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The silence is getting loud again. It is getting insufferable.
It has been for days. The ticking of the clock. The crunch of footsteps. The everlasting watch of the spawn. Two Time can hear everything. Everything.
Usually most would see this as a blessing, but to Two Time, this is hell. Especially paired with the itching of their flesh..
They’ve had this habit of picking at bumps on their arm, causing open wounds on their body. But do they stop there? They used to. No one noticed them picking, so they continued.
But that’s where the urges started.
They started prodding deeper, fingernails scratching at flesh.
That's when he started to notice.
_______________________________________
“Two Time, dear!” His keen voice beamed joyfully, “I’ve been waiting for you, where have you been?”
There stood Azure, his broad frame relaxed. It was the beginning of the morning, and usually in the beginning of the mornings are the daily prayers, which you go to the church for, but Two Time was late.
Two Time is one of the most devoted worshippers, so of course this would worry Azure.
“Ah! Azure!” Two Time’s expression was mixed with surprise and confusion, why would Azure wait for someone like them?
Despite being one of the most faithful to Spawn, they were also the most outcasted. So whenever Two Time asks why he still waits each day for them at the church, he always responds, “Why? Oh silly, because you're my friend.” with a stupid sweet smile on his face.
They make their way inside the church and try to find two open seats to sit together even though the rule states that the seats have to be organized by boy, girl, boy, girl, and so on.
“You should learn to hate yourself less.”
…
“What?” Two Time looks back at Azure, a frown on their face. He isn’t the type to be that blunt…
“Hm, what?” Azure seems fine, like he didn’t say something that insensitive at all. His stupid smile still hasn’t disappeared.
“You said something.” They inquire.
Azure now seems confused, their smile officially gone now,”I didn’t say anything? Are you okay dear?”
…
“Nevermind.” They become silent, as the morning prayer starts.
“Good morning everyone! Spawn blesses you all for coming each day to greet Spawn and salvation.”
____________________________________
After the sermon was over, everyone took turns standing up to leave, including Azure and Two Time. The hall out was silent, aside from the stepping of shoes and the wind outside.
“Goodbye, may Spawn bless the rest of your day!”
They stepped out, and usually this is the part where they split paths, Two Tims usually goes right to their house and Azure goes left to his garden, but Azure paused.
“Hey Two Time, I have a question.” Azure has a neutral face, but he sounds curious but also a bit concerned.
“Mhm?” They hum.
“Why do you always wear those bandages?”
…
They froze. I mean of course he would notice. The stark black against their pale arm is very contrasting but they hadn’t expected him to ask.
Fortunately Two Time has told about their new training.
“Oh, uhm— Amarah has been teaching me about hunting, and a fox attacked me.”
…
Azure stared blankly for a second—
Two Time scratched their head—
Azure opened his mouth—
“Hunting? Hmm you should be good at it, your agility is off the charts.” He giggled warmly, ”Anywho I should be going now, these plants have been needy lately, seeya Two.” He tilted his hat, and walked to the greenhouse.
“Seeya Azure.” Thank god their shitty excuse worked.
________________________________________________
Fingers deepening, a disgustingly pretty crimson painting their fingernails in a, to others, concerning display of just how fucked up they are, but to them, it was unimaginably comforting. Sickening, isn’t it? This is what they’ve been doing in their past time. But as much as they know how fucked up it is, they can’t stop. They’ve even started getting urges in public!
They’ve been at their skin for way too long now, and they know it, but this is their stress relief time and they’ve been pent up recently. Mostly because of the more tasks Amarah has been giving them lately (He said it was because more followers have been redirected and therefore kicked out of the small town.)
Scratching, scratching, digging, into a nonexistence itch (atleast the urge is gone now?) that somehow keeps growing? How much more until they reach the second layer of skin? Until the blood starts spilling?
They flinch at every footstep outside, every creek in the floorboards, their joyful voices. They aren’t worried about them. Two Time can’t tell if their relieved or sad about that.
They should stop. They know this they just can’t seem to—
Someone knocks at the door, before keys jingle and lock into place, and the door swings open, revealing none other than the last person Two Time would want to see right now, especially with 2 fingers sticking into their flesh still—
“TWOOOOOOoooooooooooo……” His tone starts off as a cheerful greeting then devolves into a solemn seemly concerned tone? Two Time has never heard that tone from him before.
They stare at eachother.
. . .
SHOOT THE DOOR IS STILL OPEN!!!
Two Time sprints to the door, hand bloody and closes it frantically. Thank Spawn the blinds are all closed…
Azure is still standing by the front door, face frozen in shock.
Usually this is where Two Time comes in. Just 2 taps on his back and he’s back to reality, but Two Time doesn’t want that right now.
. . .
Azure’s head turns slowly, eyes watering at the horrific injuries Two Time has done to their own body. Shoot.
Of course Two Time could excuse it on a blood sacrifice to the Spawn, but that would require more candles, so He could see the devotion.
Two Time didn’t have any, only their night lamp was on.
Damn it.
. . .
Azure was still staring at them, and their failure.
. . .
”T-Two…? Could you come here?…” Azure looks at them with patient concern.
Two Time debates coming closer. I mean it wasn’t like he was going to hurt them, so why are they scared? I mean he did find out about their little secret but he doesn’t seem mad. Or maybe it’s the fact Two Time is so used to pity they would hate to see it on Azure’s beautiful face.
