Chapter Text
The air in the jazz bar was a thick and hazy cocktail of cheap bourbon and the kind of heavy bass that vibrated right through your ribs. It was exactly the type of place where William belonged. His friends preferred neon lights and a bass that could blow out your ears, but William liked the sensual nature of a jazz bar.
He worked part-time at a vinyl shop while finishing school, while also trying to balance a career in music. Busking on the side, hoping someone would notice his talent and take him in. But sometimes, he just wanted to have a little fun.
At twenty-one, William lived his life at a permanent 120 decibels. Even sitting at the scarred wooden bar, he couldn't stay still. His fingers were busy drumming a rhythm against his glass, his messy hair falling into his eyes every time he turned to scan the room. He was a creature of pure, unadulterated energy. His friends like to say he was like a golden retriever in leather, looking for someone to play with him.
Then he saw the corner booth.
"Who's that?" William leaned over, shouting over the screech of a saxophone to catch the bartender's attention.
The bartender didn't even look up from the glass he was polishing, "A regular. Prefers to be left alone, kid. Don't waste your breath."
William didn't listen. He never did.
The man in the booth looked like he had been edited into the dive bar from a much more expensive movie. He was older, late twenties maybe, wearing a black turtleneck that looked soft enough to cost a month of William's rent. He held a glass of neat whiskey with long, elegant fingers, his gaze fixed on the stage with utter bored detachment.
He was beautiful, even from a short distance. His face was all sharp lines, and his eyes were fierce, daring anyone even to come too close. His hair was styled expertly, even after a long day. He was dressed in a designer brand, definitely out of place in a dingy place like this. He was meant for billboards and catwalks, not some jazz bar that hadn't been renovated in years.
He was out of William’s league. He looked sophisticated and wealthy, probably dated actors and models, not broke wannabe rockstars who worked part-time and went to school.
But William was charming and handsome. His youth might be a factor, but it also brought stamina and a willingness to learn. That was a plus, wasn’t it?
William gravitated over. He slid into the opposite side of the booth without an invitation, grinning when the man finally shifted his gaze. The older man’s eyes were dark, sharp, and unimpressed.
"You look like you're having a terrible time," William chirped, leaning forward until he was well within the older man's personal space, "Or you're plotting a murder. Either way, you need a better drink."
A look crossed the man's face, but he quickly covered it up. He just stared at William for a long, silent beat, his dark eyes tracing the youthful line of William's jaw.
"And I suppose you're the one who will provide it?" his voice was smooth, just as William liked.
William's grin widened, "I'm the one to provide a lot of things."
The man, surprisingly, didn't lean back. If anything, he tilted his head a fraction of an inch, looking at William with the curiosity of a predator watching a particularly shiny toy. Not that William minded. He welcomed it.
"You're loud," he said, his voice clear, "And you're vibrating. Incapable of sitting still?"
"Only when I'm sleeping. Or singing," William replied, his grin turning a bit more wolfish, less puppy-ish. He reached out, his hand governing just inches from Est's sleeve, "I'm William. And you are… clearly too expensive and pretty for a place like this."
"Est," the older man offered shortly. He took a slow, deliberate sip of his whiskey, his eyes never leaving William's. "And expensive is a matter of perspective. Pretty is… true. I like the acoustics here. I don't usually like the company."
"Well, lucky you. I'm persistent." William leaned his chin on his hand. "What do you do, P'Est? Can I call you Phi? I'm going to, anyway. "
Est rolled his eyes, letting out a breath that was almost, but not quite, a laugh. "You’ve decided anyway, and listen to people try to be interesting. It's exhausting. Most of them fail within the first thirty seconds."
William checked an invisible watch on his wrist, "I've been here for forty-five. How am I doing?"
Est's gaze dropped to William's mouth, then flicked back up to his eyes. His cool expression didn't drop, but the air between them suddenly felt a few degrees higher.
"You're still here," Est murmured, his voice dropping low, making the hairs on William's arms stand up. "That's a start, … Nong."
William's eyes brightened immediately. He caught the look. He caught the way Est said Nong. Est was interested. That was a very good start.
