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Balls.
Tsukasa was never really one to get hung up on formalities, but this ball was to commemorate the coronation of the eldest son of the Aoyagi family. As the head knight of the Aoyagi kingdom, it would be inappropriate for him not to show up.
And that’s how he ended up leaning against a wall in a place he didn’t want to be, wearing a suit he didn’t want to wear, surrounded by people he didn’t want to be around. Really, Tsukasa didn’t want to seem discourteous, but royals were so pretentious it made him want to scream.
“Ah, Tenma Tsukasa, was it? Have you met my daughter Mafuyu? I was wondering if…”
“Only a head knight, eh? Give it a few years, you’ll be commander soon! Ha ha ha!”
“A suit made of cotton? Hah, you poor people make me laugh!”
It’s only been two hours and Tsukasa already had a headache.
Tsukasa scanned the crowd, taking in the participants and burying himself in their issues so he didn’t have to focus on his own. Akiyama was chatting a storm up to the court artist Shinonome Ena, who looked like she couldn’t care less about the conversation. The noblewoman he met before, Asahina, was still trying and failing to find a satisfactory suitor for her daughter. Tsukasa noted the blank and apathetic expression on Mafuyu’s face as they sifted through the crowd of people.
His hardened expression caused by his splitting headache softened a bit as he saw Toya, the youngest Aoyagi prince, enjoying himself while talking to Akito, a knight that worked under Tsukasa. Seeing Toya smile was starting to become a rare occurrence, so he was glad to see him so happy.
Despite his brief moment of happiness, Tsukasa found his expression resetting to a scowl once more. He figured that was why no one had approached him for the past few minutes, he had been told before he had a resting bitch face. (Although Tsukasa had yet to fully understand what that phrase meant.) Tsukasa must have seemed too sultry for anyone to think they’d have a good conversation with him.
That is, except for one person.
Tsukasa’s frown only deepened as he saw the person he wanted to see the most least saunter over to where Tsukasa was standing, wearing an expression that could only be described as impish.
Kamishiro Rui.
The court sorcerer.
The person Tsukasa found himself unable to stop thinking about despite their less than perfect relationship. Both have found themself in a sort of rivalry over the attention of the king ever since a certain mysterious purple-haired alchemist decided to show up on a fine summer day in the royal court, impressing the royals with mere party tricks and placed in a high position of power without so much as a thought of where his true loyalties lie.
Although Rui proved to be a reliable and important asset contributing to the Aoyagi kingdom winning the Great War, Tsukasa was still skeptical of his possibly immoral devices. While both of them have started to act more amiable with each other, it’s clear the bad blood hasn’t exactly faded between the two.
But there was the greater underlying issue of this: Tsukasa wasn’t able to get Rui out of his head. It seemed that every hour, every minute, every second Tsukasa was thinking about Rui. Maybe about his hair, or his eyes, or his smile. And he had absolutely no idea why. Tsukasa suspected Rui had cast some sort of spell on him causing this, but if that were to happen, Rui would have definitely begun teasing him the moment he cast it.
Some weird, unidentifiable reason initiated these thoughts.
Or maybe Tsukasa was just too scared to accept the reason he knew all too well.
Whatever the case is, it only made his situation so much worse.
“Tenma Tsukasa, world renowned knight and future star! How are you doing this fine night, my dear friend?” Rui smiled as he leaned against the wall next to Tsukasa.
“Friend is a strong word, Kamishiro. And I’m doing just fine, thank you. Don’t you have people to set on fire or things to explode?” Tsukasa replied in a deadpan voice. Even though he tried his best to stay out of trouble and keep his record spotless, the moment Rui showed up he always seemed to be roped into schemes he never wanted to be in. Another reason to despise him.
“Ah, so cold, Tsukasa-kun! I expected a little more compassion from you!” Rui dramatically threw his head back and swept his arm up to his forehead. “Perhaps the stories I’ve heard of the kind, loving head of the knights were nothing but baseless hearsay!”
Rui’s outburst turned a few heads but didn’t bother either of the men. Tsukasa was all too used to this immature behavior.
“Stop being so childish. You’re at a ball, act like it!” Tsukasa scolded. Whatever drama Rui wanted to start could be kept behind closed doors, not in places of importance.
“Oh? Is our kingdom’s star in fact embarrassed by the effect of his cruel words? Have you ever heard the phrase ‘if you don’t have anything kind to say, don’t say anything kind at all?’”
“If everyone followed that philosophy, I’d like to think both you and I would be out of a job,” Tsukasa responded dryly, prompting the other to let out a small laugh. Tsukasa froze at the sound of this. Rui’s laugh was light and airy, similar to the soft tinkling of bells.