They step closer.
“..hgh!..” Two Time exclaimed, feeling two soft, warm, arms around them.
“Don’t worry, Two, I’m not mad at you. I guess I’m just a bit surprised. I mean I did notice the signs but I didn’t say anything about it because I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but this is harming your safety, Two..” He paused, probably reminiscing all the moments Two Time showed up with fresh new bandages and excused it on some type of accident.
“I just wish you would’ve told me, so we could atleast find a better alternative to..this… I mean today your using your fingers but what if the next day you use a knife you stole from the kitchen, what if it’s more than this the next day and your not able to take care of yourself? What if you run out of bandages?.. I.. I’m sorry, Two, I just.. Seeing you like this hurts me because I just can’t imagine what your going through, but this doesn’t make you weak. It’s a way to cope, but it doesn’t make you stronger. I can’t make you promise anything, Two, but please just reassure me on one thing, okay?” He looks into Two Time’s sleek, tired eyes. Two Time waits for him to continue.
“Please, if you ever think of doing this again, come to my cabin. We can hang out, maybe read, plant something new, or you can just vent to me about how you feel. I’ll always be there for you Two, so don’t hesitate, please.” He looks at them with worry.
Two Time thinks. This isn’t a promise, but this is a commitment. Two Time nods slowly, they’ll try to stick to their word.
“Alright, thank you..” He kisses them on the cheek, “Now, let’s take care of your…aftermath?..Sorry I don’t want to be offensive.”
He guides them to their bathroom and sits them on the toilet (The lid is closed.), then starts getting the materials. Bandages, antibiotics, water of course to clean off the wound.
———————————————-
He secured the bandage, making sure it wasn’t too tight, “There, that good?” He asks his beloved. “Yeah…”
. . .
“You okay, Two?”
. . .
Two Time was staring at the white cabinets blankly, the lights overhead really showcasing Two Time’s eyebags.
“Dear, are you okay?” Azure was worried now.
. . .
No response. They must be in their head.
It’s quiet. Not quite comfortable, but bearable. Azure stared at his beloved, not sure how to snap Two Time out of it, not that it was an issue, he was just concerned.
. . .
He wrapped his arms around Two Time for the second time.
And for the second time, Two Time didn’t return the gesture.
—————————————————————————————
“No, no…” Two Time rummaged through their unorganized bedside drawer, "don't need this, no.. I don’t need candles…” Their finger finds something pointy, “ ahah!” They exclaim silently to themself.
It’s their favorite time of the week. The hours where they get time to themselves, precious, precious time spent on their most relaxing activity (at least for them), their favorite hobby… a dangerous pastime of course.
They look out their barely opened curtains.
Its almost time.
————————————————————————————
“YOU SHOULD STOP. NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS BENEFITTING YOU.”
”but it’s so pretty… hh.. the red dripping… hh.. the way the candle lights the wound.. hh.. it’s just so.. hgh!.. divine… “
“OH LOOK, NOW YOU’VE GONE TOO DEEP. AND TOO OBVIOUS. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW? COVER UP YOUR FAILURES WITH MORE FABRIC? PATHETIC. UTTERLY DISGUSTING SOMEONE LIKE YOU FINDS THIS ‘RELAXING’.”
“Hgh!..”
Again.
”shhhh…..”
Again.
”kkkhhhhrh…”
Again.
”mmhfh!…”
At this point the blood was pouring out of Two Time’s ‘mistakes’ way too fast to be considered ‘healthy’. Not like anything this person does is healthy though.
And so yet another night of them and the blade.
They couldn’t just lie and say they weren’t sick of this.
At first it started as just a way to destress. But now it’s something even more dangerous than that.
To see velvet roses bloom out of pain.
To see their contents flow beautifully.
They craved it.
It used to be for every week, one time.
Then for every 3 days one time.
Then for every evening.
Then it got out of hand.
. . .
They stared at themselves in the mirror. They had just cleaned up their mistake but hadn’t bothered to bandage them. They were running out of bandages again.
They convinced Azure they stopped at the finger picking.
Which is true but..
They use something worse now.
A dual knife, the ghost dagger.
Amarah had given it to them for the purpose of hunting.
Not only does it have the blood of an innocent, it has the blood of a sinner.
A sinner who has traveled too far yet traveled not enough.
They stare.
And stare.
They didn’t go deep enough.
They ate too much today.
They slept too much today.
They didn’t pray enough today.
And Spawn will never forgive them for this strange addiction.
——————————————————————————
They tried to go back to sleep.
But what’s even the point of sleeping if you're still tired in the morning to do anything?
They’ve tried to be more helpful in the church, they’ve tried repenting, they’ve tried praying till their knees are bruised.
And yet they still feel the judging eye of Him. He would never approve of this coping strategy. In fact, instead of them being useless and tearing themself up every night, how about they just pray instead? Pray for these thousands of sins to go away.
If anyone other than Azure found out about this, they would be even more of a freak than they already are. Oh Spawn.. they don’t want to imagine Amarah’s reaction.. They probably would be exiled…
The sun is too bright today, and Azure is probably outside right now.
They’ll just try to talk to him instead of thinking about these awful scenarios.