Chapter Text
“Maya, wake up.”
I slowly open my eyes to see dad in front of me. I haven’t even realised I fell asleep, I thought we had just left home.
“We arrived.” Dad smiles, a real smile which he rarely wears at home. He reaches over me and the seatbelt clicks and retracts. “Are you ready for take-off?”
I nod.
Dad grabs me by my shoulders. “And here we go!” He lifts me up, out of the back row with the colouring book, out of the car. “Behold, the flying Maya!”
I am flying, I am a rocket flying out of the car, and high in the air, I look above and see only the blue sky and the dazzling sun, the warm wind plays with my two pigtails, and I reach out for the sun, I’m about to hold it in my hand-
“We ran out of fuel. Prepare for emergency landing!”
Everything turns upside down, the blue sky is gone and I’m falling onto the pavement, about to crash and hurt myself, my arms shoot out to protect my head, the pavement comes closer and closer to me-
My feet touch the ground and I’m standing perfectly upright on the sidewalk.
“The emergency landing was a success!” Dad grins at me.
“Again, again!”, I say and stretch my arms up to him. My hands reach his belly, when I jump up, they reach even his chest.
“Careful”, says mom and regards both me and dad with a quick glance, before she turns around again to the building. Her right foot is tapping the pavement. She smiles. She’s excited.
“Later, Maya.” Dad’s eyes wander from me to the house in front of us. “Let’s go inside, shall we?”
I don’t answer. The smile is wiped off my face. I don’t want to go into that building. It’s not like it’s scary, it’s in fact a pretty normal, although large building, reddish bricks, green shutters, and two large windows to either side of the door. That’s not the problem. The problem is what mom and dad told me about this place. “There will be many children of your age!”, mom said. “And they would like to get to know you.”, dad said.
Until today, I didn’t really understand it, until right now, as we three are standing in front of that large house and the noise of a lot of children reaches us. I don’t want to go inside that house; I don’t want to get to know children of my age. I want to play rocket with dad. I want to go home to Noga.
Mom starts walking. “Yes, we shall. Come on, Maya.” She extends her right arm to me.
I run to her and take her hand. I snuggle up to her side, into the light grey jeans, resting my head on her hips. Dad walks to my other side but doesn’t take my other hand. Nonetheless, I’m glad that they protect me. From whatever awaits me inside. Dad pushes the door open and we enter the house.
The wall is cluttered with photos. A lot of shoes and jackets. And a tall woman with short brown hair. She opens her mouth and talks to mom and dad, and they answer. I don’t listen to them. She looks down to me, leans forward, resting her hands on her knees. She greets me: “Welcome, Maya. It’s great seeing you here. Are you excited?”
I don’t answer. That woman has dimples on both cheeks. I take cover behind mom.
“I see.”, says the woman, “Don’t worry, you don’t have to talk to me. There are many girls here who you can talk to. Are you excited to make some new friends?”
I don’t move at all but focus on her dimples. Neither mom nor dad have dimples. The woman straightens up and says to mom and dad: “Mr. and Mrs. Schoppenboer, it’s great seeing you in person again after all those lengthy mail correspondence and phone calls. I’m in close contact with the agency and received all the necessary information and documents. According to the usual procedure, we decided for the children most suitable to you, your situation, personalities and so on and so forth, as you are aware. My colleagues and I settled on two girls who would fit perfectly into your family, but we reached no conclusion about who would be more suitable.”
Mom says: “Yes, we received the report. In my opinion, it would be the best to meet them in person.”
“This is the reason we are here after all.”, agrees dad. Unlike mom, he doesn’t hide his excitement, but grins and taps his leg with his fingers.
“Indeed. Please, follow me.” The woman starts walking and we follow her. She leads us through a wide hallway, past many closed doors, all with a number. The doors back at home aren’t numbered. On the end of the hallway is a door that leads outside, probably to the backyard, a lot of noise reaches us from there. Children, playing, talking. Luckily, the woman stops before we reach the exit. She knocks on the door with the number five. “Coco? Your visitors are here.”
“Come in!”, calls a bubbly voice from inside.
The woman pushes the handle down, opens the door and lets us go past her into the room. Two bunk beds to either side, one table with two chairs at the back, under a single window. And in the middle of the room stands a tall girl in colourful clothes with long, blonde hair, beaming brightly at us with a wide-open mouth. “Hoi allemaal!”
“Hello, Coco.”, responds dad, “How are you?”
“Great, sir!”
“There is no need to call me sir. My name is Ravi.”
“And I am Soei.”
Coco looks at mom, then at dad, then at me. “And who are you?”
I take cover behind mom, but she steps aside and lays her hand on my back. “Come on, say hi to her.”
