Work Text:
Shin and his best friend, Hiyori, are walking in the sand.
Hiyori had burst into his room earlier, declaring they were going to the beach. Shin, being embarrassed at the intrusion, had halfheartedly told him off for coming in without knocking (as if it weren’t the hundredth time) and shrugged on his jacket to leave.
A little ways up from the shore, they sit side by side. Shin’s eyes keep darting over to Hiyori. He isn’t usually this quiet. Isn’t his suit a little scuffed up too?
Upon first glance, he looks like some kind of experienced business major, with that crinkled suit and those too-straight teeth. Maybe he was. Shin wouldn’t know, with how secretive he is. When he’s not around Shin, he’s usually doing ‘secret work things’ he isn’t allowed to question. It’s hard to imagine he has time for whatever sidejob he’s working as both a student and Shin’s best (and only) friend. Yet, he could imagine Hiyori’s creepy smile coercing people into buying his sales, luring them over with that strange allure of his.
He pictures it. Hiyori’s big, scary laser eyes boring into the poor passerby. Wagering their souls for his handouts. The thought might’ve made him laugh if he weren’t so….cold. Even the light breeze feels like a tsunami of chills. Shin rubs his arms in a futile attempt to warm himself up.
“Um, Hiyori…how long are we staying here?”
“Awwh. You're sick of me already?” his friend pouts playfully. He sees those bright eyes lock onto him in his peripheral vision.
“N–no, it’s nothing like that…” Shin quickly refutes, bringing his legs to his chest. “I mean….the beach is pretty, but you know how I am. It’s really cold. Can’t we just go to your place and play Mario Kart or something…?”
“Ahaha!” The greenette giggles and props his chin up on his hand. “Right, right, right. I forgot how sensitive you are to weather.” No you didn’t… “Well, at least let me do what I brought you here to do.”
So he shifts until he’s sitting in front of Shin and takes both his hands. A weird feeling starts bubbling in Shin's chest. The same one that always rekindled whenever Hiyori looked at him like that. Fascinated, like he was an animal in a lab.
“Uh…” He waits for Hiyori to say something or do something, but he doesn’t. He just stares at him. Shin shifts his legs. Should he ask why they're holding hands? Or would that just make it awkward?
Shin’s still thinking when Hiyori apparently makes up his mind and starts leaning closer. It’s at this point that Shin grasps what must be happening. He has no idea what to do. He wants to push Hiyori away. He wants to look away from the boy that’s now devouring his vision. But all at the same time, he wants to listen to that curious, thrumming voice in his head that’s urging him to close the distance. Let it happen. Maybe this is the only chance he’ll get to be so close to another human, after all. Even though this is all so sudden…
Hiyori stops only a quarter inch from touching his nose and cracks a smile. “Have you caught on, Shin? We’re alone at the beach, sitting face-to-face, holding hands, nearly touching lips…” He grazes his thumb across the slopes of Shin’s knuckles. Shin exhales a strained breath. “We’re here for me to tell you how I feel.”
How he feels?
He almost feels excited for a second. He nearly feels some strange jolt of unexpected joy from those words. But then a voice rings in his head, sneering.
He’s just playing with you.
“You don’t mean like…..like that, do you?” Shin murmurs. He can feel his pulse thumping in his throat. He can feel the coldness of Hiyori’s hands, which do nothing to help his freezing state. He can feel his breaths tickling his nose. He can feel the smiling eyes that pierce his defenses. He can feel the sea breeze brushing against the naked parts of his body. He can feel everything.
But even with all he’s feeling, nothing feels real. There’s a fuzzy current washing over his brain, making it hard to think. He still feels two feet away from his skin. Because Hiyori’s being so kind. He’s acting so gentle. His breaths are too steady. His voice sounds too soft and far away for how close he is. He doesn’t sound like he’s imposing that confession onto him so much as just…..confessing it.
“Hm. Like that? Well I guess if that’s how you wanna word it, yep! Exactly like that.”
It’s too orchestrated, so it can’t be real.
This can’t be real.
“Sh-shut up….” He pulls his hands away, thaws to crawl back. “You’re a bad liar, Hiyori.”
That sickly sweet smile contorts to a frown within a second. Hiyori’s hands are frozen midair, eyes wide and unblinking. It’s the same position you’d be at right after falling to your knees. “...What are you talking about, Shin?”
Shin looks down at the sand between his legs. “You don’t really like me. Just stop pretending…..”
Hiyori gives a mirthless chuckle and squeezes his own shoulder. “I do like you, Shin. You can’t tell me how I do and don’t feel.”
“But—”
“No, silly! I’m saying I like you a lot. And I’m not taking it back, so just stop fighting back already.”
“You’re not listening to—”
“Believe me, Shinnie, I know you. And I know that you like me just as much. So just quit it so we can ditch this dumb romantic setup already and we can—”
“—No, Hiyori, I don’t like you!” Shin finally shouts. Immediately winces at his word choice. And plus, was that really even true? He tries to rethink it. “Err….”
