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Aziraphale sighed as fae tried to settle into the nest. Crowley's smokey, apple, cinnamon scent light as he slept. Faer's thoughts had been racing and all over reliving traumas. Aziraphale knew Crowley would help faer but fae didn't want help. Fae started reliving things since learning to sleep.
Aziraphale started learning to sleep since moving into the cottage part time with Crowley. Sleep was really good for fae for the most part. Fae had been so tired through faers entire existence and never noticed until fae started sleeping. The exhaustion had hit Aziraphale like a lorry. The first time Aziraphale slept fae slept fae slept for two weeks straight. Crowley, the dear, kept watch over Aziraphale knowing fae would never be able to sleep that first time without someone keeping watch for fae. Aziraphale was so grateful for his mate. Aziraphale also knew faers mate needed sleep too and was so apologetic to him. Fae kept apologizing, fae couldn't stop apologizing it felt like faer was doing everything wrong.
Tonight was a nightmare night. Aziraphale looked over at faers sleeping mate glad fae didn't wake the alpha. The only Alpha that Aziraphale had recognized as faers since fae presented as an omega suddenly on Earth a few thousand years ago. Gabriel had of course tried to force and coerce and he had almost managed with the coercion to force himself on Aziraphale during one of the few heats Aziraphale had when Crowley wasn't able to keep an eye on him but Crowley, probably sensing that Aziraphale was in trouble, was suddenly there with some humans and got Gabriel away without raising any suspicions. Now they could be together openly and not hide their love.
Aziraphale got out of their shared nest and padded out of the room, downstairs and into the living room. Fae sat down in faers favorite chair to sit and pulled out faes crochet supplies to look at what projects were in progress that fae could continue or maybe finish.
Aziraphale caught a flash in the yarn. It was a knife hidden there from the last time that Aziraphale had used it and then quickly stored it away so that Crowley didn't see it. Crowley didn't go through the yarn and works-in-progress he preferred the finished projects and proudly displayed, or wore the projects around.
Aziraphale grabbed the knife. Fae didn't regularly cut, and did heal what fae did fairly quickly after fae did so that Crowley wouldn't notice. How hard it was to hold together after everything without something to keep fae's mind away from thinking back on the past, the harm he caused faers beloved, and the harms that had been caused to fae faerself was too much, and Aziraphale didn't have the tools to process it. Humans would never be tested again but it felt like the personal cost was too high. Being unable to stay grounded. The knife was shiny against faes pale arm.
"Angel?" came a tired, gruff voice from behind faer. Suddenly the voice was closer, the scent spiked and Crowley's voice sounded very worried, and scared "Wot are you doing Angel?"
Aziraphale panicked and dropped the knife faers vanilla scent souring with anxiety and shame at being caught. "N-nothing Crowley, I just can't sleep."
As fae said this fae tried to hide the knife behind faers foot but the demon had already been moving and had grabbed it before fae could hide it. "Aziraphale whats this? Why were you holding it against your arm?"
Aziraphale briefly considered lying but was tired of holding everything in ."Oh Crowley," fae sobbed and explained everything, "I cant handle these all my feelings. There's too much and I don't know how else to let it out. I've spent so long holding it in and hiding it because of-of them that I don't know how to let it out in any way that's healthy any more."
Crowley held Aziraphale "Oh my angel we'll find ways to help with that. I'm sure you have books on this stuff and if not we can find you some, and you know I've been getting help you can ask for some too. We've been through so much. I love you, I don't want you hurting please tell me next time you feel like this."
Aziraphale settled into faer alphas arms, there was so much more to discuss, but fae had to believe things would get better fae had his mate, they were free of heaven, and hell. They head their cottage, and they had each other.