Chapter Text
"I'm pregnant." You say to Kaiser
"Ew what." He replies with a disgusted tone
"Yes, and you're the father."
"I refuse to be the father."
"Okay then you're the mother."
"I refuse to give birth."
"You have to. And you will in 10 minutes."
"How- what- where is the baby even supposed to come out from??!"
"Now ik you didn't go to school, but there's a thing called a 'C-section', You'll find out soon."
"Well then why the hell are we just standing here like idiots?!"
the two of you start walking
"I'm literally carrying a baby and you're making us walk?? How far even is the hospital?!?!" Kaiser complains yet again
"Well I'm also carrying a lot of debt so walking it is, and we're going to a 1 star hospital that's 20 minutes away."
"Why tf are you so broke??"
"Gambling."
"Well why don't you go suck some D instead" He suggests
"Nah I'm good."
the 2 of u eventually arrive at the hospital that looks like a haunted abandoned mental hospital, and you both walk inside towards the receptionist
"Hey welcome to McDonald's- I mean, Rodent's Eatery hospital. Whaddya need?" the receptionist greets u and Kaiser
"That's actually a suitable sounding name for this hospital. Did Shakespeare name it?"
"Hello??? I'm about to pop out a fetus." Kaiser says, cutting your conversation
"Oh..well just go to that room or whatever." the receptionist points at a room that has a dimly lit sign saying 'Operation Room.'
You two then walk into the operation room and finds no one in there, just a big metal medical table, a flickering bulb above it, and a small table with tools for surgery
"Y'know what? Just lay down" you tell Kaiser and pointing at the big metal table
He raises a brow at your command but does so anyway
you then pick up a syringe filled with a mysterious liquid from the table next to him, and starts bringing it closer to his arm
"Wtf are you doing?!" he flinches back as you get closer to him
"Getting our baby out of you obviously."
"Are you licensed to do ts?"
"Yes."
"..fine, but if I die, I'll kill you!"
"Whatever u say ig. Nighty night now" you suddenly inject the needle into his arm as he starts dozing off immediately
and now's the fun part!! You lift up his shirt until his stomach is exposed, and then you pick up a scalpel to cut it open and take the baby out. You cut it's umbilical cord and wrap it in a cloth from the table before stitching Kaiser's stomach back closed again.
The ugly, alien, wrinkled looking newborn baby starts crying, waking Kaiser up
"damn you're still alive, I did a great job."
"...huh..? What happened?..."
"You gave birth to this." you hold up the still-crying baby towards him
"..oh. Is it a boy or a girl?.." he hesitantly takes the newborn from you
"Boy. What should we name him?"
"Hmm..well what do you have in mind?"
"AK 47...Orrr John Pork"
"Gosh, what the hell is wrong with you?! We're not making our child a walking laughing stock."
"Fineeee. What about 'Yuki'? That sounds tuff."
he thinks for a moment, "I guess that's normal enough. Yuki Kaiser it is."
"Why does it get ur name"
"Cuz I birthed it, duh."
"But I took it out of you"
"Idgaf. Now let's go home, I need a shower after all this." he stands up while carrying the now sleeping Yuki and walks out of the surgery room, a little wobbly like those invincible edits
you follow behind both of them, thinking about your debt mixed with the cost of baby stuff
As you 2 start walking to your place with a baby now, you suddenly gained a thought
"What if we sell Yuki?" you blurted out
"Hell to the no! We're not selling our living and breathing baby." Kaiser answers to your ridiculous thinking
"He won't be living and breathing for long if we keep it."
"We'll make it work."
you 3 then arrive at your place, which looks like a pretty decent house for someone in big debt
"Wow, this doesn't look all that bad." Kaiser comments on the house, wait till' he finds out..
"Yeah about that...let's just go inside first."
you go through the backyard instead of the front door, then you jump inside the unlocked window to your room while Kaiser follows behind slowly to avoid waking Yuki up
After you both enter the small space, you're greeted with a small mattress on the floor, a table that at least has a drawer, and an off light bulb on the ceiling
"...this room IS your house, isn't it?"
"Yep. Not so bad right? We got a bed to share, a roof to live under, and some clothes. Not sure about food tho."
he sighs "I'm going to bed." Kaiser sits on the small mattress and gently puts Yuki down beside him while he sleeps next to the wall.
You join the two of them, getting squished on the cramped mattress next to Yuki who's in between you and Kaiser..who has already dozed off, leaving you awake alone. Great! You're preparing to get deaf by sleeping next to a newborn that screams his lungs off every wail.
Minutes pass by and you eventually get bored. Having nothing better to do, you get up and get out of the room through the window, and walk along the street at probably 2 AM. You then enter a Lidl, the cold AC making you shiver slightly with the minimal clothes you have. As you enter the baby isle, you find the cheapest essentials for a newborn. (diapers, formula, baby bottle, and wipes.)
You then go to the cashier to pay
"..new baby I'm guessing?" he asks as he scans the items
"Yes, Joe." you answer like you've been besties for 10 years
"Damn, you can pull guys?" he asks again as he scans more items and put them in the bag
"Yes, Joe."
"Okay..well hope you don't starve it. And the total's gonna be €42."
A whopping €42! Feels like a 1.000.000 bucks to you! Anyways you pull out the only €50 you have left from your bra and hand it to the cashier. He then gives you the change and plastic bags filled with the stuffs for Yuki which you take and carry out of the store.
back at the backyard
you sneak into your room quietly and place the items on the floor beside the bed, which Kaiser and Yuki were still sleeping soundly on.You then gently put on Yuki's new diaper and thank goodness he didn't scream his lungs out. After that, you stood back up and uncapped the baby bottle before pouring some water from your water bottle and putting in a few scoops of formula.You closed the baby bottle and shook it until it's mixed properly and you pick Yuki up to feed him. The newborn started eating while sleeping, poor guy must've been starving.