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Byungjoo woke up to the sound of muffled crying for the third time that week. He glanced across to the bed beside him which he had grown accustomed to being empty over the past couple of weeks. He noticed a mound under the covers as his eyes adjusted to the dark.
"Hansol?" He whispered, trying not to wake Hojoon.
The sobbing stopped. He heard the elder's breath hitch, realising someone else was awake.
Byungjoo sighed, climbing out of bed and heading over to what used to be Taeyang's bed. The folded the covers back, sliding in next to the pink haired boy.
"Come here." He opened his arms, inviting the elder dancer to snuggle into him.
Hansol sniffled, turning so he could bury his face in Byungjoo's chest. He hated the others seeing him cry. He was always pinned as the weak, emotional one and he couldn't stand it.
"It still smells like him." He wrapped his arms around Byungjoo's waist, mumbling into the younger's shirt. "This bed. It still smells like Taeyang."
Byungjoo nuzzled his nose into Hansol's hair. He knew how much the smaller boy missed their eldest member. He couldn't count the number of times he woke up to Hansol pawing at Taeyang, whining to be let in, the brunette groaning a 'fucking fine' before rolling over in defeat, making room for the younger.
"I know you miss him, but we're still gonna see him, Hansollie." He tried to reassure the elder. "He's not that far away."
"It's not the same. I don't get to see him all the time. He's not here at night. I-" He took a shaky breath, shifting in Byungjoo's arms so he could face the redhead. "Will you sleep here tonight? With me? I'm still not used to him...not being here."
Byungjoo hummed, he wasn't big on sharing beds, especially not single beds, he preferred to starfish-out, but he couldn't very well leave Hansol on his own when he was this upset. He knew the other thrived off of affection.
"Sure, just, try and sleep. We have to be up soon." He tightened his arms around the smaller boy's shoulders, rubbing soothing circles into the soft material of his hoodie.
"Thanks Joo."
✥✥✥
Hansol's least favourite thing about being an idol was the early mornings. By a long shot. He could go to bed at 7pm and still feel like he didn't get enough sleep with a 4am start.
His eyes fluttered shut as he leaned against the cool glass of the car window, the gentle rocking of the vehicle on the road lulling him to sleep.
He felt a strong arm snake around his shoulders, urging him to cuddle into the warm body next to him. He sighed contentedly rubbing his face into soft jersey material.
He didn't have to open his eyes to know it was Sanggyun, he was pretty sure he heard the younger's signature cackle as he was drifting off.
"You okay?" Sanggyun whispered into his hair as he hooked his hands under the elder's knees, pulling them up so they lay across his lap.
Hansol nodded, a small smile spreading across his lips as he turned slightly, snuggling further into Sanggyun's jacket. "You?"
Sanggyun exhaled, head resting on Hansol's, his own eyes falling shut as he tried to catch some sleep of his own on the way to their undoubtedly long photoshoot. His arm fell to Hansol's waist, finding the elder's hand and lacing their fingers, his other hand settling on Hansol's knee.
"Yeah."
✥✥✥
Hansol loved watching Yoonchul work. He didn't understand the first thing about composing or producing, but he was fascinated at the attention to detail the elder put into his songs. He used to stay up all night with him, Dongsung, Hyosang and Taeyang in the studio. He wasn't much help musically, but he would bring them coffee and snacks and provide moral support when they were ready to rip their hair out from stress. It was weird that most of their producers had left. The studio felt empty with just the two of them.
"What do you think sounds better?" Yoonchul played two samples, looking over at Hansol with those doe eyes of his. The dancer sipped on his latte, as he listened. He liked them both, but he knew Yoonchul would just roll his eyes if he said that.
"The second one."
Yoonchul twisted his nose. "I like the first one better."
Hansol smiled against the rim of his mug, he really didn't know why Yoonchul bothered asking his opinion when he had already made his mind up. He spun in his chair, glancing around the room for something to occupy him while Yoonchul worked. It was so much quieter in the studio now Yoonchul was the only one left. He wasn't big on talking.
