Chapter Text
Matt awoke from a rather stupid dream. He was his hat, and he was being blown around Toronto. He ended up in Lake Ontario and sank to the bottom, and he met a fish that could play the piano. They became best friends.
He’s had several of these kinds of dreams before. He likes them, but they’re a bit repetitive. Though, this one ended differently. The fish was suddenly taken away, and Matt couldn’t find him again, no matter how hard he tried.
Eh, probably meant nothing.
“Hey Jay! I had this dream where you were a fish!”
Jay didn’t reply. Maybe he’s still sleeping. He usually wakes up around the time Matt does, but sometimes he sleeps in. He decides to check the bottom bunk.
No one is in there. The bed is neatly made, which is abnormal for Jay. He usually leaves it a mess. Maybe he’s trying to be more tidy.
Matt gets out of the bunk, and looks around. He quickly notices something out of the ordinary.
Jay’s piano is gone and replaced with several guitars. He doesn’t remember Jay ever getting these, or talking about playing the guitar. He’d have to adjust to the sounds of guitar strings, but he’d make do. Did he really have to get rid of his piano though?
He feels a strange sinking feeling. He brushes that off as his body still waking up. It’s early, after all.
He hears footsteps coming down the stairs. It’s Jared and Andy. Matt’s happy to see two familiar faces at least.
“Hey guys! Where’d Jay go?”
“Who?” Jared says. He reacts like he’s never heard that name in his life.
“The other guy that lives here. My best friend.”
Matt points out the photos that line the walls. But then he notices Jay’s not in any of them. Instead, there’s a man with glasses. He has normal hair, and is clean-shaven. He has a sad expression on his face contrasting Matt’s happiness. There’s a bunch of new images that Matt doesn’t remember taking either.
The sinking feeling gets stronger. This can’t be right. This has to be a nightmare. He’s dreaming, and he’s going to wake up soon. He pinches himself, and it doesn’t wake him up. Maybe it’s a prank. An extremely well done prank.
“Who’s that?”
“Matt, you can’t be fucking serious. That’s Owen.”
“That-that can’t be right.”
“I’m pretty sure you would know who your best friend was.” Andy says.
He feels like he’s underwater. He has to lie down. This world can’t be real. It just can’t. He doesn’t want to believe it is. He doesn’t want to be here anymore. He has to get home. He has to find Jay. He has to-
Matt falls unconscious.
—
He awakens in the hospital. Maybe he’s been here all along. That would make sense, they’re here way too often for Jay’s liking. Or is it Owen’s liking? Is Owen like Jay at all? He doesn’t want to think about Owen. He doesn’t want to have a new best friend.
Are they still Nirvanna the Band? They have to be, considering that Owen seems to play an instrument. He probably doesn’t play as well as Jay does. Maybe Jay’s a famous musician. Maybe he never met Matt. Matt doesn’t like the thought of that.
Someone comes into Matt’s room. It’s Owen. Matt takes him in. He’s wearing a black blazer, and a blue shirt. At least he’s not wearing Jay’s clothes.
“Matt, are you ok?” he says.
His voice isn’t like Jay’s. It’s not sweet and smooth and a bit whiny. It’s serious and more direct. He sounds smarter than Jay. He doesn’t seem like the type of guy who’d go along easily with Matt’s plans.
He doesn’t want to talk to Owen. But he has to. He has to, or he’ll never get out of this fucked up world. He’ll never see Jay again. The thought of that makes him sick. No, he has to hold it together.
“I-I think I am.”
“Good! Let’s go home.”
He doesn’t want to go back home. He feels like it’s gone. But he has to go back. He has to find Jay, or save him if he’s in danger. Oh god, what if he’s hurt?! Or worse, dead?! He imagines himself and Owen finding Jay’s body. No, that won’t happen.
Owen handles all the important shit when leaving the hospital. He seems more competent than Jay. Maybe they’ve gotten a show at the Rivoli in this world. No, only he and Jay can get a show. Only them.
—
“Hey Owen, how did we meet?” Matt asks as they walk home.
“In the woods. Did you lose your fucking memory? You were throwing bikes in the river.” Owen says.
“Did you have headphones on?”
“No? You and I swapped glasses. We both broke them, and then we got lost.”
Matt asks Owen more questions. Owen has an actual job, but he tries to find time for the band. They’re still called Nirvanna the Band.They haven’t gotten a show at the Rivoli, which made Matt feel better.
The events of their life are the same, but there were little changes. Like Owen trying to cut Matt down instead of wailing at his feet when he hung himself.
He gets the sinking feeling again, and tries to shove it off. It doesn’t leave. He wants it to leave. It has to leave. But it feels like it won’t leave him until he finds Jay again. When he gets back to Owen’s house, he’ll do some research.
Matt tries to explain his predicament to Owen. How he went to bed with Jay below him, and awoke in a world without him. He tells Owen everything about Jay. How much Jay means to him, and how strange he feels in this world with Owen. How he needs to find Jay. His words pour out of him like water, spilling everywhere.
Owen doesn’t talk again until they get to his house. He takes in everything Matt says. They get to the stoop, and he finally speaks.
“If you find this Jay, can I still be your friend?”
“Yeah sure! You can be a camera guy!”
“No, not one of them. I want to be in the band.”
Matt doesn’t respond. Could the band work with 3 members? Maybe they’d finally get a show at the Rivoli if they did. Maybe the reason the Rivoli didn’t give them a show was because they didn’t have enough members!
“I’ll think about it.”
—
Matt got on the computer. He didn’t use it very often, but it was very helpful when he needed to research something. He typed Jay’s name into the search bar.
Jay McCarrol
Most of the results were for that fashion designer that shared a name with him. Matt had always thought it was funny. Jay said he never cared, but sometimes Matt heard him angrily grumble that he wasn’t as famous as him.
Facebook: Jay McCarrol
Nothing came up, yet again. Did Jay delete his account again? Yeah, it was probably that. It had to be that. It had to.
Jay McCarrol Toronto
Nothing was coming up. He tried on multiple search engines, but still nothing. Matt checked old forums that Jay had gone to back in the day. Gaming forums, forums for pianists, and random assorted ones he used for no reason.
He was never there. Owen’s accounts didn’t even replace him. Conversations that he took part in continued on without him, and any arguments he might have gotten himself in simply didn’t occur.
He couldn’t be gone. He couldn’t. It just wasn’t possible for him to be gone. A part of him still had to exist somewhere. He felt like he was underwater again, but he couldn’t succumb to it. He had to push through. He had to find Jay.
Jay McCarrol Ontario
Jay McCarrol Alberta
Jay McCarrol British Columbia
Jay McCarrol Quebec
Jay McCarrol obituary
Jay where are you
Jay come back please
Jay I’m sorry.
Jay
Matt cried a waterfall. He was at the bottom of the ocean. He didn’t want to be stuck here. A world without Jay was empty. Incomplete. Unfinished. A song with no beginning. Something had erased him, and replaced him with Owen.
Owen got up and hugged him. It didn’t feel like how Jay would hug him. But it felt nice, so he returned the favor.
“You’ll find him one day.” he said. Owen didn’t sound too confident. He sounded like he was just saying that to make Matt happy.
Matt didn’t sleep very well. He had a nightmare of him and Jay in a rushing river. He was able to get to shore, but Jay was dragged off, never to be seen again.
He wondered if he could even go back home. He promised himself that he’d figure out how to, even if it took him a lifetime.
—
SEVERAL HOURS AGO
“Who the f-ck is Owen?!” Jay said. There was something wrong with Matt today, more than normal.
“He’s my real best friend. Not whoever the fuck you are!”