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“They named the Venus probe Aglaia.” Claire told him, looking impossibly serious while still listening to the radio on the recent launch from the Petrova Taskforce. Court, clearly not catching on to what he was supposed to, looked from his daughter to the door Ryland had stormed through moments ago.
“How do you know about Sisyphus and not Aglaia?!”
“In prison they were more keen on teaching us about people who were punished, I guess.”
Claire stared, then settled on rolling her eyes. “Aglaia was the goddess of brightness and radiance.”
“Makes sense.” For a mission hoping to stop the Sun from dimming.
“She was also one of three goddesses in a group called the ‘Graces’.”
Well, shit.
Without another word, he made for the door that led to their small backyard.
He spotted Ryland inside the greenhouse, huddled next to the tomato plants.
“Go away, Court.” He called miserably without looking up from where he was messing with the soil.
“Ry,”
“I said, ‘Go Away’!”
Court took a steadying breath. “Do you really want to be alone?”
“Y-yes.” He’d have been more convincing if his voice hadn’t hitched.
Taking a calculated risk, he sat down next to Ryland, wincing as his knees clicked. He made sure to sit quietly. He wasn’t there to interrogate him, just provide support.
After about five minutes, his brother’s impatience ran out and he sighed heavily.
“I recommended calling it Venera 17, to link to the Roscosmos Venera-Venus programme. It’s a Russian probe they’re using! But they never listen to me.”
The last sentence was whispered so bitterly that Court’s head snapped round to look at Ryland. He looked angry, tense and narrow-eyed behind his glasses. It was true, though. The Petrova Taskforce hailed ‘Dr. Grace’ as their greatest hero and success; the fact that they’d forced him onto the Hail Mary was sealed from the public. Nor did they originally believe him about the Taumoeba, assuming he’d woken early and found a way to turn the ship around.
“They want to honour you.” Court tried, knowing it was a weak argument.
“I’ve got 17 schools, 4 science academies, 3 galaxies, and a fluffing train named after me. I don’t want to be honoured. I- I just want everything to go back to normal.” Ryland slipped his hands under his glasses and pressed his palms into his eyes. Carefully, Court settled an arm over his shoulders.
“I’m sorry. I know this is hard for you.” Even during their early childhood, Ry had never wanted any attention. Now he got monthly offers asking if he’d like to write an autobiography. Luckily, Jody was there to intercept anyone from the TV/movie world before they also asked. He never replied to any of them.
“You know all that doesn’t change how we see you, right? How I see you? You’re still my snotty, nerdy, little brother.”
Ryland snorted wetly behind his hands and leaned in closer. Court took the opportunity to press a quick kiss into his purple beanie.
“I’m so proud of you.”
He’d meant it to be a comfort, but he’d obviously stood on a figurative landmine because his brother’s shoulders suddenly jumped with a sob.
“Hey, hey, Ry?”
Court pulled off the severely askew glasses and pocketed them before guiding the hands covering his blue eyes away. They were red-raw and flooded with tears.
“Jesus, c’mere.” He wrapped his arms more thoroughly around him, rubbing up and down his back.
“Sh-Sh-Shouldn’t”
“What? I shouldn’t be proud of you?” Court frowned as he felt Ryland nod. “Why not?”
“D,don’t d-don’t deserve it.”
What? “Of course you do. I know the public attention is awful, but you gotta let me be proud of you at least.”
The beanie fabric scratched under his chin as he shook his head. Court could hear his breathing begin to stutter more violently, he really didn’t want this to turn into a panic attack.
“Breathe, Ryland. Deep breaths.” He coached firmly, making sure he wasn’t squeezing so tightly he was asphyxiating him.
“M’not - m’not the p,p,person you think I am.”
“You mean you didn’t risk your life travelling further from Earth than anyone had even thought of going to save us? That you didn’t fight to get those samples back to us in time to stop our extinction?”
“Y,yeah, b-b-but I’m not- M’not brave.”
“Yes, you are.” Court countered immediately.
“I was so so scared.”
“That’s what bravery is, Ry.” But his brother was still shaking his head.
“M’a coward. Coward, coward, coward.”
“No, you’re not. Who told you that?!” He felt like he was back on the playground, trying to convince Ryland to tell him who’d bullied him.
“I didn’t want to go.”
Court knew that. He knew his brother had told Stratt ‘no’ when she’d asked. Knew he’d run. Knew that he’d been held down and drugged against his will so he could be sent on this suicide mission. It was one of his biggest failures that he hadn’t been able to save his baby brother. He hadn’t even known what was going on until it was too late.
“You’re not a coward for wanting to live.”
“I-I-I-”
“Breathe, bud.”
A shaking breath later, he tried again. “I threatened to to s-sabotage the mission.”
Court drew back from their embrace to watch Ryland closely. “Listen, you were trying to save your life. In that situation, you do or say anything that might give you a chance. Anything. That. Does. Not. Make. You. A. Coward. You hear me?”
His brother’s face crumpled as a fresh wave of tears spilt over his lashes. He swore and dragged him back into his chest.
“I’m gonna kill whoever told you that.” He muttered.
“Please don’t.” Ry whispered back, clutching at his blazer. “I don’t want anyone else to die.”
Court had to squeeze his own eyes shut to banish the image of Ryland waking up with the corpses of his friends. The other casualties who’d died, leaving Ry to the non-existent mercy of Stratt.
“Okay.” He relented. “Alright. But you, Ryland Grace, are not a coward.”
“B-but-”
"No buts. Would a coward try to protect his brother from an abusive father?”
He felt the man still in his arms.
“You remember that?” He urged. Colt hiding under the sink. Ryland standing in front of him. The weight of the gun in Court’s hand.
“Yeah-h.”
“You were scared, but you did it anyway. That’s like, the definition of bravery, Ry. Hell, you’re a teacher! I have no idea how you cope with thirty pre-teens all day.”
Thankfully, his brother let a small laugh into his collarbone.
“You shoulda seen me with Claire at the start. I was scared shitless! Spent most of the time actively avoiding her!”
“I doubt that.” Came a quiet voice.
“It’s true! But somehow you can stand in front of them and face all their questions and comments and jokes, and still inspire them.” He was quiet for a minute, hoping to let the realisation sink in before making one final attempt to reach him.
“You are brave, Ryland. And you are worthy of the praise you receive. You deserve so much. Please, let yourself accept it.”
Fingers tightened their hold on his lapels as his brother burrowed further into his neck. Finally, finally, he felt a small nod.
“Yeah?”
Another nod. “I’ll try.”
“Thank you.” Court gasped in relief, that’s good enough for now. “Thank you, thank you.”