He rifled through some papers in a drawer underneath one of the computers, smiling as he found rough drafts of the lyrics from their most recent album. He could barely even read them due to Sanggyun's appalling hand writing. He flicked through the pages, halting as he found words he didn't recognise.
"Oh my god." He whispered under his breath, voice wavering slightly.
"Hm?" Yoonchul picked up on the noise almost instantly. He wasn't much of a talker when he was focused on his work, but he was always listening. "What's up?"
"Nothing, I..." Hansol sniffled, trying to urge the tears that were beginning to surface down. He hated crying in front of Yoonchul the most, he knew it made the blonde uncomfortable. "I just found some lyrics Dongsung wrote ages ago."
Yoonchul wheeled his chair over, plucking the crumpled sheet from Hansol's hands. "Oh yeah, I remember this. He agonised over the wording for days. It's a shame we never recorded it."
Hansol nodded, taking the sheet back from Yoonchul to finish reading it, tears blurring the words as he tried to focus. He missed Dongsung's voice so much. He missed the elder singing him to sleep when he felt especially homesick.
"You really miss him, huh?" Yoonchul placed a large hand on Hansol's shoulder, the younger looking back at him with watery eyes.
"Yeah. Taeyang leaving is making a lot of old feelings resurface."
Yoonchul gave him a solemn smile, patting his lap, inviting Hansol to cuddle into him.
The pink haired dancer didn't waste any time in doing so, curling into Yoonchul, face buried in the producers jumper. He started sobbing gently as long arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him in closer.
It was rare he got hugs from Yoonchul, but they were his favourite. The height different between them made Hansol feel so safe and protected, like nothing could harm him with Yoonchul's ridiculously long limbs holding him tightly.
Yoonchul let him cry, knowing he wouldn't be able to say anything to make him stop, large hands rubbing up and down his back to try and calm the younger.
Hansol fisted his hands in Yoonchul's jumper, breath shaky as his crying dissipated.
"Better?" Yoonchul asked, voice soft.
Hansol didn't know where the sudden bout of affection came from, but he wasn't complaining. He just hoped he hadn't made Yoonchul uncomfortable.
He wrapped his arms around the elder's waist, allowing his shoulders to relax as he settled into Yoonchul's warmth.
"Better."
✥✥✥
Sangdo's bed was always open, Hansol knew that. Which is why when a cold body slid in beside him at 3am, the vocalist didn't even flinch.
"Have you been outside?"
"Yeah, went for a walk."
Sangdo rolled over, pulling Hansol into his chest with a deep sigh. "You’re freezing. You should have woke me; I would have come with you. It’s not safe to be out in the middle of the night alone."
Sangdo was so protective of them all, but especially Hansol. There were only a couple of months between them but Sangdo acted like Hansol's father most of the time.
"I just went to a bar I know Hyosang goes to with his friends but...he wasn't there." Hansol could feel the dried tear tracks on his face as he spoke. They made his skin feel tight from the cold November air.
"You can just message him you know; he's still your friend, Hansol."
Hansol rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "I don't want to bother him." He knew Hyosang was still his friend, but he had his other friends, and Hansol knew he didn't fit in with them.
"You worry too much, Hansollie. You know Hyosang loves hanging out with you." Sangdo spoke, shifting down the bed so his cheek was resting on Hansol's chest. "Now, go to sleep, we have stuff to do tomorrow."
Hansol wrapped an arm around Sangdo's broad shoulders, scoffing under his breath.
"Yes, Dad."
✥✥✥
Hansol closed his eyes, letting the beat flow through him, body moving as if on auto pilot as he effortlessly made his way through the routine they had been perfecting for two months. Until about three minutes in. There was one move he couldn't get down and he didn't even know why. It wasn't a difficult move; it was as if his body had a physical block. It was frustrating. He was meant to be their lead dancer.
