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“What?”
Suho blinked, apparently unaware that he had been staring at Sieun for a good five minutes straight. He blinked once more, sitting up slightly in his chair and furrowing his eyebrows, “Hm?”
“Why are you staring?” Sieun’s face was as blank as ever, though Suho could detect the skepticism in his eyes. Suho could always read Sieun’s eyes; not because he knew him so well, but because despite Sieun’s lack of facial expression, his eyes always held everything he was feeling. What he was thinking. What he was truly seeing.
And unfortunately, he was seeing Suho staring at him for god knows how long in the soft sunset on the rooftop of Suho’s apartment building like a lovesick schoolgirl.
And all Suho could muster up was a mumbled, “Why are you staring?” as he shuffled nervously in his seat and looked out ahead of him again. An internal scream was all he could hear in his head as his foot restlessly bounced, the condensation of the cool can of the energy drink he had barely taken a sip out of dripping onto his arm. He could feel Sieun’s eyes burning a hole into the side of his head, but he just quietly cleared his throat and kept looking at the view past the chainlink fence.
Suho knew he was at least bi from around middle school, albeit the doubts he had at first; though he didn’t have them for very long. He’d never had any real crushes on other guys, but he knew he was attracted to men; staring at idols for way longer than necessary, repeatedly watching edits on his phone of celebrities, daydreaming about said celebrities instead of learning in class. But he had never fallen in love.
Not until Yeon Sieun.
Sieun had captured Suho’s attention not at the beginning of the year, but around the mid-year exams. Suho constantly questioned why he never noticed Sieun sooner, but he always arrived at the same answer every time.
He'd encountered multiple run-ins with Sieun in the past. Like accidentally bumping into him while rushing out of school one afternoon; picking him as part of his dodgeball team in middle school (as reluctant as the boy was); offering to help him up when Yeongbin pushed him down in the halls. It wasn’t like he didn’t know he existed. There was only one reason why things had changed that day.
It was an accident when Suho knocked Sieun’s pencil case off his desk. He was busy sweeping the floor with the baseball team, and by the time things had cooled down, he felt a pair of eyes on him. Suho met them, and his whole world stopped.
He had never been so captivated by a pair of eyes that were so clearly judging him. Suho couldn’t have even begun to describe them other than the fact that they were completely and utterly ethereal. And they were on him. Those eyes swirling so visibly with Sieun’s thoughts, were looking at him. Mad at him for knocking his pencil case off his desk and fighting in class while he was trying to study, yes. But they were on Suho nonetheless.
Suho remembered being quiet. The silence between them wasn’t loud, it was new. The first moments of many. Suho felt something in his chest flutter, something dip in his stomach like he was on a rollercoaster. At that moment, Suho could think of only one thing.
‘Fuck, he’s gorgeous.’
Suho had their first conversation memorised like it was the back of his hand.
“Was that because of me?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Sorry about that.”
“Why fight in a classroom?”
It was a short conversation. Only because, for some reason, Suho was at a loss for words. During his early days of denial, he used to blame it on the adrenaline from fighting the baseball team. But Suho remembered how he felt at that moment. Instead of replying to Sieun with another apology, or getting offended that he had the gall to say what he did despite the fact that Suho had essentially been jumped, he just smiled and left.
After that, it felt like every run-in with each other felt like it was written in the universe. Suho felt himself being drawn to Sieun, even during times where he shouldn’t have been. Even when things were taking a turn for the absolute worst, even when he damn well should’ve run in the other direction, Suho stayed. And as much as Suho didn’t want to reach, Sieun was the same way. Which conflicted Suho, because Sieun was the type to never involve himself into other people’s bullshit.
After another moment of silence, Suho looked at Sieun, “Hey.”
Sieun slowly turned his head toward Suho before finally moving his eyes away from the sunset and looking at him. It was a habit of his that Suho noticed a long time ago. Simply because somewhere in the back of Suho’s mind, he was begging for Sieun to look at him. To have those pretty eyes on him and to see that little shine in them that for some reason was there only when looking at Suho.
Sieun let out a quiet, “Hm?”
Suho felt his heart pound loudly in his chest before he asked, “Would you mind helping me study?”
Sieun blinked blankly before saying, “You said you were going well with your studies.”
