Work Text:
“Why are you being weird?”
It is a hot summer’s day. The windows in Jay’s house are open and there’s a box fan blowing into the living room from the corner. Jay thought it was going to be a day of nothing. Filled with lounging around, continuing his TV show, and eating to his heart’s desire.
It’s bad enough his air conditioning isn’t working today, but he didn’t account for one thing (and he should’ve — he really should’ve): his neighbor, best friend, and bane of his existence, Yang Jungwon.
Jungwon bursted through his door an hour ago. They found themselves on their respective ends of the couch, simply coexisting. It usually goes like this; they find a comfortable silence between them and share whatever’s on their respective screens to each other.
But today is different. Jungwon has been jittery. He’s acting on edge, pulling at the hem of his shirt more than he needs to, eyes shifty, leg bouncing up and down. It could be argued that it’s just the heat getting to him, but Jay notices. He always notices.
Jungwon avoids the question but Jay knows he heard him because his eyes are wandering and he’s biting the inside of his lip. The typical things he does when he’s nervous and thinking.
“Okay,” Jungwon puts his phone down on the coffee table and sits criss-crossed, legs fully on the couch. “I have a date.”
Jay raises his eyebrows. His interest is piqued. “Fine.” He sits up from his lazy sprawl against the armrest of the couch and mimics Jungwon’s pose. He turns the volume down on the TV and faces Jungwon again. “Why are you being weird about it?”
“You know Heeseung? The one down the street?” Jungwon fiddles with his fingers. “His mom invited us over for dinner a couple weeks ago and he finally asked me out. We have our second date tonight. In a few hours, actually.”
Jay immediately gets annoyed. He gulps down water from his glass. “Okay. Sounds great. Why are you being weird?” He repeats again. He crunches the ice harder than needed.
Jay in fact does know Heeseung. He sees him all the time at the basketball courts, in the school hallways with someone on his arm, or biking on the street with a speaker blasting music. Jay also knows Heeseung from Jungwon’s continual blushes and oral love letters he hears after each minor interaction between them. It irritates him for reasons beyond his understanding (or maybe he’s just afraid to admit something to himself) so yes. Jay fucking knows Heeseung.
Jungwon shifts in his position. He scratches his nose a little. “I think,” he starts, then pauses. He looks up at Jay, “we might … kiss.”
Jay almost dies. He puts down his empty glass. “Okay. Still — Why is that bad?” Jay’s aware that Heeseung’s personality can charm anybody, but seeing Jungwon like this is killing him badly.
Jungwon hesitates. He nibbles on his bottom lip. “Alright. What I’m about to say might shock you. And you can’t make fun of me.” Jungwon sucks in a breath. “I haven’t had my first kiss yet.”
It does shock Jay. They’re seventeen and, sue him, Jungwon is a cute guy. He’s not privy to all his romantic endeavors, but he figured he would’ve kissed someone by now whether it be at a party, a dare, or on a date.
Granting Jungwon’s wish to not tease him, he skips past the playful remark brewing on the tip of his tongue. “Hm. And you’re being weird because you want to kiss this guy, but you’re scared you won’t do it right.” Jay concludes.
“Well—” Jungwon cuts himself off. “I think I want to do a little more than just kiss him but yeah. That’s … yeah.” Jungwon’s hands return to the hem of his shirt, scratching the seams with bitten nails.
“You’ll be fine,” Jay turns his attention back to the TV. “It comes to you naturally.” He doesn’t like to kiss and tell, but Jay knows Jungwon knows he has the experience to back that statement up.
Because Jay wants this conversation to be over so badly, he starts to switch the topic. “Hey, did you see—”
“Teach me.”
Jay whips his head to Jungwon. “What?”
“Don’t make it weird.” Jungwon inches closer to Jay. “Teach me how to kiss.”
“You’re telling me not to make it weird?!” Jay’s voice cracks a little. “You can still hear yourself when you speak, right?”
“Jay.”
“You can’t be serious.”
Jungwon looks at him with his mouth in a straight line, meeting Jay’s incredulous eyes. Jungwon is being serious.
“I don’t want to mess this up.” Jungwon voices.
“If Heeseung ends things with you because you’re a bad kisser, then that speaks to his own character.” Jay gets up and goes to fill his glass full of water again, picking Jungwon’s up along the way. He pours water from the filter pitcher on the kitchen island. “Why don’t you ask him to teach you? If he brings it up, ask him. That’s a line. That’s hot.”
