Chapter Text
***
Tired. Exhausted. Drained. Stiles is all of that lately. But especially tonight when the whole pack is at Derek’s loft as they try to figure out how to get rid of this new pack of wolves that just rolled into Beacon Hills about half a month ago.
It’s Sunday night, he does not want to be here. And all this chaos isn’t any help for him. Normally, he stays out of most pack meetings because they are “supernatural only” on Derek’s terms, another matter entirely regarding Stiles’ place in the pack. But Stiles does get involved, intentionally or not, in the actual… field experience of this pack. But there is something weird about this particular problem they’re dealing with so everyone is here, including him.
Stiles, Scott, and some of the other pack members that he likes or can tolerate have been stalking, lurking, searching all around this new pack. Anything about their structure, their plan, their strategies but nothing. Every time they got close, the pack just happened to move. These missions never had any confrontations, thankfully so because that was never the point.
They’ve done this rodeo many times with other packs or threats but these wolves make no sense. Normally an outside pack wants to take the Hale land by force, negotiations, anything. But they’re asking for nothing… no threats, no unnecessary violence, no killing. Nothing. But Derek and his “territorial instincts”, Derek’s words not Stiles’, still wants to deal with them and remove any intruders from his land.
And of course the whole pack will blindly follow the Alpha into protecting a piece of land that he doesn’t even live on anymore.
Stiles knows how much of a deal the Beacon Hills’ preserve and the Hale land is because of the Nemeton and its attraction to supernatural creatures. But… there is this thought lurking in his head; Would it be so bad if we gave away this land to another pack? And one so peaceful???
…
No, no, no… Stiles knows this is the exhaustion talking. He loves his pack and all that comes with them. He just needs to help them get rid of this pack like all those before this.
Anyways, that’s the point of this meeting: how to deal with a pack that doesn’t really need that much of a dealing… He even VOLUNTARILY asked Deaton for help yesterday… His ego really plummeted when he did that.
So he looks extra grumpy tonight.
Derek and everyone else are all standing in a circle around the big table in the middle of Derek’s loft. It’s not a full moon yet but the moonlight is still illuminating the room through the huge windows next to them, making the map of the preserve laid down on the table clear and bright. These pack meetings are allergic to actual lights most of the time… Usually Stiles would make his opinion known about that but his fatigue has made him shut up for the first time so he’s just taking in all the arguments and ideas.
Everyone is just shouting their opinions tonight, even Liam who’s usually the quiet one. It’s valid for them to do so because Stiles isn’t the only one exhausted. Though he spent the last three nights researching any police reports or anything about this pack, those in front of him actually went out to stalk them more than a few times in this week alone because of all of this.
But still, he’s in no mood to tire himself out with shouting. But through all that shouting, Stiles realizes something: for the first time in… forever, Derek isn’t saying anything either or even telling someone to shut up. He’s just looking down at the map with his arms crossed in front of his chest, with the most dedication Stiles has ever seen on the man. His eyes were frantically moving across the map in front of him, analyzing every detail, every mark on the page. His eyebrows remained furrowed through it all, so much so that they created hills on his forehead that Stiles had never seen before. He was oblivious to everything and everyone around him, from Isacc’s threats to Liam’s agonizingly sweet worries. There was something mesmerizingly intense about his focus that was reeling Stiles in.
The human accidentally stared at Derek too long. That became apparent when the Alpha looked at him suddenly, breaking his own focus. He looks up from the map for a second and then looks back at the table but that shift in focus was enough for Stiles to pay attention to the conversation the pack is having and not the Alpha.
“Ok maybe we should just wait them out? It’s not like they’re hurting us on purpose. Each time any of us got hurt was because we went and poked at their peace.” Liam chimes in.
Scott is about to protest that but Derek speaks first, “They disturbed our peace first. Their pack is currently settled on our land and that gives us reason enough to act against them. Do not make them the victims. They clearly know how to be violent.”
Derek is referring to the times they went out looking for them and some of the pack members got bitten and attacked with wolfsbane. It was never anything serious but enough for the pack to back off and think of something else.
Derek pauses to consider his options, looking up at the moon then back to the map with that same intense face again, for a shorter period of time this time. Then he continues with the pack again. “The full moon is coming up in a little over a week. If we try anything right now, we’ll end up against them while our betas are still training to control their shift. So we have to wait for now until we do anything drastic. Stay clear of them until the full moon has passed”, Derek commands.
