Chapter Text
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Clarke knocked the offending item off of the counter and into the trash can, unable to look at it any longer; all mocking and life-ending. Honestly, at this point, what else could possibly go wrong? Clearly whatever higher-power there was had a personal vendetta against her because shit like this just doesn’t happen to normal people, not when they’ve already been through hell and back.
“Griff, where you at?”
“Give me a sec, Rae.” Clarke says through the bathroom door. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Ugh, fine.” Raven says dramatically, “I’ll just wait; not like we have an awesome party or anything to go to…”
“It’s six o’clock, dumbass.”
“Okay, hurtful.” Raven says, “Someone’s grumpy. Did the Commander not fuck you…"
Clarke swings the bathroom door open, giving Raven a dirty look, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Oh, shit.” Raven says, eyes lighting up at the thought of drama. “Details, bitch!”
“I’d rather not.” Clarke says, tossing her hair into a messy bun. “Where’s O?”
“Downstairs with Lincoln.” Raven says, waving her off. “So, back to Lexa. What happened?”
“Nothing happened, Rae.” Clarke says, pulling on a jacket. “Everything is fine.”
“Right.” Raven says, obviously not believing her. “You’ll get wasted and tell me, I can wait.”
“I don’t think I’m gonna drink tonight.”
Raven, who is halfway out the door of Clarke’s bedroom, pauses, turning to look at her, “Say what?”
“I’m not really in the mood.”
“OCTAVIA!”
“Don’t yell, god damn it, I’m right here.” Octavia says, coming to a stop at the top of the stairs, Lincoln following close behind. She looks at Clarke, “What’s wrong? You look like something’s wrong.”
Clarke rolls her eyes, “For fucks sake, I’m fine.”
“Lexa didn’t fuck her right.” Raven says, “Turns out the Commander isn’t as perfect as we thought. I don’t know whether to be disappointed for Clarke here or happy that the all mighty Heda is terrible at something.”
“She’s not- She’s not terrible.” Clarke says, running a hand over her face in irritation. “I just…”
“I uh, I know you three love to talk about stuff like this but Lex is my cousin and I’d rather not discuss her sex life.” Lincoln says, his chin coming to rest on Octavia’s shoulder.
“So, if it’s not the sex.” Octavia says, ignoring her boyfriend. “What is it?”
“Oh my God.” Clarke throws her hands up in defeat. “I’m. Fine!”
“Liar.” Raven says, giving her a once over. “We’ll let it slide this time but I promise you, O and I here will find out the truth. Make no mistake.”
“Can we just go?” Clarke asks.
“Jasper and Monty are waiting for us, so yeah.” Octavia says, eyeing Clarke for a moment longer before making her way back down the stairs, “I’ve been craving one of their brownies, holy shit.”
“Gonna suck when your season starts and you won’t be able to have any.” Raven smirks, “Should’ve listened to me and stuck to something low key. Not only do I not get surprise drug tests but I get to blow shit up, it’s a win-win.”
“You’re also paralyzed.” Octavia says, sliding into the passenger’s seat. “Don’t act like you weren’t a soccer whore like me before your accident.”
Raven flips her off, “Dick move, Blake.”
“You love me.” Octavia says, sticking her tongue out at the brunette.
“I don’t know why.” Raven mumbles as she starts the engine.
“Linc says Lexa’s gonna be there.” Octavia says, turning in her seat to look at Clarke. “Let us know if you’re planning on hitting that this time because I don’t want to walk in on that again.”
“I don’t even know how that position was possible.” Raven says, “Like, damn.”
Clarke groans in frustration, “I hate you both so much right now.”
0o0o0
“You should drink.” Anya says, nudging her cousin in the ribs. “You look stressed.”
“I’m not stressed.” Lexa says, “I’m just not really feeling it tonight.”
“Look, there’s tons of pretty girls around here.” Anya says, motioning to the crowded living room in her house, “I’m sorry Clarke hasn’t talked to you this week- and you can give me that look all you want to but we all know you don’t hate her- besides, she’s fucking other people too, why can’t you.”
“I don’t want to?”
“Since when does the ‘Commander’ stick to one woman?” Anya asks, “She must really treat your dick right, if you aren’t looking for anything on the side.”
Lexa pushes the other girl into the wall, “I’m not a whore, An.”
“Just a player, same difference.” Anya says, “Anyways, Raven told me they’re stopping by tonight so maybe you’ll see her? I know you two have this weird love-hate type thing going on but maybe it’s time to tell her the truth.”
“What is that exactly?” Lexa asks, an eyebrow raised in question.
