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Throughout his entire life, Raphael has only felt truly terrified twice.
The first time was when his mother finally stood up to his father. He remembers feeling sick with worry as he stood behind her, close enough to grab into the fabric of her shirt but ready to run and get help if things got out of hand. He still flinches when he remembers the loud voices, the shouting in rapid Spanish, the swearing and the threats. But his mother had been so brave. She hadn’t caved for the loud demands of his father, had stood her ground even when he had threatened to kill her.
And it worked.
His father packed his bags that same day and walked out of their lives forever. Raphael watched him walk down the street until he couldn’t see him anymore and then waited even longer to make sure he wouldn’t return. When he’d stood out on the curb for half an hour, his mother had called him inside and hugged him so hard he could hear her steady heartbeat. Only then the feeling of dread had finally disappeared.
The second time was when he stood in front of his mother and tried telling her that he was gay with words sticking to his tongue, refusing to be spoken. He truly thought he would die right then and there, in their small kitchen with his mom watching him intently. But he managed to out those dreaded words – Mom, I’m gay – and waves of relief crashed over him when his mother got up and embraced him.
He hadn’t felt terrified after that. Not when he came out to people in high school or when he moved away for college or when he could no longer pay his rent and was forced to live on the streets for a few weeks.
But now, as he’s standing in front of officer Garroway’s house – who, by the way, must own a lot of guns he’s authorized to use – he can feel a sense of dread creep up on him.
Simon nudges him out of his thoughts and grins.
“You look nervous,” he points out.
“That’s because I am!” Raphael says. “I don’t even know why I have to meet Luke and Alaric. They’re not even your dads. I met your mother and Jocelyn, isn’t that enough torture?”
Simon raises an eyebrow at him.
“You literally dragged me to Mexico to meet your entire family, including great-aunts and extended family, knowing full well that my Spanish is rusty and embarrassing. I think you owe me tonight.”
Raphael sighs. Simon makes a very good point, but at least in Mexico he knew what to expect. He knew his abuela would pinch Simon’s cheeks and sit him down at the dinner table and not let him go until he ate everything she had prepared for him and she knew every single detail about his life. He knew his nieces and nephews would drag Simon with them to go play and that his aunts would tell him how handsome he was. Everything about their visit to Raphael’s family was predictable. But this? Meeting Simon’s father figures, two police officers who dealt with scum and criminals and no-goods every single day? That isn’t predictable at all.
It’s terrifying.
“Come on,” Simon encourages him with a soft smile. “It’s gonna be fine. Just be yourself. I’m sure they’ll love you.”
“I’ll just be glad if they don’t shoot me,” Raphael mumbles. Simon rolls his eyes at him and gives him a quick kiss, fixing Raphael’s jacket as he pulls back before ringing the doorbell.
Simon intertwines their fingers as they wait for someone to come open the door, and Raphael relaxes just enough to not feel overcome with nausea anymore. Simon’s touch has always had a calming effect on him, and he’s grateful for Simon knowing what he needs in stressful situations like this.
Luke is the one to open the door. Raphael is intimidated by the broad, tall man in front of him for about two seconds before he notices that he’s wearing a Kiss the cook apron. A bit of Raphael’s anxiety vanishes when he sees Luke’s warm smile and inviting arms.
“Welcome!” He says kindly, pulling Simon in a tight embrace. It’s a bit awkward with Simon still holding Raphael’s hand as Luke hugs him, but Raphael is too glad that Luke isn’t pointing a gun at him to care.
Luke greets Raphael with a handshake and a nod, the warm smile never leaving his face.
“I’m assuming you’re Raphael?” He asks.
Raphael nods. “That’s me,” he says.
“Simon has told me a lot about you. Why don’t you two come in so we can chat?”
Simon grins and pulls Raphael into the house, leading him to the living room. Luke gestures for them to sit down.
“Can I get you boys anything to drink?” He asks.
“A beer?” Simon tries with an innocent smile. Luke raises his eyebrows at him.
“You’re not twenty one yet,” he reminds him.
“I will be in literally one month!”
“Yeah, and I don’t think you’ll die from lack of alcohol consumption in that month. Anything else I can get you?”
“I’ll take some lemonade,” Simon mutters in defeat.
“Coming right up. What about you, Raphael?”
“Uh, a beer would be nice, sir.”
Luke squints at him, almost as if he’s contemplating whether or not to ask for his ID, but Simon jumps to his rescue.
“Raphael is twenty two, Lucian. He graduated college last year.”
Luke eyes Raphael down once more and then nods, turning around on his heels to get to the kitchen.
“I get a swig of your beer when he isn’t looking for that,” Simon states. Raphael glares at him but allows Simon to pull him further onto the couch so that he’s now sitting more comfortably instead of all stiff on the edge of his seat.
“Relax,” Simon reminds him. “Just talk about your job and hobbies to him. Tell him you adopted a dog. Luke loves dogs.” He nudges Raphael in the ribs. “Tell him you’re writing a book.”
“Why would I tell him that?”
“Because Luke loves books, idiot! Haven’t you looked around?” Simon gestures to the walls of the living room, which are all covered in shelves and shelves of books.
