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For Kaigaku, one thing was clear and unchangeable. His deep hatred for Zenitsu.
He couldn't even explain it with concrete words. It wasn’t as if his cousin had done something to him directly or indirectly, no, Kaigaku just hated Zenitsu for who he was.
It might sound cruel put that way, but have you always needed to see a person's actions to hate them ? For Kaigaku, it was exactly that. Everything about Zenitsu had irritated him from the moment they met.
The way he cowered behind their grandfather. Annoying. His shy, intimidated eyes staring up at him ? Irritating. The way his grandfather forced him to introduce himself ? Boring. His stammering as he gave his name ? Enrating.
He had immediately expressed his deep contempt with a sigh, receiving a warning glance from his grandfather, but Kaigaku hadn't cared at all.
He then ignored any sign of life from Zenitsu, even going so far as to openly insult and despise him whenever he tried to approach him.
Kaigaku wouldn't have denied it if someone told him he was exaggerating, especially since Zenitsu hadn’t done anything to him. What did you want him to say ? This deep feeling was etched into his flesh, circulated in his veins, and vibrated in his blood. Every single one of his cells told him to stay away from him, to push him away with all his remaining energy. Otherwise, he would be the one pushed aside.
And besides, everyone exaggerated things; he wasn't that miserable, his grandfather took care of him, he at least had his deep love. So to Kaigaku, no matter his grandfather's shouts, or even the judging looks from their plantation neighbors, it didn't matter if he inflicted that on Zenitsu. Plus, he was incredibly stubborn and always came back for more every day, so Kaigaku was certain it wasn't as unbearable as people thought.
But like any other human being, Zenitsu had limits, and Kaigaku realized he had crossed them.
Zenitsu stood there, a crushed peach on top of his head. On his knees, contemplating the others smashed in the dirt, his eyes blank, tired.
Kaigaku stood before him, yelling new insults at him. On this particular day, Kaigaku was already worked up and angry from fresh scoldings from his grandfather, who reproached him for being mean to his cousin for no reason. But damn it, Zenitsu was despicable ! Always in his corner flinching at everything and nothing ! Always there showing hypocritical kindness. The sight of his cousin, more than any other day, was particularly infuriating for Kaigaku, who had thrown the peaches at him, unaware that Zenitsu had picked and grown them himself.
"Get the fuck out. You're a disgrace to Grandfather. I despise you with all my soul, you're nothing but a runaway incapable of doing anything right! What do you think ? That Grandfather loves you ? It's just out of pity for his dead son who gave birth to you that he takes care of you. Nobody will ever love you."
Harsh, piercing, and cruel words. Kaigaku watched the crushed peach fall from Zenitsu's head and flatten onto the ground. The normally light sound became deafening because of the tense atmosphere between them.
Kaigaku watched Zenitsu stare at the peach in silence.
"Is that really what you think of me ?"
he asked after a moment, without even looking up at him.
Kaigaku was surprised by his cousin's calm tone. He had expected pain, surprise, and a loss of control, but not a calm so cold and calculated. But he caught himself, cursed, and nodded.
"Yes, what else could anyone think of a loser like you ?"
Kaigaku had just walked away. A part of him was aware of his irreversible action, but no matter the consequences. The only thing he could lose in this situation was Zenitsu. And who did he hate ? Zenitsu, so it was a win for him.
The next day, a calm and strange atmosphere reigned in the house. Zenitsu didn’t have breakfast with Grandfather. Having risen strangely earlier than usual, he had made their grandfather's breakfast and left without eating his own. From that day on, he never again tried to bond with Kaigaku through games and pointless discussions. In fact, it was even surprising how Zenitsu now only gravitated around their grandfather with a smiling, radiant face, and turned an impassive face toward Kaigaku. It wasn't ignorance, no, it was more categorical and profound like an erasure, as if Kaigaku were nothing more than a complete stranger and Zenitsu was practicing the polite manners that suited that rank. It was as if Zenitsu had totally let go of Kaigaku, no longer considering him.
He had also noticed this atmosphere surrounding Zenitsu—calm, impassive, almost extinguished. Except for when he talked with Grandfather, Zenitsu didn't really smile anymore, keeping a neutral and flat expression. Kaigaku noticed it, and their grandfather did too, and he seemed to stop pushing the two to get along or forcing Zenitsu to go toward him. His very last vain attempt at this was to order a rotation of chores. Week A, Kaigaku took care of all the laundry in the house and Zenitsu did all the meals and dishes. And Week B, the reverse. The rest of the tasks were distributed according to each person's preferences, drastically reducing interactions between Kaigaku and Zenitsu.
