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Three days. Just three more days. You’re a grown man, bitch.
Flambae was staring at the ceiling of his bedroom, bouncing a ball off it with an audible ‘thwnk!’. He couldn’t sleep, he and Robert had strict rules on phone usage in bed after Bob-Bob wouldn’t stop trying to bring work there. It’s not like he could chat with Alice anyway, as she was working on her latest hit in the studio, he already knew it would go triple platinum of fucking course.
While Bob-Bob wasn’t here, he knew if he opened that phone he’d be doomscrolling well into the early morning and be ruining his sleep schedule. Again.
So instead, he stared at the ceiling, letting loose a dramatic sigh when he missed the ball and it fell on the floor. Rolling over to a now empty dog bed. “Old man getting partial custody;" He mumbled. “Shit is stupid.”
Three more days. It wasn’t long at all. Heck, Zahir used to be single for months at a time, just hooking up and leaving before the other could wake up and go ‘What are we?’. But the funny thing about being in a committed relationship for months was that it now made it nearly impossible for him to sleep alone.
The pyro tossed his hair over his shoulder before flopping over with a huff. It started innocently enough, with the dispatcher being told he might as well stay over well into the afternoon. Not like he was gonna feed himself anyway, and then he might as well get in bed because the other man didn’t even own a bedframe, the dog lived nicer than him. It also had a nicer ass but that was unrelated.
And you know, fuck it. Why not just leave your things here, Bob-Bob? You stay over half the week anyway because you’re like, obsessed with me. Zahir snorted. He really was just suffering the success of his own relationship.
Ok, this is going nowhere. Amber eyes blinked open to be greeted with a nice 1:02 AM alarm clock. He stretched until he could feel something ‘pop!’ and then went to the living room. Maybe he had something there to help him go to snooze.
His feet softly padded over to the cabinets, scouring it for any tea from his sister- When he spotted an unfamiliar package by the front door. Oh yeah, he brought that in for Robert earlier today, he honestly forgot.
Yeah, he might as well get his mail here too, since he was like, obsessed with me. Zahir is so generous.
His eyes wandered back to the cabinets before they slowly drifted back to the package. He resisted the temptation to see what was inside all day, he had no idea why he wanted to know now. Maybe it was the no phone rule that was biting at his self-control but he found himself opening the package before he could think further on it. ‘I mean, it was sent to MY apartment;’ He thought. ‘So, it’s basically my mail.’
He almost felt guilty before he spotted familiar handwriting on a blue and yellow paper at the top.
‘Saw this and just had to get it for you, sorry not sorry! I thought it would be a good welcome home present for all your help at the conference. -BB.’ Now Zahir was not a jealous man.
Ok, yes he was, fuck. He immediately turned the box upside down and shook whatever was inside. He needed to know what the woman had sent him. Because whatever it was he could do it, like, a thousand times better.
A small round ball encased in plastic rolled out, he softly tore into the plastic wrap with his nail before he felt the air release around it. Slowly but surely a plushie puffed out.
A Mecha Man plushie.
Zahir snorted. Of course Mecha Man would have merchandise. The man was a hero for years before he even met Flambae- during, well, you know. He grabbed the plushie and held it up to his face, it even had Bob-Bob’s signature frown. He’s not sure why anyone would want a frowny little hero in the shape of a large potato, little stubs poking out from the bottom that were supposed to represent his arms and legs. It even had his cute little stubb-
Ok, enough.
He slowly rose to his feet and kicked the box and letter out of the way to deal with some other day. He would tell Robert he didn’t realize who it was for before he opened it. Yeah, good stuff, he’ll believe it.
Tea long forgotten, he decided to humor himself and place the Mecha Man plushie on Bob-Bob’s side of the bed. Cute, he briefly thought. Alright well. Time to go to bed. He closed his eyes.
Just to open them back up to glance at plushie Robert’s backside. Ugh. He picked up the plushie with his malformed hand and made it face him. He closed his eyes again. He tossed and turned for about another five minutes before opening his eyes to the baby brown ones. He briefly considered punting it across the room to make him feel better before thinking about how it probably wasn’t healthy to take his anger out on a plushie of his boyfriend’s likeness. Probably.
Fuck! He threw off the thin sheet he used for bed and walked over to the joined bathroom. Looking at himself in the mirror, while he was still sexy, his tired eyes were now apparent. If he didn’t get some sleep soon he was gonna be less than a ten out of ten tomorrow and that just wasn’t acceptable. He briefly looked around the bathroom before his sight landed on Robert’s four-and-one shampoo. What was the fourth thing? It didn’t even say. Cheap-ass hair product. He was already holding it without remembering when he grabbed it. Damn, maybe he was more tired then he let on.