The words don’t come. This situation is just way too hard, no matter how you look at it. It’s not that he didn’t feel something for Hiyori. He did like Hiyori. A lot. He liked how safe he felt with him. The way he could have a guiding presence in his life like Hiyori. He liked how he stared at Shin and studied him so thoroughly. How he probably knew more about Shin than Shin himself. He liked his handsome face and his wacky style and the strange way he talked and moved and everything else. Maybe he even liked how nervous he made him feel, in some sick way. But they were both boys. And none of those feelings were really romantic. Right?
The situation suddenly starts to seem very real. It quickly becomes very apparent that Shin’s screwed up. Horribly. And obviously that stupid voice has shut up.
Hiyori stares at him for a couple of moments. Then his head shoots straight down. An uneasy feeling grows in Shin’s chest, waiting for the inevitable. Hiyori would almost surely get angry. Furious probably, that he’d lashed out like that. But some more time passes and he’s just the same. He was looking so soft just a few minutes ago. All that affection is gone now. Not even that playful front prevails. It feels like he’s facing a shell of the friend he knows, in the worst way possible. Shin wants to run. He feels like crying. Maybe he should just apologize and leave now….
But then it starts.
Shin watches his shoulders start to twitch. Little noises leave his mouth. At first it sounds like he might be muttering something under his breath, but no, he’s laughing. “.....Ahahahahahah……heheheh…..ah….hahahahah…!”
Hiyori’s chest rises and falls with the laughter that rackets his body at increasing intensity. “Sh—Sh—shheheheheh….Shin….”
Suddenly, his head snaps up so fast it should’ve probably made a loud cracking noise. “You’re being too cruel, Shin!”
“I-I’ve been sooooo nice to you the whole time. Buying you gifts, teaching you how to code, dedicating aaaaall my freetime to you, giving you all you could ever want in a big brother—and! And—” His lips do an ugly, creepy thing that could barely even classify as a smile. “I give you all the hints in the world. I bring you to a romantic spot and finally tell you how I feel. And—ahahahahahah! You reject me!”
Shin doesn’t realize he’d been backing away until Hiyori lunges out and lands on top of him. Pushing him down, smashing his head into the sand. Dragging his fingers across his face, making him yelp when he digs his nails into the flesh of his cheek.
“I don’t have to play nice, y’know. I’m all you have. I could leave you whenever I wanted and you’d be all alone.” Then his fingers smooth out and he kisses the spot on his cheek he’d just hurt so sweetly tears pool in Shin’s eyes from the whiplash.
“I-I’m sorry…! I didn’t mean it…..I really didn’t…..” Shin squalled, the watery bubbles in his vision reducing Hiyori to a green blob. He blinks rapidly. He must’ve really broken Hiyori. He’s never hurt him intentionally like this. Never like this.
He doesn’t have to see Hiyori’s face clearly to gauge what his eyes look like. Narrowed into slits, hyperfocused on him, green irises darkened and spiralled with mania. That same face had appeared in his nightmares before, back when he thought Hiyori was the safest person ever. It always seemed out of character then, since Hiyori seemed so safe. But now…
“You’ve really been testing my patience lately.” Hiyori clicks his tongue. He sounds chiding. Condescending. Cold. Way worse than usual. It was all his fault. He’d hurt Hiyori and broken that perfect moment with his stupid overthinking.
“I’m so sorry…….I love you, Hiyori,” His wobbly voice drags on a little at the end, squeezing his eyes shut. He doesn’t even want to see Hiyori’s face right now.
There’s just silence for a few moments. Shin anticipates more pain. More scolding. Maybe he’d finally decide he was just not worth it and get up and leave him then and there. Every breath that ghosts over his face feels like torture. A ticking time bomb Hiyori is deliberating holding over his head.
Hiyori ruffles his hair.
Shin opens his eyes, blinking out the moisture. He realizes Hiyori’s smiling. Something about it makes his stomach churn. He’s smiling at Shin like he’s figured everything out. It’s not kind, nor apologetic in any way; but it’s something worth clinging onto. Shin doesn’t know why, but he starts to smile too. Shakily, the corners of his lips lift. He feels beyond disoriented. What did he say…? That he loves Hiyori? Is that true?
Hiyori wipes the tears from his eyes. Presses another kiss onto his forehead, where his bangs are damp with sweat. It’s not silent. Not really. The waves crash peacefully behind them. Romantically, maybe, considering the way his friend is touching him now. How they both just confessed. But that romance feels nothing like what they describe in the movies.
The sand crunches under his head every time he shifts closer to Hiyori’s hand, if to lean into some semblance of comfort.
Is he really the cruel one here? He has to wonder as Hiyori’s pampering him as a lover would after throwing him on the emotional rollercoaster of his life. What did he really sign up for when he became friends with this guy?
“You’re lucky you’re so cute,” Hiyori says. He doesn’t feel so cold anymore.
Shin’s smile fades wearily, eyes zoning out past Hiyori. He notices something odd.
There’s no stars in the sky tonight.