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“Please; do arise, my fair sun, and kill the envious moon,” Galaxies stated, brushing strands of hair off the face of the person whom he was holding so tightly to his chest— although not necessarily gently this time, and he could feel the other male shifting awake under his embrace. Holding Skeet in his arms was something he often took joy and even a small sense of pride in, after all, it stirred a pleasant feeling within him to be able to take care of someone who often put up high walls around others, someone who often pushed people he considered a ‘threat’ away and impaled them with sharp blades if they dared to bury their fingers too deep into his flesh. It was similar to the many scenarios Galaxies imagined in his head and told Skeet about before asking if they could make small skits about them on his youtube channel. Although he attempted to stifle it, a genuine, soft smile tugged at the corners of James’ mouth at the thought of being some kind of knight for someone whom he secretly thought so highly of.
Finally, Galaxies was pulled away from his thoughts by a familiar voice. “You… you— you don’t need to wake me up like this,” Skeet’s voice held an unusual tenderness, yet his behavior showed to be no different than usual — yes, even in such a sweet moment, how devastating that felt to Galaxies! He finally thought his own warmth which he had spent so much time carefully planting deep into Zach’s bones was finally starting to sprout— as he created more distance between him and the other person previously holding him. “It’s… it’s kind of annoying, really,” Skeet sat up straight on James’ bed, still feeling quite drowsy. “I don’t want to be roleplaying first thing when I wake up, and— and, you… you just… you know I don’t like theatrics either.”
There was no actual hatred held in Skeet’s voice, it still carried its way towards James’ ears with the same gentleness as the first thing he said as soon as he awakened from his slumber. Though, funnily enough, as much as Skeet hated to admit or even think about it for some mere seconds, his usual behavior seemed to be somewhat absent whenever the other person he often called a dimwit in front of others was around, and even Zach himself could not pinpoint the exact reason as to why he felt that way around Galaxies, which made him feel irritated. Was it the way James stared at him with a very particular, strange sense of fondness? He behaved similarly towards everyone, always making sure not to miss any details, regardless of big or small; he always noticed even the smallest changes in other people’s expressions and attitudes, yet it still made Zach feel slightly disturbed sometimes. A dreadful feeling always took over his heart and mind whenever the thought of Galaxies being able to witness what lay behind his own eyes. Being able to see the truth of the horrible, repulsive and rotten person Zach saw himself as. It made him want to lacerate and tear at his own flesh in front of James as to distract the other from looking too deeply into him, forcing his attention towards his physical pain instead— although, truthfully, Zach could already feel the other’s gaze mutilating cutting him open whenever he spent too much time in silence while in the other’s company.
And, again, truthfully, he hated thinking about James too much, which was also devastatingly unfortunate for Zach. However, he did not loathe being under his presence at all, he simply came to detest the feeling of being paid such special attention. As long as he kept James distracted with new ideas for new videos and maps together, he felt at ease.
… And as long as he didn’t utter any of his names out, either Zach or Skeet, he could, at least, be at ease.
Well, there was no other way James could refer to him, so he had to come up with special nicknames on the spot whenever they talked to each other, and there were very few instances where Skeet allowed James to refer to him by name. This was mostly given because the way James said his name with such fondness found in every vowel, every consonant in his name, held much weight on Skeet’s heart. It held more weight on his heart than any other time Zach’s dad had said his name, making him feel extremely guilty. Whenever James mentioned his friend’s name, it made it feel every other occurrence of his father saying his name almost completely unimportant to Zach.
Now, this moment wasn’t anything particularly special or awkward —thankfully— either. Zach just realized a few moments later that James had been staring at him for a while now, and he tried to busy his own eyes with some posters or objects in Galaxies’ room to avoid eye contact for the time being. James, even though he always held a strong dislike for going against any of Zach’s wishes, leaned in closer to the other’s personal space. He gave him a look that Skeet knew too well and could recognize from the corner of his eye, and it was the exact same gaze that made him feel so unnecessarily anxious of James in the first place. No, Galaxies wasn’t doing anything wrong, really— but lending anyone his heavy thoughts and feelings was something that was horribly terrifying for Skeet. Even when he was in need of guidance, he felt scared that Galaxies would not be willing to offer it to him anymore after hearing his struggles.
