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Philip knew Helen didn't believe him, he heard the doubt in her voice and he saw it in her eyes.
‘You don’t believe me, do you?’ Philip asked, he watched Helen open her mouth but Philip shook his head. He turned and walked up to the truck, slamming the door as he got in. He didn’t mean to tell Helen that Lukas was there, but he was sick of lying and he was scared. He was scared for Lukas’ health and he was scared for their safety. Helen opened the door then and Philip looked out the window, trying to avoid her gaze.
‘Look, I’ll talk to Lukas tomorrow.’ Philip briefly looked over to Helen and nodded his head. He knew Lukas would probably hate him for this. He could see it now, Helen knocking on the Waldenbeck’s door and he could see Lukas’ eyes go wide and his lips tremble but he couldn't lie about it anymore. He didn’t want Lukas to have this lie tearing him apart, hell it was already tearing them apart.
Philip was in the car with Gabe, he had insisted upon driving him to school today.
‘I just have to drop something off to Helen first. Can you run it in for me?’ Gabe said, turning into the police station. Philip nodded, grabbing the envelope from Gabe. He hopped out of the car and walked towards the station, he was about to open the door when it was pushed open. Philip looked up and his blood ran cold. He would never forget this guys face, he pointed a gun at him. It was the killer.
‘Hi, you must be Helen’s kid. I’m Ryan Kane, FBI.’ Philip felt a shiver run down his spine and he began to panic. The killer must have seen it on his face, too.
‘I get it, FBI are a bit intimidating. See you ‘round.’ The killer- Ryan Kane- pushed past Philip then went to his car. Philip released a breath he didn't know he was holding, and looked at his trembling hands. Willing himself to stop trembling, he opened the door and walked over to Helen’s desk. She was writing out a report when he put the envelope on her desk.
‘Hey Phi- are you okay?’ Helen had concern written on her face. Philip bit his lip and nodded.
‘Gabe wanted me to give this to you. Is Lukas here, yet?’
‘No. He’ll probably be here in another five minutes.’ She replied, Helen was still looking at him in concern and he smiled.
‘Well, see ya later.’ He waved before walking to the exit. He had to try and not run to the car, his hands still trembling in his pockets.
He kept his head down as he made his way over to his locker. He entered the code and swung it open. He saw the camera Lukas gave him sitting in his locker, and he felt guilt swell in the bottom of his stomach. Without thinking, he pulled out his phone.
To Lukas: I’m sorry
He looked at the message and watched as the words ‘delivered’ appeared beneath it. He bit his bottom lip and shoved his phone back into his pocket before grabbing his books for class. Before closing his locker, he looked at the camera Lukas gave him. Lukas was so happy and open that day, he smiled and laughed and even opened up to his Mum. He grabbed it and placed it into his bag. Philip knew it was probably the last time he would see Lukas smiling at him and blinked away his tears, before shutting his locker door.
Philip was in the cafeteria, he always sat in the corner alone. He generally spent his lunchtime looking through photos on his phone, or watching the videos he helped film for Lukas. Today, he looked for him. He had to tell him about Ryan Kane. He looked for the bleach-blonde hair in the sea of students. He knew Helen would only interrogate him for an hour at most. It had been two hours, and Philip hadn't seen Lukas all morning. A couple minutes later and Philip finally saw him. His bleach-blonde hair flopping over his face and his fake smile plastered on. He watched as he sat down next to Rose and wrapped his arm around her, Philip looked away and pulled out his phone.
To Lukas: Can we talk? Please.
He watched as Lukas pulled out his phone, his face was unreadable. A mix of anger, sadness, fear and anxiety all in one. He watched as Lukas shoved the phone into his pocket and run a hand through his hair. Philip took an uneasy deep breath and stood up, he didn’t want to push Lukas but it was urgent. He carried himself over to the table where Lukas and his friends ate lunch.
‘What do you want, junkie?’ A girl with black hair and pink stripes asked. Philip ignored her and looked pointedly at Lukas, his expression was blank.
‘Lukas… Can we please talk? It’s urgent.’ His voice was small and Philip hoped Lukas would hear him out. But, Philip tended to have a lot of false hope in his life.
‘Why?’ Lukas asked, his voice was cold and distant.
‘Please.’ Philip pleaded he didn't want to say it in front of his friends. That would only make things worse.
‘Get away from me!’ Lukas glared at him. Philip nodded and walked away slowly.
‘His Mum probably died.’ Someone whispered.
‘Tracy, too far.’ He heard Rose mutter but it was too late. Philip looked back to Lukas, who was already looking at him. Philip turned back around and walked out of the cafeteria. Philip walked down the hallway and stopped in front of Lukas’ locker. Lukas had told him the combo and he opened up the locker. He took the camera from his bag and gently placed it on Lukas’ books. He ripped a piece of paper off of his Biology book:
I can’t keep it. Not when we are like this. I’m sorry about everything but I had to.