For Kaigaku, he first celebrated this change in his cousin and in the house. Gloating over no longer dealing with his annoying cousin, before realizing after a while that he was observing Zenitsu from afar.
He knew why; since many of his actions used to be timed around Zenitsu to avoid him or find a sharp insult to hurl at him, his mind couldn't help but look for him and know what he was doing, making him deeply curse his grandfather for forcing him to spend months in his company and himself for not being able to stop unconsciously watching him.
It was because he observed Zenitsu from afar that he became aware of the changes in his cousin's life. And not small ones... No, big changes in his life, and particularly in his love life.
It started subtly. Kaigaku always came home before Zenitsu and their grandfather, and the window of his room where he sat to smoke looked directly out onto the driveway of their house, so whenever one of them came back, Kaigaku always noticed.
His first surprise was when he saw Zenitsu return on the back of a male student. Kaigaku would have easily mistaken him for a girl because of his face, if he hadn't noticed his male uniform, made even more obvious by his poorly buttoned shirt revealing his chest. He had black hair with an indigo gradient, apple-green eyes, and pale skin. Kaigaku had never seen him before around Zenitsu, let alone the boy with whom he was talking almost in a whisper. That one had red hair, wore earrings, and had poppy-red eyes.
If the face of the first was unknown, the second one wasn't. Kaigaku easily recognized Tanjiro. He was labeled as an extremely kind man, and that reputation had reached Kaigaku's ears. He was starting to understand why that one was carrying three schoolbags, but he didn't know why Zenitsu was sleeping on the other one's back
.
They arrived in front of their house. Tanjiro looked at his phone and the house regularly, as if checking over and over again that he was in the right place. And as always, when someone spoke in that part of the building, Kaigaku heard Tanjiro's words perfectly.
"I think this is it," he finally declared, looking at his friend.
"Yeah, Monitsu said his house was recently painted sky blue. I think we're in the right place too."
...Monitsu ? Did he just butcher his name ? Or had Kaigaku misheard ?
Kaigaku stared at them, shocked, as the boy repeated "Monitsu" while pointing at Zenitsu, while Tanjiro corrected him, calling him by his proper name and waking him up.
Zenitsu cracked his eyes open for a moment before getting down from the boy's back and thanking them.
The one with the black-indigo hair touched his forehead, seemingly checking his temperature.
"You're good ! Incredible, how do you recover just by sleeping ?"
"I told you guys you were worrying over nothing," Zenitsu replied, shrugging his shoulders.
"Still, Zenitsu, take better care of yourself," Tanjiro said softly, handing him his bag. Zenitsu took it and gave him a smile.
Zenitsu responded with a reassuring smile and thanked the boy by his name, Inosuke. Kaigaku then listened to the futile exchange of banalities between the three before they parted ways. He pulled his bedroom curtains shut as he watched the two silhouettes walk away, thinking it was just a one-off eccentricity.
Kaigaku was proven wrong when he noticed that sometimes Zenitsu came back with his friends, saying goodbye to them, sometimes leaving the house on weekends to join them. Starting to bake pastries because Tanjiro had taught him how, buying a new scarf because Inosuke caught cold easily but was too stupid to bring something to cover up, and many other little things that impacted Kaigaku.
Because who endured a house bathed in sweet smells all week ? Kaigaku ! Who, when it was his turn to do the laundry, ended up with a whole extra array of clothes and had to listen to Zenitsu's long, detailed comments delivered in an impassive voice about how to properly treat these garments as if they were babies ? Kaigaku ! Who had to find himself sometimes grocery shopping at night because his charming cousin had emptied the fridge to make lunch boxes for three people and sometimes more ? Kaigaku !
He was certain he would have his cousin's head before the end of the year.
Kaigaku didn't even understand where all this was coming from. He didn't show that much attention to his own friends, so why was Zenitsu doing it with his ? It was stupid !
As if the noticeable changes in his cousin weren't enough at home, Kaigaku had to witness them at school too.
Zenitsu, who seemed to be calm and reserved, surprisingly had a large group of friends. So large and each so unique in their own way that it was almost a miracle they all managed to get along.
Zenitsu laughed in their company. But when Kaigaku saw him with Tanjiro and Inosuke, it was a completely different story.
Zenitsu seemed to drink in their every word, listening to them with his whole being, staring at them as if their eyes contained the seven wonders of the world. He treated everything he received from them like precious objects. He, who used to change his accessories when they got lost, now wore and accumulated handmade bracelets that Kaigaku was convinced didn't even exist in a market. He kept these bracelets preciously around his wrist, even going so far as to rotate them by weekdays.
