Chapter Text
It had been an awkward week with the Avengerz. Where they had usually been in the Watchtower, they were now lounging in an expensive hotel Yelena wanted to experience, and wanted to burn out of Valentina’s wallet.
Bucky, who had not had enough room in the tower, felt constantly crowded in the ensuite, which was closer to an apartment than the institute that was the watchtower. The close proximity of Bucky’s group did not aid in the ever-closing gap of their eyes on his newly prevailed secret.
What wasn’t a secret was the Thunderbolts' ever growing beef towards Captain America and his media team that had been nothing short of vultures towards the Thunderbolts. Through it all, Bucky had been playing a character that he was far too used to: an agent. In fact, Bucky was a double agent. Bucky was caught in between the solace in the team of misfits he could call his own. However, Sam was his for a far longer time, who had stuck with him in times Bucky was not sure he could endure alone. His allegiance to his lover was far older than the ragtag team of the Thunderbolts.Bucky’s position was less than ideal, and he had fought through every wall and bit every nail he could to keep the two entities separate.
Things became complicated more so through the lawsuit. Even more when his team walked in on Sam and Bucky during the gala week. His stay in DC has been less than ideal when the team had collecyively walked inot their leader and sworn “enemy” holding eachother in an intimacy Bucky could not even fathom himself at times.
Everyday, Bucky was playing a game which involved evading all and any questions about his relationship with Sam. Sam, who was Bucky’s most intimate thread in his personal life. His love, his connection into what it meant to be human again. It was all too much for him to process even himself, much more his team.
Bucky avoided it as much as possible until Joaquin Torrez showed up at the balcony of their hotel, dressed head-to-toe in Sam’s old gear while holding out a gift basket. There was never quite palpable distance between Sam and Bucky. In the days of awkwardness that followed their discovery, Bucky made it known that he was not ashamed, not uncomfortable with the fact his team members knew about their relationship. Rather, it was that Bucky had not done it on his own terms, and he was forced into confrontation about how he was lying to his team mates about the supposed enemy. Things always seemed to come back to Bucky in that way.
Sam made an effort to give Bucky the distance to cope, while the closeness to comfort. Some nights it was video calls, today it was Joaquin.
Walker was the first person to gawk as the roaring of engines hissed outside their linen curtains while Joaquin made himself welcome. Alexei drew up his fists. Ava and Yelena were beside him in an instinctive, habitual manner. Bob was sitting in a lounge chair, shoulder scrunched up like he didn’t quite know what to do.
Joaquin, fearful of Bucky’s ravishing crew (as many were), took off his helmet in surrender.
There was only a slight release of tension as they faintly recognized the face of Joaquin, whom they had met in the gala days before.
Bucky, who was sitting nonchalant with Bob on the lounge wsa the first to greet him, face tight as he extended his hand. Joaquin was like nephew- coming to Uncle James meant he was delivering a message, had grave news, or annoying him for attention.
Bucky clapped him on the back courteously, something he had associated with the ease of a newfound family. Bucky felt a lump in between them when he had noticed the gift basket in between them- woven fibres like the picnic baskets Sam and Bucky had used in Louisiana.
Bucky’s voice was low, “Is everything alright?”
“Everything’s on the up and up,” Joaquin, spoke, voice chipper as he was bouncing off the balls on his feet trying to examine the environment around him. Bucky wasn’t surprised, it wasn’t the type of place he would be in by his own will- luxury carpets, a colour scheme head to toe in creams and golds.
“The government must be treating you nicely,” Joaquin whistled, brushing his hands on one of the velour couches.
“Yeah, you’d think,” Bucky remarked, ushering Joaquin to sit down beside Bob, partly so he could scold his team while Joaquin’s back was turned. ‘Behave’, he mouthed, as Joaquin took a seat.
Alexei, always first to take initiative, approached Joaquin first, effectively knocking Bob off the couch.Joaquin rushed to help him up while Alexei made use in investigating the gift basket. Like a child, he pulled out a bag from the basket.
“I’ve been looking for this vodka!”
Still on the floor, crouching to help Bob up, a hand pressed onto his back in that tender, instinctive manner than Joaquin always held.
