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The 24 hours following the eccentric spectacle of the Black Whale N01's departure were already ticking away. The Zodiacs agreed on one last meeting during the afternoon to settle pending matters and review the mission for which they would embark on a long and perilous journey. Kurapika spent most of the day alongside Mizaistom, both having built a close bond of trust based on mutual exchanges of information. Also, mid-meeting, he approached Leorio, whom he spotted having a casual chat with Saiyu. Intervening subtly to separate them, he invited him to spend the rest of the night at a bar near their hotel. Leorio accepted with a sweet, playful smile. Kurapika, seeing it, thought that perhaps with alcohol involved he wouldn't be able to hide what was eating away at him so much.
And that was exactly what happened. He listened, fascinated, to everything his companion had to share, from his academic progress to the great opportunity that Cheadle's offer meant for his future and his dream. For Kurapika, the man beside him was a small, brilliant light, the kind that those succumbing to the dark yearned to touch. And he was no exception. He felt, more than anyone, the need to curl up against his chest—a warm, soft place, a home to belong to. On several occasions, sitting at the bar, he found himself forced to look away. He feared that if Leorio looked directly into his eyes, he would discover the darkness harbored in his heart, that he would regret sharing his time with someone past salvation or redemption, that he would know the pain dragged along with his chains, that he would understand that life and death cannot dance to the same tango.
—Are you okay?
Leorio had asked him at some point during the night, but Kurapika successfully diverted the topic. He expressed his surprise at Paradinight's fondness for Gin and Tonic, a drink far too bitter for his taste. He rejected the invitation to try it seven times, refusing to ruin the sweet taste that his peach Daiquiri left on his palate.
The clock on his left wrist read one twenty-five in the morning. As they walked toward the hotel, the weather turned chilly and a bit windy. The streets stretched silent and deserted under a sky where clouds masked the light of the full moon. They talked about the future, about what they would do upon stepping off the Black Whale in their homelands once the mission concluded. Kurapika discovered a beautiful brightness in Leorio's eyes, accompanied by a silly smile, as the latter explained how happy it would make him for the four of them to be together again. He spoke of contacting Killua and organizing a visit to Whale Island to reunite with Gon as well. Kurapika's heart skipped a beat imagining the scene. A fleeting happiness, suddenly snuffed out by an indisputable reality: the uncertainty of what could happen once they undertook the journey, whom they would face, and, more importantly, if they would even make it back alive.
The hotel, named “DiViSioN”, was located nine blocks from the Hunter Association headquarters. At the reception, a woman with short, shoulder-length brown hair welcomed them with a kind smile. They went up together in the elevator to the fourth floor, where both were staying. Leorio in suite 404 and Kurapika in 412.
—Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow. —Leorio spoke as he opened the door. He walked in and turned around with a slight smile, raising his right hand to shoulder height. —Good night, get some rest.
Kurapika felt time stand still as the door closed in front of him. There would be no other opportunity to resolve the dilemma that tormented his mind so much. He knew he wouldn't be able to work in peace if someone he cherished was in danger because of him. He knew the type of people he was going to face and, more importantly, he knew Leorio. He would throw himself in harm's way to help him, exposing himself to risk without hesitation. He had already lived through those situations in the past, but things were different this time.
There was only one way to fix it.
—Leorio. —Leorio poked his face through the narrow space between the door and the frame with a confused expression. —...Can I come in?
—Ah, yes, sure. Did something happen?
Leorio did not hesitate to open the door completely and move down the hallway toward his room. Before disappearing through a doorway, he motioned for Kurapika to come in, as the latter still stood frozen on the threshold.
The suite was fully furnished and accompanied by a faint scent of vanilla from an incense on the shelf. He walked slowly and closed the door behind him. The dimness of the foyer enveloped his body, letting the warm light from the only bedroom guide his steps. There, Leorio, who had already taken off his jacket, was struggling with his hands caught in the knot of his tie.
—I don't get why this is so complicated, it's just a tie. —He grumbled. He sighed, throwing his head back, and sat on the bed, locking his eyes on his companion. —I knew you were acting weird at the bar. What 's wrong?
Kurapika stood firm under the door frame.
—Once we board the Black Whale, I want you to forget about me.
Leorio's peaceful gaze went out in an instant. He straightened his posture and parted his lips, staying silent for a few seconds, as if the words had gotten stuck in his throat.
—What are you talking about? I don't under—
—I appreciate that you put your trust and hope in me, but I will not allow you to get involved any more than this. —He interrupted him abruptly.
—Get involved any more than this? What are you talking about?
Leorio's tone turned desperate. Kurapika's eyes had lost themselves at some dead point in the room, avoiding him. That rejection hurt Leorio. He needed their gazes to meet, to search for a trace of sanity in such a request, to understand his reasons, to see beyond.
—Just do as I ask. —Kurapika turned around, intending to leave. —Please.
—I refuse.
Kurapika looked over his shoulder, meeting a firm posture. The refusal had come out automatically: Leorio did not hesitate for a single second to oppose what he considered a meaningless request. It had been him who had gotten them both into this, the last thing he would do would be to leave him drifting alone. His priorities were settled on a solid foundation of convictions deeply rooted in his heart. He was not going to let him go. Not again.
—My advice is for your own good.
—For my good? Now you care about me? —Leorio abruptly fished the phone out of his pants pocket and held it up with his left hand. —What about the three hundred and forty-seven times I called you? You didn't seem very interested back then. —He sentenced, shaking the device. —Why don't you tell me the truth?