He groaned loudly, kicking at the mirror as he tried to wrap his head around that one move. His legs burned but he was determined to conquer it, rewinding to that one problem area over and over with the remote in his hand.
"Come on Hansol, let's just go back." Hojoon whined, tugging on the younger's sweatshirt.
The pink haired boy's chest was heaving, exhausted from hours of dancing but not ready to give up yet. "I keep messing up. I just...I need to get this right." He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, he wasn't even sure why, he put it down to frustration.
"We still have time, you're overthinking things. You need to rest."
Hansol slumped against the mirrored all, head falling back as he looked up at the lights, trying to keep the tears from falling. He was so sick of crying.
Hojoon flopped down next to him, resting his head in the younger's lap. "You need to stop being so hard on yourself. If you just relax it'll come, trust me."
Hojoon reached up to thread his fingers through Hansol's pink hair, knowing it always calmed the other dancer. Hansol let his eyes fall shut as Hojoon massaged into his scalp. He knew he could do it; he was just getting himself stressed over nothing. Everything was building up and clouding his judgment.
He felt a weight lift from his lap as Hojoon slid onto the floor next to him, arms stretched out inviting Hansol to join him. The younger smiled, leaning into Hojoon's warmth as said arms wrapped around him, pulling him down on top of the dark haired dancer. He giggled into Hojoon's t-shirt as their legs intertwined.
His eyes fluttered shut again; Hojoon's steady breathing underneath him lulling him to sleep after hours of rigorous practice.
"You're an amazing dancer, Hansollie. Don't ever put yourself down, okay?" Hojoon whispered into Hansol's hair as he massaged soothing circles into the younger's back.
Hansol nodded against Hojoon's chest, too tired to respond properly. He could easily stay like this all night, Hojoon's fingers gently pressing into his shoulder blades, easing the tension that had been building for weeks.
"Hey! Don't fall asleep!" The massaging fingers turned into a slap to the back of the head causing Hansol to groan as his peace being disturbed. "There's no way I'm spending the night on this floor with you on top of me."
"But you're so comfy." Hansol whined nuzzling into Hojoon's neck.
Hojoon scoffed, wiggling underneath Hansol's weight to try and get the younger dancer to move, but Hansol wouldn't budge. He rolled his eyes, knowing how stubborn the pink haired boy could be.
"I'll let you sleep on top of me at home if you move in the next five seconds."
Hansol let out a small squeal of excitement as he rolled off the elder, putting his hands out to help Hojoon up, wanting to get back home as quick as possible.
Hojoon was his favourite cushion, after all.
✥✥✥
"Can't sleep?"
Hansol's mind was so foggy he barely even registered the voice that rang behind him.
"Sehyuk-hyung." Hansol forced a smile as he slowly turned to face their leader, kettle in hand. "Want some tea?"
Sehyuk nodded, stifling a yawn as he sat at the small table in their kitchen. Hansol joined him, careful not to scrape his chair along the tiles and wake up anyone else as he passed a mug across to Sehyuk.
"You never answered my question." Sehyuk smiled, he knew Hansol would open up to him with a little coaxing. He hated when his members felt like they needed to bottle things up and pretend they were coping when they weren't.
"No I can't." Hansol stirred a couple of spoonful’s of sugar into his tea. He knew he wouldn't help him sleep, but that was the only way he could drink it. "I keep finding his stuff in our room. I can't get used to not having him there."
"Taeyang's?" Hansol nodded lowly. "Do you want to move?"
Hansol snapped his head up. Of course he didn't. He loved sharing with Byungjoo and Hojoon, and he had loved sharing with Taeyang. Sure, they argued over stealing one another's clothes since they were all around the same size, and Byungjoo even managed to be loud in his sleep, but he couldn't imagine switching rooms.
"Nah, I'll have to deal with it eventually. I got used to the rest of them leaving."