Jay doesn’t need to look up and can practically hear Jungwon roll his eyes from the couch. Jungwon spins around to talk to him across the room. “I’d rather not risk it.” Jay’s eyes meet Jungwon’s, wide and asking. “Please. We don’t have to make it weird.”
Jay holds the counter edge, fingers gripping the cold tile.
“Just a bro helping out another bro,” Jungwon offers, garnering a scoff from Jay.
Jay thinks about it. He doesn’t necessarily think it’s the worst idea, but he finds it hard to believe it wouldn’t be weird. It’s not like he doesn’t think Jungwon will be a bad kisser, it’s more of the implication: would this really just be a friend helping out a friend, or would something more dishonorable come out of it?
Jay has known Jungwon for a while. Jungwon is very independent, resilient, and assertive but that doesn’t stop Jay from looking over him. He feels a little protective over him, and wouldn’t be able to bear him being upset. Jay looks over the little control freak and makes sure he doesn’t cause any more trouble but, you know, sometimes there are wild cards. Like this.
He stares at Jungwon. Incredibly patient, curious.
God damn it.
Jay reaches into a drawer and pulls out a packet of gum. He throws a stick in his mouth and one at Jungwon. “We’re going to chew for five minutes. If I’m going to kiss you, you’re not going to have bad breath.”
Jungwon’s eyes light up. And that’s all it takes for Jay.
— ✶✧✫ —
“See? This isn’t weird at all.”
Their wads of gum are crumpled in their wrappers and discarded somewhere on the coffee table. The TV’s volume has gone down more, and the box fan has turned up a level. It’s gotten hotter as the sun will set in an hour. Jungwon’s date is in two.
Jay deadpans at him. He knows Jungwon’s just trying to make it easier, but he can still hear the nervousness in his voice. They’re both on the couch again, sitting inches away from each other in the middle. It’s closer than they usually are and their legs are close to tangling. It is weird.
“Okay.” Jay sighs. He shifts closer to Jungwon. He puts his left hand on his hip experimentally. Jungwon flinches a little.
Jay’s eyes go from his hand up to Jungwon’s. They do this a lot.
They just look at each other for a bit. Jungwon’s hip relaxes, and his body appears less stiff. Jay whispers, “don’t make it weird,” and uses his right hand to cup Jungwon’s face. It’s best to just get this over with.
“So,” Jay keeps his voice low. “After dinner, Heeseung will probably give you a stupid look in his eye that he wants to kiss you.” He uses his thumb to brush against the bottom of Jungwon’s cheekbone. Jungwon lightly hits his shoulder for the snide remark about his date.
“Then, he’ll get closer,” Jay brings his face toward Jungwon’s, inching more, more, more until their noses touch. “And then he’ll press his lips on yours.”
Jay hesitates for a second before doing just that. Jungwon’s lips are soft, a little chapped, against his own, but Jay doesn’t get to enjoy it. This is strictly business. He has officially stolen Jungwon’s first kiss.
Jungwon stays still. Jay pulls away half a centimeter to say, “And when you don’t pull away,” Jay looks into Jungwon’s eyes yet again, “he’ll keep going.”
Jungwon blinks. Once. Twice. Breaths coming out of his mouth in rapid succession. He doesn’t say anything. Just listens, follows Jay, and lets him teach him.
Jay doesn’t act yet, just keeps looking at Jungwon. Jungwon meets his gaze but his eyes travel down to Jay’s lips. Jay takes it as confirmation and keeps going. He presses his lips back on Jungwon’s, with slightly more emphasis this time. He starts to move, but then immediately stops. He hovers over Jungwon’s lips and whispers, “Part your lips a little. Easier to kiss deeper.”
Jungwon just does as told, every other part of him frozen, and Jay goes back to kiss him.
He slowly moves his mouth, his jaw loosening as his lips hug Jungwon’s. Jay doesn’t want to startle him, scare him, make him run away.
“It’s best to pick either the top or bottom lip and kiss that, especially during your first time.” Jay says, ignoring the irony that it won’t be Jungwon’s first time anymore. “Kinda just tug at their lip with your own.”