His movements, erratic and inconsistent, betrayed his nervousness. His fingers trembled unconsciously as he began to feel the room shrinking around him. Oxygen wasn't entering his lungs properly and his heart beat wildly, as if it wanted to burst from his chest. Kurapika noticed it. Returning his gaze to the dark hallway in front of him, he spoke with his back to him.
—There is no truth. All I want is for you not to interfere.
—And don't you think it's a bit late for that?
It was. Both fit like two pieces of a disastrous puzzle since the day they met. Kurapika had found in him what, for his reality, was impossible. Hell was real, he lived in it every day. But if that were true, the other side of the coin also had to exist. Even stepping on the same ground, he felt he wasn't worthy of being next to Leorio. He seemed to come from above—not as an all-powerful god, but as a guide, a guardian, a savior. Anyone would feel honored to be in his place. However, after the incident in Yorknew, Kurapika had sworn never again to involve anyone he loved in his personal affairs. And Leorio was at the top of that short list.
Why would it be too late to save you from me?
—I'm not going to keep discussing this. If you dare to interfere—
—Are you threatening me now? —Leorio interrupted him. —You are incapable of telling me what is really happening, so you invent this excuse wrapped in false concern. —He left the phone on the nightstand, keeping his eyes on the warm light coming from the lamp next to him. —...I thought it would be fine.
—What?
—I thought it would be fine to have recommended you to be part of the Zodiacs. —He replied, still without looking at him. —But I might have been wrong.
—Are you mocking me?
Swept up in a tide of uncontrollable emotions, Kurapika sought to confront him, taking three steps forward. Leorio, caught off guard, raised both hands, palms out, as if calling for a ceasefire. He hadn't said it with bad intentions. He trusted him more than anyone and knew all too well how capable he was of facing any adversity. But those were not the only reasons why he had recommended him. There was something else, and a sudden wave of guilt washed over him as he realized he had never expressed it out loud.
—Why do you do that?
—What is it that I do?
—That! Acting indifferent, getting defensive, and pushing me away as if I were your enemy! —Leorio exclaimed, pressing his right hand against his own chest.
Feeling his weakness exposed, Kurapika became overwhelmed by his companion's insistence on taking the argument further. He didn't believe himself capable of sustaining that flawed excuse to save him from his hell.
—Anyone will be my enemy until I fulfill my duty.
Leorio froze. He felt his eyes fill with tears and swallowed hard to drive away that suffocating tightness. He brought his hands to his head, pressing his temples while trying to find a quick response in his mind. He didn't want to say something wrong that would complicate things even more, but he wasn't willing to back down just to end the dispute either. He took off his glasses, tossing them onto the mattress, and took a few seconds before locking his gaze back on Kurapika.
—I brought you to the Zodiacs to be by your side, to make sure you would be okay next to me. Knowing you think I'm just a problem you don't want to deal with... makes me feel incompetent. After what happened with Gon, I... —He paused for a moment, sighing with resignation. —I just want to help you. So please, stop doing this. Forget about being indifferent to me, that won't work. As long as I am by your side, you don't have to protect your heart by pretending you don't have one.
It didn't take long for him to process the weight of his own words. Unable to face his own declaration, he quickly averted his gaze, leaned his torso forward, and hid his face. Resting his elbows on his knees, he continued speaking.
—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that.
Seeing him like that, Kurapika understood there was no escape anymore. He approached slowly, sitting next to him on the edge of the bed. He closed his eyes for a moment and sought to hold onto something, trying to maintain his sanity, trying to anchor himself for a reason. Melody's image crossed his mind: he remembered how she smiled when she asked about Leorio. It was a fact that she had been able to detect the change in his heart rate just by hearing his name. He didn't want to hurt him, he didn't want to push him away, he didn't want to condemn him. That melody the music hunter had praised betrayed the very reason for Kurapika's existence, dissolved any trace of logic, and reminded him, with profound pain, that he was still alive. It reminded him that he was still capable of feeling love.
—You're right. —He murmured, accompanied by a soft sigh. He gently brought his hands to Leorio's tangled tie and began to untie the knot with dexterity. —Regarding my heart. I... I don't have it because someone else is keeping it safe for me.
Before Leorio could process those words, Kurapika closed the distance between them, taking him by the neck, and kissed him. The mere contact of their lips, barely pressing against each other, sent a jolt through his entire nervous system. He had been waiting for this moment for so long. Kurapika had captivated Leorio with his very essence. He needed him close, he couldn't feel at peace if he wasn't next to him. He had found himself losing himself in a tide of fantasies in which the Kurta was always involved. At first, he doubted if it was just something temporary. Things had been different when he spent a whole night flirting at a bar with a short-haired blonde. It wasn't a simple fantasy, it was something much more...
But it terrified him. He feared things would spiral out of control by tying his emotions down at such critical moments in Kurapika's life. He didn't want to be a burden, he could silence those feelings until the right moment to make the first move. If that was the plan, then why was he kissing him?
Upon pulling away, Leorio blinked, dazed, meeting the scarlet eyes characteristic of the Kurta clan. Kurapika remained motionless, his hands still gripping the shirt and the now-untied tie of Leorio, who grew startled at the intense expression of the man in front of him.
—Kurapika! Your eyes... —He exclaimed. He abruptly whipped his head around, desperately looking for something behind him. —WAIT! IS THERE A SPIDER BEHIND ME!?
Kurapika, still gripping the fabric, yanked his shirt, drawing him back toward him in a single movement. Leorio's hands, resting on the mattress on either side of his leaning body, sought a grip around Kurapika's waist the moment he felt his tongue part his lips. The movements of both expressed softness and shyness, the taste of alcohol mixing between their mouths in a dance that sought to silently seal everything happening in their hearts.
In that room, enveloped in dim light, two souls found refuge in a farewell before descending into hell together.