Zenitsu, who didn't have a sweet tooth, had started eating cakes more often and with an excessive slowness, particularly a dark chocolate cake, as if he wished to savor every single bite of said cake.
Kaigaku was certain he was the only one noticing it and would never admit it. Because admitting that meant admitting he was the only one who had observed Zenitsu for so long, even if he suspected Tanjiro and Inosuke would soon catch on to him.
The dark-haired youth convinced himself it was just a strong friendship between the three. A bit like being more than best friends. He was certain he wasn't in a phase of denial about his cousin's relationship. So why did Kaigaku cement and reinforce this idea in his head like a fortress ? If you had asked him the question, he would have simply ignored you, saying that you were the one overreacting.
But the fortress had definitely crumbled when he overheard a phone conversation between the three, or rather, between the other two.
It wasn't intentional. For Kaigaku, who had a lot of work to do that day, he had fallen asleep on the living room couch during the day and woke up in the middle of the night, his body covered in aches. He stretched, his back sore, and got up to head toward his bedroom.
His bedroom was located past Zenitsu's, one floor up. He was passing his room when he heard these two sentences.
"Tetnitsu ? Tetnitsu, are you following us ? How dare you not answer your king !?"
"Leave him, Inosuke, he might have fallen asleep like last time."
Curse his perfect hearing, but on the other hand, Kaigaku would never tire of seeing just how much this boy, Inosuke, couldn't retain the names of his so-called friends. At this stage, one had to applaud, and even give him a trophy for coming up with so many variations of a name. He praised the patience of Tanjiro and Zenitsu for putting up with him on a daily basis.
"Zenitsu ? I feel like he's asleep, he must have been truly exhausted," Tanjiro's voice resonated through Zenitsu's phone.
"Humph ! He's just fragile ! Who gets that tired over a little party ?
"You know the noise tires him out... I'll tell Aoi and Nezuko to tone down the music next time."
"...Do you think he's sleeping well ? He looked exhausted lately..."
Kaigaku raised an eyebrow at the question. To him, only one answer was plausible for that : their grandfather's foot fracture. Kaigaku had hidden his worry, unlike Zenitsu, who had genuinely almost had a heart attack. He had panicked and did everything double to better take care of his grandfather. But Kaigaku couldn't tell his friends that.
"Hum, he liked the dark cake from last time. Can you make him some more, Gompachiro ? I'll bring his favorite drink and some bracelet-making materials."
"Are you sure ? I make it for him all the time, maybe he's grown tired of it."
/If you only knew.../ Kaigaku thought. /You could make millions of them and that idiot would eat them all with a smile as if it were the first time./
"I don't think so. And besides, you can make him some little peach cakes on top of that—it's his favorite fruit, he'll be happy."
"Yes, you're right ! We can go to the park after class !"
They were planning their outing for the next day with enthusiasm, and Kaigaku sighed and prepared to go up the stairs when he heard the fatal sentence.
"We'd better go to sleep now. Inosuke ? I love you, and you too, Zenitsu. Have a good night."
Tanjiro's voice was soft, dripping with a sincerity that froze Kaigaku in his tracks.
"Humph. Imagine if he hears you ? You've become careless, Tanjiro."
Did Inosuke just actually pronounce his name right ?
"I don't think he'd believe it if I told him. Poor guy, he wouldn't know what to do with himself,"
Tanjiro spoke while laughing, and he heard Inosuke's laugh follow. Hearing them, it seemed clear that Zenitsu was weak against their flirting, and that they had been flirting with him.
"Except if we stay like this, we'll be old before he realizes we're together." Inosuke spoke in a mocking tone before replying, "Hum... I think I'll be more direct tomorrow. How about softening things up, Tanjiro ?"
"To soften things or to make them worse ?" Tanjiro said in a calm, complicit tone.
"Up to you."
"Poor dear, to think he's sleeping peacefully without knowing what he's going to endure starting tomorrow."
"That's his problem. He is so tender and holds two hearts in his hands. He needs to know the weight of what that represents. Tanjiro, Zenitsu, have a good night."
Inosuke finished with a sincerity as transparent as Tanjiro's, making Kaigaku's shock even greater. He had pronounced their names correctly three times in a row... and no, wait... they were both in love with Zenitsu !?!
Kaigaku spent a whole minute in a state of total shock before catching himself with a sigh and heading up to his room. Sleep, all of this was because of his lack of sleep; everything would be perfect after a good night's rest.
But if Zenitsu wasn't ready to live through that, Kaigaku was clearly not ready to witness it.
