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“There’s an opening on day shift,” Ilya says one Saturday morning when Shane picks him up after his shift at the hospital. Shane blames his initial blank-faced reaction to this news on the fact that he was already on edge before Ilya even got into the car. They’re on their way to have breakfast with Shane’s parents before Ilya’s post-shift nap. They’ve been dating for six months already but this is the first time everyone’s schedules have aligned enough for a meeting. His parents are maybe a little too excited at the prospect of finally meeting someone Shane is dating, which is nerve-wracking. He keeps telling himself it’s going to be fine. Ilya is a doctor, for God’s sake, not to mention handsome and charming and tall. Not that his parents care how tall he is.
The point is, he was already nervous about today and now Ilya is talking about changing shifts like he’s mentioning taking a trip to the lake for the weekend. Like it’s no big deal. Like it wouldn’t change their lives. Would it change their lives? It would have to, Shane thought. Ilya would still work long shifts and holidays sometimes but if he had a normal sleep schedule, they could do more together.
“Shane?”
Shane startles, realizing he’s been sitting in the hospital parking lot since Ilya got in the car. He shifts into reverse. “Sorry. I was, uh, surprised.”
Ilya smiles. “Good surprise?”
Shane smiles back, helpless to resist. His boyfriend is so beautiful. And smart and funny and interesting and tall. “I mean, is it? Do you want to switch shifts?”
Ilya shrugs. “Would make our lives easier, no?”
Our lives. Shane thinks he may actually be glowing. “Yes,” he says carefully. “But I don’t want you to change your whole life if… if it’s not really what you want.”
Ilya looks out the window so Shane can’t read his expression. Although sometimes Ilya’s expression is inscrutable even when they’re facing each other. He can shutter his face closed at the slightest provocation. Shane can’t tell if it’s learned from his career or from Ilya’s difficult childhood. Not that he has a ton of information about said childhood. He’s teased out some small anecdotes about it but mostly surface level stuff. He tries not to push but the truth is, he wants to know everything about Ilya Rozanov, even the hard stuff. Maybe especially the hard stuff.
He reaches over to take Ilya’s hand in his. “Hey,” he says softly, and Ilya turns to face him, smiling a little. Shane hopes that’s a good sign. “I just meant you should think about it. Or we can talk about it more. I want you to do whatever makes you happy.”
Ilya brings their joined hands to his mouth and kisses Shane’s knuckles one by one. “Okay.”
They walk into the restaurant holding hands, which Shane’s mother clocks immediately. He’s never introduced a boyfriend before, making this a pretty big deal. He’s praying his parents will be normal about it. Hugs and handshakes are exchanged, coffees are ordered, and then the interrogation begins.
“So, Ilya, Shane tells us you’re an emergency room physician,” Yuna begins. She’s pleasant enough, Shane will give her that, but he also knows his mother. She likes to interview people. It’s not a bad quality, necessarily. She really is interested in the answers. It’s never bothered him before but he feels protective of Ilya now, who is fairly tight-lipped about himself, even with Shane.
Ilya smiles at her, which Shane notes with more relief than is probably strictly proportionate. “That’s right.”
“That must be difficult.”
“Sometimes,” Ilya admits. “I like the pace of it. Keeps things interesting.”
“And night shift, that’s so hard on the body–”
“Mom,” Shane warns.
“What? It is! There’s research about it, Ilya knows, he’s a doctor.”
Shane rolls his eyes at his mother. Ilya chuckles good-naturedly. “There is, yes. I’ve managed this way for a while though. There are ways to deal with it.”
“Mmm. Still.”
“Mom.”
David takes over then. “Forgive us, Ilya,” he says graciously. “We’ve never met someone Shane’s dating before.”
“Oh my God,” Shane mutters, putting his head in his hands. Their coffees arrive then and Shane flashes his parents a look that is meant to convey act normally please. They choose to ignore it.
“So why emergency medicine? Besides the pace,” Yuna continues.
“Mmm. It’s a good question. In medical school, you rotate, yes? So you can see what you might want to do for residency.” The Hollanders nod. “Emergency is what called to me, I suppose.” He hesitates for a moment. He is always careful with his words, another quality Shane loves in him. When he speaks, you know it’s with thoughtfulness and sincerity. “It is straight-forward in a lot of ways. A patient comes in with a problem, you try to solve it, then you send them on their way. Mostly I can help people. I like that part.” Yuna nods approvingly. Shane attempts to prevent himself from rolling his eyes. “But Mrs. Hollander, you should tell me about Shane. I think he is hiding all the good stories about himself, he never tells me about his awkward teenage years or anything interesting like that,” Ilya teases, smiling.