Raphael keeps that in mind as a topic of conversation in case there are too many awkward silences and waits for Luke to bring their drinks. When he reemerges from the kitchen, Alaric is with him.
“Ah, so we finally get to meet the infamous boyfriend!” Alaric says as a way of greeting. He’s wearing the exact same apron as Luke, except his is actually dirty. Raphael suspects that Luke just wears the apron without actually getting dirty in the kitchen.
“Alaric, you’re pretending as if Raphael is the only thing I talk about with you guys,” Simon huffs.
Alaric looks from Raphael to Simon and back, raising one eyebrow.
“Well, that’s pretty darn close! You’re almost always talking about him. He doesn’t even have to say anything anymore because I already know everything about him! Raphael, did you know Simon is constantly asking us what’s it like to move in together just in case – ”
“Alright, alright!” Simon cuts him off. “Please refrain from embarrassing me till at least after dinner.”
Alaric shrugs. “Okay,” he says smugly, “I can wait till after dinner.”
Simon makes a face at him before going in for a hug. Alaric slaps him on the back with a small laugh and pulls back, slapping Raphael on his arm as he does so.
“Okay, kiddos, let’s get this party started!” He suggests.
*
The night goes by faster than Raphael was expecting. Alaric made a really good pasta dish that made Simon moan inappropriately every time he took a bite and Luke makes sure to keep an easy conversation flowing throughout dinner and a game of charades. He tells Raphael about what he was like when he was younger, how him and Alaric had been friends since childhood and only got together when Luke had graduated high school and moved away from home.
“My family is – I love them, but they’re all very conservative. They don’t think it’s okay to date someone of the same gender, nor do they believe in polyamory. So I haven’t really talked to any of them since I left my hometown years ago, except occasionally my sister.” He lets his eyes drift to Alaric, who’s trying to guess what in the world Simon is trying to reenact. “Alaric suggested keeping him a secret so I could still see my family. He told me I should just pretend to only date Jocelyn, to introduce her as my girlfriend and pretend to be a normal, straight, monogamous guy around my family. But that’s not who I am, you know? Alaric is one of the loves of my life. I can’t keep him a secret.” He shrugs and takes a swig of his beer before continuing. “So I told my family the truth; that I’m dating a man and a woman at the same time, and that I’ve never been happier. They didn’t want to have anything to do with me after that.”
“I’m sorry,” Raphael says, because he doesn’t know what else there is to say. He can’t even imagine what it must feel like to be shunned by your family because of who you are and who you love. He’s never been more grateful for his own family, who accepted him without thinking twice about it.
“It’s okay,” Luke says, that warm smile back on his face. “Simon got to be his true self because I never pretended to be something I’m not. He grew up seeing me and Alaric happy together, and that gave him the courage to accept his own sexuality way faster than some would. I’m glad he found someone that makes him just as happy as Alaric makes me.”
Raphael looks away, suddenly shy and overwhelmed.
“Yeah,” he breathes, “and Simon makes me as happy as you make Alaric.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Luke smiles, clinking his bottle of beer to Raphael’s.
They spend the rest of the night playing charades and talking, and Raphael genuinely enjoys himself. Luke has something about him, something familiar and fatherly. Raphael is sure nobody could feel uncomfortable around him.
Simon has a great time too. After losing the game of charades, he tells funny anecdotes about when he was young and grins when Luke remarks whatever he did had been illegal.
They say goodbye around midnight. Luke suggests driving them home because he doesn’t like them driving in the dark, but Simon assures him they’ll be just fine and he’ll text him when they got home safely.
Luke and Alaric both hug Raphael goodbye. It feels good to be hugged by them – almost fatherly. They even wait for them to actually get in the car and drive off before getting back inside.
“Well?” Simon asks once they’re on the road. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
Raphael smiles. “No, it wasn’t.”
“Told you so. You can’t not love Luke and Alaric. They’re like – ” Simon makes a vague hand gesture – “the non-white Chandler and Joey.”
“Except Chandler and Joey didn’t date.”
“They should have! Chandler obviously was bisexual, and Joey was pan. Either way, they’re very lovable and so are Luke and Alaric.”
“They are,” Raphael agrees. “I’m looking forward to seeing them again.”
Simon beams at him before focusing back on the road. It’s quiet for a moment, but then he starts nervously tapping the steering wheel and biting his lip. Right when Raphael wants to ask what’s wrong, he blurts: “Do you want to move in with me?”
Raphael’s heart stops beating.
“Uh – are you… are you serious?”
“I am! Unless you don’t want to, then I’m just joking. It’s just that I’ve been thinking about this for a while and you basically already live with me anyway. I thought maybe we could make it official.”
“I – I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to agree! Like, if you’re not ready or if you don’t want to, I’d totally understand. I don’t want to force you or anything.”
“You’re not forcing me to do anything, Simon. I – ” Raphael takes a deep breath “ – I want to. Move in with you.”
Simon jerks his head to look at him with big eyes.
“Yeah?” He asks.
“Yeah,” Raphael nods. “Let’s make it official.”
“Awesome!” Simon cheers. He grabs Raphael’s hand and presses a kiss on the back of it.
“I love you,” he says.
Raphael grins at him and squeezes his hand.
“I love you too.”