“You want her for more than just sex.” Anya says, taking a sip of her beer. “This has been going on for the past six months and everyone can see that’s it’s more than that. You’ve gotta stop being so afraid of getting hurt and take a chance, Lex; she’s not Costia.”
“You don’t know that.”
Anya sighs, “I want you to happy, alright? At least think about it.”
“I’m not the only person she’s sleeping with, you know that.” Lexa says, taking Anya’s cup and downing the rest of the alcohol, “I should probably just cut my losses before I fall deeper into a hole I won’t be able to get out of. It’s not like I’m in love with her, so it should be fine, right?”
“I love you but you’re an idiot sometimes.”
“Thanks for the support.” Lexa says sarcastically, “I know I can always count on you.”
“Anytime.” Anya says, taking the empty cup back from Lexa. “Go get your own next time. Oh, The Delinquent’s just walked in. Gotta go!”
Lexa looks towards the front door, her breath catching in her throat when she spots Clarke, blonde hair and blue eyes standing out above the crowd. Green eyes meet blue and before Lexa even has time to react, to put on her facade and walk over to the younger girl, she’s gone.
“She’s in a mood tonight.”
Lexa turns her eyes away from the retreating blonde to find Lincoln standing next to her, “What?”
“Octavia and Raven think something’s wrong with her.” Lincoln shrugs. “Girl stuff, I guess.”
Lexa nods, “Oh, uh, that sucks.”
“You don’t have to act like you don’t care about her.” Lincoln says, pulling his cousin into his side. “You might have some people fooled but I know you care about her.”
“You sound like Anya.” Lexa frowns as she crosses her arms.
“Well, we are twins.” Lincoln says, nodding towards the other room. “Go talk to her.”
“I will…” Lexa says. “Later.”
Lincoln gives her a look, “Really?”
“She just got here, I don’t wanna bother her.”
“Since when has that every stopped you.”
“I don’t like you.” Lexa huffs. “You’re an asshole.”
“Your favorite asshole.” Lincoln says. “You can let your guard down sometimes, you know. We're only human.”
0o0o0
Clarke sighs in relief as the last of the people disappear from the den, leaving her alone for the first time that day since she found out about the pregnancy. To be honest, she wouldn’t have even come if it hadn’t been for Octavia and Raven already thinking something was wrong; add the fact that she’s not drinking and her two best friends would’ve figured it out in an instant. It wasn’t that she was worried about telling them; she trusted them more than anything in the world but telling them would mean that the situation was real and she wasn’t ready to face that yet. Besides, the baby’s… other parent could barely stand her unless she was inside her (or so she thought) and that alone made her want to forget that any of this was happening.
“Since when are you the silent broody type at parties?”
Clarke looked up at the familiar voice, her eyes widening slightly before she remembered how the two of them acted towards each other, “I’m not really in the mood right now, Woods.”
“You’re drinking water.” Lexa points out, leaning up against the door. “That’s new.”
“I’ve had a really shitty day, okay? I kinda just wanna be alone.”
“You’re at a party.” Lexa deadpans, “That’s clearly not gonna happen.”
Clarke rolls her eyes, “If you think I’m gonna end up fucking you, you’re wrong.”
“I… uh…” Lexa pauses; this isn’t their usual game. “I’ll just go.”
“You do that.” Clarke says, waving her off. “You’re the last person I want to see.”
Lexa tries to ignore the ache in her chest, “You don’t have to be such a bitch all of the time, Clarke. Maybe some people actually want to see how you’re doing without them having an ulterior motive.”
“Right.” Clarke laughs bitterly, “You just want me to suck you off, Lexa. You don’t have to play nice, we don’t do that. If you’re that desperate, there’s tons of girl’s upstairs who I’m sure would be more than willing to give you what you want.”
Lexa shakes her head in disbelief, “We might only be fuck buddies but that doesn’t mean I don’t still care about your well-being. Excuse the hell out of me for wanting to make sure you were alright; it won’t happen again.”
“Lexa…”
“Don’t.” Lexa says, holding her hand up to keep her from talking. “I’m done. I’m sick and tired of you always treating me like shit, I don’t deserve it. I agreed to this because your dad was seriously ill and you were going to through a hard time but enough is enough. Besides, don’t you have like three other people lined up? You’ll be fine.”
“Fuck you.” Clarke spits angrily. “You don’t know me.”
“Of course I don’t.” Lexa says, pulling on her leather jacket. “Have a good night, Clarke.”
“I really hate you.” Clarke says, her voice wavering as she blinks back tears. Damn hormones.