Zach still wanted his time and attention. How conflicting. Regardless of that, James hating him was not an unfathomable concept, hardly so.
Rapidly gaining consciousness of Zach’s sudden insecure posture, a gentle hand was placed on Skeet’s shoulder in an attempt to wrench him away from his thoughts. Galaxies’ eyes did not peel away from Skeet for even a second, and the latter only shifted his weight, dodging the current subject of his mind’s obsession’s eyes on him.
“Please,” James’ voice was not authoritarian, he did not try to appear as an unforgiving individual, or as someone who was overly strict, especially not whenever he knew Zach simply needed to be comforted. He knew Skeet too well. “Do not ignore me. I hope with my entire heart that I have not upset you, dearest friend,”
The expression in front of James seemed to be one of feigned annoyance and irritation.
“I also ask you not to make that face, please,” James knew Zach—actually knew him— so well that he was absolutely aware of each one of Zach’s expressions; genuine or not. “Again, please, I ask you to come closer,”
Galaxies so easily leaned forward again, whereas Skeet only tensed up and tried to keep a neutral, unreadable expression. He knew that Galaxies had already seen his usual worried look, but he tried his best to hide it regardless. He almost looked like a wounded animal.
“If you do not wish to be my friend, Zach, that is completely fine with me. I shall not beg for you,”
“With how you treat me, and with how I treat you, I’m surprised you did not leave sooner. It seems and feels like we were never friends.”
“The former is wrong,” Galaxies’ fingers gently take Skeet’s hand into his, tracing small, soft, soothing scribbles on his palm. “The latter is right, though.”
“So what is this about? We were truly never friends? What—“ “Yes, Zach. That is right. We were never friends. Maybe you are, or were, naive to it, but I am not.”
Zach could not do anything but begin to feel repugnance towards himself for trusting and thinking that someone would finally wish for his presence. That someone would truly love him— that was just a distant dream, and he had the illusion of achieving it with James, but it was all a lie. A facade. He did not mean anything to him— did he? Everyone in his life met the same fate, it was all written in the stars that Galaxies had once showed him weeks prior. Every star would cease to exist one day, just like the presence of everyone Zach met in his life. Solitude would be his only eternal companion.
Then, Skeet almost pulled his hand away when Galaxies took both of his hands in his. “I believe that you are naive, Zach. You are truly unable to understand my words and the sentiments I carry with them,” Zach now resented both himself and the liar whom he had once held so much trust in. He hated himself for being able to pull away from his touch. It was soothing. Too soothing.
“I take care of you, I will watch you grow up and nurture you. I will stitch up each of your wounds, I will hold you close to me after each nightmare. Is that really friendship, Zach? Or is it a more familial feeling?”
A familial feeling. Funnily enough, it was not a familiar one to him.
Now, Galaxies did not speak. He watched Skeet, watched him with the same interest he always held. He actually almost enjoyed watching his expression shift so nicely to one of irritation and anger from a supposed betrayal, to one of understanding of his own feelings. Zach had spent so much time worrying about James, trying to make him happy in certain ways, seeking some kind of attention from him which mirrored the actions of a spoiled child who knew nothing else but to desire for more and more. Then, Galaxies held Skeet close once again, and the other made absolutely no attempts at rejecting or breaking the embrace. He was now under James’ wing, ready to be protected and nurtured for the rest of eternity.
James holds the Zach he loves so dearly and wants to nurture so badly close to his chest, shielding him from the outside world as if he might break from the smallest action from an outsider.
“Do not worry, my sweet child. I will protect you, Zach, there is no need to be scared anymore.”
Skeet knew he would be safe from now on.