Chapter Text
On the eighth night after his return home from the evacuation of Sumeru, Kaveh entered his room to prepare for bed. He spent the whole day finalizing the cleanup of the house after it was victim to the chaos of theirs and the rest of the city’s leave. Alhaitham was selective with his help to say the least. He had brought some of Kaveh’s belongings into his room, but they were left in one giant pile that gave Kaveh more work to do in the end.
While smaller displaced items were a hassle, the cleanup of something else in his room had caused Kaveh much more stress.
Next to his bedside table and the door to the bathroom was the gap where his bed once lay. The same reasons their cleanup efforts had taken so long explained why his bed was missing in action.
Upon their return from the desert after the crisis with Irminsul, gaping holes in their roof unabashedly presented themselves. The one in Kaveh’s room was the result of a flowerbed from the platform above. It landed flat on his bed, breaking the bed board and ruining all of his bedding in the process. It must’ve rained while they were away because the mud had already stained the carpet underneath. It took him forever to clean it out of the floorboards.
After a long journey away from home, there was nothing like the feeling of lying in his own bed. Many a time work trips to the desert had taught him so. He cursed fate for depriving him of that solace and replacing it with a harsh reminder of similar misery.
During his stint of homelessness, sometimes he had scrapped together enough Mora to buy himself a stay at an inn for a night. It was a relief to give his feet a rest and his head a break. For what little belongings he had kept, they procured a terrible strain on his wrists. For as much of a blessing as it was to have somewhere to sleep for the night, when he finally went to lay on the bed, the mattress went stiff. The sheets were itchy and his pillow had always been without cushion. Sleep, rendered poor quality at best, had never been a place of peace, but a means to pass the time.
The day Alhaitham moved him in, to Kaveh’s surprise, the room had already been furnished as a guest bedroom. Up until then, Alhaitham said it had never been used but was maintained. The furniture had been lightly dusted, the shelves organized, and the bedding was presentable—a tacky choice in patterning, but tidy, nonetheless.
Kaveh remembered how comfortable the mattress had felt on his first night.
Whether it was out of denial for his long-term stay or his lack of Mora, the only part of the bed Kaveh had replaced were the sheets and comforter. The lack of aesthetic taste really got to him. Other than that, the bed size was respectable, and he could handle a sinking mattress.
This time, fate had forced his hand and required him to purchase a new bed. Every part of it. However, between the time spent wrapping up their report of Aaru for the Akademiya and the house repair and cleanup, Kaveh hasn’t had time to shop for one.
So, in the meantime, an unexpected arrangement was made for his predicament.
Kaveh finished up in his bathroom, took a breath, and made his way to Alhaitham’s room. The door was left open for Kaveh’s expected arrival. The room was illuminated by lamps on the nightstands on either side of the bed. Alhaitham used his while glued to a book. It was only his fourth one this week. Kaveh thought he read at a slower pace considering how much time he’s had on his hands. Mindful of their time spent decluttering, Kaveh estimated Alhaitham would’ve been two books ahead by now.
Getting back into routine must’ve been troublesome for Alhaitham too.
While Kaveh walked toward the bed, Alhaitham didn’t budge from his book. Either he was really invested or had no interest in Kaveh’s meandering. Maybe it was both. Regardless, bringing any more attention to this situation was just what he didn’t need. Even though it had already been a few days since he was invited here, he still had a bag of mixed feelings about it. Sleeping with Alhaitham had every connotation that he couldn’t think about right now. It reminded him of the night he first moved in. He stared at the ceiling, trying to deny his body of its sense of security by also denying his mind ease. He couldn’t get Alhaitham out of his head. He still couldn’t.
Such a nagging presence in his life ought to have brought him here one of these days.
Kaveh crawled into the sheets at a smoother pace than he had done before. Despite him repeatedly telling himself how ridiculous this was and that he couldn’t believe he ever said yes to this in the first place, the routine settled with him. He hated how accustomed to it he got because the reality was, he wouldn’t have said yes if the world wasn’t about to end a week ago and if the divan had been agreeable to him the first try.