Derek seems genuinely concerned about the betas. The recent injuries probably added to that concern as well. It's nice to see Derek care about his betas even though he rarely shows it. It still certainly makes Stiles happy that the Alpha that the whole pack blindly follows has their best interest in mind.
The pack however, doesn’t think the same.
It’s Liam who speaks first, hyper as ever, “You don’t have to hold back because of us. We’re ready Derek, really. We can protect ourselves against- ”
“You can’t protect yourselves against your own shift so don’t start that with me!” Derek cuts Liam off. Liam flinches at the sudden aggression. Stiles is about to scold Derek for it but Derek continues. His tone is now softer, more gentle, yet still stern and final. Like a parent concerned about their child.
“Don’t make me yell at you. I’m not changing my mind. We’re waiting until the full moon has passed”, he says.
Everyone shuts up after that. Stiles doesn’t know about the others but this catches Stiles off guard. Has Derek always been that soft towards his pack? It was still a little aggressive but still… Stiles is pretty sure everyone considers him a pack too but he never got the gentle treatment. But nonetheless, Stiles is glad that Derek isn’t an asshole to the betas as they are still adjusting to the pack.
It’s only been two months for Liam and three for Isaac. They got acquainted with everyone fairly quickly, though there were some hiccups like when Isaac asked Derek about his family. The rest of the pack was kind of at fault there as they forgot to tell him the ‘Derek taboos’ – an unsaid list of things that no one should mention in front of the Alpha, which includes his family. No one has actually verbally admitted that this list exists but it does. Stiles knows.
“Ok, this is the plan for now.” Derek says looking directly at the pack now. “We’re staying back and becoming invisible. That means no drawing attention to yourself, no going into the woods alone, and no unnecessary stupidity that makes you a target.”
That last one seems to be directed at Stiles…
Derek shifts his gaze to Stiles, causing Stiles to have goosebumps for no reason.
“Especially you Stiles. Stay. Away.”
There it is! It was directed at Stiles. Unbelievable.
“I’ve saved all of y’alls sorry asses and now you call me stupid. Amazing…”, Stiles whispers his response because he can not be bothered to actually argue with anyone right now, much less Derek, unfortunately forgetting about the creatures with supernatural hearing in front of him…
The exhaustion is getting the best of him unfortunately…
“Did you have something to say?” Derek says, obviously having heard Stiles, and so did the rest of the pack but Derek likes to test Stiles’ audacity some times.
“Nothing!” Stiles says as soon as his mind catches up to the fact that wolves have supernatural hearing… he really needs rest cause how did he forget that!?
Derek moves on after being satisfied with shutting Stiles up; “The more …fragile of the pack especially stay hidden.” There’s a frown on Lydia, Stiles, and Allison’s faces now since they are the humans of the group (well Lydia’s a banshee but still, not a werewolf. So she counts.)
“These wolves want something even though they're not acting on it. So expect them to hit the weaker targets first.” Derek seems worried, like he can’t figure out what exactly they want. To be fair, neither can Stiles and he’s supposed to be the smart one of the group, not to toot his own horn.
Derek seems to be done with the whole pact at this point so he starts walking towards the stairs to his room. The pack starts following Derek’s lead and packing up themselves as well for the night. As everyone's doing so, Liam suddenly speaks up, “So someone should especially keep an eye on Stiles. They’ll be targeting him especially.”
“Ok I know I’m a human in a werewolf pack but I’m not THAT weak. You’ve seen me with a bat before!”, Stiles retaliates, he has pride in his accomplishments with a bat. To be fair, that baseball bat has saved them many times.
“What?” Liam asks, confused. “Oh no! No, that’s not why I'm saying that. It's just that, seeing that you’re the Alpha’s m-”
Liam didn’t get to finish as Stiles saw literally all of the pack react in an instant, all jumping from their spot and onto Liam. Scott moved first from where he was standing on the other side of the table and practically jumped on Liam to close his mouth before he could finish the sentence. He clasps his mouth shut, nervousness clearly written on his face. The rest of the pack follows and just surrounds Liam, shushing him and doing everything in their power to keep him shut.
Liam looks baffled.
What was that… Stiles is the Alpha’s… what?
