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After Tom’s interview was over, he headed to Colt’s place to pick up Ryland. They didn’t have any solid plans for the day other than spending time together. Given the topic of the interview, they were both a little worried about getting more attention than usual if they went out, so they decided to stay in again. Tom felt it was a good day to see if he could get Ryland to open up a little more about his past. He had mentioned before that his childhood had rough spots and that he had been to therapy for it as a kid. Tom wanted to know everything there was to know about Ryland, and since this was the biggest blank spot in his knowledge of him, he thought it was a good place to start.
They were seated on the couch, as close as they could get side-by-side, fingers entwined with Ryland’s head resting on Tom’s shoulder. Tom looked down at Ryland and asked “Is now a good time to talk about your childhood? I know you said you wanted to be able to cuddle me after that conversation.”
Ryland looked up and scowled faintly. “There’s not really a good time to talk about that but I guess I can give it a go.” He sat up straighter and took a deep breath. “Before I get into it though, would you agree to come with me to a cookout at my uncle’s house tomorrow? It won’t be a lot of people, it’s a low key graduation party for my cousin’s daughter and also it’s my brother’s birthday.”
“Yeah, I’ll go with you, but your birthday is in December, right? I’m not the biologist here, but I’m pretty sure that twins don’t have birthdays six months apart.” Tom was definitely confused here.
“Not Colt, our older brother, Courtland. He died several years ago.” Ryland looked away, tears glistening in his eyes. “We don’t make a big deal of his birthday, just a small acknowledgement of who he was and what he did for us.”
Tom gently touched Ryland on the chin and turned his face toward him. “I would be honored to help you honor your brother’s memory.”
Ryland took in a deep shuddering breath and nodded. “Thank you. So the thing is, parts of my childhood sucked a lot. Until Colt and I were about 5, it was pretty good. And then our mom died. Cancer. She used to sing to us every night to get us to go to sleep. The song we loved to hear the most was ‘Amazing Grace’. It’s why when Colt and I turned 18 we changed our last name from Gentry to Grace. To honor her memory and do what we could to erase our father’s.”
Tom didn’t want to interrupt, so he just held Ryland’s hand and nodded encouragingly for him to continue when he was ready.
“After Mom died, things gradually got worse. Dad drank more and more and got more nasty as he did so. He started trying to ‘toughen us up’, and Court did what he could to redirect his attention away from Colt and me. Court was five years older than us, and always our protector. He felt more like a parent than anyone else we had at that time. I don’t really remember how bad it got. The therapists said that your brain can do that, forget things that hurt too bad. But I do remember the last of it. I was ten and Dad decided that I was too weak. He wanted to force me to ‘man up’ and apparently the way to do that was by holding my head underwater in the bathtub.’Can’t cry like a baby if you’re drowning.’”
“Jesus.” Tom couldn’t help but say.
“Yeah. So Court got home from his part time job and heard me screaming in between being held in the tub and he was convinced I was gonna die. Honestly, I thought that too. Court went into Dad’s room and found his gun in his nightstand and he… he stopped him. He saved me.”
Tom pulled him in close, trying to hold the bad memories at bay for Ryland.
“They arrested him. Dad was a cop, and they made Court pay. He went to prison. He died in there eight years later in a prison riot. After Dad died, Colt and I were in foster care for a few weeks, separated right when we needed each other the most. Eventually they reunited us and we got to live with our Uncle Holland. He is absolutely nuts and I don’t know how anyone decided he was fit to raise two traumatized boys, but thankfully his daughter Holly was there to help. After she basically raised her dad, Colt and I were a cakewalk. It’s her daughter that’s having the grad party tomorrow. Emmy’s practically a little sister to us since she was only a couple years old when we moved in with them. Sorry, I’m rambling. I just, once I start info dumping, it can be a lot.”
“It’s okay Sweetheart. I’m willing to listen to anything you want to tell me. I’m sorry I opened old wounds, but thank you for trusting me enough to share.” Tom kissed the top of Ryland’s head, and felt a few of his own tears slipping down. It hurt so much to know that Ryland had been through so much and at such an early age.
“Did you mean what you said in that interview today?” Ryland looked up and the earnest look in his eyes was a shot straight to the heart.
“Which part?” Tom asked.