The girl locks her eyes with mine. I’ve always been bad at staring contests; I always lose against dad. Instead of looking into her eyes, my gaze wanders down, down her puffed cheeks, down her smiling mouth, down her round chin, down her neck, down her colourful shirt. And then, I can’t lower my gaze. My eyes are stuck to a little object on that girl, a little golden oval thing, dangling in the middle of her chest, a thin golden chain is connected to it and runs around her neck. The girl takes a step forward to me. She is taller than me, she is smiling so strangely. I don’t know her, I don’t want to get to know her, I want to get out of here. I whisper: “Mom, I want-”
“Dad and I are going to talk with the boss about some boring matters.”, mom cuts me off. She didn’t even hear me talking. “You can play with Coco in the meantime; we will be back in some minutes.” She exchanges glances with dad and the woman with the dimples. They planned this all along.
I want to say something to mom, but I can’t. She turns around, moves with two wide steps out of the room and closes the door behind her without looking back. I’m left alone with that scary girl. I’m facing the door, I know she’s behind me, watching me with that strange smile. I slowly turn around. I look down to the floor, to my red shoes. Dad tied the laces. I can tie the laces myself, it’s just that dad is so much better at it, when I do it, they loosen after some minutes and I have to tie them again, meanwhile dad-
“Hoi!”
I carefully look up to her. She’s smiling from ear to ear, and beaming so brightly, I have no idea what she’s seeing that makes her so happy.
“My name’s Coco.”
“Uhhh hi... Co- Coco…” Stupid, now, she thinks I called her Cococo. I can’t look into her face any longer, I focus on that golden thing on her chest.
“What’s your name?”
“Uhm... Maya…” My voice is so quiet, I don’t know if she heard me. I look down to my shoes. Dad had tied the laces, but-
“How are you, Maya?”
“Uhhh... fine, I guess...”
“That’s great, Maya!" She steps forward, as if she wants to hug me. I step back. “What’s your favourite food?”
“Hm...”
“My favourite food is bobotie. Do you know that? I haven’t eaten it once since I got here.”
One moment of silence.
“What’s your favourite colour, Maya?”
“...hm...” I furrow my brow.
Coco’s big mouth smiles at me. Her big eyes attentively observe me. “Why don’t you want to tell me, Maya? Are you no talkative person?”
I don’t know why Coco is so weird, I don’t know why she peppers me with questions. She’s towering over me, I don’t dare to look up to her, I don’t want to see that big smile of hers.
“Do you want to have a look at our toys?”
“Hm... no...” I want mom and dad to come back.
“Why not? Don’t you like playing? We have plenty of Lego and even a large dollhouse here. Of course, I have to share it with them.”
“With... who- whom?”
Coco’s smile grows even larger. “With my roommates!” She spreads her arms.
I take my eyes off the floor and inspect the room. Two bunk beds, blankets and clothes scattered on every one. The beds take up most of the space in this room. And there are little notes on the wooden frame of each bed near the pillow. I’m not a very quick reader yet, but those are single short words, names, including Coco. My name isn’t written on my bed. Why do they write their names on their beds, do I have to do so as well, once I really know how to write?
“They aren’t here right now; they’re playing in the yard.” Coco fiddles with a strand of hair. “Usually, I’m also playing with them around this time. We like to play football or handball or something else. Do you want to play with us?”
Why is Coco being kept inside? Is she sick? Is this some kind of punishment? “No...”
“Too bad.” Her smile narrows as if she was actually sorry.
One moment of silence. I don’t want to look at her; I focus instead on the golden thing on her chest.
“What are you thinking about?”
“What”
“What are you thinking about, Maya?”
“Uhhh... hm... what is that... thing... there?” I point to the thing on her chest.
The smile stays on her face, yet it changes, as if it was hollow and meaningless. Her right hand slowly clutches the golden object. “It’s a memory from home.”
“Isn’t that- this your home?”
“No.”
I wait for her to explain herself. But she doesn’t. She remains stubbornly silent, just as stubbornly as she had peppered me with questions before. Coco looks down to the ground. Is she sad? I have no idea what to do, so I stare to the ground like she herself, maybe she’s watching a bug or something there, she has big eyes after all, she surely sees things I don’t.
“I miss home.”, whispers Coco, I didn’t know she could talk so quietly with her big mouth.
“Uhm hm.” Dad would know exactly what to say in this situation, but he isn’t here right now. Where’s her dad? Coco’s finger tremble around the oval thing. I don’t dare to ask this question.
The silence goes on and on. After half an eternity, Coco finally breaks the silence with a cheerful voice, as if she isn’t uncomfortable at all: “Do you like your mom and your dad, Maya?”
Weird question. “Uhhh... hm... I guess...”
“Is it true that you want to adopt me?”
“Adopt?” I don’t know that word.
“Yes.”
I stare into her face. She returns my gaze. She waits for an answer. I want mom and dad to come back. I feel that my answer will be very important for her. So, instead of making matters worse by saying something that might upset her, I opt to say nothing and lower my gaze to my shoes.
