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It's been a couple months since Kalani started her training with Rejoice. He taught her so much, which she is really grateful for! Except... It was too much like Flow.
Kalani always believed that she wasn't enough, that she will never be enough. She blamed herself for not being fast enough to get to Pearl in time. She blamed herself for not saving her. She blamed herself for being a problem to Flow. For being a burden, for being the reason why he left.
And that hurt a lot. But if there was one thing she learned living in the underground, is that you should never ever tell people your problems, because anyone could betray you at anytime. It could be your friends, your allies, your own family. that's what Flow did
And if you tell them your problems, they are going to use that against you. To have the upper hand. So she kept that pain inside her, she wasn't going to let her walls go down, not once.
She worked harder, every. Single. Day and yet, she wasn't getting any better. She had just lost again to Rejoice in a mock battle. She felt so small, she felt useless, she felt like she wasn't worthy enough...
"Hey kid, you good?" Rejoice had genuine concern on his face, it was only then Kalani realized her breath quicken, and it was not from the battle.
"Kal? Are you okay?" Rejoice asked again, reaching his hand out to Kalani, she just pushed it away, she clutched her chest, trying to control her breathing, voices echoing in her mind.
'You're not good enough.'
'Why even try? You're not gonna be useful anyway!'
'You're damaged, a nobody!'
The voices became worse and worse, every insult hurt more than the other. "Kal, what's wrong?" Rejoice asked once more.
"I'm fine."
"No you're not."
"I said I'm fine!" She hadn't meant scream so loud. She expected yelling from Rejoice. Instead, Rejoice slowly walks to her and gives her a hug.
"It's okay Kallie. It's not your fault."
Kalani was in full tears now as she hugs him back. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, you're a kid, you just need time." And they stayed in that hug for a very long time. Rejoice lets go of Kalani, concern and worry filled his voice.
"Let's take a break first, okay? You can trust me."
Trust.
That word felt unfamiliar. She had given so much trust to so many people, she gave her trust to Flow and he left, she gave her trust to Pearl but she died, she gave her trust to Sausage, only to be met with broken promises.
But with Rejoice, she feels safe, she feels like she belongs. Like she matters.
Maybe, she can give her trust to someone once again.