Chapter Text
Tyler wasn’t lonely.
No really, he wasn’t.
He actually had plenty of friends, believe it or not. They ate lunch together every day, the had a group chat that didn’t go a day without being used. They all planned hangouts together, talked about anything and everything.
Y’know, normal friend stuff.
Except at lunch he was constantly out of the loop because the conversations happened at the other end of the table, and he mostly only caught two or three words from each sentence. Except he stopped reading and replying to the group chat once he realised that no one really cared about his messages. Except everyone was always busy for the entire week, they were so sorry, definitely some other time though, they’d love to hang out, but some time magically appeared in their schedule the moment someone else asked.
So no, he wasn’t technically lonely.
He technically had lots of friends.
They were just more each other’s friends than his.
Not their fault though, everyone knew that. He himself knew that.
He was too much, he got too into things, he wanted someone to spend too much time with, he was too clingy for a friend, he sent too many messages, he got too into his head.
He cared too deeply for casual friends.
And Tyler would like to think he had made peace with that a year ago, when he started noticing all the little things. Better this than nothing right?
So he was absolutely fine with it, that was just the way it was for people like him.
Besides, it was more than just his personality that led to this.
He could’ve been more active, could’ve tried organising more stuff, could try and get over his problem with crowds to appease to their idea of fun, could’ve been more active in conversation.
And he tried. Once he realised all his friendships were slowly dissolving into nothingness, he tried to do everything he could think of to prevent it. But much like relaxing on a floatie in the sea for a few hours and waking up halfway to the ocean, it was probably too late now.
Whatever.
He wasn’t lonely.
And he should be asleep right about now but it was probably—no wait, definitely—too late for that, he decided once he realised his alarm was only an hour and a half away from ringing. Falling asleep now would probably just leave him more tired than just powering through the few classes he had today until he could collapse and sleep for roughly sixteen hours.
And with that decision made, he threw on the nearest t-shirt, probably rumpled, and the biggest hoodie he could find. Today’s vibe was more comfort over style anyway. He did however put on some jeans, if only to be able to lie to himself and say he tried.
Tyler then proceeded to drag himself to the bathroom, eternally grateful not to have a roommate who could judge him for staring at himself in the mirror for about three minutes until he finally remembered that he had to brush his teeth.
Once he felt human enough to brave the outside world and the terrible creatures living in it—also known as other people—he stopped by the university cafeteria to grab something to eat.
Usually he would just eat breakfast after his first lesson, instead deeming sleep more important, but that was kinda out of the question right now.
Only after sitting down in the classroom did he realise he didn’t bring any caffeinated drink with him. He absolutely despised coffee, or “dirt water” as he’d taken to calling it after he once had a black coffee and had to scrub his tongue clean with a napkin afterwards. However, when you add about half a ton of sugar and five litres of milk, you can sufficiently drown out the taste enough for it to be fairly enjoyable.
Plus. Not only do you pump your blood with caffein, you also get a sugar rush that lasts you until you inevitably crash around midnight and you fall into a sleep so deep it might as well be a coma.
Is it healthy? Probably—scratch that—definitely not.
Did he care? Nah, he couldn’t be bothered to, especially since it worked like a charm.
But this also meant that not having his daily dose of heart attack would make getting through this day a task bordering on impossible to complete.
He resigned himself to pretending to pay attention in class while secretly dozing off and hoping any of what will be discussed makes its way into his brain with the help of his subconscious or something.
Maths first thing in the morning should be illegal anyway.
After about twenty minutes of floating a few centimetres above his physical body his soul was slammed right back into it when a slightly disheveled-looking individual plopped down into the seat next to him.
Judging by the slightly annoyed glances he got from everyone in the room, the person was late and disrupting class.
Wait, when did class actually start? Beats Tyler.
He decided to actually try and focus, fifteen minutes at least he told himself, and if it’s useless he will let himself give up fully.
Ten minutes into his pitiful attempt at following whatever the professor was saying (he couldn’t even tell you what his major was if you asked right now), he reached for the cup off coffee he always had as life support during morning lessons.
He thanked anyone and everyone who took part in inventing the coffee machine. His broke student self would not be able to afford his addiction if he had to buy it every day.
Then his tongue met coffee blacker than the midnight sky and he realised:
This isn’t his coffee.
That wasn’t his mug.
Slowly, he turned around to look at the person next to him, whose coffee he had just stolen oh god Tyler what have you done, and was met with the look of someone who was equally—if not more—shocked as he was.