Jay starts kissing him again, and it takes a couple seconds before Jungwon’s lips finally start moving. He picked Jay’s bottom lip.
Jungwon’s lips stutter at first, feeling lost. But soon, he moves with the same tension and urgency as Jay.
Jay wasn’t lying when he said kissing comes naturally, and he knows he’s right after a little bit of time passes and Jungwon is relentlessly kissing him. He’s new at this, sure, so it’s messy, it’s fast, it’s determined, like he wants to prove something.
“Slow,” Jay whispers, dragging the hand that was on Jungwon’s waist up and down his torso. Jungwon slows down.
They stay like that, oblivious to the world around them and just kissing. When Jay brings his hand from Jungwon’s face to the other side of his waist, he begins to freak out a little. He’s making out with his best friend and he doesn’t really get to have a choice on how to feel about it. Jay is making out with his best friend so that his best friend can do the same with the boy down the street in just a couple hours.
The thought stabs at him, and Jay’s heart picks up.
Between the sounds of lips smacking together, the white noise of the box fan, and the laugh tracks from the TV, Jay feels hot. He’s feeling hot all over, and he knows he needs to stop this.
Jungwon needs to come with a warning label.
Jay wants to pull away, wants to tell Jungwon ‘enough’, wants to tell him he definitely did not need any teaching in the first place. He stops kissing him for a mere second, hoping it sends some sort of signal, but Jungwon doesn’t relent.
Maybe something like Warning: Does not give up.
Jungwon keeps his lips on Jay’s, pulling at his bottom lip and sucking at it senseless. His hands are placed on Jay’s thighs and Jay’s brain goes numb.
Or maybe Warning: A control freak.
Jay short circuits and they messily pull away for air, gasping and panting. Jay opens his eyes, wide, and looks at Jungwon. Just looks at him, indicative of how his eyes can never peel away from Jungwon’s.
Despite looking at them so often, he can never read them. Most of the time, there’s a mischievous glint to them and it shows because Jay can never truly predict what his next move is.
His eyes dart everywhere and eventually land on Jungwon’s lips. Red, sore, plump. Jay thinks he’s died.
Jay looks around and lets out a nervous laugh. He opens his mouth to say an ill-humored comment about the ridiculousness of it all but can’t because Jungwon puts his lips back on Jay’s.
Jay freezes. Jungwon is fucking kissing him again. And this time, with much more fervor than a few minutes ago.
Jay doesn’t know how he’s supposed to feel about new, confident Jungwon. But he comes to his senses and starts kissing him back, because god. How could he not.
Jungwon puts his hands around Jay’s neck and pulls him in closer, if the distance between them hasn’t already been closed for a while. It’s insane. It’s dizzying. It’s terrifying all the same.
Jay could blame this whole ordeal on the heat, and he will, but right now he needs to bring all his attention to the boy in front of him.
As if it couldn’t get any worse, Jungwon starts making noises. This is what actually kills Jay.
Jungwon purrs when Jay squeezes Jungwon’s hips, keens when Jay tilts his head to taste Jungwon more.
Jungwon pushes and pushes against Jay, not knowing where to put this pent-up … whatever it is. His body squirms, and Jay takes him into his lap. Jungwon brings his hands to play with Jay’s hair on the lower back of his head.
The image is a little nauseating: Jungwon straddling Jay’s thighs on the couch with the both of them swallowing each other’s lips and pressing their bodies flush against each other, sticky, sweaty, and blushing everywhere.
Jay learns a few things about Jungwon.
- He prefers the bottom lip.
- He’s a biter.
- He whimpers. Doesn’t moan, he fucking whimpers.
Jay needs to give himself a pat on the back later for that. For now, he tightens his grip on Jungwon’s waist.
“At some point,” Jay rasps, pulling away just the slightest bit and basking in the sound of Jungwon whining. “He’ll put his tongue against the part of your lips like this,” Jay demonstrates as he says, gently flattening the tip of his tongue against Jungwon’s lips, letting it sit for a second before taking it back, “as a request for more.”
He looks up to where his eyes always land and says, “You should let him.”
He’s not sure if what he’s saying is necessarily true, if Heeseung will actually do these things. It’s a selfish thing: Jay just wants to do them.
Jungwon digs his teeth into his tender lip, and nods. Jay swallows hard. It brings him a little joy to know that Jungwon lets him.