Before he settled in, Kaveh turned the nob at the base of his lamp. It clicked off. He made himself comfortable, laying on his side, facing away from Alhaitham, and pulled the sheets under his arm.
The mattress was firm but sunk down just enough to support the curves of his body. It retained its coolness just enough for Kaveh to fall asleep, but it absorbed heat quickly. Same as the pillow. Kaveh must’ve gotten the unused one because Alhaitham’s pillow went flat when he laid on it. On that note, he couldn’t deny the mattress was comfortable, but it looked like Alhaitham was due for a new one as well.
Usually, Kaveh gave Alhaitham a few minutes of grace to get to a stopping point in his book, but a few minutes had passed, and he still wasn’t asleep.
Through a yawn, Kaveh said, “Remember, we’re leaving early tomorrow. I want to beat the afternoon rush of the Grand Bazaar. All the merchants should have renewed their stock by now.”
“Remind me why I’m going with you tomorrow,” he said, unbothered.
Unamused, Kaveh rolled to his back so Alhaitham could see his expression. “Because the Akademiya oh so graciously gave you the week off at your whim.”
“So you keep reminding me.” He lowered the book onto his lap. The page had a mended tear down the center. It was one of his limited-edition copies Kaveh had repaired for him. “Fitting an ancient mechanism designed by King Deshret himself to function as Irminsul is surely plenty of reason to give a mere week off. You speak as if you didn’t receive a hefty paycheck from the Akademiya as well.”
“All I hear is that you have the time to go out and Mora to spend.” Now laying on his side facing Alhaitham, Kaveh poked his arm with fervor. “I already told you this yesterday. I don’t know why you’re making such a fuss about it now.”
The light illuminated Alhaitham’s emerald eyes. They relaxed upon meeting Kaveh’s. The warm lamp light reminded him of the last desert sunset they shared before their reclamation of the city went in full. Kaveh bit the inside of his bottom lip, holding his tongue.
“I don’t exactly remember agreeing to it yesterday either,” Alhaitham said in his usual condescending tone. He moved the bookmark to the page and set the book down on the table. He turned off his lamp too and settled on his back, pulling the sheets his way.
“Don’t end the conversation before it’s even started.” Kaveh tugged them back alongside Alhaitham’s attention. “It’s your home. You should be able to pick out something as big as a bed that goes in it. I know I’m going to be the one that uses it, but you collect rent from me, and as per usual rental policy, replacing furniture must be done through the owner.”
They lay with their heads level, and as Alhaitham turned his body to face Kaveh’s, their eyes met as well. At least like this, Kaveh had equal footing when it came to their height. In the absence of light, he still could make out Alhaitham’s inquisitive stare. Kaveh thought it was the one he always made when he found the conversation interesting enough to continue with quips and philosophical challenges only a Haravatat scholar would come up with.
“There is no rental policy. I don’t care what you do with your room, nor have I cared about all the paintings you’ve hung or the decorations you bring in. After cleaning for a week, you should know by now just how much stuff you’ve contributed and how little I protest.”
“It’s not exactly all mine!” He shook his head, squishing his cheek against the pillow. The friction made them hot or perhaps it was the hot air that came from how quickly he rose to his own defense. “It’s for the house.”
Alhaitham tucked his hand underneath his pillow, supporting his head, but it looked more like the curious tilt of an aloof cat. “A home that you continue to deny is yours?”
Reading Alhaitham was no easy feat, but Kaveh thought he knew how to do it well by now, and he was sure he had a better grasp on him than most others, but there were times like this when he believed his intentions were impossible to discern.
Perhaps it was times like these where he saw himself going against the grain of a researcher and determined that the most obvious conclusion couldn’t be the correct one.
To have said home in such a placid voice…Whether Alhaitham meant it or not, Kaveh couldn’t help but think beyond the roof over their heads and the walls that encased their belongings.
“I don’t deny it because I’m blind of the classy touch I’ve added to your décor,” he muttered his sassy tone into the pillow.