"Could be more than a start," William whispered, his voice losing that sweetness and turning into something far more dangerous, "I could be the highlight of your night. Maybe even your week."
Est set his glass down with a soft clink. "You're very confident for someone who barely looks old enough to drink."
"Age is just a number, Phi. I know what I want when I see it," William said, his eyes bright and unwavering, "And right now? I really want to get to know you more."
"What if I don't want to get to know you?" Est offered, tilting his head, the corner of his lip rising in challenge.
William was going to lose his mind. Est was going to be the end of him for sure, and William would thank him profusely for it.
He was very much out of his league. He felt flushed just from the look Est was giving him. He thought he was the one just to ensnare a beautiful treasure, but it was a trap. And William didn’t mind it. He welcomed it.
He smiled, "P’Est, aren't you the least bit curious about me?"
Est didn't move for a long moment. Then, with a grace that felt entirely unfair, he stood up and draped his coat over his arm. He didn't wait for William. He just started walking toward the exit.
"Well?" Est called over his shoulder, not even looking back, "Are you coming, or were you just making noise, … N’William?"
William didn't even grab his drink. He was on his feet in a second, trailing after Est like a shadow he couldn't shake.
-ˋˏ✄- - - - - - - ♡
The hotel room was a stark contrast to the bar's grime. All neutral tones, floor-to-ceiling glass, and a quietness that lasted exactly three seconds before William broke it.
The door had barely clicked shut before William was in Est's space again. He kissed him without sparing a single thought. It was a messy, high-energy assault of soft lips and unbridled enthusiasm, William's hands tangling in the expensive fabric of Est's turtleneck, pulling him closer.
"You're—" Est tried to speak, but another wide-eyed kiss swallowed the words.
Est's back hit the cold glass fo the window, the city lights shimmering behind his head like a hollow he didn't want. He was used to control–to slow, calculated movements and people who waited for his word. William didn't wait for anything. He was all elbows, heat, and a scent of rain and adrenaline that was becoming dangerously addictive.
William pulled back for a heartbeat, his chest heaving, a strand of black hair stuck to his damp forehead. "Too much?" he asked, though his eyes were bright with a challenge, his hands already sliding down Est's thin waist.
Est took a steadying breath, his heart hammering against his chest. He reached up, his long fingers catching William's chin to hold him still for just a second. He was overwhelmed by William's energy.
This was dangerous. Est had slept with his fair share of men, a few women here and there. He hadn’t actually gone to the bar for anything more than jazz and a hardy drink to wash away a terrible day. He hadn’t expected… William.
He was energy personified. Even at twenty-one, Est wasn’t this energetic. Now he was twenty-eight and far too out of his depth for someone like this. Maybe he was having an early midlife crisis and wanted something out of his element.
But as he stared into William's big brown eyes and saw the crooked smile that was sure to have fansites, he realized he didn’t really care why he was doing this.
"You're exhausting," Est muttered.
"Is that a no?" William grinned, his energy radiating off him in waves.
Est's gaze darkened, his thumb tracing the curve of William's lower lip, "It's a 'be quiet and get over here'."
He pulled William back in for another heated kiss, matching the younger man's energy. William didn't just move against Est; he flowed into his space. His hands explored, mapping out the lines of Est's shoulders, the dip of his waist, the sharp jut of his hip bones. He was tactile in a way that made Est's skin feel as if it were being plugged into a live wire, sending electricity through his veins.
Est let his head thud back against the glass with a soft groan as William's mouth moved to the sensitive skin of his neck. Est's hands, usually so steady and poised, were clenched into the front of William's leather jacket.
"Slow down," Est breathed, though his breath was coming in shallow hitches. "William—slow down."
"Can't, Phi," William mumbled against Est's skin, his voice muffled. He nipped at the collarbone, making the older man's eyes snap shut. "Been thinking about doing this since you looked at me. You have no idea."
William pulled back just enough to look Est in the eye, his pupils so blown out they almost swallowed the iris. He looked hungry and vibrant and entirely devoted to the man in front of him. "You're so quiet. I want to hear you make some noise."
Est was shattering completely. He reached up, tangling his fingers in William's messy hair and pulling him into a kiss that was finally, desperately, reciprocal. It wasn't the refined, cold Est from the bar anymore. It was the black cat finally losing its composure, its claws sinking in as it hauled William toward the bed.
