Chapter Text
Duang entered Qin’s life the same way everyone else in his dating pool had: running around him, buying him morning coffee without being asked, and trying to carry his bags. To Qin, it was typical love-bombing.
Qin figured whatever they had would burn out within a month or two. Yet, four months later, Duang was still here, entirely unchanged. He still bought him his morning coffee, but the only difference now was that Qin had started accepting it instead of shoving it back into Duang’s hands.
Despite how loud Duang was about his feelings, Qin had somehow managed to freeze them into a ‘pre-talking’ stage, if that was even a thing. To an outsider, they looked like casual friends. To acquaintances, it looked like a tragic one-sided attraction. But their own friends knew it was something nobody could quite name.
Qin knew he was making Duang wait for something, even if he didn't know what it was himself. He outright refused to call Duang a friend, but he would rather bite his tongue clean off than call him anything more.
So it came as a surprise to Qin too when he developed an obsession with wanting to know everything about Duang through his socials. There were questions he was too afraid to ask in person because they felt too intimate. How was he supposed to ask Duang what kind of music he liked without sounding like he was interested in him? He knew Duang would freak out, and Qin just didn't have the mental energy to deal with him being hyperactive.
Now, like a sick joke on himself, he sat at his desk every night digging through Duang’s socials. It started innocently, scrolling through older posts. Luckily for Qin, Duang posted constantly and without a filter. With almost two hundred posts on his feed, Qin spent the first three days of his new hobby scrolling to a certain point, stopping, and picking up where he left off the next day.
A week into his routine, Qin hit Duang’s Spotify account. It hadn't been hard to track down. He found a tagged post, spotted a reply from one of Duang’s friends referencing a playlist, searched for that playlist on his own app, and found Duang through the friend’s followers.
If you asked Qin if he was embarrassed, he would say yes. But what kept him going was the fact that he hadn't slipped up yet. He hadn't accidentally liked an old photo or followed a childhood friend. Still, he knew their lives now as if he had been there. He knew their college majors, the slangs they used at different ages, and exactly how close they were to Duang.
Finding the Spotify account was the best outcome of his one week stalking streak. He scrolled through the playlists, and every single one was so objectively Duang that it made his chest ache. There were overly dramatic kaomojis and highly specific titles, like a phonk music playlist called "last minute submission hype (•̀ᴗ•́ )و".
Then Qin saw a playlist called "(h)ours", which was a blend with another account. Immediately, something ugly tightened in his chest. Why did Duang have a collaborative playlist with someone else, especially with a name that sounded so intimate? Qin clicked on the other account, which was named "winnitape".
Nothing could have prepared him for what he found. It was Duang’s alternate account. If Duang wanted to file a stalking case against him at this point, Qin would have cooperated without a word. He knew it was Duang’s because the account held a single playlist, created two months ago, titled "Songs I'd sing to Qin".
The bio read: If I had a good enough voice I'd serenade Qin everyday :')
The ache in his chest spread straight to his bones, crushing him. He liked to underestimate Duang’s affection for his own sanity, but finding himself in a space Duang never intended for him to see, a space so private and completely pure, made him want to stab his iPad with his stylus, which he realized he was gripping way too hard.
He clicked the playlist because what else was he supposed to do? It felt more like a confession than anything Duang could ever muster up in person. The tracklist was full of Arctic Monkeys, Chase Atlantic, old Justin Bieber (when he was still sane), Beabadoobee, and Clairo.
Qin only recognized a few artists. It was entirely different from his own music taste, but he knew Justin Bieber, and The Arctic Monkeys because he didn't live under a rock.
In the solitude of his room, Qin accepted that this was the music he was going to sleep to tonight. It felt pathetic. Why was he doing something so soft when Duang couldn't even see it?
He deserves to see it, Qin thought.
Qin moved to his bed, swapping his infamous headphones for smaller AirPods that were more comfortable for sleeping. He dimmed the lights and bundled himself up in the sheets. The first song started playing: "Right Here" by Justin Bieber, back from the era when he made actual yearning music and cared about the art of it all.
The lyrics began. Qin was nowhere near sleep yet, so he caught every word. The moment the meaning registered, any chance of rest went out the window. The first two lines froze him completely. His eyes snapped open, and he scrambled in the dark to turn up the volume.