Suho chuckled before bashfully looking down to the ground, foot bouncing again. He did. And it was an absolute lie. Because Suho didn’t want Sieun to worry. When Suho awoke from his coma and was discharged, Sieun was attached to his hip at every possible moment. He was constantly on the lookout, both for Suho and for anyone who might come back to mess with him. Suho didn’t know what happened to those guys, where they went or what they were doing nor if they ever received consequences for what they did.
Sieun did. Suho knew he did. But he never said a word about it, and when Suho did ask about it, he’d changed the subject as fast and as casually as possible. That confused Suho. He figured Sieun would perhaps want to tell him. But even as Suho checked through his messages on his phone, the countless messages his friend had sent to him while he was in hospital, nothing had mentioned what happened.
Suho could see it in Sieun’s eyes whenever it was brought up. The panic that would flood them, the shame. The fact that Sieun would look away every time, like he knew Suho could read him that way. Like it was the only possible way to hide what happened. And it drove Suho insane.
Not because there was a (very small) possibility that Sieun had done something to those boys, but because Sieun was scared to tell him. He didn’t trust that Suho would respond in kind. That’s what killed him.
“Well, come on then,” Suho slapped his knees and stood from his chair, swaying slightly from standing too fast. Sieun's eyes immediately trained on him, watching his every move without trying to hover. It had only been about six months since Suho woke, but he was making good recovery, and nothing abnormal had occurred. But Sieun wasn’t taking any chances, he knew that. Suho smiled, breaking the space between them by taking Sieun’s wrist and pulling him up out of his seat.
The poor guy stumbled to his feet as he looked at Suho in shock, mumbling a small ‘hey’ before trying to put his own drink down as Suho persistently pulled him toward roof’s exit.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“You’re still confused.”
“I know how it works.”
“You’re lying.”
“Look, I did it right here!” Suho picked his notebook up and faced it toward Sieun, pointing at the problem he definitely didn’t solve correctly. Sieun looked between the notebook and him with the most ‘are you fucking serious?’ look before he shuffled closer to the table, picking up his pen. “We’ve been over this five times now.”
“Maybe you’re just bad at explaining,” Suho leaned back in his chair, chucking his notebook carelessly back onto the table in front of him. Sieun looked at him with his eyebrows raised, eyes flicking back to the notebook before he said, “I’m the reason you’re passing, let me be clear. So I can’t be that bad at explaining things.”
Suho had to take a moment to calm his heart hammering in his chest. He absolutely loved it when Sieun argued back with him. Sieun’s retorts weren’t exactly rare, but when he argued back with actual attitude as opposed to the constant flat tone he used with everyone, it sent Suho’s mind reeling in elation. Something about knowing Sieun was comfortable enough with him to be able to speak to him in such a way gave him a weird sense of pride.
Suho let the light smirk slip across his face as he silently challenged Sieun, eyes competing to see who would look away first. He noticed it, the slight narrow in Sieun’s eyes as they sparkled just a little more than they usually did. Then, he blinked and sighed, light dimming as he looked away. Suho didn’t look away, just watched the pink slowly rise to Sieun’s cheeks. Watched strands of silk black hair fall and catch in long fluttering eyelashes as his eyes fake-scanned the notes in front of him.
Suho didn’t know what came over him. Maybe it was the quiet atmosphere, or the calm steadiness of the dimly lit room as rain began to fall heavily outside. Maybe it was because no matter if Sieun tried to hide it, Suho could see the flush on his cheeks and the chills run up his arms and neck, because he was watching him that intently.
Without another word, Suho shuffled closer to Sieun so their knees weren’t just touching, but fully pressed against one another. Sieun leaned back a little in shock, eyes scanning Suho up and down in that look of absolute disbelief he tends to pull when someone gets just a little too close to him. Suho’s voice lowered as his hand reached up to Sieun’s face. He forced away the shakiness and hesitancy, not wanting to spook the other boy away, before he gently moved a few strands of hair from Sieun’s eye and said, “So explain this then.”
Sieun gulped so loud it was almost comical as he stared flabbergasted at Suho. “What?” Sieun’s voice went quieter than usual. “My– What– My hair?”
Suho bit the inside of his cheek slightly as a small, albeit mischievous smirk slid onto his face as he slowly leaned in closer, hand resting behind Sieun to keep his weight up. Internally, Suho’s heart was pounding. Screaming at him asking “What the hell are you doing?!” But the quieter, more steady voice, was saying, “He would’ve pulled away by now had anyone else tried this.”
