Chapter Text
Keira was just 4 years old when her younger sister was born.
Her father picked her up and placed her on his lap next to her mother.
"Keira.." Her mother said her name, holding a small bundle in her arms. "This is Yara."
Sweat ran down her mother’s face, the scars on her cheeks were pulling at her face as she smiled at her daughter.
Keira put her hand out to poke her.
"Oh oh oh careful Kei. Be gentle." her dad spoke.
So Keira just put her tiny hand on top of the cloth that was covering her new sister’s body.
The tiny little thing had started to whine. Keira wondered why it was making that noise, but she didn't mind.
__
Keira was 6 years old when her youngest sister is born. She was a bit older now and understood more what was going on.
Keira was stood on the floor next to her mother and this time Yara was in their father's lap.
"She's so cute." Keira said. "What's her name mommy?"
Yara wriggled on their father's lap, trying to get a closer look at what was in their mother's arms. She was too little to fully understand what was happening.
"This is Lily." her father said.
At just 6, Keira knew she would do whatever it took to protect her little siblings from any harm.
__
"Ow. It hurts mommy." Keira said. Her cheeks stung with pain.
She had just turned 10 years old. The usual age other seraphite children would get their markings. It was a blessing, her father had told her.
"Shh. It will get better soon." Her mother replied, she rubbed a weird cream on her cuts, it helped numb the pain a bit.
Keira was afraid when she got her marks, but her father had told her not to cry and lash out in front of the elders. So she didn't, she held it in only letting out tiny sobs whilst the elders slashed at her face. She didn't want to be seen as childish or make people think her family was embarrassing, that they had scaredy-cat daughters who were afraid to get their marks— a blessing.
When her and her family walked through their front door she had burst out into tears. Little Yara had ran up to her and squeezed her tight. Lily was asleep in mother's arms so she tried to muffle her sobs as much as she could. She didn't want to wake her.
"Don't cry Kei." Yara hugged her tighter, "I don't like seeing you cry."
__
"Please don't cry Keira." an older Yara said
.
Keira was 16, Yara was 12 and Lily was 9.
Keira was a soldier, not a bride. She didn't want to be married of to Cole.
She thought back to Mary, her best friend whose laughter was the definition of joy, her brown braids that glistened in the rain, the brown freckles that coated her face all over. She had just been promised to a man too. For some reason when she heard the news it made her heart ache. Not out of jealousy of Mary, but of her future husband but she brushed the feelings off, trying to ignore what she felt. It wasn't right.
The man who Mary was promised too— Sammy, was only 18, he was nice and he had always treated her well. He had dark skin and a charming smile, he was a lot taller than Mary, which she liked and he would give her flowers all the time, they were good friends.
On the other hand Keira hardly knew who she was getting married too. Cole was in his mid 30s and he was a closed off man. He was large and he was intimidating. He had dark skin skin like Sammy but never he smiled. He was tall as much as he was large, but it didn't make Keira's heart flutter in the way it made Mary's. In fact Keira had never as much looked at a boy in that way.
Keira had seen Cole around a lot of the time, they hardly spoke any words together but sometimes, she would catch him staring. It made her uncomfortable.
"Why do I have to marry him father." Keira sobbed. Yara's arms still wrapped around her whilst Lily stood off to the side with a worried expression. Her mother was standing next to her father with her arms crossed.
Their father didn't look any bit remorseful, "You're a woman now. You will have to marry at some point and so will your sisters, it's your duty as a woman. Your body is changing and you're fit to have children." He took a deep breath before continuing, "The war between us and those sinful wolves has calmed down, it's a great time to get married, a celebration. Aren't you happy?" he asked.
"No!" Keira yelled.
Her mother stepped forward to touch on her shoulder.
"I felt a similar way to you when I found out I was getting married off. But once you have children you realise it's all worth it and you start to dream of your own little ones getting married. It's a blessing, to continue ones bloodline and give our prophet more followers." She touched the scars on Keiras cheek. "It's all worth it. Say it." she whispered to Keira.
A blessing this . A blessing that. But why? Keira thought. She mustn't question it.
"it's all worth it." Keira said.
__
Keira was 16 and a half when she stood next to Cole with everybody watching. Her friends, her mother, father, Yara, Lev and all the elders. Her mother made her wear her nicest clothes, and helped her bathe with collected rain water. If somebody asked her if she cried during it, no she didn't.
"Keira. Have you ever heard of the term 'consummating a marriage'? Her mother had asked whilst he combed through her soaking wet hair.
"No." Keira told the truth, she had never heard of it.
