Chapter Text
Harry should have known the game was doomed the moment Teddy declared himself “Offisher Ted.”
Not auror. Not detective.
“Offisher Ted catch bad guys!” Teddy announced proudly, bubble gun raised in the air like a holy weapon.
And somehow, twenty minutes later, Harry was sprinting through his flat with his wrists loosely tied behind his back with enchanted ribbon while Teddy chased him, shrieking with laughter.
“You no escaaaaape!”
“I’m literally escaping right now,” Harry called over his shoulder.
Teddy gasped in betrayal.
Hermione, equally bound with a ridiculous bit of glittering thread around her wrists, nearly doubled over laughing as Harry darted past her in the sitting room.
“Teddy,” she managed between giggles, “you tied him far too loosely.”
“I did good knot!” Teddy protested.
Harry wiggled his shoulders dramatically. “Clearly not.”
Teddy squealed and fired bubbles at him in outrage. The toy gun burst with shimmering blue sparks and floating rainbow bubbles that drifted through the flat.
Harry pretended to stagger backward dramatically. “Aaagh. I’ve been hit.”
“GET HIM!”
Hermione laughed harder.
The entire game had dissolved somewhere between cops and robbers and total chaos. Teddy kept forgetting who was supposed to be captured because every time Harry nearly caught him, he dissolved into delighted baby giggles and ran straight into danger again.
Now Hermione stood trapped in the open kitchen, Harry planted directly in front of her like a self satisfied villain guarding treasure.
“Teddy can’t save you now,” Harry informed her solemnly.
Hermione lifted a brow. “You’re enjoying this far too much.”
“Absolutely.”
Across the room, Teddy crouched behind the sofa, peeking out with exaggerated secrecy.
Harry narrowed his eyes.
Teddy narrowed his right back.
Hermione laughed, her eyes bright with amusement. "Help me, Agent Teddy! The bad guy is too fast!" she called out, watching the toddler’s hair shift to a bright, determined yellow.
Teddy took his role very seriously. He marched forward and reached into his dungaree pocket. "Mi! Eat dis! It gives you super powers!" he chirped, tossing a small square of unwrapped chocolate toward her.
A tiny chocolate flew across the room.
Hermione blinked.
“Teddy -”
But Harry moved instantly.
He dove sideways, blocking Hermione with his body and snatching the chocolate neatly out of the air with his mouth.
Hermione let out an offended sound.
Harry straightened smugly, chewing.
Teddy screamed in scandalized delight.
“NOOOO! Dat for Mi!”
Harry pointed at him dramatically. “Villains don’t share.”
Teddy shrieked in delight, firing a volley of harmless bubbles from his toy before bolting back toward the hallway to find a new secret weapon.
Harry pursued him for exactly three seconds before reappearing immediately in front of Hermione again like a menace.
The kitchen grew quiet for a moment, the only sound being the distant pitter patter of Teddy’s feet. Harry stepped a bit closer to Hermione, leaning his elbow on the counter.
"I think your hero just abandoned you," Harry teased, his voice low and cheerful.
Hermione stared at him.
“You are impossible.”
Harry swallowed the chocolate with a grin.
“I really wanted that chocolate, Harry,” Hermione said, pouting playfully, her lips curving into a grin.
The expression did dangerous things to him.
Because she was clearly having fun - eyes bright, cheeks flushed from running around, hair escaping everywhere. There was laughter still lingering on her mouth.
And Merlin, Harry adored her like this.
“Oh,” he said softly, stepping closer, “that’s easy to fix.”
Hermione’s breath caught.
His hands were technically still tied behind his back, though the ribbon hung loose enough that he could’ve escaped ages ago if he wanted.
He stepped directly into her space. Green eyes locked onto warm honey-brown ones. Hermione felt heat curl low in her stomach immediately.
“Harry…”
“I can feed you.”
His voice had dropped rough and low. Then he leaned down and kissed her. Slowly. Warmly. Hermione melted at once. She tasted chocolate instantly - sweet and slightly melted from the warmth of his mouth. Harry kissed her with infuriating patience, teasing the sweetness onto her tongue while her tied hands flexed uselessly behind her back. A tiny sound escaped her throat. Harry’s mouth curved against hers. There it was.
That smug Potter satisfaction.
When he finally pulled back, Hermione was breathing harder than she’d care to admit.
Harry stayed close enough that their noses brushed. “How’s the taste?” he murmured. Hermione’s cheeks burned. “Arrogant,” she whispered. Harry looked delighted.
A loud gasp interrupted them.
“HA!”
Teddy had returned.
Chocolate smeared across both cheeks, tiny hands sticky, bubble gun abandoned somewhere upstairs.
Harry immediately ducked behind the sofa like a criminal evading arrest. Teddy squinted suspiciously before toddling carefully toward Hermione.
“Mi,” he whispered seriously.
Hermione bit her lip to stop laughing.
Teddy reached up and patted her cheek with one sticky palm.
“I save you.”
“Oh, thank goodness,” Hermione said gravely. “I was terribly worried.”
Teddy nodded solemnly. Then he began aggressively tugging at the ribbon around her wrists with all the determination of a tiny knight rescuing royalty.
“Bad Hawwy tie you up.”
Behind the sofa, Harry muttered, “I’m still here, you know.”
Teddy ignored him completely.
After a heroic amount of effort, the ribbon finally loosened. Teddy looked ecstatic with himself.
“I DID IT!”
“You did,” Hermione said warmly, rubbing her wrists. “You’re my hero.”
Teddy beamed so hard he nearly fell over.
Then Harry exploded upward from behind the sofa with a dramatic roar.
Teddy SCREAMED.
Bubbles fired wildly across the room. Harry barely dodged them as Teddy shrieked with laughter and ran away again.
“NO CATCH OFFISHER TED!”
Harry laughed helplessly before turning back toward Hermione. And immediately stopping. Because Teddy’s chocolate covered hands had left little smudges across Hermione’s cheek and near the corner of her mouth.
Harry’s expression changed instantly. Hermione noticed. Of course she noticed.
“Oh?” she said lightly. “What?”
Harry stepped closer again. Much slower this time.
“Teddy,” he said thoughtfully, “is very messy.”
Hermione’s pulse skipped.
“He’s three.”
“Mhm.”
Harry leaned in. Then, without breaking eye contact, he slowly licked the chocolate from her cheek. Hermione inhaled sharply. Harry’s eyes darkened immediately at the sound. The tip of his tongue brushed near the corner of her mouth next. Deliberately. Carefully. His hand settled against her waist as he leaned closer still.
“Hm,” he murmured softly. “Still sweet.”
Hermione’s entire body felt warm.
“Harry.”
The way she said his name nearly destroyed him. His gaze dropped to her mouth.
And then Teddy’s voice echoed from upstairs,
“BAD GUY WHERE YOU GOOOO?”
Harry closed his eyes briefly.
Hermione burst into helpless laughter.
A second later Harry laughed too, forehead dropping against hers.
“We’re never getting through one game normally again, are we?”
Hermione smiled, eyes soft and shining.
“I certainly hope not.”