He opened his mouth to apologise, explain himself, anything really, just not continue staring at the most gorgeous boy he had ever seen, but now his brain was double blank and he could speak English about as well as he could speak Chinese right now, which was to say, not at all.
The boy was the type of person you do a triple-take for. The first time you turn back around, it’s because of how different he was from your average passer-by. Slightly faded baby blue hair that was frizzy in the way that made you want to run your hands through it to fix it and bright red gauges in both ears. When you inevitably turned around again, you would see twin nose rings. The beautiful boy’s nose was curved in a way that perfectly complimented Tyler’s, he couldn’t help but notice. Puzzle pieces. And the most stunning eyes that felt like swimming in hot chocolate.
Fifteen seconds of intense eye-contact with the guy who was also staring at him—albeit for a very different reason—went by until Tyler felt like he could speak again.
Luckily, this time his brain caught up to him fast enough not to let him embarrass himself a second time, as he remembered he was still in class. Instead, he held up one finger in the universal sign of “wait a minute” until he was certain the victim of his foggy brain understood, and turned to his open (and very empty) notebook to write down an apology.
Hey. So sorry. Didn’t sleep and your drink smelled like energy. Survival instincts kicked in, my bad :l
The guy seemed cool enough. He hasn’t punched him yet, or told him to fuck off, or strangled him which he totally could do judging by the very toned arms Tyler could see and woah there, you really need to sleep.
He slid the notebook over anxiously, painting his face in the most apologetic expression he could muster and hoping it could convey the depth of his shame well enough for this guy to spare him.
Apparently it had worked and before Tyler knew it, the notebook was being given back to him.
He opened it to the page where he had previously written and sure enough, there was a reply.
Aw man. My coffee :( But I get it, no worries. Besides, you look like you needed it :P
Tyler scoffed, and then quickly realised his mistake when half of the heads in the room whipped back to look at him, attempting to cover it up with a cough.
He looked back at mystery man next to him and saw him covering up his mouth, but his eyes fully betrayed him laughing.
Tyler scowled at him, but was unable to hide a grin as he started writing down a response.
Rude, much? Anyways, can I make it up to you somehow? Tyler, btw.
Somehow, he was even more nervous to give the guy his notebook this time. He decided to just go for it, reasoning with himself that no matter what would happen, he still owed the guy some coffee.
He turned and pretended to pay attention, definitely not ready to pounce on the notebook like it held next week’s lottery answers in it.
To be fair, it did hold the answer to Tyler’s nearest future. He tried not to think too hard about it.
Once the mystery stranger returned Tyler’s notebook back to him, he made extra sure not to look too excited to open it. Casual. Nonchalant. Everything he was not.
Josh. You can get me a new cup. You free after this lesson?
Josh.
Josh.
Somehow, it suited the blue-haired boy more than Tyler thought a name could suit someone. He was halfway convinced Josh owned the name for himself, all the other Joshes of this world just poor imitations of the stunning man next to him.
He did his best to look calm and collected while replying.
Sure, where do you get your coffee from?
When Tyler turned around to hand Josh the notebook, he found Josh already looking at him. He could feel the tips of his ears go pink as he passed Josh the notebook again.
Deciding that it would be even more awkward to pretend like he isn’t waiting on an answer than just looking at Josh for the few seconds it would take him to write it down, he let his eyes sweep over Josh’s features; The curly hair on top of his head, the glint of the piercing in his nose, the way his tongue poked out adorably as he concentrated on writing down his response.
Yeah, Tyler was full on staring again, and was startled out of it when Josh turned to give him back the notebook.
Noticing Tyler’s slightly dazed state, a corner of Josh’s mouth tugged up in a small smirk, though Tyler could’ve sworn he could see a bit of pink appear on his cheeks. Trick of the light, probably.
Tyler fixed his eyes onto the notebook and there, right under his question:
You’ll see ;)
Call him delusional but that sounded a hell of a lot like flirting, the winky-face sending his mind into overdrive.
He turned back to Josh, smiled awkwardly to acknowledge his answer and then buried his face in the notebook, suddenly way more awake than before.
It didn’t help him pay attention anyway though, because now his focus was on not imagining going out for a coffee with the most beautiful guy he has ever seen. It was fine, he was just curious about him, anyone would be. He didn't even like guys. He’d probably just ask Tyler to pay for his coffee and then call it a day anyway. Yeah. Perfectly reasonable.