“It’s a gift from Sam,” Joaquin explained, “he wanted to send you guys invites to his place in DC as a sort of apology dinner for everything that’s going on the media,” Joaquin explained, referring to the soft smear campaign which pitted Captain America versus the Avengers.
“He’s trying to win us over with food?” Yelena narrowed.
“A peace offering, Moreso,” Joaquin corrected, eyes darting to Bucky nervously.
Yelena snapped her head towards him. Their relationship had been taut in his secrecy, though her amusement was enough to keep things civil between them.
“Did you know about this?”
“No,” Bucky said sincerely, “I wouldn’t have invited Joaquin in.”
“Har har,” Joaquin laughed, “Sam wanted it to be a surprise. He has a gift for you too-”
Bucky snatched the basket from Joaquin, digging through the goods of food to finally reach an envelope, secured with a wax stamp. Bucky held back a smirk. He had mentioned a week before that he missed the way courting worked- every move was a conscious decision in acceptance of the other person. Bucky stuffed it into the back of his pocket as he passed the basket along to Yelena. Cautiously, she picked out a box of mac and cheese.
“How did you know I like these?”
“I’m a reallyyyy good intelligence officer,” Joaquin exaggerated. Yelena passed it to Bob, tapping his toe nervously at Joaquin. From the basket, he plucked out a pink Floyd cd. Walker and Ave took their turns: a figurine and a heated blanket for Ava.
“This is a limited edition Steve Rogers collectible from the seventies!”
“Sam has like three of those,” Bucky muttered. Yelena slapped him with the back of her hand.
“Point is, I know there are a lot of tensions. We just wanna be civil- Sam, Bucky, and I. We’re superheroes in the same field and Sam and Bucky are-”
“Saving this conversation for the dinner,” Yelena butted in.
Like a little kid, Alexei perked up, “We’re going?”
“Baby falcon is right. There is a lot of unresolved things going on. I want to hear Bucky’s story. It’s rare any man can break through those arms of steel.”
“Arm,” Bob corrected quietly.
“Vibranium,” Bucky shot back.
***
Bucky waited until the hotel suite was silent from the previous excitement in Yelena’s decision to meet Sam officially. Sam had called for a meeting with them before, but Bucky had refused in fear of what they would do and the questions they would ask. However, there was no way out of it now that Yelena approved.
As the day fell to a close, Bucky sat on the balcony where Joaquin once was. Bucky let his head lean against the cool metal railing cooled his skin.
The phone only rang twice before Sam picked up.
“Hey you,” Sam spoke in that gravelly voice of his. The camera loaded in pixels, showing off Sam’s red henley and plaid pajama bottoms.
“Been waiting for this call all day,” Sam spoke, leaning further into the camera. Bucky felt drab as always in a black hoodie and sweats.
“Thank you for the gifts… really you didn’t need to.”
“I wanted your team on my side. I don’t blame them for not rushing to get to know me, but I thought being your lover would get me some brownie points.”
“They’re mad that I kept it from them… They’re intrigued for sure, that’s what’s keeping things at bay but as soon as they stop teasing me, its over and done, Sam.”
“Come on, Buck, they’ll accept you. The problem is whether or not they’ll accept me.”
Bucky pursed his lips. His team didn’t seem accepting in their relationship in the persistent teasing, jokes, and prods they had given Bucky. It was why he was so secure in hiding their relationship. It was why Bucky had spent the last week in DC absolutely tortured by what they wanted to know from him. More fuel. More reason to look at him differently. Bucky was stoic- that was his identity since his old, charismatic one had been wiped through Hydra.
“I wish you had told me you were planning to invite the team over,” Bucky confessed.
“I have been telling you I wanted them over. It’s about time we had a real conversation about the things we’ve been keeping from them and why. I don’t want there to be any drama now that everything is out. The act is up.”
Bucky sighed. He wanted it to. His life, however, had always been shrouded in secrecy. So much truth to face at once was nearly painful. Ne could feel the string growing between them as his own prohibitions hurt Sam.
“I read the letter you wrote… I loved it.”
Sam pursed his lips.
“I love you too, Buck. Will I be seeing you on Saturday?”
Bucky nodded.
“‘Night Sam.”