Lets him know him like this.
Jay reattaches his lips to Jungwon’s and kisses him a while before running his tongue along the part of Jungwon’s lips. Jungwon mewls and opens his mouth. Jay’s tongue glides inside. Jungwon is shy, tongue stuttering. Jay rolls his tongue over Jungwon’s teeth and Jungwon shudders. Jay spurs on. He can taste the lingering essence of spearmint gum between their mouths.
It’s a really hot fucking day.
Jay’s mind wanders, but he soon figures out he absolutely cannot think of anything else right now besides Jungwon Jungwon Jungwon.
Somewhere down the line, the intensity died down and kisses slowed, accompanied by breaths mingling and legs shifting. Jungwon starts to pull away and Jay can’t help but sneak a couple more pecks in before their faces feel years apart and they’re just looking at each other. Yet again.
Jungwon’s eyes are shaky, his bangs are sticking to his forehead, his cheeks are pinker than usual, and his soft lips look gorgeous to Jay.
They stay like that for a while. Just observing each other’s faces. There is an unspoken notion that they both know nothing will be the same after this. Jay can live with that.
Their moment is interrupted by a notification ping from Jungwon’s phone. It breaks their little bubble and it makes Jungwon scramble off Jay’s legs.
Jungwon picks his phone up from the coffee table and reads the notification. Jay’s hands slip away and he runs them both over his face, strangely missing the extra weight that was just on him.
“It’s Heeseung.” Jungwon’s voice is raspy, and he clears his throat.
Right. The one that started all this. Jay can’t do much but just nod, looking anywhere but Jungwon. The first time he’s done that. He swallows the lump growing on the back of his throat and drops his hands to his lap.
“I should go.” Jungwon utters. He doesn’t move just yet, though.
Jay hums in agreement. It’s probably for the best before he does something else to their friendship that he can’t take back (although, it’s perhaps long since a concern anymore).
He hears Jungwon move to the door, putting on his shoes. There’s a moment of silence and hesitation before he actually unlocks the door and leaves through it.
Jay looks up from the ground and out the window and sees Jungwon walk away. Walk away from their moment, away from him. It’s so a little painful.
Jay tosses his body on the couch and sprawls his limbs. He groans and looks up at the ceiling. Another laugh track comes from the TV and he thinks, sounds about right. This whole thing was comical.
Jay buries his face in his hands and declares himself a dead man.
— ✶✧✫ —
The ceiling fan in his bedroom could not be any weaker.
Jay wakes up — he doesn’t quite remember falling asleep, but it happens quite often after dinner — and checks his phone. The time reads 9:58 p.m. Jungwon’s date should be over by now. Or not. He doesn’t care.
Jay still groans just thinking about it. Palm to his face, he cringes at what happened just a few hours ago in the living room right downstairs.
A knock raps on his door. Jay begrudgingly gets off his bed and runs his hand through his hair. He gives a quick glance to his mirror and winces. He should stop napping so much.
Jay half expects one of his parents to be on the other side of the door, but quickly realizes they’re asleep so the only other person it could be is—
“Jungwon.”
The boy looks at him, straight-faced. “He didn’t kiss me.”
Jay forms an ‘o’ with his mouth before a sound comes out of it. “Oh. Sorry, Jungwon.”
“I’m not,” Jungwon says. “He almost did. I didn’t want him to.”
Jay tilts his head a degree and links his hands on the back of his neck. “How—How did you even get in—”
“I have a key,” Jungwon returns, pushing past Jay to go into his room. Jay just lets him and closes the door behind them with his elbow. His mom was doubtlessly the one who gave him a copy. He’s not the only member in his family who has a fond affection for Jungwon.
Jay leans against the door, looking at Jungwon who has sat himself on the edge of Jay’s bed like it’s natural, like how he’s done it a million times before.
“Why didn’t you want him to?” Jay crosses his arms, tone genuinely curious. Please, please, please don’t be the reason I think it is.
“You made it weird.”
Jay bites the inside of his cheek. “I’m having some trouble understanding why I was the bad guy in this scenario.”
“When you kissed me,” Jungwon just says, normal. “You made it weird.”
“All I did was do what you asked!” Jay’s shoulders are going up, as is his voice.
“Keep your voice down, your parents are sleeping.” Jungwon scowls. He stands up.
