Work Text:
That whatever made you famous made you sick
That you can only do what pain allows I
t ain't up to you to make it out And there ain't no shame in callin' this thing quits
-Porch Light, Noah Khan
As soon as Jean opened his eyes, he knew it was going to be a shitty day.
Nightmares had plagued him all night long, and his alarm clock had threatened his well-being as soon as it rang.
His whole body ached in the worst possible way, and his head was too heavy. His eyelids were sticky, so it took him a bit to open his eyes.
It had started a couple of days before.
First, he hadn’t been hungry. Sure, he wasn’t starving all the time like the rest of the Trojans, but he’d managed to eat a bit when Cat insisted. Then, he’d been tired. Not even like muscle pain, it was more like bone-deep tiredness. And Jean endured it, because that’s what he did.
Now, Jean blinked a couple of times to focus and took a deep breath before sitting up.
The room was lit by the light coming from the window, but it was five in the morning, so there wasn’t much of it. The bed next to him was empty because it was Tuesday and Jeremy was at his mother’s home. The room was cold without him. Not much any of them could do about it, though.
Jean stood up and put on his red hoodie before going to the bathroom. He peed and washed his face and brushed his teeth and he felt even worse than he did ten minutes before.
Fuck.
Jab tackled him as soon as he was out of the bathroom, and Jean just sighed while making his way to the kitchen. He started on the coffee before the girls woke up. The sound of the machine, usually white noise, was too loud, and he waited impatiently for it to be over while he patted Jab. He stared on the food, and decided that he wasn’t hungry, so he just sat down with his coffee and stared at the window.
There was shuffling, and Jean recognised Cat’s steps. Jab ran out of the kitchen immediately. Jean straightened and took a sip of his coffee. It burned his throat, and he tried not to grimace.
“Good morning,” Cat muttered and kissed his head, shuffling into the kitchen with Jab by her feet. “Do we have anything to eat?”
“A protein bar?” Jean suggested, and his voice came raspier than usual.
She turned to him. “You sound hoarse.”
“Just woke up.”
“Jer would find that so hot,” Cat muttered and moved her hand. “Some scrambled eggs?”
Jean shrugged, but didn’t reply. Cat started to cook anyway, with Jab waiting for something to drop. Laila came out of her room when the smell woke her up and dropped herself next to Jean. She slumped against him, and Jean had to steady himself to not drop her.
“Jer is meeting us here or at the stadium?” Cat asked.
“Here,” Laila replied. “He’ll be here in ten. Cook something for him?”
Car moved her spatula as acknowledgment, but didn’t say anything.
Jean kept his eyes on his black coffee, not daring to sip at it. His body felt terribly achey, and there was a sheen of sweat covering his skin. He felt cold and hot at the same time.
And the fact that he had practice and classes…
It was fucking awful.
But he’d existed in worse conditions, so he could endure it.
“Jean?”
Jean looked up. “What?”
“Are you feeling okay?” Laila asked. “You’re pale.”
“I’m always pale.”
“Paler than usual, and that’s saying something,” Cat said and looked at him. “You didn’t answer the question.”
“I just didn’t sleep well,” Jean shrugged.
That was an improvement. Cat smiled at him and nodded. Laila leaned on her arms.
“You could maybe skip classes,” Laila said. “Maybe catch on some sleep after practice?”
“Maybe.”
He wasn’t going to do that.
Jeremy arrived not that much later, but they were running late. Cat grabbed a Tupperware and filled it with what was left of the eggs and grabbed her things.
Despite the fact that it wasn’t even six, Jeremy was smiling at them. Jean sat in the backseat with Cat, and Laila jumped shotgun. Cat leaned over and handed Jeremy the Tupperware.
Jeremy beamed at her. “You’re my one and only savior, did you know that?”
“Of course I know,” Cat replied, smiling.
Cat was amazing at filling the silence. She talked all the way to the stadium, so Jean just stared at the window and tried not to think too much about his body. He failed miserably, but no one needed to know that.
Practice was even harder than expected.
The Trojans had softened him.