It did not escape Tyler that he didn’t even know the sound of Josh’s voice and he was already borderline obsessed with him.
Too much, too fast.
Typical.
—- ☕︎ -—
Class was ending very soon, and Tyler could tell you that without looking at the clock.
How?
Well. He has been counting down the seconds for the last 5 minutes before the end.
So when class was finally dismissed, he shot up out of his chair, packing up everything swiftly and shooting out of the door.
Only outside did he realise that Josh probably wasn’t as eager, over-excited, anxious, whatever— to get out and make good on their plans.
So he stood awkwardly by the door, hidden enough to not be paid any attention but obvious enough that someone who was looking for him would find him.
As a blue mop of hair appeared in front of him, he smiled and gave a small wave, followed by an inward cringe at himself.
“Almost thought you ditched me!” Josh laughed, the skin around his eyes crinkling and indicating that he wasn’t offended, still Tyler felt bad.
“Yeah, sorry. Needed to get out as fast as humanly possible. I think all my braincells died inside,” Tyler replied, deciding that looking brain-dead was probably better than telling Josh how excited he truly was. “Wouldn’t rob a man of his life juice and then leave him behind,” he added with a smile.
“Nice to know you’re not evil,” Josh shot back with a smile of his own. “Anyways. You ready to go?”
“Yup, lead the way!” Tyler said as he slung his backpack over his second shoulder.
He tried not to dwell on the fact that he’s getting closer to probably never talking to Josh ever again. Maybe they would greet each other on the hallways. Maybe he would come late again and have no other choice than to sit down next to Tyler again. Maybe that would be enough.
Maybe Tyler was lying to himself to feel better.
Maybe—
“Dude, you alright?”
Tyler just about jumped out of his own skin when he felt Josh’s hand on his shoulder, the words themselves registering about half a second later.
“Yup, amazing,” he smiled awkwardly, immediately wincing at himself and how weird he sounded. He shook out his hands in hopes of dispelling some of the nervous energy, the gesture itself not helping much, but its familiarity comforted him nonetheless.
The furrow in Josh’s brow told him he wasn’t quite convinced, but didn’t want to pry into the business of someone who was still basically a stranger.
Before Tyler knew it, they were there.
The place was small, cozy, with lots of plants hanging from the ceiling, crawling up the walls intertwined with fairy lights and bookshelves. A soft aroma of coffee tickled his senses, combined with a few sweet pies and various other desserts that made him feel like the character from some comic book, floating towards its source.
Each light was warm and unobtrusive, a welcome contrast to the ones that assaulted his eyes in the lecture hall and made his head hurt more than the lack of sleep already did.
He could see why Josh liked it here, it had a very homemade and welcoming vibe. Who knows, maybe Tyler would start going here for his coffee. Not because he had the chance to see Josh here though, God forbid, that was stalker-ish behaviour. He would never.
Probably.
He just wanted to be friends with the guy, there’s nothing wrong with that.
Soon enough, they arrived at the counter, and the barista’s customer service smile quickly turned into one of genuine joy once she spotted Josh.
“Who have you got with you, pretty boy?” she teased him, clearly very close to Josh.
A girlfriend, maybe? Tyler wasn’t going to analyse the dread pooling in his stomach.
“Debby! Shut up!” Josh hissed through his teeth, but the grin on his face was undeniable.
The slight blush too.
Whatever.
“Y’know I’m just messin’ with ya,” she winked, “what brings you though, I’m sure I already served your handsome self today!”
“Well, Tyler here,” Tyler waved slightly, “accidentally took a sip of my coffee. He has decided to redeem himself by buying me a new one.”
Tyler flushed slightly at the reminder, but quickly composed himself and went to order. He decided to just ask Debby for Josh’s usual, and order a caramel latte for himself. Extra sugar, please.
Maybe this way, he’d get to hang out with Josh for a little while longer.
As soon as Debby passed over their order to her coworker, Jenna, according to the name tag she wore, she was right back to chatting with Josh.
Finding it rude to eavesdrop, even though he was right there and everyone knew it, Tyler tuned out the conversation and retreated back to his own mind. Probably not the best decision, but hey, what else was there to do. Besides, he probably wouldn’t even have enough time to jump on a train of thought and analyse every part of his behaviour so far, these guys seemed to know their way around all the different machines.