Stiles looked at Derek because…what? Derek, however, is more focused on giving Liam the deadliest of death glares. His foot is locked on the first step of the stairs, refusing to move as if he would break himself or everything around him if he moved.
“Woah! Ok, ok… I think it's time we all go home yeah?” Scott tries to change the subject. “Look how dark it's getting, it's almost …” Scott looks at his imaginary watch on his other wrist, the one not shutting Liam up, “...it’s 11 pm! Wow! Yeah, let's go home.”
All this time, Stiles is trying to piece everything together; Liam’s words, pack’s reaction, and especially Derek’s stillness. He manages to focus back on the scene at hand, “Wait, wait, what? Hold on, let him speak. I’m the Alpha’s what?!” Stiles is definitely awake and aware now.
“I don’t understand…” he looks at all of them for answers, guilt covering their faces.
“You know it's pretty obvious you guys are hiding something!” Stiles yells.
He’s never out of the loop, he creates the loops. What the hell is this?
Stiles’ head is all over the place now; is this why Stiles isn’t invited to the meetings? And why Stiles isn’t treated as gently as the rest? All because of this secret? What exactly is it that he doesn’t know…
Stiles turns to look at Derek again for answers; if this is something between the Alpha and Stiles, he probably has some idea.
All he sees though is Derek looking down at the map now, suddenly extremely fascinated again with the lines marking the preserve, though this time Stiles can tell he’s doing this to avoid a conversation with Stiles at the moment. He’s not even trying to hide it.
Ok whatever it is, it’s definitely something important if the whole pack is going out of their way to hide it.
“Would you like to add something to the conversation Derek?! What is happening?!” Stiles demands him to speak. He is already over this all.
Derek looks up at Stiles and holds his gaze for a moment. He has that look in his eyes, the look he has when he’s trying to protect someone from hurting. The look he gave Liam when he was trying to protect his stupidity but more intense? More personal… But it lasts just for a second, and no one else seems to have caught it. But Stiles did. He realizes that he's seen that look too many times before to not recognize it. Derek has come to his rescue many times.
So what is this that he has the urge to ‘protect’ stiles from?
Derek breaks eye contact and removes any concern from his face like it never existed, “We’re done here” he states and starts walking up to his bedroom, back turned to Stiles and the rest of the pack.
It’s Stiles who is more confused than ever now because what the hell?! He looks at the pack next to him with utter disbelief and they all look like they expected that end of conversation. They do however seem almost… sad about it.
***
It’s now Monday and Stiles has made it his mission to find out what the pack is hiding. It’s good that they all took a break from hunting that other wolf pack because he can really concentrate on the problem in front of him; there is something involving him and Derek that he isn’t aware of… What is it? That question has been driving Stiles insane. He didn’t sleep at all last night, he spent all his time analyzing every interaction that Derek and him have ever had, searching his own memories for answers. But found nothing.
There’s more too; there’s this feeling that Stiles can only describe as heavy and deep, resting right in the middle of his chest. But even that doesn’t do it justice. Stiles doesn’t quite understand it. It started right after he realized that the pack was hiding something about him and the Alpha. He wasn’t sure of its existence at first when it first came up because he was convinced that it was just adrenaline, but no.
It’s something else, and it definitely exists.
Stiles believes it's because he’s honestly kind of excited about being tied to Derek somehow. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he knows the pack thinks of him as the weakest link so this relationship he has with the Alpha is filling him with a new sort of …strength?. He’s secretly overflowing with contentment.
But Stiles still recognizes that this whole situation is weird.
After Derek just walked off after last night's meeting, the pack quickly followed suit and left the loft in a few minutes. Stiles heard Liam getting scolded by the others on the way to their respective rides but he couldn’t make heads or tales of it. Stiles wishes he had those werewolf senses sometimes… He debated going up to Derek’s bedroom to confront him directly but …that seemed extreme right?
Stiles definitely wasn’t afraid of agitating the wolf more after just seeing him literally storm off. No, of course not!
So he’s going to have to do this himself. Stiles is currently pulling up in his jeep to the school now where he sees his first target: Lydia. He has AP Physics with her today and he’s going to juice every piece of information out of her. There is a chance that she knows nothing since she isn’t one of the wolves, but she’s still pack, she should know something. It would honestly be worse if Lydia does know something because that would mean literally everyone knows about this thing except him. Nonetheless, he needs to do something.