He drew it closer to his nose, letting himself smell it for a second before going back for a longer inhale. It smelled like his boyfriend, alright? The cheap scent briefly softened the flame inside him to a dull ember and he realized what the solution to his problem could be. Slowly making his way back to bed, he turned the bottle around and around in his hands.
The fuck was he suppose to do with this in bed?
He wasn’t about to just stick this shit up his nose to try and snooze. Oh.
No, dumb idea.
What if it worked?
Don’t care, not worth it.
Robert won’t be home for three more days. He won’t know.
I would know.
What do you have to lose?
My dignity.
What dignity?
Fair point, bitch me.
Argument concluded with himself, he grabbed for the Mecha Man plushie which thankfully hadn’t somehow moved while he was in the bathroom. If it did, he was gonna light his whole apartment on fire. He’d gotten a blender as a gift from Malevola before that turned out to have a curse that made it gain fucking sentience through some bullshit unexplained hell magic shit. Although, if a Mecha Man plushie could gain sentience, it probably wouldn’t do anything but try and go to work.
He snorted at himself, a bit too loudly before stifling it. Ok, he was really tired. He softly pushed the plushie’s mask back, revealing a somewhat accurate face. He supposed Robert looked generic enough they could probably roughly guess what he looked like under the mask. It wasn’t accurate enough to startle him. Just a white freckled guy, could be anyone, honestly.
He applied a very thin layer of shampoo to the plushie’s hair and then rinsed it under the water. A dumb use for his powers but; He heated up his hand and pressed it into the stuffed hero, making it steam dry relatively quickly. There, now you smell just as cheap as real Bob-Bob. He placed the stuffed hero back on the bed before flopping over it himself. Now to get some sleep.
Except he could only smell a small whiff of it from so far away. Fuck it, what dignity?
He pulled the plushie into his arms, roughly holding it to his chest. As easy to subdue as the real thing, he briefly thought. As if insulting the real guy could make him feel less childish about what he was doing. Oh well, what el-
And he was out like a light. Snores filling the warm bedroom almost instantly.
—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Early morning light filled the living area with soft rays just as a man entered the apartment. The pale man sighed before placing his duffle bag down, letting it slide off his shoulder before remembering at the last minute he was supposed to be quiet and slowed its descent to the floor.
Hero work wasn’t always glorious. Robert knew that. He really shouldn’t complain about getting to mentor other heroes, he should feel lucky, and he did. It’s just, ten hours in the same chair did wonderful things to his nearing middle aged back; he couldn't wait for a certain firebender to work them out. Even though Robert knew he would insist he didn’t need it.
Robert smiled to himself, he was home earlier than he told Zahir but he wanted to surprise him. He had even got the two of them breakfast, setting the bag he held in his other hand on the counter. Obviously he wasn’t going to prepare breakfast, he was banned from the ‘fire and the flame’ otherwise known as their kitchen oven.
He noticed an open box and letter lying in the middle of the floor. Odd. He picked up the letter and looked around. Gift? Zahir must’ve opened it. Probably thinking there were snacks inside or he was trying to smuggle in twinkies again. It was one time, ok? Sometimes a man just needs his processed snacks.
Robert didn’t let this completely botched mail inspection deter him from surprising his partner. He made his way through the hallway before nudging their cracked bedroom door open.
Zahir was a vision, not like the man didn’t know that already and therefore should be reminded sparsely about it. His dark silky hair was around his head in a halo and his face was mostly hidden by the sheet he clutched around himself, he couldn’t see his mouth but he knew he was smiling. Flambae was the only guy he had ever seen who had a signature permanent smirk about him, even in his sleep. Like a smug cat, he once told him when he decided Waterboy’s presence was enough of a deterrent to not burn him alive for the comment.
He gradually crawled towards him on the bed before lightly shaking his arm. “Za-hir.” He lightly cooed, drawing the last part of his name out. He wanted to stir him slowly, the way he would want to be woken up on the weekend. He didn’t feel too bad about waking him since he had fresh pastries in the kitchen to offer him. The dispatcher also just wanted to see him again, they could fall back asleep later.
“Mmmm?” Came the taller man’s response, he clutched the blanket further around himself, resisting the fight back from snoozeville.
“C’mon, Zahir. I got your favorite.” He slowly pulled back the peach sheets his boyfriend had encased himself in like a shield.
…No. He must be seeing things. He pulled the fabric off entirely just to make extra sure.
“F-Fuck. What?!” Flambae was still only partially awake, glaring a small dagger at his dispatcher through one eye. “The fucks the- Robert? You…you’re back?”
Inside the pyro’s clutches was a Mecha Man plushie. Robert didn’t even know they made that alongside the slew of posters and action figures he had seen before. He really didn’t know they had many, well anything with just him outside of his mecha suit. With the- mask pulled down too? Ok, maybe he did look a bit like an NPC considering the likeness was pretty good.
“Yeah…wanted to uh, surprise you?”