“Then, why?”
He made the question sound dire like it was the very thread that he waited to pull at during the right moment.
Alhaitham had a lot of threads to pull at on his comforter. All the more reason to cooperate for his stead as accompaniment tomorrow.
After a pause long enough for himself on any other workday to have fallen asleep to, he answered, “Because I haven’t been sure of where we stand.” Kaveh folded his arms to his stomach. The silent gnawing feeling that dredged at every rekindling of their relationship spoke itself as reality. “I see that you at least tolerate my presence, but it’s hard for me to believe you’re thrilled to have me around.”
“I’m hardly thrilled over anything,” Alhaitham said.
Kaveh made sure Alhaitham heard his hmph.
“But I was content on working with you again. If you hadn’t noticed, Aaru was our area of expertise, yet your agreeableness came to a level I could manage.”
Kaveh knew exactly what he meant. It was new territory to imply anything related to their thesis as students. They hadn’t talked about it since he moved in.
“This was different. It was easier to focus on the world being at stake than your petty instigations.”
“Then, it takes the world at stake for you to cooperate, and it takes me your cooperation,” Alhaitham joked.
Kaveh could just hear him smirking. The scattered moonlight gave him a peak to confirm his intuition. It irritated him to no end. All that voiced it was a groan, and he groaned until he was on his back, eyes resting on the ceiling and not on Alhaitham’s pestering demeanor.
In a low voice, Alhaitham said, “I see you work just as hard to keep us afloat as I do. Even now you hold your tongue.”
He sucked the air through his teeth. “Yeah, well, it’s merely convenient to have us get along. That’s something you would say by the way.” Kaveh lightly nudged Alhaitham’s arm which was closer than he thought.
“Sure, I’d say it’s a matter of convenience about something less important. However, regarding you, I would say it’s a matter of finding better standing.”
Kaveh held his breath. It welled up in his chest until he noticed he was holding it. His head rolled comfortably into the dent on his pillow he had made in the past few days. Very few times Kaveh had caught Alhaitham at a point of vulnerability. Alhaitham’s shallow breaths made it very clear it was one of those times. “What might that be?” Kaveh said with his remaining air.
“You’re in my bed now. What do you think?”
Speechless, Kaveh just watched as Alhaitham turned onto his back and quieted for a restful slumber.
The night Alhaitham first offered his bed, it was so preposterous to Kaveh that he denied it outright. In fact, in that moment, Kaveh had assumed Alhaitham meant Kaveh would take his bed and Alhaitham the divan because sleeping together was not even in the pool of consideration.
“That trade is unnecessary. Whether it be you or me who takes your bed, one of us will have to sleep on the divan anyway. You might as well keep your own room,” Kaveh argued. He rubbed his eyes, too tired to think after a day’s worth of laborious cleaning. It was one broken window after another and a hole in the roof that led him to this ridiculous conversation.
“As a scholar, you should know that assumptions are the bane of understanding. I never mentioned a trade.”
“Then the same goes for you—state your reasoning,” he snapped back, shoving his blanket against Alhaitham’s chest.
They were in the common room, and Kaveh had just finished his makeshift bed on the divan. There really wasn’t much to it—just what was left as spare bedding in his closet—but that’s why Alhaitham had caught him so late in the process.
“It’s quite simple. Even in your state you should understand.” Alhaitham pushed Kaveh’s arm away. “My bed is big enough for the both of us.”
After the tread back to Sumeru and the shock of discovering that the house was a mess, Kaveh had been exhausted, so that was probably why it took him so long to process what Alhaitham had said for a second time.
“Even in my state? What’s that supposed to mean!?” Kaveh barked. “I’ve been doing most of the cleaning so we both can be comfortable in the house again!”
It was the one thing he knew how to respond to. Sleeping in Alhaitham’s bed with Alhaitham felt far too intimate for what Kaveh could handle. He wasn’t ready to jump over any hurdles just yet. Not even coming down from the threat of the end of the world could push for that.