The energy was a frenzy.
Tangled limbs and the rustling of clothes being discarded in a heap. Even as they tumbled into the sheets, William was a blur of motion, his laughter a soft, breathless sound against Est's ear every time Est tried to regain some semblance of control.
"You're a menace, N'William," Est said, his voice husky with need, pinning William's wrists to the pillow for a fleeting second just to catch his breath.
William just beamed up at him, radiant and unbothered by the dominance, "Yeah, but I'm your menace for the night, Phi."
Est let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head. "You're annoying."
"Annoyingly handsome?"
"Stop talking, please."
"Make me."
Est raised a brow at the mischievous taunt of a smile on William's. He was in trouble with this one, but that didn't stop him from going back in for a heated kiss.
-ˋˏ✄- - - - - - - ♡
The morning light was unforgiving, spilling through the floor-to-ceiling windows with a brightness that made William's head throb. He stretched, his limbs heavy and satisfied, his hands instinctively reaching across the king-sized bed for the heat of a body that was no longer there.
His palm hit cold, expensive linen.
William bolted upright, his messy hair standing in every direction as he looked around, "Phi?"
The suite was silent.
The only sounds were the air conditioner and the city traffic about twenty floors down. The room looked like a museum exhibit of beige and abstract art. There were no more traces of the tangled heat of three o'clock in the morning except for the rumpled pillows on Est's side.
William scrambled off the bed, wrapping the sheets around his waist, tripping over his own jeans on the floor. He checked the bathroom, empty but smelling of high-end soap and condensation on the mirror from a heated shower. He checked the kitchenette. There was no coffee brewing, no note on the counter, no lingering silhouette of a man in a black turtleneck.
He felt a sudden pang of disappointment in his chest, a part of him feeling like a puppy that was abandoned. He'd thought they had a connection. He'd thought the way Est looked at him with that weirdly intense and focused stare meant something.
William slumped back onto the edge of the bed, clutching the sheets to himself. "Seriously?" He pouted at the empty room, a mix of disbelief and a stubborn, growing spark of defiance, "He couldn't even do breakfast?"
He looked at the card again, then at his own reflection in the mirror across from him. He had bruised lips, his hair was a mess, and his eyes were already starting to burn with a new kind of mission.
He was obsessed.
Last night was amazing.
The best sex he ever had. It was like their bodies moved together as if it had always been meant to happen that way. Est fit against him like he was molded to do so. The way he felt and the noises he made, all for William, and William was addicted now.
There wasn’t a spot in that hotel room that William hadn’t had a taste of Est. They were frenzied. Once wasn’t enough. Twice didn’t satisfy. Three times was exhausting, but they pushed through it. The fourth time had been a slow, agonizing final release, when the body was too sore but still craved more friction.
Until dawn, they had been tied together. William chased Est's lips, and Est clung to William like he was scared to let him go. It had felt endless, and William could not stop replaying how fucking gorgeous Est looked under him or on top of him. William wasn’t picky either way because it meant that the gorgeous man was there with him.
And the way Est looked at him?
William savored it.
It was the way he was calculating every move William made, maybe wondering if William was just there for a thrill. And maybe that had been the plan when he first saw Est.
He hadn’t had enough of Est.
But he craved more.
He wanted to be in Est's bed at night.
But also in his bed in the morning.
In his kitchen.
In his living room.
In his thoughts and dreams.
In his life.
He knows he’s insane for thinking that way. They barely spoke. They were a mess of limbs and heavy panting. He couldn’t start building a life with a stranger who left him in the morning. That was insanity.
However, William was persistent. He was dedicated and could play the long game if he needed to, but he knew he would see his Phi again.
"Okay, Phi. If that's how you want to play. Fine," William whispered, a determined smile spreading across his face, "I’m not done with you yet.”
-ˋˏ✄- - - - - - - ♡
It was reckless.
It was stupid.
But perfectly on brand for Est.
