Chapter Text
Long, spindly shadows populated the dismal sky in sparse groups. Their shadows were cast far behind the four men, the last remaining glow of the sun sluggishly fading. It was late June in Ann Arbor, Michigan and summer was making its debut. The crisp night air tickled Rob’s forearm hair, he flinched ever so slightly, and Zubin chuckled when he noticed this and rob returned it accordingly.
It was a tranquil, almost desolate evening in their suburb despite everyone being on break. Rob thought this was unusual. The only sounds were his friends’ meaningless chatter and the dreadful thoughts that clouded his mind.
They were on their way to a college party hosted by one of Ross’s friends. Although Rob wasn’t acquainted with this person, he was equally as excited as the others, if not a tiny bit more. They had been swamped, more than they would normally have been given they weren’t in a band, trying their hardest to balance touring with their studies. Last week marked the final term of the academic year, and admittedly since then Rob had been lazing away in bed more than he would have liked to. Ross had sent a text in their group chat last week stating that he had a friend who was hosting a party and asked if the others wanted to tag along. When Rob read this his face lit up ecstatically at the newfound opportunity to spend time with his friends.
Rob thought his friends would notice that he wasn’t the same happy-go, resilient guy he was two months ago, but there wasn’t really a big thing or a thing at all that happened to him that resulted in this heaviness that followed him around. No tragic event that people could notice and feel sorry for him for. He couldn’t explain it if he wanted to. It was just there. In the headache that he had waking up every morning, in the exhaustion that sleep couldn’t fix, in his delayed laughter that he had to fake after everyone else did. On some days, he wondered if something had broken inside of him years ago without him realizing. Although recently, through the dull static of his routine, there had been blips: brief moments where the voice of someone lingered in his head longer than it should have. The thought of seeing him was enough to get him through classes, sleepless nights, and mornings where getting out of bed felt impossible. Eventually, the warmth began to ache as Rob couldn’t help but feel guilty. Each time he found himself looking forward to seeing him, each time a smile lingered in his mind for longer than it should have, the feeling curdled into something darker. He hated himself for having these feelings towards his best friend. They were feelings that could never be returned, and he knew it. What had once been an effortless friendship had become something he spent everyday trying to untangle from his chest. He told himself it would pass. That if he ignored it long enough, it would disappear. Instead, it sank deeper, turning a source of happiness into a reminder of everything he could never have.
Rob was abruptly snapped out of his unnerving train of thoughts by Andrew, who was on his left - Rob being on the far right of the group.
“Rob?” Andrew enquired, concern evident in his voice.
“What were you saying Andrew?”
“Nothing. You just looked deep in thought. You alright?”
“I’m fine.” Rob replied, giving Andrew a weak smile.
“Okay good.” Andrew said with a meaningful smile before rejoining the others’ conversation. Rob sighed lengthily before looking down at the floor.
Fifteen minutes had passed and the house where the party was taking place slowly emerged in the distance. As they gradually got closer, they could hear the muffled bass vibrating through the walls. Several partygoers stood on the drive with drinks in their hand, appearing to be talking about something. The energetic house stood out like a sore thumb as it was a stark contrast in the once seemingly reserved neighborhood. The house was huge, and Rob was unsure if it could count as a mansion, but he was sure the owners were filthy rich. He realized he was falling behind so he decided not to dwell on it.
“Come on, Rob!” called Zubin, his grin wide and his hand inching out Rob’s direction. “I’m coming!” Rob replied enthusiastically, beginning to quickly jog towards his best friend who stood by the door.
The bandmates entered the large house gleefully, scanning their surroundings before tactically spreading out. Andrew and Ross pushed past the people in the hallway and headed into the kitchen, while on the contrary Zubin and Rob went into the living room.
Rob stood in the living room, glancing every now and then into the kitchen which he could see directly into the frame of from where he was standing. Zubin was talking to a short, blonde woman who kept giggling after almost everything Zubin was saying. Any want that Rob had to include himself in the conversation and not be a total bore disappeared entirely. This woman was so annoying. He just said “oh, yeah” and pretended to laugh every now and then when Zubin said something about the band. Rob wasn’t listening at all. He did steal a few quick glances at Zubin though when he mentioned Rob’s name. Rob instead shifted his attention to the game in the kitchen. It was a fairly big crowd of people standing around the marble counter which had multiple red cups lined up in the formation of bowling pins before they are knocked down, and it looked like Andrew was on the other side of the table and he was going up against a brunette woman. A minute later, people began to rhythmically chant “Drink, drink, drink!,” and Rob looked dumbfoundedly at what he was seeing. Andrew was chugging down cup after cup of beer. It wasn’t that many, but it was in such short time, and Rob knew that Andrew was a lightweight. The chanting began to overpower the uninteresting conversation Zubin was having and Zubin turned around to see what was going on. He laughed and turned to Rob.
“Holy shit. Should we stop him?”
Rob looked over just in time to see Andrew sluggishly slam another cup onto the table, another chorus of cheers filled the room.
“He’s gonna regret this, in like, ten minutes.” Rob muttered.
“Ten?” Zubin snorted. “You’re generous.”