-P
He placed the note underneath the camera and looked at it before shutting the locker door.
Philip sat through the next two periods, zoned out, only thinking about Lukas. All of his thoughts were about Lukas, his safety, his health. Philip tried to shut down all thoughts of Lukas, knowing they would only make him sad but he couldn’t. The tall, bleach-blonde haired boy was stuck in his veins, his head and his bones. By lunch time rolled around, he went immediately went outside. Leaning against the grey barbed wire fence, he knew Lukas and his posse was a couple strides away from him. He could hear them and he was trying to focus on anything but them, but it was difficult when he was the main topic of conversation.
‘I don’t understand him. He’s so fucking weird with his quiet loner status.’ The girl, Tracy said.
‘Yeah and his weird stalky thing with Lukas.’ Rose, added. ‘Speaking of…’ She muttered, her sentence dropping off. Philip heard silence then and he looked up, they were all staring at him. Philip stared at Lukas.
‘Stop stalking me!’ He yelled, grabbing Roses’ hand and walking back inside. Philip flinched and watched them walk back inside. Philip couldn't stand the idea of staying at school for the rest of the day, so he walked out of the school gates and down the familiar streets to his “home”.
He was half-way home when he heard a gunshot. He looked around in panic, expecting to see him standing there. He saw flashbacks from that night, the bodies hitting the floor and the blood and the smell and the killer. The killer, who was an FBI agent, who nearly killed him and Lukas. Lukas. Lukas who still didn't know the killer was an FBI agent. Lukas and their secret and how Lukas saved him and how if Lukas hadn’t of saved him, he would be dead. Suddenly, Philip couldn't breathe. He was gasping for air as he tripped over a rock and fell into the grass. He clutched the grass as he tried to control his breathing, it felt like hours before he had it under control. When he felt stronger, he stood up. His legs weak and breath shallow, he continued to walk. Then he found a small alcove made of concrete, it was secluded and quiet. It was what Philip wanted, right now. He collapsed against the concrete wall and took a shaky breath. He hadn't realised he was crying until he felt the tears on his lips. He wiped his face on his t-shirt and he looked ahead, staring blankly at the crumbly, concrete wall.
He arrived home at 7:00pm that night, Helen and Gabe were there, looking worried. Both, Helen and Gabe, dropped their phones as soon as Philip entered the house.
‘Oh my god.’ Helen whispered, running over and hugging him. Philip stood there before deciding to wrap his arms around her.
‘We were so worried, Philip!’ Gabe exclaimed, ‘When you didn't come out of school, I called Helen. We’ve been looking for you all afternoon.’
‘I was just in this little alcove thing, near the main road.’
‘Why weren’t you at school?’ Helen asked, leaning into Gabe.
‘I couldn't handle it today.’ Philip answered, telling a vague truth.
‘Is this because I had to talk to Lukas today?’ Philip nodded at Helen’s question and he watched as Helen and Gabe exchanged a look.
‘What?’
‘Lukas wasn't lying, Philip.’
‘What?!’
‘Bo was there. He told us that Lukas was home by 4:00.’ Philip couldn't believe it. Now, Lukas’ Dad was lying too and Philip looked like the liar. ‘It’s okay if you lied.’ Gabe added, tenderly.
‘I didn't lie. Remember, no lying in this house.’ Philip replied bitterly, before turning around, taking the stairs, two at a time.
Philip refused to go to school that week, he barely left his room. He barely slept, his dreams filled with nightmares from that night and Ryan Kane. He had felt more alone than ever, this past week. His foster parents thought he was a liar, Lukas hated him and no-one wanted to be his friend because Lukas hated him. He had sent millions of texts to Lukas, all of them unanswered. He heard a slight knock at his door and he grunted in response, not moving from his position.
‘Hey, I thought I would let you know that the Waldenbeck’s are coming over for dinner tonight.’ Helen said Philip felt anxiety run through his body again. Seeing Lukas, after a week like this, was going to be difficult.
‘Why?’ He croaked out, his throat dry.
‘Because, I need to apologise to Bo and Lukas for the interrogations. You need to apologise for throwing Lukas under the bus like that too.’ Philip didn't say anything, he just stared at his ceiling. ‘You need to get ready and help us set up the table, please.’ Helen had a stern tinge to her voice and Philip obliged. He sat up and grabbed a black shirt and blue jeans, before pushing past Helen and jumping in the shower. Philip was angry now. Angry that they didn't believe him, angry that Lukas was doing this to him and angry that he put himself in this situation. He hoped the dinner wouldn't be the shit-storm he imagined it would be, but then again hoping never worked for Philip.