At twenty-eight, his life was a blur of high-stakes deadlines and late nights as a producer for a major recording company. He didn't have time for the vulnerability that comes with dating. Hook-ups were just easier. They were a revolving door of pretty faces and zero expectations, allowing him to focus on dominating the Thai music scene.
But William hadn't been a random choice.
Leaning back in his car, Est watched through the record store Window as William charmed a customer. He was all bright smiles and effortless charisma, likely talking some girl into a rookie T-POP album or a forgotten classic. Est knew his tastes because he's spent weeks haunting those aisles, pretending to browse just to catch a glimpse of him.
He'd fall fast, and that was the problem.
William was too radiant, too young, and far too good for someone like him.
When William had taken the seat across from him that night, Est's breath had caught. He was there, within reach, and he clearly had no idea who Est was. A part of Est felt the sting of being unrecognizable, but a larger part was relieved. If William didn't know him, he didn't know how many times Est had walked into that shop just to leave empty-handed.
So, Est indulged.
He leaned into the flirting and followed the invitation to the hotel room. It was one of the best nights of his life, and that was exactly why it had to be the last. He couldn't get tangled up in someone like William. He couldn't go back to that shop and face what he was walking away from.
It would simply hurt too much.
-ˋˏ✄- - - - - - - ♡
It was a sickness.
There was no other word for it.
Est stood outside the record store, his expression grim as he watched his own resolve dissolve. He'd promised himself he was done. He'd sworn that William was a one-time indulgence, a lapse in judgment he'd finally put behind him.
But his willpower was no match for his exhaustion. After a hellish week at work, trying to wrangle the egos and energy of a new boy band, he was spent. He knew he should turn around. He knew he should go home. Yet, like a reflex he couldn't suppress, his body had carried him right back to the one person he was supposed to avoid. Whenever Est reached his breaking point, his self-control vanished, leading him back to William.
Est was going to leave. He just wanted to see William, and then he could pretend that everything was fine and that he didn't miss the handsome young man.
"P'Est!"
The door opened, and William was there, smiling brightly at him and absolutely devastating.
Est's entire body seized. For a split second, he considered bolting, but William was already there, blocking his path with a smile that was pure sunshine. He looked so young and so bright.
Everything that Est wasn't.
William grinned, tilting his head to the side, "I was wondering when I'd see you again. Come in! I wanna show you something."
Before Est could say anything, William's hand closed around his, pulling him toward the entrance. Est cataloged a dozen excuses: a sudden fever, a missed meeting, a localized meteor strike, maybe? But the warmth of William's hand felt just right. As they crossed the threshold, the shop's bell rang, sounding to Est like the toll of a bell signaling the end of his life as he knew it.
William let him go deeper into the store, stopping abruptly before a stand near the front. He featured toward it with a flourish, "Well? What do you think?"
Est blinked, dazed. "Huh?"
William gave him a playful pout, "The display! My boss is out for the day, so I finally got to set it up. It's good, right?"
Est finally focused. It was a tribute to Tilly Birds. It was a vibrant, meticulous spread of facts, visuals, and albums. It was clearly the work of a true fan.
"It's incredible," Est said, a genuine smile breaking through his nerves, "I actually love them. I have every one of their albums."
William's eyes lit up. "No way! They're one of my absolute faves! I can't believe we have that in common," He paused, his gaze turning playful, "Is that why you've been coming in here so often?"
The air left Est's lungs. Had William noticed him all this time? If he'd been tracking Est's visits to the shop, then he definitely knew exactly who Est was that night at the bar.
Seeing the realization settle in, William chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head, "Ah, yeah, so… I guess we should talk about that."
The shop bell chimed, cutting through the tension as a group of three girls walked in. They waved at William, whispering and giggling to themselves as they shot looks back over their shoulders at him.
William sighed, the moment broken, "Well, duty calls. But don't run off, okay, P'Est. I really need to talk to you."
Est opened his mouth to protest, but William moved before he could speak, closing the distance and catching Est's hands in his. The scent of rain and something earthy enveloped Est immediately. It short-circuited his brain, leaving him blinking at the handsome face inches from his own.
"Please, P'Est," William murmured, his voice dropping into a soft plea. Est could almost see the imaginary puppy ears flattening against his head, his whole posture radiating a silent, desperate hope.