Jean pushed through, as he usually did. The gear was too heavy and his team was too dumb. He didn’t miss any passes or let anyone through because he wasn’t stupid, but it took him half a second longer to react than it normally did. He stayed silent, which wasn’t unusual for practice, but Cat kept trying to talk to him.
Jean was able to ignore her until Jeremy shouldered him, and Jean fell on his butt. Jean groaned and looked up at Jeremy, who was standing in front of him.
“I’m so sorry,” Jeremy said and offered his hand to help him up.
Jean looked up at him.
Fuck him.
“Excuse me?”
Oh, he said it out loud. Jean groaned and let Jeremy help him up. The world decided to do a full 360 degrees, so Jean held onto Jeremy’s arm. Jeremy stared at him.
“Jean? You okay?”
“Fine,” Jean said and lightly pushed him. “Let’s go. You’re being slow.”
“I ran past you.”
“I let you.”
Jeremy snorted. “Sure. Promise you’re okay?”
“Go, Jeremy.”
Jeremy just nodded and ran back to his position.
The end of the practice didn’t come fast enough. Jean dragged himself back to the locker room and changed slowly. He took the quickest shower that he could, and changed into his jeans and shirt because he needed to go to his classes.
Fuck him, really.
Jean leaned against his locker room, taking a deep breath to settle the dizziness. It didn’t do anything, so he straightened. He grabbed his duffle bag and moved. Jeremy was finishing getting ready, so Jean sat down next to him and leaned his back against a locker, closing his eyes.
He had no idea how he was going to do everything he had to do. He had classes and he needed to finish an essay for the end of the week and he had practice again. His brain was beating inside his head, and he was sweating and his body ached.
“Jean?”
Jean opened his eyes and found Jeremy’s face. He was pouting, studying him with those brown eyes. Jean loved those brown eyes. Jean just shrugged him off.
Jean stood up and the floor tilted under his feet. He stumbled, and Jeremy held him by his arms. Jean took a deep breath and straightened, pulling away from Jeremy’s touch.
“I’m fine.”
“Jean…”
“Just stood up too fast,” Jean said. “Come on.”
“Jean, would you just...”
Jean ignored him and made his way out of the stadium. Jeremy jogged to catch him, taking out his keys from the pocket of his duffle bag. It was a cold day for California’s weather, and despite the fact that Jean had lived much colder winters, he was freezing. He put on his hood and looked down at the floor while he made his way to the car.
Once Jeremy unlocked the car, Jean got into the passenger seat and closed the door behind him. He dropped the duffle bag on his feet, and leaned against the seat as unnoticeable as he could manage. Jeremy didn’t buy it.
“You’re sick, aren’t you?” Jeremy asked.
Jean lifted his eyebrows. “What?”
“You are,” Jeremy said. “You’re pale and you have eye bags…”
“What even are those?”
“And you’re sweating even though you’re shivering,” Jeremy continued, ignoring him. “Can I check for your fever?”
Jean resigned to his fate. He nodded his head and closed his eyes. Jeremy’s hand was cold enough to make him flinch, and Jeremy’s hand disappeared.
“You’re burning up, Jean,” Jeremy said, and Jean heard the sadness in his voice. “Why would you…”
The back door opened, and Jean turned abruptly to the sound. His neck ached, and Jean just made a face at the pain. Jeremy’s tongue clicked, but Cat started talking anyway.
“I’m freezing my tits off,” Cat commented, as if it was something Jean wanted to know.
“It’s cold,” Jeremy just nodded and turned on the car.
Jeremy cranked up the heat without a word. Jean was silently grateful, but Cat moaned and Laila burst laughing. Jeremy barely smiled, and Jean closed his eyes.
The next time he blinked, Jeremy was turning off the car and there was not a single sound. Jean turned around and looked at the girls, who were staring back at him. Jean blinked at the awkwardness of it all.
“What?” Jean asked.
“I don’t remember the last time you fell asleep in the car,” Laila said. “Have I ever seen you fall asleep?”
“No, because that’s creepy,” Jean said.
Cat snorted. “Smart ass. What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing. I have to go to class.”