Lexa looks at Clarke for another moment before turning on her heel and heading back up the stairs, nearly running Octavia over during her exit. “Watch where you’re going, Blake.” She growls before disappearing out of sight.
“What the fuck is her problem?” Octavia asks, focusing on Clarke, “Hey, what’s the matter?”
“Nothing.” Clarke wipes the tears quickly from her eyes. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”
“You’re not fine.” Octavia says, coming to sit next to the blonde. “What’s up? Did you two have a fight? Not like that’s nothing new but you know what I mean.”
“Like I give a shit about her.” Clarke bites. “She’s horrible.”
“You don’t mean that.” Octavia says, starting to rub her best friend’s back. “I know you like her as more than a fuck buddy, Clarke. You don’t have to lie to me.”
“I don’t- I don’t like her like that.”
“You light up at the mention of her name.” Octavia begins, “You’re always talking about how careful and sweet she is during and after sex and you always smile like a fucking idiot when she sends you a text. She must not be that horrible because you’ve kept her around.”
“It’s complicated.” Clarke mumbles, voice barely above a whisper.
“How so?” Octavia asks “We already know you two are sleeping together. What’s the problem?’
“She’s Lexa Woods.” Clarke says, as if it’s obvious. “I just…”
“Bull shit answer, Griff.” Raven says, stumbling down the stairs. “You can lie to everyone else but us, we see right through you. Cut the shit, tell us the truth.”
Clarke starts playing with her fingers nervously, unable to meet her eyes, “I messed up…”
“What’d you do?” Octavia asks, “Did the Commander knock you up?”
Clarke stays silent.
“OH FUCK!” Raven yells, tossing her beer to the floor, all cares forgotten as she quickly sobers up. “Wait, shit, really? You’re sure? You took a test and everything? Like there’s a baby Griffin?”
“Will you keep your voice down!” Clarke hisses at the brunette. “I’d like to keep this information between the three of us if that’s okay.”
“You gonna tell her?” Octavia asks.
“I don’t know.” Clarke says honestly, “She thinks I’ve been sleeping with three other people so technically I could lie and tell her it isn’t hers.”
“Who else are you sleeping with?” Raven asks, confused.
“No one.” Clarke admits. “I don’t know why I told her that but I did and… Fuck, I’m screwed.”
“She has a right to know, Griff.” Raven says, “She might be an asshole to every single person on the face of the planet but she still deserves to know about any offspring. You know, so she can take care of her spawn.”
“Don’t call it that.” Clarke says, somewhat defensively.
“Aw, you’re already so protective of it.” Octavia coos, “This is the greatest news! I promise, Lincoln and I are going to be the best damn Godparents ever!”
“Um, excuse you?” Raven shoves Octavia roughly. “Who says your going to be anything other than Auntie O? Even that’ll be a stretch while I’m around.”
“The baby isn’t even the size of a golf ball yet, guys.” Clarke says. “We have plenty of time to decide who is going to be who, okay? I’ve barely had five hours to process this, please don’t make me worry about anything else right now.”
“Fine.” Raven says; she glares at Octavia. “Clarke’s gonna pick me.”
Octavia slaps Raven’s shoulder, “Shut the fuck up, Rae.”
“Well, we know it’s true.”
Clarke sighs in defeat and stands up, “I’ve had a pretty terrible day; I think I’m just gonna go home and sleep for the rest of eternity.”
“You gonna be okay?” Octavia asks, all joking aside. “Want me to drive you?”
“It’s like a ten-minute walk.” Clarke says, zipping up her hoodie. “I’ll survive.”
“Text us when you’re home.” Octavia says, pulling her oldest friend into a hug. “Call if you want to talk, okay? We’ll be with you every step of the way.”
“Yeah.” Raven nods in agreement. “We’ll be baby daddies if you want us to be, no problem.”
“Talk to you tomorrow?” Clarke asks, checking the time on her phone.
“I’m gonna have a hell of a hangover.” Raven says, “I’d be down to meet for breakfast.”
“I’ll call you in the morning, then.” Clarke says. “Be safe.”
“Always, Griff.” Raven says, a smirk forming on her face. “Unlike someone we know.”
“RAVEN!”
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it!” Raven said, holding her hands up in defense as Octavia lunges across the couch at her. “Stop! Ow! No! Oh, come on! When would I have ever had another chance to say that? Get off, asshole!”
“Don’t kill each other.” Clarke tells them before heading up the stairs. She says a quick goodbye to Monty and Jasper before sneaking past Bellamy and out the front door, heading down the sidewalk back to her house.