The blonde woman made a joke about the unfolding situation. Rob looked at Zubin, frowning when he laughed. It wasn’t even funny.
“Rob, why don’t we get some drinks? We’ll be back soon.”
The woman nodded as if to say she’s going to stay put and eagerly await their return. Rob and Zubin slip out of the living room together, Rob behind Zubin. They get to a hallway where its quieter and Zubin stops and snakes his arm around Rob’s shoulder. Rob flinches at the contact and turns away as he blushes, pretending to fix his glasses. Zubin frowns at this, and he lets go of the latter to move in front of him.
“You okay?” he asked quietly.
He looks at the taller man before pulling him into a hug. Rob slowly but surely melted into it, letting all the tension in his body leave even if for a few moments. Their usual hugs were rough, and careless, but this was warm. Zubin was warm. Rob smiled against the latter’s shoulder, unable to stop himself.
“Uh, Zubin? What’s this for?” Rob asked, trying to sound as though he wasn’t smiling.
Zubin pulled away reluctantly.
“Rob, you know you can tell me anything, right?” Zubin said gently, trying not to scare his best friend.
Rob sighed. “I know. I’m sorry I've been distant."
“Hey man, don’t worry about it. I just wanna know what’s wrong. You’ve been awfully quiet lately. I mean, you seemed pretty distracted when we were talking earlier. That’s not like you.”
...
“Rob!” Said Zubin, his voice raised a little, but not enough to be heard outside of the hallway.
“Fuck, sorry Zube. It’s nothing though, I promise. I’m just stressed. Let’s go get those drinks.”
“Fine.” Zubin said deflatingly, worry not shifting about his best friend.
Zubin and Rob enter the kitchen and walk over to the unused paper cups. They each take one and pour out equal amounts of beer in each cup before downing them. They felt confident since it was their first drink of the night. It then turned into their second, and their third.
“Hey, Zube? I think I’m ready to talk about it now” Said Rob lethargically.
The latter’s face lit up with curiosity “Really?, let’s go somewhere quiet then.”
Rob hiccupped and laughed before answering “Okayyy, Zube”
The two men eventually made their way upstairs, before locating an empty room and walking into it. There were at least six indistinguishable bedrooms , so they figured the host wouldn’t mind. They entered a bedroom and didn’t bother turning the light on, or it just didn’t occur to them. Faint amber light spilled through the curtains in uneven strips, casting the room in a dim, hazy glow that left their faces ever so slightly visible. They approached the double bed which sat in the middle of the room, Zubin taking his place on the edge and Rob sitting directly opposite him, sitting close enough that Rob could feel the warmth from Zubin whenever their legs accidentally brushed.
The music from downstairs, still audible through the walls, softened until it was simply a muted thump under the room. Every once in a while, laughter erupted faintly somewhere in the house before fading just as quickly. Up here, though, everything felt slower. Calmer. Time seemed to slow down, and the air felt strangely still between them. Rob waited for Zubin to ask about what he was ready to talk about, but it seemed that he forgot. He was relieved. Despite Rob’s intoxicated state, he felt hyperaware of every sudden movement of his best friend, and the way Zubin would look at him for a second too long before glancing away again.
“Hey, Rob?” Zubin said, the sudden noise lethally piercing through the quiet and catching Rob way off guard.
“Hm-”
Zubin swiftly placed his hand on Rob’s neck before pulling him in and gently placing his lips on top of Rob’s. Rob groaned softly at the sudden contact, the vibration tickling Zubin’s lips. Rob’s breath hitched as he felt the shorter man’s warm tongue glide over his lips, gently pushing at the entrance of Rob’s mouth. He parted his lips and hummed in appreciation as his best friend began to carefully lick at the insides of his mouth. Rob could feel his heartbeat in his throat and his anxiety levels shooting through the roof. He was grateful he had consumed alcohol prior, or else he would definitely have had a panic attack.
Rob swallowed thickly before deciding to be brave and slip a hand under the hem of the shorter man’s blue button-up shirt. Zubin pulled back, but instead of letting go, he rested his forehead against Rob’s. For a few seconds, neither of them moved, both of their breathing slowing until it felt like the rest of the world had fallen away. After what felt like an eternity, Zubin looked up, his expression softening.
“There you are”
Heat rushed to Rob’s face, staining his cheeks a deeper shade of red.
“What?”
A small smile crept onto the corner of Zubin’s mouth.
“Nothing.”
A few seconds later, Zubin cleared his throat before shifting back as though he just remembered where they were.
“We should look for Ross and Andrew,” he said, his voice careful while he stepped off the bed and moved swiftly towards the door.
“Right.”
Rob followed closely behind him, his thoughts stuck on a loop he couldn’t seem to break. He was sure Zubin had smiled at him, a small and soft smile, which was almost nothing, but it definitely didn’t feel like nothing. And now, with Zubin walking ahead of him like it never happened at all, Rob couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe he was the only one that felt something. A knot began to form in his stomach. He felt sick just thinking about it. He just wanted to go home. He felt even more disgusted with himself that he wanted it to mean something. If it meant nothing, why did it feel like everything changed?