*****
Bucky was in dark wash jeans a green shirt- one that Sam had given to him when they were staying at his place in Louisiana when he showed up with his team in the familiar halls of Sam’s apartment. It was a contradicting feeling- to be surrounded in familiarity, while still keeping up the walls he did for his team mates. Bucky sighed as he clutched a bouquet of pink carnations to his shirt. He usually kept up a different appearance around his team mates- black, leather, more akin to his costume than clothing he would choose on his own accord.
Bucky took a final breath as Alexei knocked on the thick oak door, far too excited than Bucky wanted him to be.
Sam answered like he was waiting behind the door. Bucky could smell his fresh cologne on his red henley as he hugged him, not even acknowledging his other team members before placing a chaste kiss on his cheek. Bucky tried to hide the armth he felt rising to his skin as he pressed the flowers into Sam’s hands.
“They’re beautiful Buck,” he nodded towards his team mates. “Yelena, Alexei, Bob,” he welcomed, holding out his free hand towards his apartment. Bucky had memorized it the first night he had come over- all warm lighting built to look like a home over a house. Sam took a final nod towards John,
“Didn’t ever expect you to be in this position, Walker.”
“What can I say Cap, I surprise people.” Sam pursed his lips, clapping him on the shoulder as he ushered them in. Sam kept the door open as Bucky stood outside, waiting for the rest of his team to come in.
Sam looked at Bucky like he were looking at his soul, “You okay?”
BUcky gave him a thin smile as he kissed him. Bucky was never one for words.
“Feels weird.”
“Tell me about it, I had to prepare a meal for a man I wanted to kill.”
“John’s been more relaxed since his divorce.”
“Remind me to make fun of him for that.”
Bucky smiled as he held Sam’s hand, making way inside his home, as he did many times before.
His team members were seated in various places, looking like fish reacting to new water as they stood still. Yelena was scanning the apartment like she was looking for traps while Bob tapped on his knees beside her. They were sitting on Sam’s large l-shaped couch, looking rather cinematic while the last sliver of sun hit them. Ambient jazz was playing on the tv while pans clattered in the kitchen.
Just as Bucky expected, Joaquin walked out, grinning like a kid playing in sand as he wore an apron. He wafted a smell of warm spices Bucky recognized from their trio-dinners- seasoned pork and stews that combined a rich mix from Louisiana and Mexico. Bucky always felt like he had less to offer in his lack of knowledge from living between the Great Depression and the rations of war.
“I told you to keep an eye on the boil, Joaquin,” Sam warned.
“Just wanted to see the guest, Joaquin defended, nodding his head towards the stiff crowd Bucky had brought in.
“Joaquin Torres,” he introduced, extending a hand towards the crowd, who was hesitant to shake. Joaquin out his hands up through the refusal.
“That’s all good, I know my posts towards you guys haven;t been the greatest. We could talk it out through dinner.”
“Smells good,” Bob said quietly.
“Seafood,” Joaquin explained, “Sam insisted to have something from Louisiana, his special.”
“I can only hope that Torrez doesn’t mess it up,” Sam shot back as he snaked his hands over Bucky’s waist.
“I like seafood,” John said, trying to break up the tension. Surprisingly, out of all of the Thunderbolts members, John had been the most open towards it. When he had approached Bucky, he claimed it was because he had suspected it the most.
“Please sit down at the table,” Sam pleaded, “we have a lot to go over.”
“Certainly,” Yelena whispered as her father accompanied her to the dinner table. Sam waited for Bucky to take the head seat of the long table before he took his hand and sat down beside him.
“Im more than sure Valentina has taught you more than enough about the importance of PR. You’re relatively new superheroes-” Sam paused briefly, hoping the group wouldn’t take it to insult. “Buck and I knew all about that media shit when we were Avengers.” The word alone caused some tense shoulders. Bucky looked over to find Joaquin struggling with hot plates- a job that Bucky usually took in his advantaged mental arm. He tried to stand up before Sam sent a warning hand towards his chest to allow Joaquin to continue his duties.
“Stew,” Joaquin offered, serving a large sized pot with smaller bowls in a family-style. Sam pointed towards the seat beside him while the rest of the team members began to serve.