The color in Alhaitham’s eyes dulled. “Well, if you were looking forward to sleeping with a direct viewing of the mess that still needs to be fixed like the second boarded-up hole in the ceiling that you are vehemently agonizing over, be my guest.”
Kaveh was almost frozen in place by the abruptness of Alhaitham’s response. For all the time they spent during the evacuation and the reconstruction of Aaru, Alhaitham had never closed off with him like this. Now he realized it too was vulnerability that he saw in Alhaitham’s eyes for just a second.
He followed the blanket as he dropped it down onto the divan. “I’m not going to burden you like that, Alhaitham. You deserve a good night’s rest,” he in a wispy voice.
“My decisions are never of burden to me.” Alhaitham turned for his room. “Should you find yourself burdened, my door is open.”
It indeed was. Kaveh verified it himself when he entered Alhaitham’s room not but an hour later after struggling to fall asleep thinking about all of the what-ifs of this scenario. The presiding one was the look of his vulnerability when he gave his offer. Alhaitham’s composed expression had some cracks of consideration or compassion when he spoke out of true sincerity.
Perhaps he was shaken up by the whole ordeal of the evacuation, or what Kaveh had come to realize now, perhaps he had felt rejected out of something more.
Kaveh leaned closer.
The truth was that it was Kaveh’s decision that got him here. The end of the world was merely an instigator, and the divan was more than comfortable enough for a few nights. Alhaitham used it to take naps all the time.
He scooted towards Alhaitham.
Alhaitham was right. They both made efforts to keep each other afloat, but they were also efforts to surpass tolerance. It was coexistence. It was companionship.
He brought his pillow to Alhaitham’s and rested his head on the edge. His cheek grazed his shoulder, keeping his advance subtle. His chest was parallel to Alhaitham’s arm, but his breathing extended it out just enough to catch the bulge of his bicep. Kaveh weaved his hands around Alhaitham’s wrist, holding onto it like a precious glass sculpture.
Kaveh would be lying if he said he hadn't caught feelings.
“Finding your way okay?” Alhaitham said in an amused voice.
Kaveh forgot he might be awake.
“I don’t want to hear it!”
The impeccable heat absorption abilities of Alhaitham’s bedding came to show their true nature.
A cool hand met his. “I invited you here to be comfortable,” Alhaitham said with a soft air about his voice.
His reciprocation was inevitable, but Kaveh still felt nervous. It hadn’t even been a straightforward confession of any sorts, yet the simple idea of sharing personal space made for such a large step between them. It was like this on the first night Kaveh slept in the house, the first night he spent with Alhaitham in his bed, and now, with the invitation to cuddle.
“Okay,” he breathed. “Just make it quick.” Kaveh released his arm and propped himself up above Alhaitham.
Alhaitham scooted under him and reached for his shoulders. His hands cooled his burning skin. It was the first time Alhaitham initiated intimacy between them. Consolation came as a practiced skill when Kaveh gave it to his mother a lot, and a comforting touch here and there went a long way for her. From there, he reserved his physical affection to more necessary times, but over the years Kaveh realized he had lent it more times to Alhaitham than any other, and not solely on account of consolation. Sometimes it was out of bitterness, provocation, or placid conversation, yet no matter what, the man who kept to himself around most others, let him.
He brought Kaveh into a hug, placing his body on top of his like he would with a soft blanket, and guided his head to his chest. Alhaitham’s heart beat faster than the rise and fall of his chest. Kaveh wondered how long he wanted to do this and if that night he invited him to bed he had this in mind. Kaveh’s bed being destroyed was all but a convenient situation for his deepest desire.
Alhaitham always got his way in the end. Kaveh would make an exception this one time.
Sandwiched between his arms and his body was the most extreme way to get passed his nerves about breaking their hot-headed orbital pattern. He brought his hand up to shield his large yawn and left it there on Alhaitham’s chest. The sigh released the day’s worth of stress. He felt his eyes grow heavy.
He certainly was comfortable, and Alhaitham certainly was pleased. He just wished he did this earlier in the week and not the day before he planned to purchase a new bed.