He especially avoided Scott and their usual morning chats because he is determined. Lydia and Stiles already gossip a lot about the pack and all its weirdness. This shouldn’t be any different right?
Or so he thought.
The moment Stiles enters the classroom at 8 am (of course his luck has given his AP Physics first thing in the morning), the first thing he experiences is Lydia sitting in his chair. Stiles takes this as an invitation to ask her about last night but Lydia has other plans.
“I know what's going on in that brain of yours. And no, I’m not telling you anything.” Lydia attacks Stiles with her decision. Stiles is losing hope already, but no! He needs to find this out, he’s going to go crazy if not.
He tries to protest but Lydia cuts him off, “Look, it's not like I understand it. It’s just a thing that the pack realized and told me about. They told me to never mention it and refused to elaborate… To be fair, none of us know if it's true. But seeing Derek’s reaction last night, maybe it is…” Lydia trails off into thought after that. She looks like she’s trying to piece together something but of course Stiles doesn’t know what it is.
“I already said more than I should’ve so just leave it alone, ok? Or at least don’t ask me about it.” Lydia says with a smile on her face that usually means she’s trying to get something over with. “You know better than to ask me to just leave it, Lydia…” Stiles replies because he’s positive that everyone knows how obsessed he gets with something that scratches his curiosity. Lydia just looks defeated, but still looks like she expected this. She raises her hand up to her head and cinches her forehead, seemingly fed up with Stiles’ bullshit.
Stiles takes this time to think; since Lydia said that no one was sure if this was true, that means that whatever it is, the pack hasn’t talked to Derek about it… Now what the hell is Stiles supposed to make of that!? Derek is their Alpha, they tell him everything related to the pack, especially things he is a part of.
“Let’s start the day shall we?!” the physics teacher Ms Henry asks, with much more excitement than the acceptable amount at 8 am in a physics class, breaking Stiles’ concentration.
He gave up and just sat in his seat for the class after Lydia mercifully gave it back. He is going to have to forget about this whole Derek thing for a while now. As smart as Stiles is, AP Physics is still a huge pain in his ass.
But of course Stiles doesn’t forget about it.
He keeps zoning out every few minutes thinking about what it could possibly mean. He has gone through every movement, every conversation or suggestion the pack has ever made regarding Stiles and Derek. Stiles is analyzing everything.
Lydia said that it's something the pack realized, not her. So it's something that the supernatural species can sense and not humans… That doesn’t really narrow it down cause they sense everything.
She also said something else that Stiles can't get out of his head. Whatever it is, no one is supposed to mention it, Stiles assumes, especially in front of Derek.
Is…Stiles is on the taboo list?
They can’t mention this to Derek cause it's something that can tick him off. That got proved at the last meeting as he abruptly ended the whole thing to avoid that conversation.
Well that’s just great.
This means that they literally won’t talk about it because Stiles knows from experience that hiding something from Derek means reprogramming your system to never mention it because Derek is always around. No one can tell when they’ll be right next to Derek or when they’ll need their Alpha because that’s just the beauty of their life. So never mentioning the taboos at all is a precaution that everyone has accepted.
Great.
And just like that, the whole class is gone. Stiles got so into figuring everything out that he lost track of time.
That…feeling, the one that seems to be set into his chest like a mountain. It just got… deeper? Stiles doesn’t really know how to describe it or what exactly he’s feeling but, throughout just this class, it got stronger. Heavier.
Something else too: usually, Stiles uses his class time to forget about the Supernatural and at least pretend to be a regular human. Weirdly, classes like Physics and Math are the only place where Stiles doesn’t feel as stressed as usual because it's his only classes without any non-human people in them. He makes an effort to have any thoughts about the supernatural suppressed and gone from his mind for a while. And almost all of the time, he can control them fairly easily and forgets about everything except the board in front of him for the 90 minutes he’s in there.
Don’t get him wrong, Stiles loves his pack and all their weirdness. But having them around also means he’s constantly at risk of getting pulled into another supernatural and probably life threatening problem.
But today was different. Stiles was focused on Derek and their involvement in whatever the pack is hiding.
It wasn’t as …stressful as Stiles thought it would be though which the pack problems usually are. It was just pure curiosity that Stiles just can’t seem to shake. Usually, Stiles comes to his senses after realizing that constant obsession over something won’t lead to anything, so he just shuts that thought off in his head.