Sehyuk sat back in his chair, hands raking through his hair. "I feel like such a shitty leader sometimes. Losing four members isn't exactly something I'm proud of."
Hansol frowned, he hated when Sehyuk doubted his abilities as a leader. It wasn't his fault their ex-members wanted different things. He had tried his hardest to stop them leaving, convincing Dongsung and Hyosang to stay for their international tours.
"Don't say that, hyung; you know they didn't leave because of you. Nothing would have changed their minds."
Sehyuk offered him a soft smile, whispering a 'thanks, Hansol' into his steaming hot tea. The two of them sat in silence as they drank, both more than ready to crawl into bed.
Hansol's eyes had begun to unfocus as he tried to stay awake, coming to as fingers weaved through his.
"Hyung?"
Sehyuk didn't respond, tugging on Hansol's hand to get the younger to stand up, to follow him until he was being pushed into Sehyuk's bed.
This was new. Hansol had never slept in Sehyuk's bed before. He always insisted he never got any rest of any of the members were to join him, plus, he preferred sleeping naked.
Hansol tensed up as Sehyuk's arms wrapped around his shoulders, not used to being cuddled by the elder.
"I'm not gonna bite, Hansol." Sehyuk whispered, Hansol could hear the smirk in his voice.
He rolled over in Sehyuk's strong arms, cuddling into his leaders toned chest. Snuggling into Sehyuk wasn't something he was used to, but he would never say no when they elder was offering.
"Night."
Hansol scooted closer, eyelids too heavy to stay open. "Night, hyung."
✥✥✥
"Hansollie!"
Hansol had barely even gotten to take his jacket off when he was lifted from the ground and spun around by a body in a black sweater. He didn't even have to see the persons face to know it was Jiho.
"I missed you." Jiho stopped spinning, propping Hansol on his hip as he beamed up at the pink haired dancer in his arms, lips pressing soft and sweet against the elder's cheek.
"I was only gone two days, Jiho." Hansol wrapped his legs around Jiho's waist, he knew the younger was strong enough to hold him up, but with their showcase coming up he didn't want to take any chances.
"I still missed you, my precious little cinnamon bun." Hansol snorted at the nickname, Jiho could be so greasy at times. He'd be lying if he said he didn't love the affection though. "Wanna watch a movie?"
Hansol nodded, allowing Jiho to carry him to their living room. The dark haired dancer gently placed him down on the sofa as he went to pick a movie to watch.
Hansol stretched out his limbs, still stiff from the journey home from his parents place. He needed some time to himself before the comeback, he loved his members more than anything but he knew he would be stuck with them over the next few months and even he, despite being known as the clingiest, needed some space to breathe.
Jiho bounded back over to him, settling down in Hansol's lap, earning a wheeze from the elder. Jiho reminded him of a Labrador puppy; it was like he was totally unaware of how big he was.
"Hyung~," Jiho sang, pinching at Hansol's cheeks as he wiggled his way into Hansol's arms, "smile for me."
Hansol forced out a smile, which would have been genuine if his ribs and lungs weren't starting to protest from the extra weight. Jiho isn't as light as he thinks he is.
Jiho continued to wiggle around in Hansol's lap, like he's not crushing the tiny dancer.
"You're such a brat." Hansol squirmed under Jiho's weight, trying to get comfortable as he realised the dark haired dancer wasn't moving any time soon.
Jiho hummed victoriously, nuzzling into Hansol's neck as the movie started, Hansol wrapping an arm around the younger's waist. They settled into a comfortable silence as the movie played. Hansol was barely paying attention, eyes heavy from travelling. He rested his head on top of Jiho's, inhaling the scent of the expensive shampoo the younger insisted on using.
"I miss Taeyang-hyung." Jiho's voice was tight, as he absentmindedly laced his fingers with Hansol's. It was usually Taeyang that Jiho pounced on when he came through the door. The elder would shoot Hansol a 'save me' look as Jiho threw the tiny rapper around like his own personal rag doll.