“The part about learning to love me.”
Tom’s heart skipped a beat. “Yes. I do love you, Ryland Grace.”
Ryland’s smile looked at once radiant and terrified. “I don’t know if I know what that means. Romantic love is something that has always baffled me. I know I want to be near you all day every day. I want to know you and have you know me. I want to see you laugh every time I tell a joke and I want to hear the way you grumble in your sleep when you’re about to wake up. I want to be in your life and I want that so intensely that it scares me. But is that love? How am I supposed to know that?”
“If that isn’t love, then I’m not sure what else is,” Tom said. “I feel all that and also the joy that comes from hearing my name on your lips, and the horror at knowing you have been hurt and I can’t take it away. I feel the desire to protect you and hold you and keep you warm and safe for always. And that takes a long time to say, so I’d call it ‘love’.”
“Maybe there might be something to this romance shit after all.” Ryland shrugged and they both laughed. It was the perfect way to lighten the mood.
Ryland shifted from sitting next to Tom and reached up to pull him down for a kiss. They were both a little dizzy when they came up for air.
They spent the day entangled on the couch. Kissing and cuddling; just being close. They didn’t push past the already established boundaries, but they skirted close to them, and got increasingly more comfortable doing so. Ryland found he loved the sound Tom made when he kissed his jawline just below his ear. Tom learned that it drove Ryland a little bit crazy to have his hair gently pulled. It was a day of quiet, comfortable exploration and Tom would have never thought he could be so thrilled touching someone so much without just jumping straight to sex. He had never before bothered to get to know anyone like he was learning Ryland and it was intoxicating.
**********
The graduation party was thankfully as low key as advertised. Ryland introduced Tom to several of his family members and at one point Tom remarked to him that several of the men in attendance looked remarkably similar to the twins. “Hah, yeah, the genes on my mom’s side of the family seem to run pretty strong.” Ryland laughed.
Tom leaned in and whispered in Ryland’s ear, “We should see whose genes would win if we had kids.”
Ryland blushed at the implications but then said “That’s not how genetics work. Between the two of us, we don’t have the equipment to make that happen.”
“Oh, so you’ve been checking out my equipment, have you?” Tom winked at him. “ I still think we should try. It would be fun!”
“I have a literal Powerpoint demonstration on why that would not work. I teach science to middle schoolers, remember?” Ryland laughed as Tom started to pout at this answer.
“No fun at all. Here I am saying I want to have babies with you and you’re like, ‘Can’t work, don’t even wanna try!’” Tom was really playing up the pouting now.
“Well, if it’s more about the trying than the babies…” Ryland trailed off as he saw the heat in Tom’s eyes. He pulled in for a kiss and whispered, “I think I could arrange a private biology lesson on the topic for you.”
At that moment, Colt walked up and groaned loudly, “This is a family event, guys, No one wants to see you two make out here!”
“Ugh, such a party pooper, Seavers!” Tom grumbled as he pulled away from Ryland.
Ryland grinned and made sure to hold on to Tom’s hand as he backed away from their embrace. Colt looked at him and shook his head slightly. “I guess you aren’t too bad, Ryder, if you can make my brother smile like that. He deserves to be happy.”
“Yes, he does,” Tom agreed wholeheartedly.
***********
Tom had fun meeting Ryland’s family and it was a much more relaxed party than he usually went to. Toward the end of the event, Ryland and Colt’s Uncle Holland (one of those family members who looked eerily similar to the twins) made a brief speech.
“Today, we are here to celebrate my lovely granddaughter, Emmy, and her graduation. I am so proud of you, sweetheart. You and your mother make me think that I’ve done at least some good in my life if I can claim even the smallest credit for you making the world a brighter place with your presence.” There were cheers all around at this.
“We would also like to acknowledge someone who couldn’t be here celebrating with us. Today was my nephew Courtland’s birthday. As most of you know, Courtland sacrificed his future to protect his younger brothers, Ryland and Colt. Court passed away a few years ago, and we miss him every day. Here’s to you Court.” Holland raised his glass and everyone joined in the toast. Tom squeezed Ryland’s shoulder as he noted the unshed tears in his boyfriend’s eyes. He gave Colt a solemn nod in acknowledgement of his loss, as well.