Suddenly, Coco sniggers. “I think I like you, Maya. Do you really don’t want to play with us?” I made up my mind, I don’t say anything anymore. She’s the weird one; she keeps talking and talking.
In this moment, the door swings open and I flinch. Mom is here. I run to her and hide behind her legs.
“Maya”, she says softly, “did you two have fun?”
I don’t need to answer, because Coco already does: “Yes, we really did, Soei!”
Well, I have no idea what’s going on inside Coco’s big head but as for myself, I did not have fun. However, mom believes Coco. “Oh, really? I am happy to hear you get along so well.”
The woman with the dimples steps forward and watches me intensively. Why is she doing this. To mom and dad, she says: “May we go on?”
Mom and dad nod. Go on? Can’t we go home now? Noga is waiting for us.
The woman turns to Coco; she bends over without putting her hands on her knees to be at eye level with her. “Thank you for your time, Coco. You may join the others now.”
“Yay!” Coco lifts her arms high in the air and spurts to the door. But she stops and looks at me. “Do you want to come along, Maya?”
I weakly shake my head.
Coco puts on a reassuring smile. “Okay. Until next time, Maya!” She waves to mom and dad. “Goodbye, Ravi and Soei!” Then, she darts off, singing a happy song.
Next time? I really hope there won’t be a next time.
While I’m still trying to make a sense out of that big girl, the woman with the dimples leads us to another room. “And here is the other girl.”
“Meiko.”, remarks dad. His fingers are tapping his leg even faster.
“Yes.” The woman stops in front of a door with the number seven, her hand rests on the handle, but she doesn’t push it down. “As I said, my colleagues and I agree that Coco and Meiko fit perfectly into your family, but we are divided about who is more suitable.” After a short pause, she adds: “The choice is ultimately yours.” She finally pushes the handle down, opens the door and steps inside. I hide behind mom’s leg and peek out to check the room. It’s furnished exactly like Coco’s room, two bunk beds, a table, two chairs, clothes and toys everywhere. Names on the frame of the beds. And in the corner leans a small girl with smooth black hair and narrow eyes.
The woman addresses her very slowly and clearly: “Hello, Meiko, how are you? You have visitors.”
The girl in the corner takes a step forward to us. My fingers dig into mom’s jeans. “Hello”, she whispers.
“How are you doing, Meiko?” Dad smiles to her.
“I am fine, thank you.” I immediately notice something off about the way she talks. I don’t know what it is, but she talks in a different way than mom and dad.
“So, Maya”, says mom, “We have to settle some boring business again. You can play with Meiko in the meantime, ok?”
No, not okay. But I don’t say anything. I know that objecting is to no use. Mom made up her mind, and I have no choice but to comply.
The door closes. I am alone with that strange girl. I’m a little bit taller than her. She’s wearing a grey hoodie and blue jeans. She has freckles, smooth black hair and strangely narrow brown eyes. And these narrow brown eyes stare at me. She doesn’t say something, she just stares at me. I want mom and dad to come back. This girl scares me. She isn’t smiling. There’s a weird emotion in these narrow eyes of hers I’ve never seen anywhere before. She crosses her arms. She’s waiting. “Uhhhm...” What was her name again? “Hi... M- Mei- Mai...”
“Hello.”, answers the girl, “My name is Meiko.”
“Yes, yes, I know.” For a very long moment, we both remain silent. “Uhm... I’m... Maya.” The last word comes out so quiet, I’m not sure if she understood me.
“I am delighted to make your acquaintance, Maya.”
Now, I’m not sure if I understood her. She talks weirdly, as if she was a textbook with a strange pronunciation. “Hm. Me too, I guess.”
She steps forward to me. I back off. Then, she swiftly extends her right arm toward me. She still doesn’t smile as she offers me her hand. Does she want me to handshake? Like opa? Is this a joke? She doesn’t smile like opa does when we shake our hands.
I carefully lay my hand into hers. Her hand is cold. We shake our hands, quickly but firmly, like real adults, then our hands part.
Meiko tilts her head. “May I move in with you?”
“What”
“May I move into your house and stay with you?” The corners of her mouth turn upward; it’s a forced and almost desperate smile.
I understood the words she had said, but I can’t grasp what she means. She’s already living here, she has a room and a house, why on earth should she- My eyes wander around the room. Two bunk beds, four mattresses, all obviously in use. Does Meiko share this room with three people? That desperate smile is etched into her face. “Uhm... you should ask uhhh… mom and dad...”
“But I asked you.”
I lock my eyes with hers. She’s serious. “Don’t you... want to stay here?”
Meiko leans forward and whispers: “I must not. She will find me.” She leans back and adds in a normal volume: “You have what I desire. And I humbly request a share of it.”