"I know you do, Jiho. I do too."
Jiho sniffled, head pillowed on Hansol's chest. It was rare he cried in front of anyone, but he knew Hansol wouldn't judge him for it.
"I love you, hyung."
Hansol pulled him closer, tighter, not wanting to think about what would happen if he let go.
"I love you, too."
✥✥✥
Ironically he felt the safest with Sangwon. He knew that being the hyung he should be the one comforting the young rapper, but it always seemed to be the other way round.
Spending nights in Sangwon's bed had become a regular occurrence. It felt weird sleeping in a different room, but waking up next to someone somewhat filled a Taeyang-shaped hole without having to inconvenience Byungjoo or Hojoon.
It had been a rough night, he could tell by the dry pain in his throat he had been crying in his sleep again. He tried to nuzzle back into Sangwon's shirt, groaning as he realised the material was damp where his face had been overnight.
"Hey, sleeping beauty." The auburn haired boy smiled down at him, causing Hansol to grimace at the nickname.
"Sorry if I kept you up all night." His voice was hoarse. He hated himself for doing this to the rest of his members; he was bringing them all down.
"Nah, it's fine, you didn't. You only started crying about fifteen minutes ago. I didn't know whether to wake you or not, like with sleepwalkers or whatever." Sangwon's fingers carded through his messy candyfloss hair.
Hansol sighed deeply. He was so sick of crying. He knew he just had to get over it. They weren't coming back. He was being selfish wanting them to, he understood why each of them chose to leave. He just...wished they hadn't.
"You wanna talk about it? It's been four weeks, Hansol. Is something else going on?"
Hansol's breath hitched. Had it really been four weeks since Taeyang moved out? Had he really been crying and feeling like shit for that long?
"I just..." His voice wavered. He really didn't want to cry again. "I feel like everyone's leaving me. It keeps happening over and over. First Hyunho, then Dongsung and Hyosang, now Taeyang. I'm scared to sleep in case I wake up and it's just me. What if someone else leaves? What if Sehyuk or Yoonchul leave? I really don't think I can handle going through this again, Sangwon."
He curled back into Sangwon's chest, burying his face in the damp t-shirt.
"Well, I'm not gonna leave you. I'm afraid you're stuck with me forever." Sangwon poked at his cheek, urging the elder to look up at him. "I'm gonna be here to annoy you and steal food off your plate until we're all old and wrinkly. Well, when you are, I'll still have this adorable baby-face." Sangwon brought the hand that wasn't tangled in Hansol's hair up to frame his face.
Hansol rolled his eyes; it was too early for Sangwon's gross attempts at aegyo. "Ugh. That sounds like hell." He teased, a look of mock disgust on his features.
Sangwon pouted, lightly jabbing Hansol in the sides. "Hey, don't be mean. I'm your favourite dongsaeng. You'd be devastated if I left."
Hansol scoffed. "Who said you're my favourite? Jiho's my favourite." He beamed up at the younger, giggling as Sangwon's pout intensified to levels he didn't even know were possible.
"Hansollie!" He whined, rolling onto his side so Hansol was trapped between his body and the wall, both his arms wrapping around the giggling smaller boy. "But I'm your baby."
Hansol's eyes rested on Sangwon's cheeks, they weren't as squishy as they used to be. His face was so much more defined than it was a few years ago; he couldn't believe how much their maknae had grown up in the past year. But he was right; he was still Hansol's baby.
His signature Cheshire Cat smile broke out on his face as he reached up to press a gentle kiss to the tip of Sangwon's nose.
"Yeah okay, you're my baby." He pushed at Sangwon's chest, urging the younger to roll onto his back so he could have more room. "And you're my favourite. But don't tell anyone, especially not Byungjoo. I'll never hear the end of it."
Sangwon beamed, wrapping his arms around Hansol's shoulders and pulling the smaller boy into a bear hug.