“You can just stay and do nothing today,” Laila suggested. “It’s good for you.”
“It’s a Tuesday. I can’t do nothing.”
“Of course you can,” Jeremy said. “That’s the beauty of life. You can take a break.”
Jean couldn’t, but he just sighed. He opened the door and made his way into the bulging. He still hated the new place, but he was shivering enough that he wanted to grab another layer of clothes. The apartment was a couple of stories up, so he climbed them up and ended up lightheaded and almost nauseous. The apartment was cold when he entered it, and he just made his way back to his room.
His clothes were sweaty and wet, so he grabbed a shirt and a jacket that Cat had bought him. Jeremy knocked on the door, and Jean blinked at him. He had a glass of water and a white pill in his hand.
“Take it, will you?” Jeremy said. “You look like you’re ready to drop.”
“Just fine,” Jean muttered and took off his shirt.
His skin prickled immediately, and he decided to ignore it. He grabbed his shirt and put it on, and then grabbed his jacket. Jeremy sat down in the empty mattress that was his bed when he was supposed to be there, and pouted at him. Jean couldn’t handle it, so he looked back at his bed and started to fold his shirt.
“Did you have breakfast?” Jeremy asked.
“Sure.”
“That sounds promising,” Jeremy commented. “How many classes do you have?”
“All morning and then one in the afternoon before practice.”
“Do you have a break?”
“To eat, yes.”
Jeremy sighed. “And you won’t take a break?”
“Can’t.”
Jeremy dropped his head back and took a deep breath. Jean snorted and grabbed his bag to start putting his books in it. Jeremy waited him out, and, when he insisted, Jean grabbed the Tylenol and downed it with a sip of the water.
“Happy?”
“Not really,” Jeremy said. “Can I drop you in your class?”
“I have class with Cody.”
“So? I’ll just drop you off.”
Jean just nodded and made his way to the kitchen. He grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, and put it in his bag.
Cat joined him in the kitchen, her bag hanging from her shoulder too. She grabbed a bottle for herself and scanned the fridge.
“Anything you’d like to eat?” Cat asked.
“I’m not eating here.”
Cat raised her eyebrows. “I meant for dinner.”
“Whatever you want.”
“Why is your voice still hoarse?” Cat asked and touched his forehead. “You’ve got a fever.”
“I do not.”
“You sooooo do.”
“Jeremy gave me some tylenol.”
“So you admit it.”
Jean moved his hand and left.
Class was hell, really. It didn’t surprise him, but it was terrible nonetheless.
Thank goodness, Cody was a silent person when it came to class, so they stayed quiet while taking notes. Jean’s attention was so busy keeping himself awake that he barely wrote anything down. Cody didn’t comment on it during class, but Jean could tell that they noticed. They probably had first noticed when he started to fall asleep sitting. He punched his leg to stay awake.
The professor saying goodbye was the most ridiculously happy he’d been all day. He dropped his head into the desk and took a deep breath.
“You’re dying,” Cody commented.
“So dramatic.”
“I mean it,” they insisted. “You’ve got, what? Two more classes? And then practice. You’re not going to make it, man.”
Jean straightened. “I’ve done worse.”
So much worse, really. Broken bones and cuts and stitches all over his body. And sickness? Too many to count. Stomach bugs, food poisoning, flus, fever, coughing. He’d done it before. Why couldn’t he do it now?
“That’s not reassuring,” Cody commented. “Do you want me to call Jeremy? He can…”
“He’s in class.”
“You know he won’t care.”
Of course he wouldn’t. He was Jeremy. He was like that.
“Just a class until lunch”.
“You won’t make it until then.”
Jean snorted and put his things into his bag. He stood up and Cody walked him to his next class. The walk was too long, and he ended up bone tired and dizzy. By the door, Jean leaned against the wall and took a deep breath to stabilise himself.
“This is stupid,” Cody commented. “You should leave.”
“I can sit and take notes.”
“What are we waiting for?” Xavier asked, joining them. “The door is open.”
“Jean is sick.”