Cute….
Wait, what was he thinking?
Tsukasa was extremely proud of his discipline and self regulation, without such qualities he would have never been able to make it in the knight’s regiment. But it was times like this where he found himself slipping. When Rui’s guard was down, when he wasn’t making snide comments or vying for the king’s attention but simply being. Tsukasa found that fact much more dangerous than any trick Rui could pull on him.
“So, have you been enjoying the company? I really didn’t think it could get worse than the court on a Monday night, yet here we are,” Rui remarked.
Tsukasa rolled his eyes and elbowed Rui in the stomach without much force. “No need to speak of the devil when we’re in his layer.”
“My, my Tsukasa-kun, how eloquent. If the whole knight thing fails you I have some writer friends that would love to have you in their possession,” Rui let out another light chuckle.
“Being in your possession is scary enough.”
“Your words hurt me, dear knight! I take it that my presence is no longer welcome here. I’ll be off,” Rui placed a hand over his heart and dramatically rolled his hand in a melodramatic gesture of farewell.
Tsukasa couldn’t stop himself from snorting lightly and giving the other a slight wave. “See you, Rui.”
He hadn’t meant to say his first name, but it had escaped so naturally from his mouth, leaving a nice aftertaste. It was so much more refreshing than stuffy etiquette.
Rui’s eyes widened and the ends of his mouth curved up at the sound of his first name. He flashed Tsukasa not a mischievous grin but a soft, shy smile before disappearing into the crowd.
That smile affected Tsukasa’s brain chemistry more than he’d like to admit.
Tsukasa could feel his eye twitching as he reached for another glass of champagne only to chug it down in one sitting once again. He knew Rui was a spiteful individual, but he really didn’t think Rui would go to the lengths of dancing with every single person in the room except for him!
Who does that guy think he is, anyways?
First, Rui stole Akiyama from her one-sided conversation to dance, and Akiyama happily obliged. Tsukasa wasn’t too worried about this, they’d been friends for quite a while and didn’t seem to be making anything but simple conversation.
Next he asked Toya for a dance, he looked surprised but agreed to it anyway. To this, Tsukasa just laughed. He could see the stink eye Akito was giving him from a mile away, and internally wished Rui good luck for after the ball was over.
Shizuku, Haruka, Ena, An. All the people he danced with came and went with a blink of an eye. And despite Tsukasa adamantly trying to convince himself he didn’t care, the buildup of champagne glasses on the table next to him told a different story.
The alcohol was messing with his thoughts, making him feel weird things. He was feeling annoyed for sure, but not at Rui himself but at the people he was dancing with. Why in the world would he ever be feeling that?
But beyond his irritation was a different underlying emotion. This one was much more sorrowful, painful and deep, digging into his chest. Tsukasa felt himself wanting something, and that was the one thing he was taught ever since he was young to not do. This deep, gut-wrenching sense of longing made it unbearable to even look at Rui without a little nagging voice in his brain telling him ‘You’ll never be the person dancing with him. You’ll never be his first pick, you’ll never be his favorite, you’ll never be special. You’ll only ever be the head knight.’
And with that thought, Tsukasa unceremoniously swiped another glass of champagne and downed it before climbing some secluded stairs to get some fresh air.
Tsukasa rested his arms on the railing of the balcony, closing his eyes and letting the wind ruffle his hair, waiting for the night air to take him away.
He gazed up at the moon in all its quiet glory and let his mind wander. Could he ever be as special to Rui as the moon is to the rest of the world? Could he ever be something more to Rui? Would he ever be something more to Rui?
These questions left unsaid were left unanswered, as the only things to hear him are the moon and stars above. Tsukasa thought he saw a star shine a little brighter than before, but it must have been his imagination as it flickered back to normal once again.
“Fancy finding you up here Tsukasa-kun,” an all too familiar voice drifted through the night air, meeting Tsukasa’s ears as music reaches an audience.
“Just making sure I wasn’t in the way of your–your dancing.”
Rui made his way across the balcony to where Tsukasa was standing and mimicked his position, looking up at the sky just as Tsukasa was.
But Tsukasa wasn’t looking at the stars anymore, he had found something much more breathtaking. His eyes traced Rui’s figure, letting himself explore the little details he’d never allowed himself to explore due to his formerly strict soberness.
It’s funny how alcohol seemed to make Tsukasa’s thoughts all sluggish and lethargic, and yet his heartbeat was racing faster than it had ever been going before.
But alcohol also removes any substance of thought, making it so that Tsukasa could barely form a coherent sentence to say to Rui in his head before the letters scattered and words jumbled up.
The one thing Tsukasa still knew was that he was mad.