Jay’s getting a little tired of this. He’d take the blame in any other scenario, but this is where he draws the line. He doesn’t regret what happened, but he will not be reprimanded for granting a simple request. “Jungwon—”
“You made it weird because I liked it.” Jungwon gets out.
Jay stops. He closes his mouth, eyes narrowing in on Jungwon. He doesn’t say anything, just lets his heart calm down.
“I don’t know why,” Jungwon fiddles with his fingers, “But I couldn’t stop thinking about it.” He takes a breath.
“I can’t really explain it. When you kissed me, it felt like something that’s been missing my whole life. And maybe it’s just how people feel when they get kissed, especially like that, for the first time. But during my date tonight, I kept wanting it to be you.”
Jay doesn’t take his eyes off Jungwon.
“When he touched my hand, I wanted to feel your calloused fingers from playing guitar. When he brushed my hair out of my face, I thought about your box fan doing the same thing. When he touched my cheek to kiss me, I just wanted to be in your lap again.” Jungwon’s voice gets quieter and quieter. Jay turns off the ceiling fan to hear him.
As the words pour and pour out, Jay’s breath gets shorter and shorter and, despite his best efforts, his heart beats faster and faster. He wonders if this is how people feel during the last moments of their life.
“And I don’t know what that means,” Jungwon confesses, “But I think it might have something to do with you.” He smiles sheepishly.
“You think?” Jay raises an eyebrow. He makes his way over to Jungwon and stops when their toes touch. He doesn’t stop looking at Jungwon when he runs his hand down his arm and makes their fingers meet. He brings Jungwon’s hand up to his mouth, and presses light kisses to his knuckles.
“I don’t know what this means, either,” Jay whispers to the back of Jungwon’s hand. “But we can figure it out together.” He looks into Jungwon’s eyes full of wonder, and wonders himself why they haven’t done this yet. He agrees with Jungwon’s statement that this, whatever this is, is something he’s been missing his whole life.
But Jungwon has been there. Lingering. In the corner of his eye, on the top of his phone messages, in the corner of his house that his parents refuse to kick him out of because, well, it’s Jungwon.
Maybe subconsciously Jay’s always thought about it. Thought about Jungwon in this way, thought about them in this way. Maybe subconsciously he’s always wanted this. Wanted Jungwon in this way.
One day, and it sounds like it’ll be soon, he’ll confront himself about why he gets irritated when Jungwon even so mentions another guy’s name. But for now, he’ll hold Jungwon’s hand and chew gum with him.
“No kissing while we figure this out,” Jungwon sterns. “No distractions.”
Jay just laughs. He puts Jungwon’s hand down and shifts his own hands to be on the sides of Jungwon’s waist. “Okay.”
It will kill Jay not to kiss Jungwon for God knows how long, but it’s getting increasingly hard to say no to him.
Jungwon wraps his arms around Jay’s neck, pulling him in ridiculously closer. “But, I mean…” His voice is low, quiet. “We don’t have to start figuring things out until tomorrow, right?”
Jay lightens up. That was quick. Jay smiles, “Right. We don’t.” He tightens his hold on Jungwon. “We can start whenever you want.”
Jungwon just hums, muttering “okay” under his breath. He pulls Jay’s face toward his, until their noses touch. “I just want to keep doing this.”
“Doing what?” Jay whispers back. He wants to hear Jungwon say it.
Jungwon lets some air out his nose in a scoffish manner. “Learning. I want you to keep teaching me.”
“Okay. Sounds good.”
“So will you? Keep teaching me?”
Jay knows they’re probably not just talking about teaching each other to kiss. He brushes Jungwon’s nose with his, once, twice. “Yeah. For as long as you’ll let me.”
Jungwon kisses him first. It’s soft, it’s shy, it’s new. All of it, all of them, their new dynamic, is very soft and shy and new. And it’s scary. Scary how addictive kissing Jungwon is, scary how they’ve switched the meaning of their connection in just one day.
The kiss is bare. It’s slow enough they can hear their lips pulling and pushing, soft sighs slipping out. Jay’s heart, mind, and tongue stutter. He can’t get enough of Jungwon. It’s frightening.
But Jay knows no matter how long it takes, they will figure it out together.
And for now, he’ll focus on the boy in front of him.
He’s never not, after all.