Her heart had pumped with fear when her mother had explained what it meant.
"If it hurts. Just try not to cry." Her mother had told her. "Remember, it's all worth it."
And when Cole had kissed Keira in front of everyone she had no choice but to close her eyes and just imagine it was anybody else. Or someone. Mary. Who was sat in the crowd with a smile on her face. She clapped her hands whilst she sat next to Sammy.
She hoped nobody could see the tear stains on her face from their chairs.
_
"Congratulations." the elders said.
"You will make fine children." her father patted her on the shoulder.
"Keira you look lovely tonight." Mary squealed.
"Wipe your face Keira." her mother told her.
"Keira-" somebody tried to say.
"What?!" she shouted. She was tired and she wanted to go home and sleep in her own bed, she didn't want to go to her new house, and why was everybody congratulating her can't they see she isn't happy.
"Are you okay?" they asked.
That made her pause. She looked towards the voice, Lily.
She looked timid.
Keira didn't want to make her sad, she was only 10 she didn't need to know of all the horrors of being married to somebody you hardly know.
"Yes. I'm fine. I'm happy. This is a blessing don't you think?" Keira faked a smile, pretending like her eyes weren't getting more wet with every passing second.
"You— you don't have to lie, you know? Im almost 10 not 5. I know you don't want this." She said, her voice loud.
Keira grabbed her hand and pulled her to the side away from everyone else. From any prying eyes and gossiping elders.
"I'm worried for you both. I can't help but think what will happen whilst I'm not there." Keira said.
That made Lily look to the ground.
Why did she look to the ground?
"Lily—" Keira spoke. Lily flinched at the name.
Keira wanted to ask what was going on but her mother called her name.
"We'll talk soon, I'll try and visit as much as I can. Okay?" Keira gave her one last hug before she walked away.
—
She didn't get to say her goodbyes to Yara. But it's not like they won't ever see each other again, just less often, much, much less often.
Cole guided Keira to their new home, or— rather she followed him whilst he walked in silence at a fast pace she struggled to keep up with.
It started to rain, she had at least hoped her wedding day would be sunny, Keira always liked the sun, she had always hated the rain though, the way it made her clothes stick to her body, the way the ground got slippery and it made the mud all wet and sticky. Like right now. Mud coated her boots and all the loose strands of her hair stuck to her face.
The chill of the night made Keira feel anxious. Goosebumps raised on her arms and she stumbled over some tree roots.
But they finally made it. For some odd reason— it didn't make Keira feel any better, even when they were under the roof, away from the rain. When he pulled the door shut, leaving them alone. When he light up the torches and it made the room feel warmer, she now felt too hot, she felt sweaty and her heart began to race and—
She turned around to see him already staring at her, he had already taken off his boots and his brown coat.
Oh.
He had a certain look in his eyes.
Lust.
It made her want to cower away and hide, to run away and leave it all behind, but she remembered her mother’s words.
"It's all worth it."
Is it? Keira thought to herself.
And when she cried herself to sleep afterwards, bruises starting to form on her wrists, her hair tangled from where it came undone from her braids. She began to think that maybe it was not worth it.
__
Keira is 20 when her little sister Yara— now 16 comes and visits her.
"How are you doing Yara?" she asked.
Once Keira had left the family home Yara had to take on the role off being the carer because her older sister had left and their father had been kidnapped and killed for information by the king wolf Issac.
It made her feel guilty. She looked more mature than the last time they had seen eachother. Or maybe she was just stressed.
"I need to tell you something but first. Can I ask— is Cole treating you well?"
Cole. Keira thought. He was still quiet and he would still give her bruises from time to time but it had calmed down. He had stopped trying to force himself on her every week after she bled ever since the treaty was broken between the wolves and seraphites, only using her when he wanted to blow off steam. It was no time for a child to be born. He wasn't at the house as often, instead fighting with wolves. But Yara didn't need to know all of the details.
"Most of the time he's out fighting, so I get a lot of alone time." Keira said.
That made Yara smile, "Good." her voice soft.
But she then frowned.
"Lily told me she was having some thoughts. I don't really understand but she keeps saying some weird stuff." Yara said.
Weird stuff? Keira thought.
"What do you mean?"
"She says that—" Yara paused and lowered her voice to a whisper. "She wishes she were a boy, to shave her head like one of the men. I told her to keep quiet about it." she said.
That made Keira pause. If anybody heard her say that she would be punished. That's why she never told anybody about the disgusting thoughts she had about Mary. Finding the same gender attractive was a sin, and so was whatever Lily was thinking. Humans weren't made like that, right? Maybe our family is just cursed, she thought.