“No, no,” Suho let out in a quiet, breathy chuckle, before grazing the back of his finger lightly down Sieun’s cheek, heat following in its wake, “That.” He heard the hitch in Sieun’s breath, and that only seemed to egg Suho on even further. His finger dragged further down, just light enough for Sieun to pull away any time he would want, until they reached the corner of his lips. Suho’s eyes flicked up to Sieun’s again.
If Suho had a penny for every time Sieun’s eyes hypnotised him, he’d be the richest man alive. And right now they were looking at him in a way he could only describe as tantalising. Like he was secretly daring him to go even further. Because he didn’t believe he would.
Suho hummed, leaning in closer until their breaths mixed in with one another’s. The tip of his finger slowly outlined the shape of Sieun’s lips, causing them to part slightly in a slight gasp of surprise. Suho’s smirk widened as his gaze flicked to Sieun’s, his teeth biting his own bottom lip. His heart pounded in his chest as they looked at one another, the rain outside doing nothing to mask their own heavy breathing; anticipation and nerves and every wild thought running in their minds filling the room.
Suho should’ve kept his mouth shut. He didn’t know why he thought that was the absolute perfect time to ask the question that had been on his mind since he woke from his coma. But he (stupidly) asked anyway. “Can I ask. . .”
Even those few words seem to break the tension between them, and Suho could sense a different type of tension in Sieun’s shoulders, like he knew what he was about to ask him. Suho should’ve stopped there, but maybe something in his mind convinced him that this would be the only time he’d be able to ask, while they both had their guard down.
“What. . . Happened. . . To the guys I fought at the ring?”
If it was even possible, Sieun’s face fell. The red that had rushed to his cheeks from the earlier interaction completely disappeared, along with any other natural colour that should’ve been on his face. He cleared his throat as he teared his eyes away, shuffling away from Suho. “I’ve said enough times now. It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
Suho felt regret in some aspects. Regret for making Sieun uncomfortable, yes, and for ruining their closeness that he’d probably never get back again. However, the denial of information from Sieun seemed to trigger a frustration Suho didn’t know had been building until that moment. He sighed, not moving away as he looked at Sieun with a frown. “What is that?”
Sieun frowned back at him, noticing the tone. “What is what?”
“Why won’t you tell me? I’ve asked a thousand times, a question I think I deserve to know the answer to, and you refuse to speak on it. Every time.”
Sieun’s lips parted as he tried to think up an appropriate response. When Suho didn’t get one after a couple of moments of silence that was just making tensions rise even further, he sighed again. “Seriously, what’s the issue? What did you kill them or something?”
Sieun tensed further, and for a quick second Suho genuinely thought he might’ve actually killed them. After not getting another response, he tilted his head, throwing his hand up in frustration as it landed roughly on the table, Sieun was beginning to get frustrated as well, Suho could tell from the narrow in his eyes as he watched him. That only seemed to trigger him further, because why was he getting mad when he was the one creating such a difficult situation.
“My god, I feel like the only way I’m going to get this information is if I go back to the school myself and ask, because holy shit, Sieun.”
Sieun stared at him in actual honest-to-god fear as he mumbled out a ‘don’t’. Suho would’ve been concerned had he not been so pissed off.
“Clearly I have to, because you can’t seem to be a good enough friend to share that information with me.”
Okay, too far. Suho didn’t need to see Sieun’s look of hurt in his eyes to know that. Sieun scoffed lightly before standing, gathering his things. “I’m not telling you because it’s none of your business–”
“Oh, like hell it isn’t, are you serious?” Suho’s voice was starting to raise a little bit more than he would’ve liked, but he was too frustrated to calm down.. “You’re afraid, that’s what this is. I see it on your face every time I ask.”
His hand slammed down on Sieun’s notebook before he had a chance to pick it up, and Sieun glared down at him. “Let go of it.”
Suho leaned forward, eyes and tone stern as he looked up, “Tell me.”
Sieun shook his head slightly before abandoning the book altogether. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Have something to eat.”
Suho could’ve laughed right then and there. Because despite the argument they were getting into, Sieun was still that stupid, caring bastard he had grown to love.
Before Sieun could make it to the front door, Suho stood, catching his wrist and causing him to drop his things. Sieun glared, his voice louder than usual in his frustration, “Seriously?”
