievably funny. She thinks.
You enjoyed that. I accuse, and she innocently purses her lips.
“I was planning on pushing your husbandly accolades even further,” she continues, drawing a circle on the table cloth with a finger. “I was going to tell them about our matching pajama set.”
I freeze. You wouldn’t.
She beams. “Don’t pretend you don’t know me then, alright Kusuo kun? I hope you’ve learned your lesson.”
Terrifying woman.
Kokomi hums happily and returns to the kitchen. “Just in case you were hungry, I made dinner.”
I stare at her for a moment as she moves around the apartment like tonight’s public execution attempt never happened.
Then I sigh and finish off the jelly. Unfortunately, this is what peace and quiet looks like now. But for some reason, I don’t entirely mind it. Then she pops her head back in through the doorway.
“Oh, and Kaido-kun texted me. The Fan Club started a petition demanding you stop calling me by my first name.”
I pause. …How do they even know my number? I ask warily.
“I gave it to them.”
I slowly turn toward her. Teruhashi smiles brilliantly. The spoon in my hand bends.