Baby I'm here, I'm here to stay,
I ain't going nowhere
Duang, his sweet Duang. The guy he met at the start of freshman year, terrified but somehow not shy, uncertain but incredibly bold. His confession at the Loy Krathong festival had come after weeks of following Qin around, which he hadn't even tried to hide. His friends, Jamie and Pae, had stood next to him, awkwardly raising their hands in greeting while Duang tried to get his words out
To Qin, it was the best confession he had ever received. Instead of demanding for a number or directly asking for a date, Duang had formally asked for his permission to court him. Qin would never say it out loud, but in his head, he pictured Duang as a penguin holding out a perfect pebble that day.
Qin had believed Duang would leave within a month like the others. But now they were ten days away from knowing each other for five months.
Yes, Qin was counting.
Duang had gotten bolder around the third month, but by the end of the fourth, he had become careful. Qin had seen the shift in his eyes, a flicker of uncertainty about what they actually were.
Yet Duang’s devotion never wavered. It was as if Duang was ready to settle for whatever Qin was willing to give him for now. Qin hadn't felt guilty about it either, there was nothing wrong with taking things slow before jumping in. That was just how he was. He knew that if he fell for someone, there was no turning back.
He hadn't felt guilty until these past few weeks. Because he knew he was just locking his real feelings away because he was terrified.
I know you're scared, cuz you've
been hurt, Baby it's alright
The song felt like a direct answer to his thoughts. Qin suddenly remembered a night from a month ago. They were at a bar with their combined friend group, including Tong, Kim, Jamie, and Pae. The two circles had merged easily, and Qin had warmed up to Jamie and Pae surprisingly fast. They were all drinking, and next to him, Duang was stubbornly refusing to admit he was already tipsy. Qin had forced himself to keep the fondness out of his expression, he was already doomed.
Then Tiw walked in. Their eyes met, and Qin immediately looked down. Tong and Kim recognized that look, followed his gaze, and went silent. Jamie, Pae, and Duang noticed the sudden shift immediately and asked what was wrong. Before anyone could explain, Tiw and his friends were already at their table, maneuvering Qin into joining their table. Pae later described it as an attempted kidnapping.
Once Tiw left, the remaining five sat in a tense silence. The others looked to Tong and Kim for answers. Duang looked particularly desperate, especially after the way Tiw had eyed him before walking away.
"That was Qin’s high school clique" Kim said shortly. "And Tiw is his ex-situationship."
Duang instantly looked like a puppy left out in the rain.
On the drive home, Duang kept glancing at him, clearly dying to ask something. Taking pity on him, Qin explained how his history with Tiw had unfolded in high school. He told him how Tiw had built him up, only to drop him the second Qin was ready to give in.
Tiw was a self-righteous kind of guy, and saw Qin as a conquest. With so little experience in love, Qin had assumed that was how relationships worked, that you needed someone constantly pushing you out of your comfort zone, carrying your guitar, and talking to you in over simplified, gentle tones. Qin had mistaken control for care. Then Tiw just pulled away completely, suddenly. No more meetings on the stairs, no more carrying his things, no text messages. Nothing.
The only closure Qin got was overhearing a conversation where Tiw told his friends he couldn't wait around forever, adding that he was already seeing someone else and didn't want Qin brought up anymore.
Qin told Duang he didn't blame Tiw for losing interest, because no one is obligated to wait. What he blamed him for was the radio silence, leaving Qin to deal with it alone.
By the time the story ended, Duang was gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white, a single tear running down his cheek. Panicking, Qin frantically searched for a tissue.
"You are worth waiting a lifetime for, Qin" Duang said, his voice dropping to a raw, quiet whisper. "He's an idiot for losing out."
Qin had cried that night, though he would never admit it to a soul.
Lost in your eyes everytime, that you look in mine,
Promise to me all that you need, I won't leave you baby
By the fourth month of whatever they were doing, group hangouts were a regular fixture. Despite their uncertain status, the resulting friend group that formed because of it was incredible. The quiet and the chaotic mixed into a perfect dynamic.
Duang always threw a fit if anyone else tried to sit next to Qin during their hangouts, so by now, the seat beside him was universally left reserved for Duang.