“You are so annoying,” Jean muttered.
Xavier blinked at him. “You’re right. You look transparent.”
“What’s that even supposed to mean??”
“Like, pale,” Cody said. “See? You look even worse now. Sit down.”
Cody pulled him to the side, a bit further away from the door, and pulled him down. Jean was tired and dizzy enough to follow them down. Xavier squatted in front of him, and hesitated before he put his hands in Jean’s knees.
“Please tell me you took something.”
“Jeremy gave me tylenol,” Jean answered.
“Thank goodness,” Xavier commented and looked up at Cody. “Texted him?”
“On it,” Cody replied.
Jean blinked up. “It’s just one class. I can stay an hour sitting up. I’ve done it…”
“If you say something that you did at the Nest, I’ll kill you,” Cody said. “Just… Xav, can you…?”
“We can make it,” Xavier commented and straightened to help Jean up. “Right, Moreau? Come on.”
“Jeremy says he’ll come after his class,” Cody said, stabilising Jean with a hand on his back. “It’s for an exam he has next week. He’ll be here as soon as possible.”
“There’s no need…”
“Come on, Moreau. We have a class to survive.”
Xavier was nice enough to take Jean's bag too, and made a beeline to one of the seats in the back of the class. Jean sat down heavily, the chair making a sound at his weight. Xavier sat down next to him and leaned his shoulder on the table.
“You can take a nap,” Xavier said.
“I can stay awake,” Jean said.
“I know, but you can rest for a bit.”
He couldn’t, so he shook his head and grabbed his things from his bag.
After that, Jean heavily blinked during the two hour class. He was feeling even worse as the time passed. His body was sweaty and he was cold and his nose was starting to get stuffy.
The numbers and theory got way too complex for him. He looked at Xavier who was taking note fervently, without looking at him, and Jean decided to put his head in his hands. That was as much as he could let go.
But, before class was over, he had crossed his arms and closed his eyes leaning against them. It was a little bit hard to breathe through his nose, but he fell asleep almost immediately. His sleep was short, and next time he knew, people were standing up to leave the classroom. Jean blinked and looked at Xavier, who was putting his things away. He smiled at him when he found his eyes, and grabbed Jean’s things to put them away too.
“I’m fine,” Jean said, watching Xavier handle his things.
“You’ve got just a fever,” Xavier nodded. “Could be worse, sure, but still. You should sleep it off, eat Cat’s amazing chicken soup, let people pamper you.”
Jean was about to answer when Jeremy reached them. He had his bag hanging from his shoulder, and his dyed blond hair was a bit disheveled from running? Why would he run? Jeremy’s eyes stopped at Jean’s face and fucking pouted.
“Oh, Jean.”
Jean snorted. “That’s dramatic.”
“It’s not, you look too pale,” Jeremy said and touched his forehead. “And burning up.”
“This guy just took a nap,” Xavier commented.
“Grande gueule,” Jean muttered.
Jeremy smiled. “Oh, that’s your sleeve on your cheek.”
Jean rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”
“So moody,” Xavier said and smiled at Jean’s gaze. “I’ll lend you my notes. Cody already sent you theirs.”
“Thank you.”
“Oh, he’s polite when he is sick!” Xavier smiled and helped him up. “Get better, man. Don’t you dare come to practice today. I’ll kick you out. Cheers!”
Xavier patted his shoulder and left them. Jean sighed and looked up at Jeremy, who was studying him. When he found his gaze, he smiled and grabbed his bag.
“Come on, big guy. We’ll go back home.”
His bed had started to sound really nice a couple of hours ago, so he just nodded and followed Jeremy. Jeremy’s car was parked way too far away, but Jean didn’t say anything while he made his way to it.
Jean dropped himself in the seat, and Jeremy turned on the heat. He threw their bags in the backseat and ignited the car. Jean leaned as much as he could in his seat and blinked at Jeremy. Jeremy just smiled.
It was a quiet drive back, with the radio low and the heat up. Jean stayed awake, but barely. His eyes felt glazed and he couldn’t breathe properly and his head felt heavy on his neck. He put his hood up and sighed.
