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r/relationshipadvice · 2d

davidhollander1005

My son Shane and his "friend" are a couple, what do I do?

Hello Reddit. My wife, Yuna, and I are both in our mid-forties and we have one son who's 20 years old. He's our absolute pride and joy and has managed to impress us year after year. I think it's important to mention that he struggled a lot when he was younger. He never had many friends growing up and we always knew he was different from his peers but only last year did he get a diagnosis for autism and severe anxiety. Despite struggling during his middle school years, he is such an incredible person and always positive to everyone around him.

When he turned 18, my son, Shane, got accepted into Mcgill University and as a McGillian, I was so incredibly proud of him. I was sad to see my little boy move out, but I was also happy that he was able to start a new chapter learning something new and doing something he loves. Luckily, Mcgill isn't too far from where Yuna and I live, so we came up with a system that ensures we see him as much as possible. Every other week, we alternate visiting one another, and in the weeks we don't see him, we Facetime so we can catch up with him and Yuna can talk to him about his hockey (she swears she doesn't know where Shane's obsession with hockey came from, but I think it's cute how he got her love for the sport).

On the first day of university, Yuna and I drove him down and we met his roommate, Ilya. At the time, I didn't really think much of him. He was sweet and had helped my son settle in, but he also seemed quite reserved. Sometime last year, we started to notice the two boys become much closer to one another, and Shane was always happy to see him. I have suspected Shane is gay for a while, and I believe he and and his "friend", Ilya, are a couple.

Once COVID-19 started, Shane decided to come back home and stay with us, but that would mean Ilya would have to stay alone at their dorm, considering he's from Russia and from what I understand, he isn't close to his family. My son asked if his "friend" could stay over for the duration of quarantine, and both Yuna and I immediately said yes.

They haven't been staying here for too long, around two months or so, but on multiple occasions my wife and I have caught them doing coupley things. Yuna has started learning basic Russian in order to make Ilya feel more comfortable in our home, and she's confided in me that she's overheard him call our son nicknames such as "solnyshko", which she came to understand as sunlight or sunshine, though she didn't say anything to them in fear she was wrong. Some nights the two boys will join my wife and I when we watch movies, and we've both spotted them sharing a blanket and putting their arms around one another when they think it's too dark for us to see. Lastly, years ago I developed a habit of running every morning with Shane before he went to school (and I guess that habit stuck even after he left for university haha). This morning, I opened his bedroom door to check in on him like I did when he was in highschool, and surprise, surprise, he and Ilya were in his bed snuggling together. Shane has always been unhealthily anxious, but for the first time ever, I saw him geniunely relaxed and comfortable. This just proved to me that they were together. I went on my run and now I'm here typing this. I haven't told Yuna what I saw yet.

I want advice on what to do. How do I make them know that I'm okay with them being a couple? I want them both comfortable enough to be themselves in our home but I'm not sure how to go about it. On one hand, my wife says we should sit down and tell them that we support them no matter what, and hope they tell us that way, but on the other hand, I'm worried that they might feel like we're forcing them out of the closet that way. What's the best course of action?

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r/relationshipadvice · 5 hours ago

davidhollander1005

My son Shane and his "friend" are a couple, what do I do? UPDATE

I took the suggestion of u/cuckvampire and told my wife to have a conversation with our son because I felt like he'd be more comfortable with her. Success!!! He came out to her and admitted that yes, he and Ilya have been dating, and their two year anniversary is coming up! As a few other comments said, unfortunately my son-in-law's distance from his family is partially related to his sexuality, so Yuna and I want to make sure he never has to feel that way with us.

Once every few days, Ilya and I will do a puzzle together while Shane and Yuna watch hockey. Sometimes Shane and I find a new recipe to cook together that suits his diet, and recently we've been specialising in Russian dishes, while Yuna and Ilya scrapbook with one another. This is the happiest I've ever seen my boy.

Ilya feels like part of the family and I'm so glad he is.

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