But not in this case for some reason. Stiles has realized countless times at this point that this isn’t going to get him anywhere but he just can’t let go.
That rarely happens but he does specifically remember it happening once where it got a bit… concerning. And call it coincidence or whatever, but that time was also about Derek…
When Stiles and Scott first met Derek out in the woods of the preserve, Stiles couldn’t sleep that night. He couldn’t stop asking himself why Derek Hale came back to Beacon Hills, the place where he lost his family. He got so obsessed that he researched all night that night about the Hale fire and their life before. That’s how he knows so much about them. This obsession of his didn’t go away until after Stiles found out about Peter being responsible for Laura's murder.
Stiles guesses that that only means that he won’t be at peace until he finds out how he’s involved with Derek.
So off he goes, Derek constantly running on a loop in his head while he goes through the rest of his day.
And all that time, the strange feeling in his chest kept getting heavier.
***
The remainder of Stiles’ day wasn’t that different from his Physics class. He tried to pay attention in his classes, to the teachers, and to his non-pack friends but everything just flew over his head.
He could not get Derek out of his mind.
No matter what he thought of, whatever he tried to distract himself with, he genuinely could not get him out. It was frustrating. Having constant thoughts and questions about someone that really didn’t care that much about him. Stiles is sure of that. He’s sure that there is no way in hell that Derek is going through the same problem.
He was in the middle of that thought when he saw Liam and Scott on the Lacrosse field as he was leaving school. Probably heading to practice as they carried their lacrosse equipment and were wearing their jerseys.
He’s sure Scott won’t tell him anything but Liam, that was someone he could break. He slipped up before, Stiles is sure he’ll do it again because that is the pure and innocent Liam Dunbar.
“Heyyy guys!” Stiles starts, going over to put his arm around Scott’s shoulder. “What’s up!?”
“Oh. Hey Stiles.” Liam replied, clearly nervous but he’s trying to hide it. His fidgeting with the Lacrosse stick is working against him.
Scott puts a hand on Liam’s shoulder, grounding him down. That seems to calm him down a little. Great, that means that Scott has apparently taken on the role of filtering Liam’s nervous babbling that Stiles was counting on to figure this out.
This is too tiring…
“Can we… just not do this guys?” Stiles asks, he was planning to go slow but seeing the defensive position that both Liam and Scott are in, it's not going to get him anywhere. “What?…” Scott asks, Stiles guesses that they expected him to do this as a slow and relentless interrogation that normally works with their weak resolve and not so abruptly. But honestly, Stiles is already tired of constantly thinking about this.
It’s messing with his head and his concentration on everything, so he just can’t take it slow anymore. Stiles is honestly surprised by himself that he broke that fast. But, there is this itch that he has about this whole situation. He just wants to know, where’s the harm in that?! Apparently there is some harm because no one wants to tell him. And that protective look in Derek’s eyes…
Ok, Stiles is getting distracted again. There’s a smaller problem in front of him.
He took a step away from both Scott and Liam, looking directly in their eyes. “Look, my head has been going crazy all day. Every time I try to focus on anything, Derek’s face and your guys’ guilt ridden eyes just flash again and again in my head. And Derek?! I can’t get him out of my head! I- I don’t even think it’s that stupid secret that you guys are hiding anymore… It’s him. It’s Derek. Why can’t I get him out of my head!?” Stiles was practically yelling by the end of that.
He was breathing too rapidly at that moment; his ears rang piercingly loud in his head, he could feel his face burning up, he was sure his eyes would pop out of his head. But as his lungs were pumping air as fast as possible, Stiles realized what he just said. Derek. He’s thinking about Derek. The one person he took great pains to avoid on missions and argued with during every conversation they ever had. Yet, now he was all he could think about…
There. That feeling got heavier again just then… It seems to do that whenever he thinks too much about Derek? It’s not just heavier… It feels more like an ache now. Slowly spreading through his chest and then deeper than that. If Stiles was spiritual at all, he would’ve said that it felt like it was spreading to the depths of his very soul every time it got deeper. It’s not really painful, but it’s there. Unmoving. Its mere existence is what’s bothering Stiles…
What is going on?
Stiles tries to ignore it all. Everything from the ache to Derek himself. He doesn’t even know if what he said was true or not; was he actually thinking about Derek? Or is that stupid secret so irritating that his mind is just trying to connect random things. Stiles doesn’t know anymore.