Climbing up the couple of floors to the apartment was hell, and he waited for Jeremy to open the door. Jeremy went in first and dropped his bag to say hello to Jab.
“My sweet boy!” Jeremy said, smiling, and talking in that specific voice of his. “I missed you so much! Yes, I did. Yes, I did. I love you.”
Jean walked past him and made a beeline to his room. He left his bag on the chair and tiptoed out of his shoes and laid down. Jeremy joined him and snorted.
“You could have changed, you know? Jeans are uncomfortable.”
“I can breathe through one nostril,” Jean replied.
Jeremy smiled. “I bet, Jean. Being sick sucks.”
Jean groaned. Jeremy threw his pajamas and Jean changed without even opening his eyes. He laid down and Jeremy tucked him in.
“I’ll cook you a soup,” Jeremy said.
“Are you planning to finish me?” Jean asked. “Is that the death blow?”
Jeremy snorted. “You know that? Fine, I’ll make some toast for you, then. And tea.”
Jean just let his conscience leave him behind. He blinked awake at Jeremy’s voice, and he munched on some toast before swallowing pills and falling asleep again.
Sleep was broken and uncomfortable and deep. He woke up a couple of times with his head throbbing and his throat in pain and being unable to breathe. He hated it. His body ached in a way that hadn’t in years, and Jab sleeping next to him was only making him feel a little bit better, which meant a lot.
Jean finally woke up what felt like hours later after a nightmare. There was blood and pain behind his eyelids, and Jean sat up quickly. Nausea clung onto him, and he took a deep breath through his mouth to calm himself. He opened his eyes again and took a breath again.
The sun was peaking through the curtains, which was odd because Jean felt as if it was three in the morning. He sniffed, and that made him cough.
Ugh, he hated his life.
Without waking up Jab, Jean stood up from bed, wobbling. He covered the little beast with his sheets and left the room. It was cold outside of the room, and it probably was because he had a fever, but he just hugged himself and didn’t comment on it.
Jeremy was on the couch, reading a novel. Well, he’d been reading a novel, but now he was asleep with the book on his chest. Jean just stared. How could he even look like that? Jean was sure he looked terrible, but Jeremy was soft in sleep, long eyelashes and freckles. Those freckles, they were shining on his face with the afternoon lighting.
Jean counted to ten before approaching him. He hesitated a second, and he shook his head before going to the kitchen. He was thirsty and cold, so he put on the kettle for tea (Laila had made him start liking tea, which was ridiculous) and grabbed some water from the tap.
“You’re up!”
The voice made him flinch, and he turned around. Jeremy was smiling at him, but he cringed at Jean’s reaction.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Jeremy said and moved closer to him. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
Jean shook his head. “It’s fine. You need sleep.”
“Funny, so do you,” Jeremy replied. “Feeling better?”
Jean shrugged because he wasn’t. Sure, he felt less tired, but his head was throbbing and he couldn’t breathe properly. The cold was the most annoying part. He was wearing a hoodie, a jogger and socks and he couldn’t get warm.
Jeremy’s hand touched Jean’s cheek, and Jean closed his eyes. He leaned into it unconsciously, dropping his head forward, and Jeremy hummed.
“Hungry?” Jeremy asked in a soft voice.
Jean shook his head. “Just tired.”
“I can make you tea,” Jeremy commented when he heard the rasp of his voice. “You like chamomile, right?”
“It’s all Laila’s fault.”
Jeremy snorted softly. “Sure, but it's good, right? Maybe some honey too. Does your throat hurt?”
Jean straightened and opened his eyes. Those brown eyes were staring up at him, waiting for an answer. Jean’s heart jumped on his chest. He couldn’t lie to those eyes.
“A bit,” he admitted.
Jeremy looked at him, fondly. “You’re grown so much, Jean Moureau.”
Jean just grimaced, and Jeremy smiled at him. Jeremy turned to grab a mug and made Jean sit down, so Jean sighed and complied. He sat down heavily and watched Jeremy make his tea.
“Can I make it with honey?” Jeremy asked.