“You’re not running away from this again,” Suho didn’t let go, not even as Sieun eyed his stationery on the ground, clearly debating whether he should just leave it like he did his notebook. It seemed running away and ditching his things was easier than talking to Suho. He wiggled out of his grasp and started for the front door again, and Suho laughed incredulously before he stepped in front of him, blocking his only means of escape. “You’re actually running away right now?”
Sieun looked up at him, every possible negative emotion swirling in his eyes. What hurt Suho the most was the desperation in them. He was begging him to let him go, to forget any of it happened.
Suho whispered now, stepping closer in the cramped corridor, boxing them both in almost chest-to-chest, “Sieun, please. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
Sieun shook his head as he looked to the ground in terrified shame.
“I can’t let you leave until you do. You’ll just keep avoiding it, acting like everything is okay.” Suho’s voice wavered, which was enough to bring Sieun’s eyes to him again, tears pooling in them. “And it’s not. That’s the reality of it. Sieun. . .” he bridged the gap between them, Sieun stepping until his back was to the wall. Suho leaned his face down until their noses were an inch away from touching. “Sieun, you could’ve killed them, and I still wouldn’t care. What matters to me is that you’re safe and okay. I need you to tell me. For me.”
Sieun looked like he was going to throw up an entire pool of anxiety vomit. It took a few shortened, panicked breaths before he finally whispered out, “I. . . I hurt them. . .”
Suho felt the tension in his shoulders, hell, in his entire soul release.
Sieun’s voice shook slightly as he looked away. “Wooyoung can’t fight anymore. I don’t know how long, maybe forever.”
Suho felt the breath leave his lungs. Forever? How bad did he get him?
“I got a few of the other guys that were there. Whoever I could get my hands on. I–” Sieun took a deep breath, a stray tear falling as his voice cracked. “I couldn’t do anything to Beomseok, I don’t know why. He was the reason for all of this, and yet I couldn’t–”
Despite the shame that Sieun was clearly feeling from his actions, Suho could sense the frustration. Suho wouldn’t blame Sieun for that in a million years. Hell, his heart was still doing blackflips after hearing that the love of his love seeked actual fucking revenge on behalf of him.
So as Sieun stood there, bracing for the worst, stewing in shame and regret, Suho was falling deeper and more madly in love. If Sieun actually cared to look at him at any point, Suho was sure he’d see his eyes forming into actual hearts.
“That’s why I moved.”
Suho let out a small chuckle, causing Sieun to whip his head up in bafflement. Suho let out another giggle, “I mean, that would do it.”
“You. . .” Sieun frowned, eyes glassy and confused, “You’re in shock. I understand now if you want nothing to do with me–”
Suho could no longer hold himself back, immediately closing the gap between them as his lips crashed to Sieun’s. Sieun gasped against his lips, but Suho didn’t let up, deepening the kiss as his hands came up to cradle his face. Suho felt his heart soar when Sieun began to kiss him back, and after a moment, he pulled away. His forehead pressed against his as they both panted, overwhelmed. Sieun didn’t say anything for a moment, standing in absolute shock.
Suho dropped his head onto his shoulder and giggled, confusing Sieun even further. “I– What– You–”
“That’s what you were hiding from me? You thought I’d be upset about that?” Suho lifted his head and looked at Sieun again, smile wide as his eyes shone. “Aren’t you supposed to be smart or something, what’s wrong with you?”
Sieun was starting to look concerned. “Um. . . What’s wrong with you? Did you hear any of what I just said?”
“You beat up the people who put me in a coma, even ended someone’s whole career, for the sake of revenge. Sieun, that’s fucking badass.”
Sieun’s frown deepened. “Let me be clear, I’m not proud of that, and neither should you be.”
“Oh, Sieun,” Suho’s voice lowered as he leaned in again, “I’ve never been prouder, and you’ve never been more attractive.”
Sieun’s face practically burst into flames as he let out a noise of bewilderment, it being cut short as Suho kissed him again. He kissed him back, sighing weakly into it, and Suho smiled against the kiss. Sieun mumbled against his mouth, “You’re so weird.”
Suho pulled back for a moment, lips brushing against his as he said, “Well I love you, so that checks out.”
Sieun looked up at him, and those gorgeous, gorgeous eyes that had Suho from day one shone like they never had before at his words.