0o0o0
“Aden, shut the fuck up.” Lexa growls, throwing a pillow at her younger brother. “No, I don’t give a shit about the new Star Wars movie. Leave me alone.”
“You’re in a horrible mood, Lexie.” Aden says, coming to sit next to his older sister.
Lexa glares at him, “Don’t call me that, Augustus.”
Aden cringes, “Point taken. So, what’s the matter?”
“I’m fine.” Lexa says through gritted teeth, “Don’t you have somewhere to be, it’s Saturday.”
“Nope. Atom and Echo are on a date and Murphy is at some party tonight.” Aden says, “I’m free until Monday. All yours, sis.”
“Murphy is a terrible influence, Aden.” Lexa says. “He’s also three years older than you.”
“We’re playing video games, Lexa. Not dating; don’t be so dramatic.”
“Dad’s actually home for once.” Lexa says. “Go bother him.”
“He locked me out of the office.” Aden states. “Told me to go play; does he not know how old I am? What fifteen-year-old do you know that goes to play?”
“I don’t think he meant it in the literal sense.” Lexa says, rolling her eyes at her brother. “I love you and any other day I would have no problem spending time with you but I’d really like to be alone tonight. Can we do something tomorrow?”
“You gonna bail on me?”
Lexa shakes her head, “Of course not.”
Aden stands up and heads towards the door, “I hope your okay, Lexa.”
“I’m fine, kid.” Lexa says, waving him off. “See you in the morning?”
“Bright and early.” Aden says, giving her a giant smile. “Goodnight.”
Lexa falls back onto her bed as the blonde haired boy shuts the door; she can’t seem to shake off the feeling that something was seriously wrong with Clarke. Sure they fought all the time but this was different; Clarke looked like she honesty couldn’t stand to be in the same room as her and that hurt Lexa more than she would like to admit. She knew their relationship, if you could even call it that, wasn’t perfect but she thought they at least cared about one another. Obviously that wasn’t the case.
Nearly fifteen minutes later when Lexa’s half-asleep she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. She thinks about ignoring it but it goes off several more times so she gives in and takes a look at the new messages from Anya:
Anya (10:57pm): Lexa, where the fuck are you?
Lexa (10:58pm): I’m at home. Trying to fucking sleep.
Anya (10:58pm): This is important.
Anya (10:58pm): Clarke’s pregnant.
Lexa stares at the message, unable to move. Clarke, pregnant?
Anya (11:04pm): Lex? Look, I went to find Raven because she was pretty wasted and I overheard Clarke telling her and Octavia that she was pregnant. I didn’t hear anything else because fucking Linc pulled me back upstairs but this is serious! That bitch!”
Lexa (11:15pm): Good for her.
Anya (11:16pm): Seriously, that’s it? I’m coming over.
Lexa (11:21pm): I just wanna sleep, An. Can we talk about this tomorrow?
Anya (11:22pm): Fuck no! Lexa, this could be your baby! Don’t you want to know?
Lexa (11:25pm): There’s like a one in four chance, Anya.
Anya (11:32pm): I don’t really care. I’m here, be up in a minute.
0o0o0
“You’re home early.” Jake says, looking from the television to his daughter, a smile on his face. “You feeling okay, kid?”
Clarke feels tears well in her eyes; the thought of telling him about how much of a fuck up she is, overwhelming her. “Uh, yeah, I’m fine. Just really tired for some reason.”
“You’re a liar.” Jake says, patting the empty space on the couch. “Come here.”
Clarke tosses her jacket onto the stairs, planning to grab it on her way up later. She kicks off her shoes next to the door before making her way into the living room where she curls up next to her father, taking comfort in his presence, “Your team sucks this year.” She says, nodding towards the screen.
Jake playfully shoves her away, “Take that back!”
“I can’t.” Clarke says, a smile forming. “Especially when it’s the truth. Seriously dad, they’re playing Kentucky and they’re losing? I’d be ashamed to be a fan if I were you.”
“You just don’t understand football, honey.” Jake says. “They might not be doing their best this year but they’ve held their own and that’s all that matters.”
“They lost to LSU.” Clarke says, matter of fact. “Like, really? That’s sad.”
“You can’t be my daughter.” Jake says, shaking his head as he presses the mute button on the screen. “We must have taken home the wrong child from the hospital because I know damn well you are not disrespecting the Bulldogs.”
Clarke shrugs, “Maybe if they played a better season…”
“I don’t know whether to disown you or praise you for knowing your stuff.” Jake says. “I’ll give it to you this time because we aren’t playing our best but next season, it’s so on.”
“Right.” Clarke says, dragging out the word. “Mom still at work?”