Flambae stretched out his legs as much as he could while nuzzling his cheek into the plushie, eyes closed. Oh he really wasn’t awake fully yet was he? Robert silently lifted his hand to his mouth to cover his growing grin before shooting his eyes to the ceiling. Thanking a God he wasn’t sure existed for letting him witness this before he got a fireball blasted at his chest. Shit, why did he leave his phone with breakfast?
Bright amber blinked opened again accompanied by a yawn. The metahuman’s own smile was growing as he looked at him but Robert knew it didn’t match the one he was hiding behind his hand. “Azizam.” Flambae softly whispered, nearing the point of full awareness.
Well, probably gonna get kicked out real soon. “Bae’.” Robert went to rest his palm on his partner’s cheek and let him nuzzle into his palm. Smug cat indeed.
“So…” Because he can’t help himself and really wants to get to breakfast at some point, whether that be here or on the street. “Were you gonna introduce me?”
“...Huh?”
He had to bite his bottom lip to keep in the chuckle. “To my replacement.”
Zahir froze, his eyes darting to the tiny Mecha Man before the bigger one.
One…two…three…
He just barely managed to dodge the small ball of flame, cackling like a madman as he sprinted into the living room.
“Get back here you bitch!”
He had to find collateral and fast. He ducked under the kitchen island just as he heard the telltale sound of fire fizzling out behind him. They’d played this game before, the fireballs Zahir sent were never able to do anything, always fizzling out before they could be felt- but it sure made Zahir happy to be able to exercise his aggression in this way. Like a kid playing with snowballs, except it’s a grown man with anger issues. Almost as cute, really.
Robert swallowed down another monotone chuckle before reaching up to take the family picture Flambae kept in the kitchen of him with his niece.
“You! Bastard, put that down!” Despite the light traces of venom found in the voice, Robert still couldn't even find the fear to push down his amusement.
“Behave first!” Wiggling his eyebrows despite himself, “Nothing will happen so long as you put down the flames, Romeo.”
The former villain paced back and forth in the living room, glaring daggers at the dispatcher hiding behind counters and family memories alike. Flames raced up his arms, wearing just pajama pants, hair running down his shoulders. He looked good, what a shame he wasn’t gonna be able to run his fingers through it for a while.
“-You are such a bitch!” Oh, he was talking. He thought he heard something. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home?”
“I told you, wanted to surprise you.” The deep laughter had mainly died down, and he almost put the picture down before he saw Zahir raise his hands. “Didn’t know I’d walk in on a third, do you wanna call him Robert Robertson the fourth?”
“Fuck you! I wanna call you my ex!”
“You’re not even gonna try to tell me it wasn’t what it looked like?”
The corners of the man’s mouth twitched along with his flames. Got him. “Shut up! You think you’re so fucking funny.”
“I’ll be happy to let you have him so long as there’s no feelings.”
“I should kick your fucking ass. You know, I must’ve grabbed it thinking it was you because you’re both so fucking small it was hard to tell. Ok?”
“Yeah?” He slowly lowered the picture down to the counter, grinning ear-to-ear.
The inferno died down, the room temperature declining. “Yeah, you both can basically bench the fucking same.”
He crossed over from the kitchen to the living area to wrap his partner in a hug, quickly before Zahir could yap about how he was gonna ‘turn up the heat’ again.
“You-! I could’ve burned you. I can burn you.” Zahir’s body temperature continued to drop dramatically, not a flicker of ember left.
“Yeah… but you’re not gonna.”
“You sure? I literally have a replacement now. And he’s much quieter. How does it feel to be replaced by twenty-four dollars?”
“Ah, that how much you paid?”
“It was on the tag!”
A deep hearty laugh flowed out again, Robert’s shoulders shaking as his boyfriend rubbed his back, burying his face into his shoulder.
“I’m glad to see your bitch-ass.”
“You too, baby.”
Zahir pulled back, his face still being a bit red and not from the heat. Though Robert wasn’t gonna push his luck and point it out. “I got your favorite.”
Zahir’s eyebrows went up before his gaze fell on the counter with the pastries. “Oh! Fuck yeah. Your life has been extended another week, Bob-Bob.”
“Lucky me.”
As they both sat next to each other on the counter, chocolate croissants being passed back and fourth, Robert could finally let himself fully enjoy being home. He just needed to kidnap his own dog back and he would be fully content.
But he did like pushing his luck just a bit more.
“...So if there’s a Flambae plush by chan-.”
“I will literally put my nudes on your work computer and get you fired if I even see you buy something with my color scheme.”
Robert pushed away a smudge of chocolate that remained on Zahir’s cheek before kissing it, making the man turn away red. “Noted.”
—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mandy opened a box set on her office desk the next morning. A little blazer keychain inside, she giggled before opening her phone to text her favorite dispatcher.
Like your gift then? :)
More than you’ll ever know, Mandy.