Currently, they were crashing at Jamie’s place since he lived closest to campus. Assignments were scattered everywhere. Some people were on the couch, others were on the floor using the low coffee table. Qin, Tong, and Kim were on their laptops, while the other three worked on a painting project.
Eventually, Jamie brought out snacks, and everyone paused for a doom-scrolling break. Duang was the last to stop working, immediately reaching blindly for a bowl of rice popped chips.
Qin immediately caught him by the wrist.
The sudden contact made Duang visibly freeze, and Pae immediately went on high alert, secretly slipping out his phone out to record.
Qin had only stopped him because Duang’s fingers were covered in wet paint, and he wasn't about to let the boy who literally packed extra lunches for him ingest toxic chemicals. Qin grabbed a tissue and began wiping Duang’s fingers clean, entirely focused on the task like an employee at work.
The sound of a camera shutter snapped him out of it. Pae started laughing, followed quickly by Kim. Qin looked up at Duang, who was completely crimson. Qin let go of his hand instantly.
"You had paint all over your hands, idiot" Qin mumbled, his throat suddenly tight as he bolted for the bathroom.
Later that night, after everyone went home, Qin got a text from Pae. It was the photo he had taken, captioned with a trophy emoji and a goodnight.
Qin looked at the image. He really looked at it, and his heart almost made it out of his chest. He saw the exact expression Duang had worn while Qin was busy cleaning his hands. Duang looked entirely lost like he was looking at something so far away yet so close. He looked like that same rain-soaked puppy, except someone had finally wrapped him in a warm blanket. He looked like he had found shade.
Qin quickly moved the photo into a password-protected album. Every now and then, he still looked at it before going to sleep.
No, cuz I just wanna love you, I would never ever put nobody up above you
In the creative departments, the hierarchy between seniors and juniors was much tamer than in other majors. Still, it was always best to keep the seniors happy.
So when one of Duang’s seniors asked him to partner up with another senior girl for a concept photoshoot, Duang had agreed without thinking. He was too friendly to say no anyways.
He had told Qin about it, and Qin had nearly snapped his stylus a second time. But needing to protect his pride, he just nodded when Duang mentioned he would be late to pick him up. That was a routine now, Duang had essentially self-appointed himself as Qin’s personal chauffeur.
Qin lied and told him his own classes ran late anyway. In reality, he just needed to see Duang the second the shoot was over to quiet his own mind.
When Qin finally saw Duang approaching the building, the senior girl was still walking right beside him. Qin nearly dropped his iced coffee but forced his expression to stay neutral.
Duang, entirely clueless, introduced her as P’Yim. He explained that she lived along their route and had asked for a ride since it was dark. Hearing the reason eased Qin entirely, but what brought it right back was watching her slide into the passenger seat. Qin wanted to say something so badly he had to physically bite his tongue to stay quiet.
The senior was nice, but she was also very obvious about her interest in Duang. His Duang. She kept trying to including Qin into the conversation too, and Qin answered back politely. He wasn't going to ruin Duang’s reputation with a direct senior from the same department just because he was feeling petty.
"Duang, I heard you talking about A Star Is Born back in the dressing room" P’Yim said. "We’re hosting a movie night soon. We can watch it then. You should bring your friends. Qin can come too."
The word ‘friend’ made Qin want to open the car door and lean out into traffic hereditary style. Because no, that was absolutely not what they were.
"Oh, Phi, I'd love to", Duang said immediately. "But I already promised to watch that one with Qin. He won't admit it, but he loved the summary when we were searching for a movie to watch last week”
He continued while eyeing Qin through the rare view mirror.
The direct reply made Qin tense up a bit, but a massive wave of relief washed over him. The way Duang said it implied they did this all the time, just the two of them. It wasn't an explicit label, but it was a clear boundary.
"Ohoo, Duang, you really know him well" the senior laughed. "We'll pick something else then, don't worry."
‘Oh, boy’ Qin thought.
"Hoi how could I not, Phi'? As for the movie night, Qin and I will be there."
Just like that, without making a scene, he linked their names together like they were a single unit.
"You two go everywhere together?" the senior asked, laughing fondly, clearly catching onto what Duang was doing. She turned around to look at Qin, offering a knowing smile. She seemed to have put the pieces together by now.
Good for her, and better for Qin.