Jean stared and just sighed. Jeremy took that as a win, so he grabbed the honey. He made himself tea too, and he sat down in front of Jean.
“Afternoon practice?” Jean asked.
“Oh, Xavier is taking care of it,” Jeremy replied. “Don’t worry about it.”
Jean worried about it, but said nothing. He took a sip of his tea and felt the warmth go down his throat. It was the best it’d felt all day long. Jeremy hugged his mug.
“You look better,” Jeremy commented. “You’ve got more color on you.”
“I just slept all day long.”
“It was three hours, Jean.”
“That’s too much.”
“It’s not,” Jeremy insisted. “Not enough, really. You should drink some tea, take a shower and go to sleep again.”
“I can’t sleep again.”
Jeremy tilted his head. “We can watch a movie, then. Are you in the mood for anything in particular?”
“I don’t watch movies.”
“No, yes, I know. We can try, or maybe we can watch a game?”
Jean perched up. “I can take notes and give them back to Coach so he can…”
“No notes,” Jeremy interrupted. “Just indulging.”
“I don’t indulge.”
“Humor me, then.”
Jean sighed, but stood up. Jeremy jogged to the TV, and turned it on before looking for the remote. Jean sat down on the couch with his tea, and Jeremy dropped next to him.
It was an old Foxes match, and Jean tried really hard to focus on it, but his eyes kept dropping. Jeremy took his mug and Jean blinked awake, straightening. Jeremy snorted and leaned back.
“You can sleep. We’re resting right now.”
Jean looked at him. “I should take notes to stay awake.”
“Jean. Please, please, just take a nap. It won’t kill you. I promise.”
Jean blinked, and Jeremy patted his lap. An invitation. Jean looked up at him, thinking, and Jeremy smiled.
“You can say no, if you don’t want to,” Jeremy said and, at Jean’s silence, tilted his head. “Do you not want to? Or are you not allowing yourself that?”
Jean just stared and swallowed. “I don’t know.”
Jeremy nodded. “Come on. Lay down, and you can get up any time you don’t feel comfortable.”
Jean hesitated, but nodded. He felt too shitty to say no to sleeping on Jeremy’s lap.
The couch wasn’t that big, but Jeremy scooted all the way he could to the side of the couch, and Jean laid down, with his head on Jeremy’s lap. He stayed tense, and Jeremy leaned over him to cover him with Laila’s knitted violet blanket. Jean grabbed it between his fingers, letting the soft material lull him.
Jeremy put his hand on Jean’s shoulder, and Jean looked up at him. Jeremy’s brown eyes were staring back at him, and they looked hesitant. Jeremy wasn’t a hesitant person, so Jean blinked.
“What?”
“Just, can I play with your hair? Or it doesn’t feel good? It makes me sleepy, but I don’t know how it is for you.”
Jean closed his eyes. “Don’t pull.”
“I would never,” Jeremy replied. “If you’re willing, I’m able.”
Jean just nodded.
Jeremy interlocked his fingers with Jean’s curls, and Jean relaxed immediately. It was probably the fever and the tiredness, but he closed his eyes.
Jeremy hummed and ran his fingers through his head. Jean knew his hair was probably greasy and sweaty, but Jeremy didn’t seem to care. Jean was lulled to sleep not even five minutes later.
The next time he blinked awake, Cat was laughing while petting Jab. Jeremy still had his hand on his hair, and he was looking over the couch to her. Laila made his way to them and leaned over. She kissed Jeremy’s head and stared back at Jean. When she saw his eyes on her, she smiled.
“How you feeling, Frenchie?” Laila asked.
Jean, without even trying to move himself from Jeremy’s lap, blinked at her. “Tired.”
“He’s grown so much,” Laila commented.
“Right?” Jeremy said.
“I’m making soup,” Cat said, and squeezed Jean’s shoulder. “Any preference?"
Jean shook his head, burying deeper into Jeremy’s lap. Jeremy squeezed Jean’s shoulder and ran his hand through Jean’s back.
Jean relaxed immediately and drifted off.
If you’re willing, I’m able