"Don't let anybody hear her say that."
"I won't "
__
Lily was now 13, it was time for the elders to decide her role in the community.
Keira had started to get nervous for Yara, she was the same age that Keira was when she got married to Cole, being a soldier doesn't make you immune to marriage, but she might be safe for now since all the attention is on Lily.
On the other hand, the entire family and other relatives were gathered before all the elders, Lily was stood in the middle waiting nervously whilst the elders whispered in a circle. Both of her sisters were named soldiers so surely so would Lily, their family were a group of fighters.
"Lily. You are to be Jenson's wife."
Yara and Keira simultaneously let out a gasp.
What? Keira thought.
"No…" Yara whispered.
The small girl standing before the entire crowd was rigid. She just nodded her head and walked away, ignoring the round of applause, it's all worth it.
Yara and Keira looked at each other in confusion. How could Lily be okay with this?
Both girls stood up to follow their little sister but they were cut off by the crowd of people.
"Tell Lily we said congratulations!"
"Can you give this gift to your sister?"
"I'm so happy for her."
"What a blessing."
Keira began to feel an overwhelming sense of deja vu from her wedding day. How can these people witness a 13 year old girl being told she is to marry a 50 something year old man and call it a blessing? What is wrong with you! She thought.
Everyone around her went silent. Why?
Yara looked at her with a panicked expression.
Oh?
Oh.
She had said it out loud.
Some people eyebrows were furrowed, her uncle opened his mouth to speak but he didn't get a chance.
"I'm sorry she's just had a long day please excuse us." Yara grabbed Keira's hand and tugged on it, pulling her forward.
They passed their mother on the way, she had an angry look, that wasn't good. But Keira ignored her mother, she needed to get to Lily as quick as she could.
Once Keira and Yara were out of view they broke out in a sprint to their family home. They followed the footprints in the mud that the rain had failed to wash away.
Almost completely out of breath they finally made it. Was Lily okay? They would find out.
Yara over took Keira in pace, she grabbed the side handle and pulled the door open, not even opening it all the way before she squeezed herself in.
"Lily what have you done?!" she screamed.
Keira jumped into action and squeezed herself through the gap in the door preparing herself to see the worst and—
Oh no.
"Lily…" Keira said.
"Don't call me that!" she sobbed. She had used a knife to chop all her hair off. She was almost completely bald and there were little cuts on her head.
'She says that she wishes she were a boy, to shave her head like one of the men. I told her to keep quiet about it.'
If their mother walked through the door and saw this she would kill her right there and then.
"Lily we have to go right now-"
"I said don't call me—" She didn't get to finish.
Yara had smacked her in the face, hard. She fell onto the pile of hair, she just started to sob even more.
"Yara!" Keira gasped
"Ow. My mouth!" She reached up to touch her mouth and when she looked at her hand there was blood. Lily could taste the metallic blood in her mouth.
"What the fuck did you do!? Why did you shave your head you idiot?! Don't you know what will happen if somebody finds out?" Yara screamed at her.
Keira had never seen Yara act like this, out of all three of them she had always been the calmest, but right now as she stood above a bleeding Lily with an absolute raging expression, they didn't recognise her.
Keira didn't know when her mother or any guests would show up so she went over to Lily and dragged her to stand.
"Pull yourselves together we have to go now." she said with a stern voice.
Even though Lily had just committed one of the worst sins one could do she would never rat her own sister out.
Lily sobbed even harder and she held her cheek which started to swell.
"Grab what you can."
They moved as quickly as they could in their states.
Keira grabbed their father's old pistol and her bow and arrow.
"Got everything?" she asked them both.
They nodded.
"Let's take the back entrance."
Lily paused, "But what about mom?" She wasn't crying as hard anymore.
"I'll write a note for Mary. Kay? I'll tell her to look after her."
Keira grabbed an old pen and a piece of parchment and started writings
'Dear Mary,
I hope you read this letter and if you don't then this is just a huge waste of time. But assuming you do, may you never forget me, please look after my mom, don't let anything happen to her please, it's not her fault.
And I want you to know that I will never stop thinking of you. I know we're both married, but I have always loved you, I don't care that we're both girls, it never mattered to me. I was so jealous when I found out you were promised to someone else that wasn't me, but I hid it, probably not very well, I can never help but stare at your beauty.
You always believed in our faith more than I have, it hurts me to know you will most likely read this with disgust on your face.
But I love you
May she be with you, Keira. Your best friend.'
Tear drops stained the yellow-ing paper.
"Let's go"