“Stiles…”, Scott says calmly. Oh, right… he exploded in front of Liam and Scott.
Stiles goes to look at Scott and he just seems worried. He has that look on his face, the look of guilt, where his eyebrows get all furrowed and his forehead bears extra lines. Stiles hates that look on his best friend. And he hates the fact that he was the reason behind it.
“I’m fine”, Stiles replies to his friend's concern, trying to convince himself in the process.
Liam looks like he’s about to explode at this point too. Stiles realizes how much pressure he is probably putting on him right now. Liam isn’t the type of kid that keeps things from his friends so this is probably crushing him right now.
Stiles feels bad for the poor kid.
“It's ok, Liam.” Stiles says to calm him down a little. It didn’t do much to help so he continues, “I get that defying your Alpha’s will is not something you guys can do easily or want to do. So don’t worry about it, I’m not going to force you guys.”
Stiles accepts his defeat but he’s a little less disappointed as he should be as he looks at the faces of Liam and Scott. They both look like they’ve been rid of some huge expectations and burdens.He also realizes that it's hard to side with two different arguments while keeping both sides happy is a difficult task. So he understands why the most they can do is just hear him out but not tell him anything. He’s glad they all care so much though. It's refreshing.
“Well, go on. I know you guys have lacrosse practice. I am certainly not joining you!” Stiles says.
He got in trouble with Coach last time where he ‘accidentally’ made him fall out of the bleachers… Don’t ask… In his defense, it was meant to be just over a row or two, but it ended up being 6 rows…
Anyways, Liam and Scott seemed to catch on to his reasons for not going. It seemed to ease away the tension from all three of them, so win-win.
“I know Isaac is probably missing you both right now, you know how anxious he gets without company. Especially you Scott. Go.” Stiles urges them, he really wants them to see that he’s ok with them not telling him.
Stiles can figure this out on his own.
“I’m sorry Stiles.” Liam says as he crouches down to grab his duffle bag.
“It's ok Liam, really”, Stiles replies. He really is fond of the kindness this kid has.
“Bye Stiles. I’ll see you later.” Scott says as he rests his Lacrosse stick on his shoulder to walk away. “Yeah, bye Stiles.” Liam follows suit.
***
It’s almost 11 pm on Saturday and Stiles is sitting on his bed, doing his Calculus homework. Something he never thought he’d do voluntarily, but he needs anything right now to get his mind off of things. Now that he needed something to distract him, those wolves have gone completely silent again. And the pack also suddenly decided to listen to their Alpha for once, usually all of them just do whatever they want which results in something happening.
But he finally managed to be productive by promising himself that he can think all about Derek after he’s done with homework, another thing he never thought he'd have to do…
All of his week was spent like this. He gave up on getting anything out of the pack about this whole thing pretty quickly so now he’s just stuck. He’s stuck with Derek in his head like a loop. The only way he can do anything is to designate a time of his day to think all he wants about his situation.
It’s getting more frustrating by the day…
So now here he is, doing his homework of all things on a Saturday night. He was almost done with it when he felt this… ache? It seems to be coming from that heavy chest feeling in his chest again. Only this time… it's way way worse than what he felt at school with Liam and Scott or any other time. This thing was already relentless and refused to go away, now it feels like a throbbing void in Stiles’ chest… Void? Hole? Stiles doesn’t know but it’s not a good feeling. It feels like a part of his soul is being sucked into darkness.
“Ah!” Stiles yells as he clutches his shirt at his chest. It comes and goes in waves now, like repeatedly being stabbed with a knife or claws.
Claws?
…
Is Derek in danger?
Stiles doesn’t even know how he connected that together…
But what is he? Stiles tried to move his body at the thought and managed to plant his feet on the floor of his bedroom. Maybe he could somehow reach Derek, help him. But he couldn't do much after his feet hit the floor.
That void suddenly turned into agonizing pain, reverberating off the walls of his chest. Stiles moved his now trembling fingers down to his knees and clutched his pants, hoping it would somehow provide him comfort, somehow ground him down.
Unfortunately for him, it didn’t.
He doesn’t remember much after that, just that his vision began to blur and it all turned to black.