After anxiously wringing his hands together for a minute or two, his name was called and he went to pick up his and Josh’s coffees. At this point he was fairly resigned to the fact that he would just give Josh his coffee and leave. As much as he wanted to spend a bit more time with him, he didn’t want to pull him away from his conversation with Debby.
He was therefore pretty surprised when Josh asked him where he wanted to sit once he got his coffee.
“You pick, you seem to know this place very well.” He was absolutely not freaking out about having a one-on-one conversation with Josh now that it was becoming a real thing, not at all, why do you ask?
To his dismay (or relief, he wasn’t sure yet), Josh picked out a fairly secluded corner next to the record player that Tyler only now realised was the source of the ambient music filling the coffee shop.
There seemed to be lots of Lo-Fi vinyls on the shelf next to it, one of those being the one currently playing, but some other’s too. Tyler was fairly sure he spotted Unreal Unearth: Unending by Hozier, The Great Divide by Noah Kahan and OK Computer by Radiohead, amongst others. He supposed these vinyls were mostly used after closing, to help everyone get through cleaning, but what did he know.
What caught his eye enough to let out a small gasp was the Codes and Keys vinyl he spotted right as he was sitting down.
By the concerned look Josh threw him, he guessed it wasn’t as quiet as he hoped it was, so he quickly found himself explaining when Josh’s concern didn’t let up.
“It’s nothing, just spotted a vinyl that caught my attention.”
“Oh, are you into music? Which one?”
“Uh,” he began, trying not to sound overexcited about something so small like spotting his favourite band’s music in public, “Codes and Keys. By Death Cab for Cutie. It’s the one on the edge.”
“Trust me, I know,” Josh replied, with a slight smirk and stars in his eyes.
“…Elaborate,” he narrowed his eyes, trying to decode (hah!) Josh’s cryptic words.
“Well, I’m the one who put it there,” Josh laughed a little at Tyler’s reaction.
“You did?”
“Yeah! I help Debby clean up sometimes, in exchange for coffee on the house of course, and we get to play our own stuff after closing. Music keeps me sane when Debby goes on and on about Jenna.”
Not a girlfriend, then?
Not like it mattered anyway.
And yet, having noticed how Tyler perked up at that, Josh continued. Tyler tried not to be embarrassed by it.
“Don’t tell her I told you, but she has the biggest crush on her. Once, she talked about how ‘effortlessly she wipes down the tables, Josh trust me, you’ve got to see it’,” Josh put on a frankly offensive girlish voice and batted his eyelashes while looking upwards dreamily. Then he looked back at Tyler with the deadest stare one can imagine, “I genuinely can’t take it anymore. Help me.”
Keeping a straight face in Josh’s presence was probably the most difficult things he has been faced with in his life.
Not getting lost in his eyes was a close second.
Not getting lost in his own mind being right behind, because where the fuck were these thoughts coming from? He has never, never thought about someone like that, not in his twenty years on this planet has he had a thought like that, sue him.
At first, he thought that maybe he was just surprised, seeing someone being themselves so loudly and powerfully wasn’t all that common, that’s why he was so fascinated by him. And it could very well still be that, realistically he’s known the guy for about two hours.
But it didn’t feel like it.
It wasn’t just how striking and unusual his appearance was, it was the slope of his nose, the shape of his eyes, especially while he was smirking. It was the sound of his voice, like sunlight rolling over green hills and wind brushing through leaves, soft but warm. It was the way he seemed to not want to take up space while also being the most interesting thing that could fill it.
It was probably his lack of sleep, on his tired brain looking for comfort anywhere it could after running marathons all night long.
Why else would he, for the first time in his life, be feeling like this? About a guy, on top of it all?
Yeah, he was just tired and confused.
Josh must’ve stopped talking at some point, probably once he noticed Tyler’s spaced out stare. God, what was up with him today? Luckily, Josh didn’t seem to mind, and waited patiently until Tyler was a bit more present to start talking again.
Which brought them back to now.
“Dude, you play drums? That’s sick!” Tyler exclaimed. He was thrilled to have a conversation topic that wasn’t just small talk, he really couldn’t handle talking about something like the weather. He’d rather stand outside in the freezing cold of January, thanks.
“I mean, not professionally or anything, I don’t even have a band or anything. I just like to hit stuff,” Josh laughed, “helps when I get anxious.”
“I smash piano keys. Your methods are at least cool,” Tyler shot back, grinning slightly, crooked teeth on display.
“Touché,” said the smug bastard sitting across from Tyler, sending them both into fits of giggles.