The next day, Zenitsu came home like a whirlwind. Red from his head to his neck, holding a bowl of fruit, his hands visibly shaking and disturbed. He seemed to be acting on autopilot, putting the food he brought back into a dish, not hearing their grandfather say they had already eaten because it was Kaigaku's week, and handing over the dish containing the food.
He was so bewildered that he also offered Kaigaku a dish. It was the first time in months that such a thing had happened. Usually, Zenitsu just left food in the kitchen, leaving Kaigaku the freedom to go and serve himself. Never did he put it in a dish and bring it to him like he did with their grandfather.
Once done, he ran to lock himself in his room. Kaigaku and his grandfather looked at each other, shocked, not knowing what to do.
And that was the prelude to a long series. Kaigaku watched Zenitsu come home with red cheeks, daydreaming a bit more every day, muttering in his corner, before violently shaking his head and shouting in frustration.
Kaigaku had no idea what was going on in Zenitsu's head, nor why in those moments the plain beige wall seemed pink and roses framed him like a photo frame worthy of a shojo anime. No matter if the universe wanted to make things look cute to others, to Kaigaku it was downright creepy.
So Kaigaku made the decision to simply ignore his cousin under penalty of deep trauma.
Time continued its course and somehow, without Kaigaku noticing at first, things settled down. Zenitsu no longer seemed to catch fire every time he returned, and no longer muttered in his corner like a spirit seeking liberation. Everything had gone back to the way it was before, and Kaigaku blessed the heavens for it.
He was sure now that he had seen all facets of his cousin and told himself he was even more of a pain than he thought.
But once again, Kaigaku was wrong. He hadn't seen everything of his cousin, and this last facet was perhaps the most dangerous one of all.
Kaigaku had a place of his own for him and his friends. The roof of a small old building. It was rather easy to climb, just requiring a bit of agility and speed; plus, with the other buildings around, it created a dead end, and it was entertaining to watch other groups down in the alley because he could sometimes witness epic scenes or just enjoy the sun a bit.
That day was no exception.
Kaigaku was on the roof with two of his friends, their school notebooks scattered a bit in front of them to do homework with very little willpower. Time passed, and another group of five people entered the alleyway. They were rather heavily built and muttered among themselves while laughing. They pulled out a few lunch boxes, three in total, and ate them greedily while laughing, clearly making fun of someone.
"Did you see his face ?" shouted a member of the group. "He's really helpful, isn't he ?"
"Helpful or a wimp ?" said another, mocking in a despicable manner.
Kaigaku watched their exchange with his friends. From where they were, those five guys couldn't see them, so he took advantage of it, but Kaigaku tilted when he noticed the fabric that was once wrapped around the lunch boxes. Given the number of times Kaigaku had seen and even washed similar ones, he could recognize it as Tanjiro's green and black checkered fabric.
"At least the guy with the girl's face has more comeback, even though he's stupid..." another guy mocked.
"Oh yeah, it's because of you that he got detention, right ? You're really mean," the first guy said, laughing again.
"Should we go after the blonde guy ? He looks like an easy target too."
Kaigaku had seemed more taken aback, though he would have denied it. Were they planning to go after Zenitsu ?
Not that it was any of Kaigaku's business, but attacking such a pathetic guy ? Poor things, they would lower their already non-existent charisma.
That was the thought that crossed Kaigaku's mind before he noticed a silhouette coming toward the group. Kaigaku had a surprised look as he saw Zenitsu walking toward the group calmly, with an assured step.
The guys stared at him, bewildered, before laughing mockingly.
"Well, look who's here. Did you come to get beaten up ?" said the fourth guy.
Zenitsu didn't reply. He stared at the lunch boxes that were almost finished by the group, recognizing the fabric that was lying carelessly on the ground as well.
"Those boxes... you took them from Tanjiro, didn't you ?"
"Oh, did you come to avenge your friend ? Is it our fault he's so pitiful that he can't protect his lunch boxes ? We were hungry, we were strong, so we took them from him."
Zenitsu's face was... calm. Not his usual calm, but a calm of such icy coldness that it chilled Kaigaku. Never had he seen such an expression on his cousin's face. Despite all the dirty tricks he had played on Zenitsu, despite all the insults, never had he looked at him as if it were anger and not his heart keeping him alive.
He watched Zenitsu put down his schoolbag with enormous delicacy and precaution, making sure it didn't fall or tilt, staying perfectly straight and leaning against the wall.
This gesture of great gentleness contrasted with his previous cold gaze, irritating the group of guys. The presumed leader, the fifth guy, cursed before gesturing to the others to rush at Zenitsu, who was standing up from the ground.