Bucky only hoped that the food could act as a mediator towards the inevitable chaos he was sure the night would hold.
“When we got together three years ago-”
“How did that happen exactly?” Yelena asked, more curious than judgemental.
They all looked towards Bucky for an answer. He sipped his stew like it was alcohol.
“10 years of working at each other’s sides. Hard not to get together,” Bucky explained. Sam nudged him gently.
“Come on, don’t be like that. I was expecting more about how charming I am- maybe about how you love my charm, my outstanding bravery-”
“He couldn’t resist,” Joaquin finished, placing two beers in front of Sam and Bucky.
Bucky opened the bottles with his metal arm for the both of them before taking a large swig. Badly, he wished he could get drunk enough to dull the sensations of the evening.
“Have you been together long?”
“Almost three years,” Bucky replied automatically.
“You weren’t dating when you met me?” Walker said, scratching his head. Sam shook his.
Walker sputtered. “Everytime you looked at each other, it was like you wanted to pin each other down and-”
“I’m pretty sure that was anger,” Bucky recalled.
“Let’s call it tension,” Sam returned. Walker nodded in agreement. “Much better word,” he said, groaning into his food. Joaquin grinned at him as he took a seat.
“Food’s good?”
“Not as good as mine,” Sam responded while the Thunderbolts ate. It was a comfortable silence enjoying Joaquin’s food. It was about fifteen minutes of peace Bucky was able to get before Sam squeezed his hand tightly, his right one. Bucky pulsed Sam’s hand in return before he pointed his head towards the Thunderbolts, less, but still tense in the environment of their enemy.
“We knew the media wouldn’t react well to our relationship,” Sam responded.
“You,” Sam addressed to Walker, “know how difficult I’ve had to work trying to be Cap. I’m happy you’ve accepted it, but the media isn’t so quick to change. The court of public opinion will always reign. Being a black man is one thing, but being a gay black man is another.”
“I’m not the ideal media man either,” Bucky retorted, referring to the painful months he had to spend as a senator.
“We were deep into our relationship before the time of the New Avengers. Bucky knew how much it meant to me to be the person starting the Avengers. Steve trusted me. The president trusted me and to have Valentina go behind all of our backs is nothing less than abhorred.” He paused. “That is what we all have in common. You know as much as I do that letting her win would have detrimental consequences. I knew Bucky wouldn’t do such a thing, but I couldn’t accept it. I couldn’t let Valentina run the Avengers, so I fought back. You can’t blame me for defending my role.”
“I can’t forgive you for attacking my team online,” Yelena argued back, both to Sam and Bucky.
“It was excessive,” Sam admitted.
“It was a smear campaign,” Yelena exasperated. “Look, I accept this- I accept you and I am happy for Bucky. Trust me, I out of all people know how much Bucky needs to be happy, and I knew how much it hurts to hide a secret. I could tell it was burdening him as much as it was burdening you. I’m only hurt that it had to come down to attacking each other.” She turned her head towards Bucky.
“I’m hurt you didn’t trust me enough with this. Trusted us enough with this.”
“You didn’t really seem keen on Sam.”
“In fairness, Sam didn’t really seem keen on us,” Ava added.
“That was more of my fault,” Joaquin said sheepishly, “Social media comes more easy to me than it does Sam.”
There was a pregnant silence as the team looked at each other. Bucky held onto Sam’s hand tighter as both parties figured out what to do.
“I like you, Captain America,” Alexei said first. Sam exhaled shakily, nodding.
“I’ll like you better once we come to an understanding,” Ghost relayed.
“Then that’s where were at,” Bucky breathed, “an… understanding?”
Bucky looked to Yelena first. She nodded.
“I’ve never been one to stop love.” Sam got up excitedly, ready to hug her. She pushed a hand out.
“I am even more happy we found out about Bucky-boy over here, but I cannot tolerate anymore attacks towards my team. I get that we cannot,” she paused, “work together. But I will not allow any more of us to get hurt my secrets.”
“No more strife on social media,” Sam declared. Yelena nodded stiffly before Sam hugged her tightly. Alexei was next to join as he laughed heartily,clapping Sam’s back.
“Still,” Bucky reminded, “this stays between us.”