I just wanna kiss you baby, I just
wanna hug you, till the end, till the end
Duang was resting his head on Qin’s lap while Qin sat on the living room sofa. They were at Qin’s condo. By this point, Duang spent more time here than Tong or Kim combined.
They were supposed to be making dinner. Well, Duang was. Qin knew his skills in the kitchen and left the actual cooking to Duang, glad to have a home-cooked meal after days of eating takeout. They had gone grocery shopping together earlier, picking up simple ingredients for Egg-fried rice and a stir-fry.
But the moment they walked through the door, they both collapsed onto the couch, exhausted from a long day at the university. The grocery bags left on the kitchen counter.
"Hey, Duang. Break time is over" Qin said, his voice tired and hoarse but final, as he poked him. "I'm starving. Come on, I'll help you chop the vegetables."
Qin was actually hungry. It was already 8:30 PM, meaning they wouldn't eat until 10:00 PM at this rate.
Duang pouted heavily but dragged himself up anyway. Who was he to say no to Qin?
After finishing his designated task of chopping the vegetables, Qin climbed up to sit on the kitchen counter, watching Duang move around the space as if it were his own.
"Qin, you're blocking the salt. Move over a bit" Duang murmured, not really sounding annoyed at all.
Qin wanted to tease him. Watching Duang cook always settled something intensely warm in his chest, and he needed a distraction to keep from showing it.
"No."
"Qinnnnn"
Duang tried to look stern, but Qin just flashed his sharp, cat-like grin. He still kept the warmth out of his expression when he and Duang were alone.
Giving up, Duang reached directly behind Qin to grab the container. Wrong move, he realised it while retracting his hand back exactly how close their faces were. To make it worse, Qin chose that exact second to turn his head, intending to tease him further. The smile died on Qin’s lips as the reality of the distance hit him.
They were inches apart. Duang’s left hand rested on the counter between Qin’s knees to steady himself, initially to reach for the salt. His eyes locked onto Qin’s suddenly looking smaller and heavier. Qin felt himself start to shake slightly because what were they even doing? Duang looked like he had completely forgotten where he was, or what he was. He leaned in a fraction of a millimeter, his breath warm against Qin’s cheek as his eyes dropped to Qin’s lips. The warm kitchen lighting seemed even more dim and the hum of the exhaust fan did nothing to break the absolute stillness between them.
Then the salt shaker slipped from Duang’s fingers, clattering loudly against the counter behind them.
The sound shattered the tension. They both pulled back slowly, both not really wanting it to end like this. Then Duang shook his head a little and began frantically cleaning up the spilled salt with a handful of paper towels, his voice shaking slightly as he started fuzzing nonsense about wasted groceries. He refused to look at Qin after that.
Qin slid off the damned counter immediately, now only leaning against it with his hands in his pockets. He couldn't take his eyes off Duang, even if he wanted to. In that single minute, Duang looked different. He looked older, more grounded. He handled the sudden awkwardness without letting it suffocate the room, pulling out things to talk about from thin air, even though the deep crimson staining his ears and neck proved he was feeling it just as much.
Duang didn't stay over that night, and Qin didn't sleep for a single second.
Cuz I'm right here, ain't nobody gotta
hold you
Cuz I'm right here, ain't nobody
gonna control you
Qin had replayed the track over a hundred times already. It was easily going to end up in his Spotify wrapped at this rate, and he couldn't even be mad about it because the song brought him to a devastating realization.
Duang really was right here. He was the exact same person he had met months ago, completely consistent in his words and actions. He had never pushed past Qin’s boundaries, never forced a single milestone, and simply left it to Qin to decide where they went. He was always just a text or a call away.
Qin hated phone calls and never initiated them, but right now, he desperately needed to hear Duang’s voice. He needed to confirm that the boy was still there, and that his epiphany hadn't come too late.
Tired of making himself wait, Qin impulsively dialed the number. He cut the line immediately when he looked at the timestamp on his screen, 2:00 AM.
Duang had early classes and was definitely asleep.
Instead, he settled for texting him instead, anything would do right now, he needed to contact Duang even if he isn't up to see it.
Qin: Can't sleep. You awake?
Qin: Tomorrow is Friday, Want to come over after our classes end?
Qin: Stay over.