What followed was an nameless slaughter. Kaigaku and his friends were paralyzed with astonishment and fear, watching without even blinking as Zenitsu beat five men much taller and bulkier than him, giving them kicks whose power resonated in Kaigaku's ears despite the distance.
He beat them all well, but he went after two in particular: the one who had gotten Inosuke detention and the one who must have orchestrated the theft from Tanjiro.
He beat them with such violence that Kaigaku was certain his goal was to kill them.
Tanjiro's attacker, his face swollen with bruises and his nose broken, begged him to stop; he looked so desperate that it instilled pity in Kaigaku. So if he felt pity, he was sure his cousin would too and that he would stop beating him.
But for the third time, Kaigaku was wrong.
"Hey," Zenitsu said in a polar voice filled with a hatred so deep that Kaigaku shivered at it, "grit your teeth if you don't want to lose them all."
His blow was so violent that it sent the guy flying backward; the other four, shocked and terrified to the utmost, began to tremble in front of Zenitsu's killer gaze.
The one who had gone after Inosuke was the one whose fear was the most transparent; panicked tears flowed down his face and his shaking was the most violent. Zenitsu crushed him with his foot.
"You have no idea what you ruined, do you ? They are so kind and carefree, their voices always sound joyful and lively, but you vermin, you tainted their voices with doubt and shame. You made them feel sad and insufficient. I want to kill you so badly."
"No ! Please... have..."
Zenitsu kicked the head of the fourth guy who had just screamed out his fear, knocking him out with that single blow.
"Dare to go after them again, and you'll end up in the morgue, understood ?"
They were so beaten and terrified that they didn't dare answer, and as if to give them an ounce of a chance of survival, Zenitsu's phone rang, echoing in the heavy silence of the alley. He answered, and two voices came out of it.
"MONITSU ! IT'S BEEN THIRTY MINUTES !"
"INOSUKE! Give me my phone !"
"No ! We've been waiting for him for thirty minutes ! Muichiro and Yuichiro have almost finished the fruits ! What the hell are you doing ?! Come quickly !"
"But give me my phone, you're squeezing it too hard !"
Kaigaku thought his shock gauge couldn't get any higher, but now, it had clearly exploded, his breath catching at the scene.
Zenitsu was smiling softly as he heard the bickering of his two lovers. A smile so sweet and far from his cold, sociopathic gaze from a few minutes ago.
"I'll be there in a few minutes. Wait for me. And I'm coming with food, you can let them eat the fruits."
Zenitsu picked up his bag in a manner as delicate as he had put it down—no doubt so as not to spill his food—and continued to chat in a soft, tender voice.
Kaigaku was still just as stuck watching Zenitsu walk away.
"What... did I just witness ?" his friend stammered, also in shock, and Kaigaku could only agree.
What had he just witnessed ?
*
*
*
In the evening, Kaigaku was alone at home; his grandfather had gone out for a small party with his friends.
It was eight o'clock and Zenitsu had just come home. He looked at Kaigaku for a moment before lingering on his grandfather's empty seat, then without a word, headed toward his room.
Kaigaku was still just as disturbed by Zenitsu's earlier act, and couldn't erase from his memory his icy face as he beat people to death. He who was usually so calm, shy, and reserved had shown him an anger so intense that Kaigaku took his own as a whim.
Were those two people so precious in his eyes ? So precious that he got angry for them and not for himself es ?
"Hey... those two guys you spend your time with. What are they to you ?"
Zenitsu froze. Kaigaku never spoke to him directly, never asked him personal questions; he looked at him for a moment, his face impassive.
"Why are you asking ? Is it inconceivable to you that they love me ? Or do you want to hurt them ?"
"Not really and I don't care about them, it's you I'm questioning. You are completely different when it comes to them. I just want you to tell me."
Perhaps deep down, it was the love Zenitsu felt for them that was the truest of all, real and strong, to the point of giving birth to emotions so pure and intense on a face that was impassive 95% of the time.
And seeing Zenitsu's small smile, Kaigaku's thoughts were confirmed.
"Tanjiro is my sun. Inosuke my moon. They are my world and I love them intensely."
The answer was honest, a sincere and real confession. Kaigaku recognized that those two had had a major impact on Zenitsu, and in the best possible way. So he went back to handling his phone.
"You shine when you're with them. So do everything to keep them."
Kaigaku saw the surprise on Zenitsu's face, and after a moment, he smiled sincerely, nodding his head.
Kaigaku would deny until his grave the joy that had washed over him upon seeing Zenitsu's sincere and brilliant smile.