I have no idea what she’s referring to. “Uhhh... okay...”
“Do you consent?”
“Okay... yes...” The room here is cramped, and I don’t want to imagine sharing it with three more people. Back at home we have plenty of space. Is this what I possess that she doesn’t? Meiko is strange but, in this moment, I’m not scared of her anymore. I’m... I don’t know... intrigued? “Yes... you may...”
The desperate smile fades and she looks content. Not smiling, not happy, but satisfied, eager.
Before either of us says something more, the door finally opens and mom, dad and the woman with the dimples come back. I run to mom. Dad smiles proudly at both me and Meiko.
After an eternity, we finally leave that scary house. Mom secures me in the seat in the middle, the belt clicks. Dad sits behind the steering wheel; mom takes a seat beside him. To my left there is my colouring book next to some crayons. I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like drawing in the book. I don’t even want to sleep right now. Those two girls. The conversations replay in my mind, word by word. I can still see their faces, Coco’s smile, Meiko’s narrow eyes. I can still hear their voices.
Mom turns around to me and watches me for some time before saying: “What do you think of them, Maya?” She’s smiling warmly. She wants to hear the truth.
“I don’t know, mom... they’re so strange...”
“Strange in a good sense?”, asks dad.
“I don’t know...”
“How would you describe them in one word?” That’s a kind of question mom often asks me.
I think about it for a while. “Coco... big. She’s big, she talks big, she has big eyes, big hair, big mouth, big everything.”
Dad laughs. “Yes, she is quite big for her age. And she has a big smile, do you not think so, Maya?”
I don’t give an answer.
“What about Meiko?”
“Mei- Mai-” It’s to no use; I can’t pronounce this name. “She’s... hm... strange, I guess...” That probably isn’t what mom wanted to hear, but it’s the truth.
“Meiko.”, repeats mom and turns back. “One is big, the other is strange.”
“This may very well be the title of an exciting book. The big girl and the strange girl.” Dad pauses and adds in an amused smile: “Or even better: Maya and the big girl and the strange girl. A children’s book bestseller!”
Mom glances to dad. “Or perhaps better: Maya, Coco and Meiko. I would love to read that book.”
“That sounds boring...” Right, if mom had asked me to describe myself in one word, I would’ve said boring. But now, she is more concerned with Coco and Meiko.
Dad objects: “Not at all! That sounds like an amazing story! I can imagine myself reading it to you every day as a bedtime story.” Quietly, he adds: “You three will fit together perfectly.”
Mom nods.
“What... do you mean?” I feel like dad didn’t want me to hear his words. I involuntarily sigh. “Why... why did I have to meet uhhhm… these two?”
Mom turns around to me. She’s smiling, but at the same time serious. “Maya, as you know, dad and I have been thinking a long time about this. We decided to adopt a child.” She nods to dad. “And today we made our choice.”
“What is adopt, mom?”
“To adopt means, when adults take a child home and raise them.”
Something in my brain finally clicks. “You want to adopt one of them.”
Mom looks at dad, and dad averts his eyes off the street for one moment to return her gaze. They came up with something.
“But... mom, you didn’t even really talk to them...”
“Dad and I already received a lot of documents; we already knew the most important facts. Though, I would have liked to talk properly with these two. Well, we are going to visit them again.”
Dad remarks: “Maya, we wanted you to meet them. Your opinion is very important to us.”
Since when is my opinion important to mom and dad. If it really was, then we would’ve never left home and visited that place and leave Noga alone for so long. Still, I don’t really get it. “But mom... Coco and uhhh… Mai- Maiko already live there. What- why do you want them to… move in with us?”
“They don’t live there voluntarily.”, mentions dad. “No one lives voluntarily in that place; it is an orphanage.”
“What’s an orphanage?”
“A house for orphans.”
“What’s an orphan?”
“Meiko and Coco are orphans. They don’t have parents, Maya. Do you understand? They have no mom and dad. They live far away from home.”
“But... the bunk beds... they weren’t alone.”
“They live there with other girls who have no parents.”
“Why…” I’m almost too scared to ask. “… don’t they have… parents?”
“Maya” Moms inhales deeply. “Sometimes, the world is cruel and unjust. And not everyone is as lucky as we are.”
Dad says: “Meiko and Coco have neither a mom nor a dad. This is the worst thing there is for a child, don’t you think so, Maya? Imagine if neither mom nor I would be here anymore. Who would tie your shoes, hm?”
“I don’t know.”
“Exactly.”
We don’t talk for the remainder of the ride. I stare out of the window; I have a lot to think about. Coco, Maiko, adopt, orphan. Both of these girls were so weird, so different. Anyways, I don’t think mom and dad really want to hear my opinion, if they had already made a decision, then my opinion won’t bother them. I feel that it’s futile, but I hope to see neither Coco nor Maiko ever again.