***
Stiles' eyes finally fluttered open, his head throbbing, his legs weak. But the ache seems to be gone, well the heaviness is still there. It just doesn’t actively feel like his insides are being pulled out.
He still needed to figure out what happened. The world around him was hazy. He could tell someone was there, maybe more than one person; he heard multiple voices. The words were muffled and all jumbled up so his mind struggled to piece together the sounds.
It took a second but Stiles could finally see; Scott and Isaac were in front of him, standing close to him. They looked worried and frantic about Stiles’ state. Scott was holding him by the shoulders, slightly shaking him awake.
“What happened…” Stiles mumbled, he still wasn’t quite there yet. His mind slowly started to figure out his surroundings and his own state.
Then suddenly, Derek! Stiles realized as he regained most of his senses.
“Derek! Is he ok!?” Stiles asked the two wolves frantically, as he shot straight up, his head throbbing at the frantic and sudden movement. “Ugh”, Stiles muttered. Moving his hand to grab his head.
“Woah! Woah… ok. Let’s take this slowly.” Scott said, looking concerned as he tried to calm Stiles down. “Here. Come sit on the bed.” Scott pulled Stiles up off of the floor by his shoulders with Isaac’s help and made him sit down.
“Where is he!?” he asked while trying to get up from the floor and sit , distraught by the thought of Derek being hurt. He somehow managed to get to the bed without his head exploding.
“Scott. Please…” Stiles was practically begging. He didn’t care right now that he passed out or why he felt pain and thought that it was related to Derek. He just wants him to be okay.
Whatever this is, it's freaking Stiles out. And since when did he start caring about him so much?
Scott looked hesitant, not sure if he should say something. He just looked at Isaac for a second, exchanging a look that Stiles surprisingly couldn’t decipher. They seemed to exchange some thoughts.
Scott looked back at Stiles, now more sure of himself.
“He’s okay.” he finally said.
He looked like he was about to elaborate but Stiles just needed to get the breath out that he didn’t realize he was holding. His whole body slumped down with the sigh of relief. Stiles is sure that whatever happened was important and Scott was about to tell him but honestly, all he cares about is that Derek is okay.
He chooses to ignore the fact that he just thought that Derek is the most important thing right now… it's been happening a lot lately, and Stiles is not going to go down that rabbit hole. At least not yet…
Scott is quiet now, seeing the visible relief that Stiles felt from knowing that Derek is alright seemed to put him in shock. He doesn’t …look surprised though. More like he expected this but he’s still somehow affected by it? Honestly, Stiles can’t really tell what Scott’s feeling about this situation. He doesn’t know if he wants to either.
“The wolf pack is acting up now.” Scott elaborated without asking more questions. Stiles is grateful for that right now. “It was our fault. We let our guard down and…” Scott trailed off, looking really guilty. Isaac seemed to feel the same way as he looked at Scott with the same look of hurt on his face. Stiles is glad there’s someone more closer in nature to his best friend that understands him. Stiles still hates that face on Scott. He knows that there’s little he can do to not make him feel that way because Scott is the type of person who takes things to heart and keeps them there.
But he tries anyway.
“Hey, no. It’s no one's fault. Everyone thought that they wouldn't attack but of course they did.” Stiles tries to defend all of them.
“That’s just our luck isn’t it buddy? When has this stupid universe ever been on our side?” he tries to add his usual humor back into the conversation as he hesitantly laughs into those words but the thought of Derek being hurt is still running around his mind…
“Yeah, just our luck.” Scott responds, now more amused. Stiles is glad to get that look off of his face, Isaac seemed to be smiling too.
Great, now back on track. Because something is bugging Stiles…
“I asked you about Derek…” Stiles said slowly, he hasn’t completed his thought but Scott and Isaac seemed to already have picked up on it as they both start avoiding eye contact with him.
“You… never questioned how I knew that he was hurt. Or why I passed out... What is this Scott? Don’t you think I deserve to know?” Stiles never liked guilt tripping his friend but he was getting desperate. He needs to know why they were so much more calm then they should’ve been after he mentioned Derek. Like they expected it… Now that he thinks about it, did they know that he was somehow hurt too?
He doesn’t wait for them to respond, “What are you guys doing here anyway?” He questioned them while standing up from his bed, now better at comprehending himself and his surroundings. He’s still a little wobbly but he managed to straighten himself, Scott tried supporting him but he swatted his hand away. He needs answers first.