Shane watches as his mother is effortlessly charmed by this change in conversation. This is yet another thing he loves about Ilya: he has an ability to make everyone he meets feel like the most interesting person he’s ever encountered. He has some kind of a sixth sense about what kinds of questions to ask and when to deploy them. He’s done it with Shane’s friends too, to the point that Rose happily complained he had tricked her into talking about herself too much when they met so she still didn’t know enough about her best friend’s boyfriend.
He thinks this is on purpose. Ilya isn’t shy exactly but he doesn’t like to talk about himself. Humble is the word, Shane thinks. Modest. It’s a little frustrating sometimes, to not know every single detail of his boyfriend’s life and past but he figures he has time. He plans on spending the rest of his life with Ilya, though he hasn’t been brave enough to tell him that yet. He should have reacted differently to the day shift thing. Of course it would make things easier. Maybe they could even move in together after Ilya adjusts.
He focuses back on the conversation just in time to hear his mother describe how Shane refused to speak French for most of grade two because he was convinced he would conjugate a verb incorrectly and embarrass himself. He rolls his eyes again. Are all mothers like this?
“Okay, that’s enough down memory lane, Mom.”
“He asked, honey,” his mother protests. “What mother doesn’t want to talk about her son?” She smiles at Ilya. “Your parents must be very proud of you.”
Shit. In his excitement for his parents to finally meet his boyfriend Shane had forgotten to tell them that Ilya doesn’t have any family. He doesn’t really have any details beyond that because Ilya hasn’t shared that much but still, he should have warned them the subject was off limits. Before he can jump in and rescue the conversation, Ilya answers for himself. “Ah, they would be maybe. They died while I was in university.”
“Oh! Oh, I’m so sorry,” Yuna says, clutching her hand to her chest.
Ilya waves her off. “Thank you.” He smiles. “Probably why I ended up in medical school here instead of staying in Moscow. So it worked out.” He looks at Shane as he says this, squeezing his hand under the table. Shane smiles back gratefully.
“Shane didn’t tell us how you two met,” David supplies.
“Why not, Shane?” Ilya teases. “You are embarrassed at how you picked me up?”
“Oh my God, do not say it like that,” Shane groans. His parents and Ilya laugh. “It wasn’t like that,” Shane insists.
“No? You did not go to great lengths to find me again after you saw me on the train?”
“What great lengths?” Yuna wants to know.
Shane would like the floor to open up now and swallow him whole. Though he guesses it is a cute story, if he leaves out the part where he was driven kind of crazy by how hot Ilya was the first time he saw him. He clears his throat. “Remember my car needed a repair? The factory recall thing.” His parents nod. His mother beams with silent approval and pride; such a responsible young man! “I took the Metro to work all that week. And Ilya was on the train Monday and Tuesday. But then I didn’t see him again. So Rose had this idea–”
“Oh, we love Rose!” his mom says. Shane resists rolling his eyes. Luckily, she does not add that they love her so much, they had asked Shane more than once why he wasn’t dating her until finally he was forced to come out to them, just to stop that line of questioning. Then his mother had moved on to trying to fix him up with random guys, which was embarrassing in another way.
Ilya smiles. “I do as well. She convinced Shane to try to find me.”
“How did you do that?” David asks.
Shane takes a breath. It’s not weird, he reminds himself. It worked, right? “I uh, wrote a… note on CraigsList.”
“What’s that?” his dad asks, furrowing his brow.
“It’s like an online ad service kind of? Like if you’re looking to offload your old car or you need a moving company or something.”
“But then how does that relate to Ilya?” David says, still looking confused.
“Let him tell us, dear,” Yuna says, briefly silencing her husband, who continues looking bemused.
“There’s a… like a section where you can put a note out to somebody you don’t know.”
Ilya is staring at him, apparently very amused by Shane’s (admittedly) poor explanation. “Why are you being so weird about this?” He looks at the Hollanders. “It’s called missed connections. I read them sometimes after a shift, to shake off the night. It’s like, when you weren’t brave enough to get someone’s number–”
“Hey!” Shane interjects, making Ilya laugh.
“--Or there wasn’t time for you to ask for it before they got off the train,” he adds, squeezing Shane’s knee under the table this time. “I was reading them a few days after we first ran into each other and I read one that sounded familiar.” He shrugs. “Luckily your son turned out to be normal. Mostly.”
The Hollanders chuckle. “Well that is adorable,” Yuna says, beaming at them both. “What did it say?”
“No, Mom.” Yuna frowns at her son. She looks like she’s going to insist so Shane keeps speaking. “It doesn’t matter, it worked, we met for coffee, now we’re here. And actually, we have to go pretty soon, Ilya has to sleep.”
“Oh, of course! Don’t let us keep you, breakfast is on us.”