“Just left.” Jake says. “Got home, got paged not even five minutes later. Multiple car pile up on the freeway, pretty bad from what I heard. She’s probably gonna be there until tomorrow night; you know how she is with her patients.”
“Always thorough.” Clarke says. “I feel like I haven’t seen her in weeks.”
“Yeah, well, she’s really busy with the buyout.” Jake says. “Things will calm down in a bit.”
“At this rate I’m worried she won’t make it to my graduation.”
“Believe me, she will.” Jake says. “Do you honestly think she’d miss an opportunity to gloat about you to all of our family and friends? Never in a million years.”
Clarke rests her head on his shoulder, “I think I’m gonna go to bed.”
“You sure?” Jake asks. “I’m gonna be up for a while.”
“I’m exhausted.” Clarke says, “It’s been a rough day.”
“Too much homework from Kane?” Jake smirks. “God, it must be so hard being a teenager.”
“You’re an ass.” Clarke says, pressing a kiss to his cheek before standing back up. “I’m meeting O and Rae for breakfast tomorrow so don’t worry about making something for me.”
“Wasn’t planning on it.” Jake says, giving her a wink. “Night baby girl, get some sleep. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Clarke says, making her way towards the staircase.
0o0o0
“You’re gonna confront her, right?” Anya asks. “Like Lexa, this could be your kid. How fucking awesome is that?”
Lexa runs a hand through her hair; they’ve been talking about the same damn thing for the past hour, “Anya, just stop, okay? You’ve had like four beers tonight; you might not have heard her right.”
Anya rolls her eyes, “I’m barely even buzzed; I know what I heard. By the way, who the fuck tells their friends they’re pregnant at a party where anyone can walk in at any time? So stupid.”
“The possibilities of it being my child, if their even is one, is extremely low.” Lexa says, “You know that.
“Well, don’t you wanna know?” Anya asks, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. “So there’s other people involved but that doesn’t mean you’re out of the equation just yet. You still have a chance.”
“I’m not gonna call her tomorrow and force her to tell me.” Lexa says, “If she is pregnant and she feels like she wants to tell me, she will.”
“You hope she will.” Anya mumbles. “Look, I know you’re terrified of getting hurt again but this could be your ticket to happily ever after with her, Lex! You’d be stuck with her for at least eighteen years!”
“We’re not even out of high school, Anya, nor are we together.” Lexa says. “This is not a decent situation for anyone. Clarke’s waiting to hear back from Polis U to see if she got her scholarship and I’ve got plans to play soccer there in the fall. A baby will only get in the way.”
“If she’s pregnant and it is yours.” Anya says, ignoring Lexa, “Will you ask her to terminate it, to put it up for adoption?”
“It’s her decision.” Lexa says, trying not to put too much thought into something she doesn’t know is true. “You’re jumping ahead.”
“You have to think about this shit!” Anya says. “And no, it isn’t just her choice, you have a say in this too.”
“Can we stop talking about it?” Lexa asks, clearly having had enough. “I’m exhausted and just want to sleep. I’ll deal with this when and if something comes out of it.”
“You’re being a coward.”
Lexa raises an eyebrow in question, “How in the fuck…”
“You know I’m not lying or ‘wasted’ to have made something like that up.” Anya said. “I might be a bitch but I wouldn’t do that to you. Like you’ve said, it might not be yours, but you’re gonna have to prepare just in case.”
“If she just told her two best friends that must mean she just found out herself.” Lexa says, “I’ll at least give her a few weeks to see if she brings it up to me, if she doesn’t then I’ll think about confronting her about it.”
“There’s the Commander I know and love!” Anya says, patting her shoulder roughly. “Enough of this sappy sad shit, it isn’t you. You’re a badass, remember? Or, let’s be honest, you try to be.”
“Fuck you.” Lexa says, “So, are you gonna leave now or?”
“Course not.” Anya says, throwing herself dramatically on top of Lexa. “I’m pretty comfortable at the moment.”
“You have a girlfriend less than five miles down the road who I’m sure would love this a lot more than me.” Lexa says, pushing the smaller girl off. “Go visit her.”
“She’s with Octavia for the night and ‘significant others’ aren’t aloud.”
“You think I’m disgusting and sappy?” Lexa laughs, “You need to take a look in the mirror, you make me want to throw up.”
“You’re just upset that your baby mama yelled at you today.”
“She’s not- She’s not my anything, Anya!” Lexa says, slamming her in the face with a pillow, “If you’re gonna stay in here I’m gonna need you to please shut the hell up. We have practice in the morning.”
“You’re gonna run us to death, aren’t you?”
“Yep.”