"I knew you loved me the most."
✥✥✥
Hansol made his way through the Hunus building, hands buried in the pockets of the oversized hoodie he'd stolen from Jiho, too lazy to wash his own clothes.
He had to get to the dance studio; he was still worried about not being able to get the choreography right for their showcase, which was coming up in a couple of days. He was so tried. Tired of dancing, tired of not being able to sleep or eat properly. As much he loves being an idol, as much as he loves his fans, he hated how stressful comebacks were. Regardless of one of his best friends leaving him.
He flinched as a weight tackled him from behind, arms wrapping around his waist.
"You looked like you needed a hug."
Hansol's breath hitched at the deep voice that rang in his ear.
"Hyung?"
The arms loosened, allowing him to turn and face whoever had pounced on him. His mind hadn't been playing tricks on him.
"Hey."
"Taeyanggie!" Hansol threw his arms around the elder's shoulders, legs kicking back behind him as he jumped on the blonde. The rappers eyes widened as Hansol threw his entire weight at him, arms tightening around the dancer’s waist as he tried not to drop him.
"Hansol, please." Taeyang wheezed, unable to bear Hansol's weight any longer.
Hansol backed off, planting his feet back on the ground as he giggled a 'sorry'. His cheeks hurt from smiling but he couldn't stop, it felt like months since he last saw Taeyang, even though it had only been a couple of weeks.
"I missed you." He wrapped his arms back around Taeyang's shoulders, peppering soft kisses across the elder's face, not caring about the people stopping as staring at the in the corridor, as Taeyang tried to squirm out of his grasp.
"I missed you too, I guess." Taeyang smiled as Hansol as the younger detached himself from Taeyang's face, his signature dimple appearing on his right cheek.
"What are you doing this Saturday?"
Taeyang cocked his head, overgrown blonde stands falling over his eyes. "Nothing, why?"
"We're getting pizza, you should come over. Hyosang will be there, I've asked Hyunho and Dongsung too."
Taeyang's smile softened, he couldn't remember the last time they were all together. Probably last year before Dongsung enlisted. He felt a little awkward at the thought of going back to the apartment he used to share with the rest of the members, but here was no way he could say no to Hansol's catlike grin.
"Sure, just text me what time."
✥✥✥
Hansol smiled to himself. He missed this, the noise, the warmth, the way they all had to squash onto three sofas.
He glanced over at Taeyang, their eldest was sandwiched between Sangdo and Jiho, practically in Jiho's lap as the younger hand fed him pizza; as if Taeyang wasn't capable of doing it himself.
Next to Taeyang, Sangdo was deep in conversation with Hyunho and Yoonchul, he couldn't figure out what about due to too many overlapping voices.
Across the room Hojoon was struggling in Dongsung's grip, the elder's arms wrapped around him as Sanggyun teased the dark haired dancer with the last slice of his favourite flavour pizza. Sehyuk watched on, shaking his head softly as he laughed at how ridiculous his members could be.
Beside him Byungjoo and Sangwon were in the middle of a heated battle on their phones, some game with bright lights and loud noises keeping them occupied.
He felt slender arms wrap around his waist, shifting underneath him as Hyosang reached forward to grab each of them another slice, handing one to the pink haired boy. Hansol took it with a smile, settling into Hyosang's lap.
"This is nice." Hyosang mused, taking a bite of pizza, pouting as most of the topping came off in one mouthful.
Hansol casted his eyes over the scene in front of him. All his favourite people in one room. It reminded him of when they were trainees. When they'd come home after hours of practice, preparing for their debut and they'd all pile into one dorm to eat together. This many bodies in one room made their tiny apartment feel so alive, so warm. He knew the others would have to leave eventually; they had their own lives, separate from the group. But he was going to revel in their warmth as long as he could.
He snuggled into Hyosang's hold, head resting on the elder's shoulder.
"Yeah, it is."