“Stiles we… um… we…” Scott stumbles in his reply.
“Ok, you're not even trying to hide it anymore.” Stiles is so exhausted by this whole mess. “Just tell me why you’re here.”
“...Derek told us to check up on you.” Isaac blurted out after a second.
Scott looked to his side where Isaac was standing, he grabbed his wrist and gave him a glare, a mixture of anger but mostly concern covering his face.
It didn’t seem to work on Isaac.
“Don’t you think he deserves to know?” Isaac asked Scott in a low voice, the close distance, however, made Stiles able to understand.
…Derek told them? Did he know something happened to Stiles? How?
Why?
“Derek… told you?” Stiles asked suspiciously…
He doesn’t know how to react besides being suspicious… Derek Hale wanted to make sure that Stiles was ok? That doesn’t seem right from any angle. He’s been trying to keep him out of the pack for a while, so why is he so worried now? And how did he know anyways?
Then again… how did Stiles know that Derek was hurt?
Scott sighed loudly at the question, which seemed to pull Stiles out of his questions. “Yeah, he told us. He was worried.”
Worried!?
“Worried!? Derek Hale was worried about me?” Stiles is dumbfounded by that. What is he supposed to think!?
“Ever since we met, we have been constantly fighting. We’re at a constant disagreement. Name me one time we met where we didn’t fight! Let me just tell you: None! Not a single one!” Stiles yelled because how else is he supposed to respond to that?
“He literally hates me!”
“No he doesn’t…” Scott says under his breath, failing at trying to hide his opinion. “You couldn’t be more wrong…” Isaac says almost at the same time, looking shyly at the floor.
“What the hell are you two even talking about!? I-” Stiles stops mid sentence. He’s going to explode with frustration. He paced around his bed and took a second to calm down.
It didn’t work.
Then something hit him again; he was worried about Derek not even a second ago too, he somehow knew that he was hurt too… It was more than worrying – he couldn’t think of anything more important than Derek at the moment.
What-
“No, fuck this. I’m going to his house.” Stiles declares.
He can’t go down the same maze and overthink all of this. If someone knows, it’s Derek.
“What- no!” Scott protests. Isaac joins him but Stiles just tunes them both out.
He walks over to his work table and gets the keys to his jeep, he manages to turn around and avoid Scott’s objections. Scott tries to follow him as he leaves his room. Thankfully, Isaac realized something as he pulled Scott back by his wrist, “Let him go. It's good that they figure it out, don't you think?” Scott takes a second and looks at Isaac. He seemed to realize the same thing maybe and agreed. So he stopped following.
Stiles isn’t even going to try understanding what all that was… Getting to Derek was the only thing in his head.
He got down the stairs as fast as he could, stumbling on the last few steps. He yanked his hoodie off of the coat hanger next to the front door, nearly knocking the thing down and blasted through the door. Slamming it loudly on his way out. He was so glad that his dad had the night shift today.
But he forgot all about that soon. He really forgot everything. The moment he got into the jeep, he zoned out. The only thought going through his head was how is he going to confront Derek? Is he supposed to confront him? Well, it’s not like he can just go in and say that he’s been constantly thinking about him for almost a week now. And it is constant, day and night, every second of every minute of every hour of every day.
How’s he supposed to explain that he feels his pain, how’s he supposed to admit that he has never been more relieved than when Scott told him that Derek was ok, how in the hell is he supposed to explain that he has this fucking feeling in the deepest part of his soul that just won’t go away? That it aches when he’s frustrated at Derek, that it intensifies whenever he thinks of him?
Stiles laughed at that, all of this sounded like- …like a love confession.
Stiles inhaled sharply at that thought. No. That is not what this is. Stiles is pretty sure of that…
All this frustration and confusion blanked out Stiles mind, he doesn’t remember the ride to Derek’s house. He remembers his thoughts and feelings but nothing else. He knew he left the house and was on his way to Derek, but the memory of the ride itself was a gaping void. It was as if he had been in one place, and the next moment, he was parked outside Derek’s loft.
But he was there now.
He could feel it too somehow. The feeling, the heaviness in his chest, had somehow gotten lighter? Not just that, it was comforting now… warm. It felt pleasant. Just being there took all of his worry away.
Is it because he’s closer to Derek? That’s ridiculous… right?
Whatever it was, there was no turning back.
***