Work Text:
charles
text me when you land okay?
love you
Charlie
Charles help me
what happened?
are you hurt?
where are you?
let me check your location
it says you’ve landed in the UK
are you hurt?
No I’m not hurt
Not physically at least
what?
max where are you what’s going on
This taxi driver I have to go with
He’s killing me
LIKE ATTACKING YOU??
CALL 999
NOW
No no not physically attacking me
He keeps talking
To me
ok now im confused
He keeps asking me stupid things
He just asked me if I can grow a moustache????
oh mon bebe
is that a sensitive topic for you :(
you know i love your wispy little stache
Not the point
He said I should grow a Nigel Mansell type moustache?
but you can’t :(((
oh mon petit bebe
don’t worry about it
Charles it’s not funny
Why is he talking to me????
idk max that’s kinda something people like to do
you’ll be fine cheri
just a bit of small talk, yeah?
the guy is probably a fan
But I’m Dutch
Dutch people don’t so small talk
When have you ever seen me small talk
when you asked me if the singaporean and the monegasque flags are the same
That was different
mhm how so?
I was trying to flirt
that was flirting?
It got me what I wanted didn’t it?
oh baby i don’t think it was the flag question
i’ve just unfortunately always had a thing for losers
Okay
Wait
😋
He’s complaining to me about Monaco food prices now???
well they are pretty steep i’ll have to admit
He’s asking me how I liked it growing up in Germany??
I didn’t grow up there???
maybe you have some german qualities?
HE THINKS MY DAD IS MICHAEL SCHUMACHER????
oh wow he’s funny
NO???
IS THIS GUY AN IDIOT OH MY GOD
i think it might be a pretty common mistake
that people make
i mean you race more like michael than jos
plus there’s that one adorable clip of you and michael
where you walk up to him all shy and he gives you a kiss
you look so edible in that video
I look what
edible
like i can eat you
it makes me want to eat you
Idk who’s weirder now you or this taxi driver
Fucking hell now he’s got us lost somewhere
how are you lost?
Well he’s not using any satnav
Insisted that a good taxi driver should know all routes and shouldn’t need help
I guess we know what kind of a taxi driver he is then 🙄
try putting it on your phone then
help guide him?
But that would involve more talkingggg
I don’t want to talkkkk
My god now he’s asking me about Lewis
lewis?
what about him?
Saying he’s inspiring and shit
I think he has a crush on Hamilton
He’s calling him good looking and stuff
you are also very beautiful mon bebe
very very pretty
I wasn’t fishing for compliments
mhm but you liked it anyway non?
Whatever
He’s talking about the Spice Girls now
oh you should tell christian
bet he would like that
What am I supposed to tell Christian about this?
Hey the taxi driver you stuck me with is annoying as hell but he mentioned the group your wife used to be a part of?
yes
that
He’s stopping so he can take a piss now
I don’t know where we are
I think I’m going to either get kidnapped or killed
what??
Toto is behind this I’m telling you
When the police asks you tell them it was Toto Wolff who took my life
max calm down maybe he really does have to pee
Oh no what if there’s a bomb
In the car
what??
He’s parkifng the car by some bushes
Oh there is definitely a bomb
Fuck this im geeting oout of here
max calm down
deep breaths
have you texted your team?
Yes I have
But he’s gone now so I’m just going to get out of the car now
okay okay
if that makes you feel more comfortable then step out of the car
your team has your location yes?
i can see you also but i’m still in maranello
Yeah they have it
I have texted them as well
Okay he’s back
And the car didn’t explode
okay
you’re getting back in?
Yes
As long as he’s inside the car I don’t think it will explode
okay yes
Oh my god
what happened?
He has pulled out a map
An actual paper map
I’m going to lose it
well at least he’s trying?
I’m trying to guide him along now
Red Bull owes me a bonus for putting me through this taxi ride alone
Now he’s asking me to guess what other F1 driver he has had in this car
ooh fun
did he say what year?
Idk he just said years ago
Apparently it was DC
In case you were curious
i was actually
that’s interesting
Well maybe you should’ve been taking this taxi ride
You’re too nice to people anyway you would’ve managed
hey if i wasn’t nice to people you would’ve never had a chance
don’t forget that
I think he’s onto me
He’s talking about how it doesn’t cost much to be nice and shit
He knows
what could he possibly know max
I’m too Dutch
everybody knows you’re too dutch
pierre always asks me how i put up with you
What's that supposed to mean?
Okay he doesn’t think I’m rude
He said he is going to tell people how nice I was to him
Now I feel bad
aww
are you getting less dutch mon bebe
Shut up
there he is
Now he’s asking me about my work day?
Why does he need so much information
This is definitely someone Toto sent
to extract information about your scheduled filming day?
Yes
and why would toto wolff need that information?
I don’t know???
Psychological warfare???
It’s possible
He is not a reasonable man
He keeps prompting me to answer shit
This is definitely psychological torture
what is he prompting you to answer?
He asked me what I think about Checo
your…teammate…?
Yes
and that is psychological torture how?
Well I can’t just tell strangers what I think about people in my life like this??
I don’t know what to say
so if someone out there asked you what you think about me
you wouldn’t know what to say?
Well, I would
But I won’t want to say that to some stranger you know
Oh god we’re finally here
I see the building
I will be free soon
yayy you made it!!
im so proud of you for surviving small talk mon amour
max?
did you reach okay?
omg max
did he actually get you
did toto wolff get to you omg
im so sorry for not believing you omg mon bebe
i will call 999 right now they will save you
i'm coming too i’ll come save you just hang on
that evil austrian man will not take you away from me like this
[photo]
I’m okay
It was a fucking prank 🙄🙄🙄
It was the fucking black cab thing they wanted to film
oh my god thank god you’re okay
i was so worried
you’re safe then? it was nothing?
Yeah I’m okay
It was just a dumb prank
I think they are going to post the video on YouTube
So you can watch it later too
oh fun can’t wait
i would love to talk with you some more but i’ll have to go
i might need to make a few calls to prince albert
and he might ask me to make a few apologies to the dutch royalty as well
Prince Albert?
Dutch royalty?
Charles what did you do?
Charles???