"... fine."
William instantly brightened again, "Great! There is a coffee shop next door. I'll meet you there as soon as I'm done. Just give me an hour, okay?"
Est found himself nodding in agreement, his body moving on autopilot. Satisfied, William turned his attention to the group of girls, greeting them with an easy charm. It was obvious they were only there to see him, but William played the part of the perfect employee, chatting about T-POP bangs and complimenting the charms and photocards dangling from their bags.
Est slipped out of the shop, the bell's chime mocking him as he walked out. Instead of heading for the cafe, he slumped against the exterior wall, tucked just out of sight of the window. From this view, he could see William through the glass, smiling and chatting away as if he hadn't just detonated a nuclear bomb in Est's life.
The reality of it began to sink in, heavy and suffocating. William had noticed Est every single time he walked into the shop. William had known exactly who he was at the bar. And knowing all of that, William still had sex with him in that hotel room.
William remembered him.
His heart gave a painful, treacherous squeeze. This wasn't the plan. William was supposed to be the handsome stranger at the record store near his office. He was supposed to be a distant crush, a fleeting encounter with a younger man. Someone Est could admire from afar without consequences.
He wasn't supposed to be someone Est could actually lose. He wasn't supposed to matter.
He didn't move. He couldn't. For several minutes, Est just stood there, staring at nothing as his thoughts turned into a tangled mess.
He knew.
The realization felt like a brick in his stomach. Every time Est had slunk into the store, hiding behind oversized hoodies or pretending to be deeply fascinated by some new album drop, William had been watching. He'd been cataloging Est's presence just as much as Est had been memorizing the way the light hit William's hair.
Worse, the bar.
Est's face burned at the memory. He had walked into that bar feeling like a shadow, seeking smooth jazz and a nice glass of whiskey. He had thought he was the one in control of that secret. But William had looked across the room, recognized his regular, and hadn't said a word. He had let Est believe they were stranger. He had let Est be brave under the cover of a lie.
Was it a game to him? Was Est just a curious project for a boy who looked like he was made of summer?
Est squeezed his eyes shut, his heart thudding against his ribs. He was nearly a decade older. He was supposed to be the one with boundaries, the one who knew better. He was supposed to be the sensible one. But here he was, leaning against a wall like a truant teenager, waiting for a boy who carried the scent of rain and possessed the power to make Est's entire world feel dangerously small.
He shouldn't stay. He should walk to his car, drive home, and never set foot on this street again.
But the ghost of William's grip still lingered.
Warm.
Firm.
Terrifyingly right.
Est was still caught in his spiral, eyes fixed on his shoes, when a shadow fell over him. He looked up, expecting William, but his stomach dropped when he recognized a face from a few months ago. A one-night stand who didn't understand the meaning of 'one-night'.
"Est? I thought that was you," the man said, a frown on his face. He stepped closer, crowding Est against the brick wall, "You've been ignoring my texts."
"I was busy," Est muttered, his voice thin. He tried to sidestep, but the man put a hand on the wall, blocking him.
"Busy? Or playing hard to get? Come on, let's try this again. We'll get a drink." The man's hand reached out, fingers brushing Est's shoulder with a familiarity that made his skin crawl. Est froze.
Suddenly, the record store door flew open with a violent clang of the bell.
"Hey!"
William was somehow there in a flash. His face was set in a hard, protective mask as he stepped between Est and the stranger, physically forcing the man back. He wrapped an arm around Est's waist, pulling him flush against his side.
"He's with me," William said, his voice dropping into a dangerous register that Est hadn't known William was capable of, "And P'Est is clearly not interested. So, you're going to turn around and keep walking."
The man scoffed, looking William up and down. "And who are you? His Nong?"
William didn't flinch. He leaned in just an inch, "I'm the guy who is going to kick your ass if you don't run off. Move."
The stranger looked at William, then at the way Est was tucked securely under his arm, and finally clicked his tongue, muttering a curse before stalking off down the street.
The silence that followed was heavy.
William didn't let go immediately. He turned his head, his expression softening instantly as he searched Est's face, "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"
"I'm fine," Est said, his voice finally returning. He pulled back slightly, though the lingering heat from William's touch made his skin tingle, "Really. Thank you."