“Why’d you--why’d you dance with ev’ryone except me?” Tsukasa managed to get out, his words slurring together. He groaned and stuffed his head in his arms.
Rui looked surprised for a moment, but recovered quickly.
“I- was it really so important to you?”
“You--you danced with ev’ryone. You even danced with Shino--shinonome but not me.” Tsukasa ignored Rui’s question as he brought his face out from his arms and waved them around.
“I suppose I just thought… you’d be uncomfortable. Dancing with someone like me, I mean.” Rui looked down at the ground far below, his mouth set in a plaintive frown.
“What kinda--kinda reassson is that? I was waiting the who--whole ball for you! And you didn’t think to ask?” Tsukasa felt himself sobering up just a little bit. He needed to salvage at least a little of his dignity for this conversation.
“You were waiting for the whole ball?” Rui’s eyes widened in surprise and he stared at Tsukasa in disbelief.
“Yeah!” Tsukasa waved his arms again. “I’ve been drinking myself to insanity cause you were ignoring me the whole time!”
“I really thought you just didn’t care about me…” Rui sighed and gazed back up at the stars.
Alcohol really made Tsukasa a braver person. He walked until he was right next to Rui before slumping over the railing once more, leaning into the other man.
“...Have I ever said I didn’t?”
“Have you ever said you didn’t what?”
“Have I ever said I didn’t care?” Tsukasa looked Rui straight in the eye, searching for some kind of feeling in those golden eyes, trying to understand. Rui looked away.
“I- I don’t quite understand your intentions. Are you trying to mess with me, get some kind of reaction out of me?” Rui’s previously relaxed stance tensed up, his expression guarded. His hands gripped the railing, knuckles turning white.
“My intentions are to understand this!” Tsukasa gestured at Rui’s change in behavior. “Why the sudden switch up when we’re finally getting somewhere? Do you not trust me? Am I doing something wrong?”
“No! No! That couldn’t be farther from the truth, Tsukasa-kun!” Rui shook his head and still refused to look Tsukasa in the eyes.
“Then what is the truth, Rui? Why can’t you just be straightforward with me? Why dance around in circles while leaving me in the dark?” Tsukasa was yelling now. He was just so frustrated. He didn’t want their relationship to stay as it was. He wanted something more, and he knew Rui wanted it too.
Then what was stopping him?
Rui snapped, shouting into the air. “Because I don’t want to find myself hoping for more than this!”
Tsukasa stepped back in surprise. He struggled to get words out of his mouth. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Rui finally turned his head to look at Tsukasa’s face. He was on the verge of tears, his face contorted in anger and sorrow. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about! Do you really think we could be anything but what we are now?”
“Yes! I do! But that’s only if you’re willing to change with me! What are you so afraid of?” Tsukasa could feel tears welling up in his eyes.
“I’m afraid of you leaving!” Rui was crying now, tears rolling down his cheeks. Tsukasa wanted so desperately to wipe the tears off his face and tell him it was okay, but if he did he would be a liar.
Because it wasn’t okay.
“I always end up driving away everyone I get close with! How am I supposed to know that isn’t going to happen with you?”
“You can’t! That’s why you just have to trust me!” Tsukasa grabbed Rui’s hands, intertwining their fingers. “You can’t predict what’s gonna happen later. That’s why you have to take risks now, otherwise you’ll spend the rest of your life alone and miserable!”
Rui stared at Tsukasa, taken aback. “You’d really be willing to give me a chance…?”
“Yes! I haven’t been able to get you out of my head for days and you’re asking if I’ll give you a chance?” Tsukasa was slightly embarrassed to admit this, but he’ll be regretting it later when he wakes up rather than now when he’s drunk.
“Are you sure?” Rui’s voice sounded fragile, like even a feather light touch could break it. He looked at Tsukasa with such vulnerability and rawness that Tsukasa could feel something break inside him.
Tsukasa let go of one of Rui’s hands and brought it up to gently rest on Rui’s cheek.
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”
Rui began to cry again, letting out years of pent up sorrow and anger. Tsukasa brought him in for a hug and ran a head through his hair, letting Rui cry into his shoulder.
“I love you, Rui.”
Rui moved his head out from Tsukasa’s shoulder to look at his face, their bodies still pressed against each other, their arms still around the other. Rui took a few seconds to compose himself, taking a couple of deep breaths before responding.
“I love you too.”
And with those words of confirmation, the question was left unsaid as both men closed their eyes and tilted their heads, lips meeting with eagerness and passion. Both stayed at the balcony for quite a while, the events happening there only known by them.
Maybe, Tsukasa thought as he was kissing Rui, balls weren’t so bad.