Helen and Gabe had set up the table outside with 5 chairs. Philip took the plates from Helen and placed them on the table, he watched Helen and Gabe come out with the food and cutlery so he decided to sit down. The food looked delicious, Philip was thankful Gabe had cooked. Philip heard a truck then, it came to a stop in their driveway and Philip took a deep breath. This was probably the last time he would see Lukas. He watched as he hopped out of the car, his head down. Philip tried not to think of how he looked, but it was hard. He looked really good, with his grey shirt, red flannel and that damned bleached-blonde floppy hair. Philip watched as Helen and Gabe greeted them, before leading them down to the table. Philip kept his eyes on Lukas, who still had his head down. Lukas sat opposite him and Helen sat down next to Philip. Bo sat next to Lukas, so Gabe sat at the head of the table. There was an awkward silence and Philip wanted to say something to break the tension, but he had no idea what to say.
‘So, I guess I will just tell you guys why I invited you over for dinner.’ Helen stated, serving the dinner. ‘This is an apology dinner. From us to you. I’m sorry for having to interrogate you and Lukas like that. I’m sure you will understand that it is standard procedure.’ Helen stated, sitting back down.
‘It’s alright Helen. We understand that you did nothing wrong.’ Bo glared at Philip and he looked back at his plate.
‘Philip?’ Helen asked, urging him to apologise.
‘I’m not apologising for telling the truth. Maybe, I’ll apologise for not speaking out sooner.’ Philip added coldly, directing his gaze at Lukas, who still looked down.
‘Look, Helen, I gotta tell you something.’ Bo shook his head at Philip. ‘I have had it up to here, with your boy and how he has started turning Lukas into a bad kid. Lukas isn't a bad kid, and as soon as Philip got here Lukas began to play up. Keeping secrets, going behind my back. Hell, they skipped school together and got drunk and smashed a car! Lukas has never done anything like this before, not until him.’ Bo finished speaking.
‘What are you trying to tell us, Bo?’ Gabe asked, speaking up for the first time.
‘I am calling social services.’ Bo finished, and Philip’s heart sank. He watched as Lukas snapped his head up to Bo.
‘Dad, no!’ Lukas exclaimed, talking for the first time that night.
‘Bo, you can’t call social services! Philip is-’ Bo cut Helen off.
‘I don’t care. Philip has caused so much chaos in Lukas’ life and I don’t want him in Tivoli anymore.’
‘Please, you can’t do this.’ Lukas pleaded, looking at his Dad. Philip sat in silence, he didn’t want to leave Tivoli because only now is he realising how much he would miss everyone.
‘And why not, Lukas?’
‘Because, he still trying to fit in!’ Gabe exclaimed, and all of a sudden there was a burst of yelling. From Gabe, Helen and Bo. Philip watched the scene play out in front of him and he watched as Lukas watched them anxiously.
‘Fine! I lied! Is that what you wanted to hear? Go ahead, Bo. Call social services and get me kicked out of Tivoli, I don’t care anymore.’ Philip yelled, standing up. He pushed his chair out and stormed away from the table. He heard Gabe and Helen calling for him to come back but he just shoved his hands in his pockets and kept walking. He walked past the house and down the hill, where a small damaged car sat. He sat on the roof of the car and looked out at the trees. It was such a beautiful contrast to what Philip was going through right now. The trees were peaceful and quiet, and still. Philip’s life was messy and violent and stressful. All he wanted was to relax for five minutes. He didn't know how long he had sat there for but soon enough, he saw Lukas come over and sit next to him on the car bonnet.
‘What do you want?’ Philip asked he knew he was being cold.
‘I… I told them the truth.’ Lukas whispered, his voice small. Philip turned to look at them, that's when he saw the tears on his cheeks.
‘The truth?’ Philip urged.
‘About us and the cabin.’ Lukas finished. Philip stared at him and as much as he wanted to be angry at Lukas he couldn't be. He reached his hand forward, wiping the tears away from Lukas’ cheeks.
‘I thought you would hate me forever.’ Philip admitted.
‘I could never hate you. Be angry, sometimes. Hate you, never.’ Lukas confessed, Philip smiled and Lukas smiled back.
‘You know I rejected my sponsorship offer.’ Lukas added,
‘What? Why?’ Philip exclaimed. ‘That sponsorship meant everything to you.’
‘Not as much as you. I would have had to move towns, give up my life here and get new a camera man. I also would never have been able to tell the truth about the cabin, I’m not allowed a sponsorship with a history of police. I know it wasn’t really me getting a run in with the police but, I witnessed everything and kept it a secret.’ Lukas supplied, looking up at Philip.
‘I also came to give you this.’ Lukas pulled out the camera and he placed it in the gap between them. Philip didn't know what to say so he did something, he never thought he would be able to do again. He leant over and kissed Lukas. He was hesitant at first but once Lukas kissed back, Philip knew it would be okay. Philip hoped it would all work out, and this time hoping worked.