Bucky pursed his lips as he looked towards his other team members. He expected the lash of judgemental stares and disgust. Alexei simply mimed zipping his lips up and throwing away the key. There was nothing there but the softness in realizing Bucky was more than the man they expected him to be. Bucky was a lover, like any other man who had reason to live. Sam was Bucky’s reason. Not death, not to kill, nor be a tool. Just… love. They hadn’t expected it. In all honesty, neither had Bucky.
He exhaled tightly as Sam returned to his seat, kissing him on the cheek. Walker leaned forward.
“Are you where Bucky disappears to when he says he has a late-night mission?”
Sam leaned back on his chair smugly. “I’m not sure where else he’d go.”
“It was you who told Bucky first, then?” Alexei began interrogating. Even more smug, Sam crossed his arms.
“You’d be surprised.” There was a collective gasp. John leaned even closer.
“How’d you tell Sam you like him.”
Bucky moved inward on himself. “We were crab-fishing in Louisiana. I told him that there wasn’t any other person I would do this for. I said he was special to me.”
Yelena grinned, amused. Bucky was relieved she looked much more entertained, even joyful as she looked him up and down.
“Never pinned you as a romantic, Barnes.” Sam grinned at the comment, looking Bucky up and down with the same eyes he would use in late night conversations.
“Oh, you wouldn’t believe what this man is capable of.”
Bucky rubbed a hand over his face, trying to suppress a smile as the table erupted in jeers and oohs. Better than the fight he much expected.
As the dinner was over, Bucky was holding hands with Sam, walking the Avengers to the parking lot. He nodded towards his team as he tossed Ava the keys.
“You didn’t drink did you?” She shook her head. Bucky saluted towards her as he waved goodbye to his team. Yelena stopped at his side before following the rest of the New Avengerz towards the team truck.
“Staying over, hm?”
Bucky rolled his eyes. “Wanna see my team in one piece when I get back to the hotel in the morning, Belova.”
“Aye aye, Sergeant,” she mocked, saluting towards him as she headed to the truck.
Sam’s warmth remained close to Bucky, contrasting the chill of the outdoors. Sam put a casual arm over Bucky shoulder as he leaned into him, forehead brushing his.
“That went over pretty well, wouldn’t you think?” Bucky hummed affirmatively. “Better than I expected… I think we deserve a celebration.” Sam raised his eyebrows.
“Want me to kick Torres out?”
Bucky watched as the truck left, then grabbed Sam by the collar, kissing him deeply. Sam took the answer well.
*****
Bucky rolled over in Sam’s bed, groaning as his sleep was interrupted by a loud noise. He groaned even louder as Sam began to rise, forcing Bucky to roll over on the cold side of the bed. Bucky whined into the sheet, running his hands over his face while he tried to wake up. The loud noise of ringing sped up the process of Bucky’s eyes being forced awake. Bucky instinctually reached for Sam, trying to find his biceps to hold onto while he was being pried awake.
“Sam,” Bucky whined, sitting up as he reached for Sam. He too was barely awake, chest still hair and eyebrows pushed downwards as he answered a call in his groggy morning voice.
“Hello?” Bucky could make out it was Torres on the other end of the line. He groaned as he went to rest his head on Sam’s shoulder, trying to listen into the conversation.
“It’s too early for you to be telling me what to do, Torres,” Sam asserted over the phone. Frantic sounds came back.
“Check my name on the news? I don’t want to see any more social media shit Torres, I’m trying to have a nice morning.”
There was a pregnant pause.
“Yeah, Bucky’s with me. What’s wrong?”
Bucky perked up at the mention of his name. Sam ended the call abruptly as he pulled up his text messages with Joaquin.
“He told me to look at the picture he sent me.” Sam swore under his breathe as Bucky looked over his shoulder. It was a screenshot of a Daily Bugle News article. Beneath an obnoxious headline was a large photo of Bucky and Sam outside of Sam’s apartment. Bucky recognized it with a hitch of his breath. That day was yesterday- it was a picture of Sam and Bucky kissing.
Bucky’s eyes shifted upwards to the headline:
“Sam Wilson Caught Kissing Enemy Outside DC Apartment.”