After a short, but not necessarily uncomfortable bout of silence, Tyler had the brilliant idea of offering to buy something sweet, since they both seemed to have finished their coffee by now and neither was particularly keen to leave just yet.
Josh picked the raspberry gelatine cheesecake, while Tyler himself went for the chocolate layer cake. It might have just been Tyler, but he felt that both of them were eating a little slower this time, focusing more and more on the conversation they were both animatedly partaking in.
At some point, Tyler started ranting about the maths class they just survived.
“Why, why, was the only available class so early in the day. Eight o’clock? Really? Do they want us to fail? ‘Cause I probably will, seeing as I’m only awake for like the last ten minutes of class at a time.”
“Dude, I wish maths was the only class I had this early. Try quantum mechanics—“
“Quantum mechanics? Do you have a death wish?” Now look, Tyler knew interrupting people is bad, but how could he not when the guy starts talking about fucking quantum mechanics while he was over here complaining about maths.
“Yeah, not sure what else I expected when I picked astrophysics as my minor.”
“Are you secretly a genius or something? What’s your major then?”
“Biotechnology. You?”
“I’m leaving,” he made a show of packing up his stuff, but seriously started considering doing so once he realised how much smarter Josh is than him. God, to think he complained about maths in front of him.
“No, come on, don’t be like that,” Josh pouted, and how could Tyler refuse when he looked so cute like that. Wait, no, not cute, funny. That was the right word.
He sat back down with an exaggerated flop and a sigh for good measure, than mumbled “literature” under his breath.
However, he did not consider that mumbling his answer wouldn’t stop Josh from wanting to know, so after a “sorry, what was that?” from him, Tyler had to repeat it louder this time, causing more shame to bubble up. He couldn’t look Josh in the eye, he couldn’t bear to see the—
“Woah, that’s cool! I wish I could analyse anything creatively. I mean, everything makes me feel things, and some things are written so well, but I’m never able to put into words, how or why any of it happens. It’s like the words get lost on their way out.”
The pinch in his brow while he said all this shouldn’t be this comforting, but to Tyler it was. It really looked like he meant what he was saying, not just making up something on the spot to make Tyler feel better.
“Thanks, I’m, uh, I’m glad you think so,” Tyler mumbled again, a lot clearer now though.
He was still looking down, but this time it was to hide the faint blush from the compliment.
The conversation continued, flowed like rivulets of water, slid down windows and took turns here and there because neither of them could hold a proper train of thought when excited. They talked and talked, and talked some more because why not.
At one point, Tyler asked Josh what his favourite song from Codes and Keys was. After Josh told him it was “Underneath the Sycamore”, he tried asking Tyler the same, and Tyler had given him one chance to guess. Josh got it wrong, but seemed chipper enough when he said he’d get it next time. That was a good sign.
Tyler never would’ve guessed that he would willingly spend this much time talking to someone who was basically a stranger, but with Josh it was easy in a way it wasn’t with others.
He hadn’t cringed at any of Tyler’s overexcited gestures, at his exaggerated facial expressions, at the motions he used to calm himself down. He hadn’t asked questions when Tyler was being weirdly metaphorical, because he understood without needing an explanation.
Tyler really hoped they would stay friends after this.
After about two hours, they had to go their separate ways, Josh had another class and Tyler was starting to really feel the exhaustion and no amount of coffee was helping.
As much as it pained him to leave, it didn’t seem like a goodbye. More of a “see you later”, if you will, because Tyler doubted he’d be able to return to not knowing Josh. The conversation flowed like none other and he couldn’t remember the last time he felt this comfortable in another person’s presence.
His closest friend was probably Mark, also part of their friend group. He was easy to talk to and even hung out with him sometimes. On more than one occasion, Mark even asked Tyler himself, and whether it was out of pity or not was still up to debate, but it warmed Tyler’s heart anyway.
He wouldn’t say the atmosphere with Mark was awkward, it was actually pretty great. They talked, laughed, got Taco Bell and joked around. But Tyler didn’t really feel like he could spill his secrets. Then again, that might just be Tyler’s problem. Maybe he should try opening up a bit more? It worked with Josh, and he barely knew him (Tyler was a bit concerned the coffee had a truth serum in it, talking never came this easy and it scared him).
Whatever. Maybe he was just too tired to think.
The walk back to his dorm passed in a blur of contemplative, half-baked philosophies and thoughts of blue hair and black coffee.