“That’s very kind, Mrs. Hollander–”
“Yuna. And David.”
Ilya smiles. “Yuna. Thank you. Next time we’ll have more time together,” he promises. Shane feels like he’s floating when they all stand to hug goodbye. Next time, Ilya had said. He’ll see the Hollanders again, he means. Shane loves the sound of that. Maybe they’ll even spend the holidays together. That’s a normal dating thing, right? Is it too soon? He’ll ask Rose. Or actually, he’ll ask his boyfriend, since it directly concerns him. That’s a better idea, he thinks. He’s still getting used to the whole serious relationship thing.
In the car, he turns and kisses Ilya as hard as he can. When they pull apart, Ilya is grinning. “You think it went well then?” Shane laughs and drives them back to his condo, where Ilya convinces him he can stay awake for another hour and celebrate properly.
After he wakes up and showers and looks vaguely human again, Ilya sits with Shane on the couch. Immediately, Shane says, “Yes.”
“What, moy lyubov?”
Shane blushes. He loves this nickname. In turn, he calls Ilya mon couer, even though he felt kind of self-conscious when he started doing it. He’s never really been a pet name person. But he’s also never been in love before.
“Yes, to day shift. If you want. And maybe… is it too soon to talk about moving in together? It’s okay if it is! I just, things are going really well and if you’re going to have a more regular schedule–what?”
Ilya is grinning at him, which is adorable but confusing. “Nothing,” he says. “I’m just thinking about how much I love you.” Shane can’t help it: he gawks. His mouth falls open like the hinge has come loose and he straight up stares at his boyfriend. Ilya laughs out loud. “Not the reaction I was looking for, honestly.”
Shane shakes himself a little. “No, I–I love you too! I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. I know that sounds stupid but I think it’s true, I’ve never felt like-–fuck, I’m talking too much.”
Ilya smiles and stops Shane’s ramblings with a long kiss. “Same,” he whispers. “So yes to day shift, and yes I will move in with you. Whenever you want.”
Shane wishes he could bottle this moment. He’s afraid he’s going to ruin it but as long as they’re talking about the future, there’s other important stuff he feels they should discuss. He takes a breath, steeling himself. “I’m really happy, Ilya. Like, really happy. But I want… I think we should talk about some stuff.”
Ilya looks confused for a minute before he fixes his face into a more neutral state. “Okay. Like…?”
“I know you don’t like to talk about your family. I get it but–shouldn’t I know? Like, shouldn’t I know more about your life? Your childhood and stuff?”
Ilya sighs. “There is not much to tell.” Shane waits, silent, until Ilya continues. “My father was difficult. My mother was… sweet. But he ruled her life. Mine, too. He had expectations for me that I did not want to meet.” Ilya shrugs. “It was a complicated relationship. I loved them, both of them, but I was not what they wanted. They had me late in life, I was a surprise.” He smiles wryly. “Not a pleasant one, maybe.”
Shane is a little sorry he asked. “I’m sorry.”
Ilya waves him off. “No, it’s fine. I’m sorry I haven’t told you any of it, it’s not a secret, I just… my life is how I like it now. I wouldn’t have been able to leave Moscow if they were still there.”
“What do you mean?”
“Russians are loyal people. I would not have disobeyed my parents. When they died, it was terrible but also…”
“You were free,” Shane finishes.
Ilya smiles, a little sad. “Yes. I was afraid if you knew this about me, you would think I am an asshole.”
“Ilya, no, I would never think that!”
“I’m glad. It is not a happy story.”
“Can I ask… how did they…”
Ilya shakes his head. “Car accident. My father was drinking, I’m sure. They were killed instantly, there was nothing anyone could do.” He sighs. “I was in my third year of university. I was lucky, I had good friends, and an advisor who was particularly helpful. He asked me what I really wanted to do and I told him I wanted to leave. That I hoped to be a doctor, maybe, to help people.” He smiles now at Shane. “I send him something during Russian Christmas every year. I think he saved my life.”
Shane files away this “Russian Christmas” business for later; he didn’t know it was different from regular Christmas but now isn’t the time to ask about it. Instead he says, “Thank you for telling me.”
“I’m glad you asked,” Ilya says, taking Shane’s hands in his. “I want you to know me. I am not always good at sharing. You have to tell me when you want to know something. I will try not to be so mysterious.”
Shane giggles (he also didn’t use to be a person who giggled but here they are). “Okay.” He thinks for a minute. “Do you dream in Russian or English?”
Ilya laughs. “This is what you want to know? No wonder I am so crazy in love with you: you are one of a kind, Shane Metro.”
“I love you, too. Now please tell me everything about yourself that I don’t already know.”
Ilya smiles and indulges his boyfriend (and soon-to-be roommate!).