William didn't look convinced, his brow still furrowed with worry, but he let his arm slide from Est's waist. "My coworker is here early, so I can leave now. I know I said the coffee shop, but they have a private event I forgot about. My place is just two blocks away. We can actually talk there without… You know," he gestured vaguely toward the street where the stranger had disappeared, "I'll make the coffee. Better than the shop's, I promise."
Est hesitated, every instinct telling him to run, but his feet followed William anyway.
-ˋˏ✄- - - - - - - ♡
William's apartment was exactly what Est should have expected, and yet, it still managed to floor him. It was a sun-drenched space that smelled like cedar and old paper. But it was the music that took over. One entire wall was nothing but vinyl records, alphabetized. Three different guitars–an acoustic, a battered Fender Stratocaster, and a sleek bass–sat on stands in the corner near a small recording setup.
"You really live and breathe this, don't you?" Est asked, stepping closer to the collection. He traced the spine of a rare jazz press, "The guitars, the albums… It's not just a job at a record store."
William walked into the small kitchenette, the sound of the coffee machine going, "It's everything," he admitted, looking over his shoulder. "When I'm not studying for classes or at the shop, I spend most of my days in that chair, trying to get the bridge of a song right. Music is the only thing that ever made sense to me. What about you? Is the record store just where you like to go?"
Est turned away from the wall, meeting William's gaze, "Not exactly. I actually work for Middle Riddle Records. I'm on the A&R and production side."
William froze, a coffee mug halfway to the counter. His eyes were wide with curiosity, "You're in the industry? All this time, I just thought you were a very dedicated, very handsome fan of Tilly Birds."
"I try to keep my work and my personal life in separate boxes," Est said quickly. He focused on a guitar pick sitting on the counter rather than William's eyes, "It helps to stay objective when you're looking for talent. I just… I appreciate the shop."
William set the mug down. The playful energy vanished, replaced by something else entirely.
"Phi, stop," William said softly. He stepped out of the kitchen and closed the distance, "Don't try to put me in a box. We need to talk about that night. The real reason you kept coming to the shop."
Est's breath hitched, "William, we don't–"
"You've been coming to the shops for months. You think I don't notice the guy who actually listens to the B-sides? I liked you before I ever spoke to you," William let out a frustrated, self-deprecating laugh. "I went to that bar because I like it, but then I saw you. I pursued you because I actually wanted a chance to talk to you away from a register. I didn't plan for us to end up in bed—that just happened because…," He trailed off, his gaze dropping to Est's lips before snapping back up, "Because I couldn't keep my hands off of you."
He took another step closer, his voice dropping, "I woke up the next morning thinking I'd finally get to make you breakfast and ask for your number. But you were gone. You ran. I've been sitting in that shop every single day since then, watching that door, just waiting for you to come back so I could tell you that I didn't want a one-night stand. I wanted you."
Est felt a flare of panic. The kind that comes when you're caught in a spotlight you never asked for. He took a step back, his spine hitting the edge of William's bookshelf.
"Don't," Est said, his voice trembling despite his best efforts to stay cold, "William. I'm eight years older than you. I've outgrown the phase of chasing feelings in a record store."
William opened his mouth to protest, but Est cut him off, his words coming out rushed, "To me, you were just a handsome face in the shop. A distraction. That night at the bar? A mistake fueled by alcohol and a bad day. I didn't stay because there was nothing to stay for. We don't… we won’t work. We're in completely different words."
The light in William's eyes seemed to dim. He stood there, frozen, "A distraction? That's all I am? Just a pretty thing behind a younger you used to feel better for a night?"
"It's the truth," Est lied, the words tasting like copper in his mouth. He looked at the guitars, the vinyl, the vibrant life William had built, and felt a crushing sense of unworthiness. "You're young. You should be finding someone who can match you, not someone who just wants to disappear."
He turned toward the door, his heart screaming at him to stop, but fear was louder, "I think it's better if I don't come back to the shop. For both of us."
"You're really going to do it, aren't you?" William said, his voice almost devoid of warmth, "You're going to hide behind your age and professionalism because you're too terrified to admit you felt something?"
Est didn't turn around.
He couldn't.
William leaned against the counter, looking smaller than he had moments ago, "You know, when I was putting the display together, I kept thinking about that Tilly Birds track, Status. The one about being stuck in that gray area where you're more than friends but never quite enough to stay. I didn't want that for us. I didn't want to be a distraction."
He looked up at Est, his eyes almost glassy, "If you really felt nothing, then you're right. You should go. But if you're leaving because of my age or something like that, then I want you to know you don't have to worry about this being fleeting to me or something like that."
William gave a small, sad shrug, his hands disappearing into his pockets, "I wasn't waiting for some producer to walk through the shop, Phi. I was waiting for you. But I can't make you want to be found."
He turned his back, heading towards his little setup. He grabbed a guitar, as if to find comfort in the only thing that wasn't letting him down, "The doors unlocked. You don't have to worry about me anymore, Khun Est. I get the hint."
Est's hand froze on the metal of the door as the first few opening chords of 'Status' floated to his ears.
Then he started to sing. The lyrics drifted through the small apartment, thick with a kind of longing that Est couldn't withstand. It was a plea for clarity.
Est's forehead slumped against the door. The heartfelt, honest lyrics played just for him made Est feel overwhelmed and guilty.
Est didn't open the door. He stayed there, frozen, as the notes faded. Slowly, he turned around, his back pressed against the wood, looking at William, who was still clutching the guitar like a shield.
"You were never a distraction," Est whispered, his voice raw and stripped of everything but his own sadness, "It's that I'm terrified."
William looked up, his eyes red-rimmed and wary.
"I'm older than you," Est continued, his words spilling out in a frantic confession. "I've seen how this goes. Right now, I'm the mysterious older guy, but eventually you're going to wake up and realize I'm just… old. I'm tired. I have meetings that run until midnight and a life that's already set in its ways. I'm worried you'll realize I'm not good enough for all that light you have. I'm worried I'll be too busy to give you what you deserve, and I'll have to watch that smile disappear because of me."
William didn't wait for him to finish the list of excuses. He set the guitar down on the stand and crossed the room in three long strides.
He didn't argue. He didn't tell Est he was wrong. Instead, he reached out, cupping Est's face in his hands and kissed him.
It wasn't like the exploratory kiss of that night at the bar. It was desperate and meant to silence every one of Est's protests. It was a kiss that demanded Est stop thinking and start feeling.
William pulled back just an inch, his forehead resting against Est's, "Stop trying to predict what will happen. Just be here now, with me, P'Est."
The last of Est's resistance crumbled as he reached up, his fingers tangling in the soft hair at the nape of William's neck to pull him closer. He stopped worrying about everything, letting out a shaky breath that was swallowed by the heat of the kiss.
It was deeper this time, more certain. William's hands moved from Est's cheeks to his waist, drawing him flush against him, as if he were trying to prove that Est was exactly where he belonged.
Every time Est tried to overthink it, William's mouth moved against his with a new intensity. Est felt his heart hammer against his chest, not with the panic of getting caught, but with a thrill of being wanted.
William broke away for a second, his eyes searching Est's face, "Stay. No more running. Just stay."
Est didn't answer with words. He leaned back in, capturing William's mouth again, his silence finally offering the only answer that mattered.
-ˋˏ✄- - - - - - - ♡
After Est left, William sat back on his bed and rolled his shoulders. He released a long breath he hadn't been aware he had been holding.
For a small second, he thought he was about to lose Est.
He barely had a hold of him, and he almost slipped through his fingers. His P'Est didn't realize just how important he had been in William's life.
He watched Est walk around the shop, doing everything to avoid being seen by William. William played along, finding it cute. He saw the way that Est watched him in the shop, and instead of being bothered by the attention, he reveled in it. The days Est didn't show up, or William didn't work, were William's least favorite days. He even picked up extra shifts just in case Est walked in.
It was too soon to tell Est that. That could be a confession for a later day.
For now, he had his chance.
He brushed his fingers against his lips, feeling the pressure of Est's lips still against his. He smiled brightly to himself, "Don't worry, Phi. I will be good to you. You'll see."