Chapter Text
Yamaguchi didn’t want to have to see his best friend suffer.
He watched on as the blonde cried into his hands, barely holding back screams. He was breathing heavily, just as Yamaguchi was. Tears had welled up in the shorter boy’s eyes as well, and he let them fall. I never wanted him to endure this much agony, he thought, I never would have thought his pain would have to last this long. He lifted his arm to wipe his eyes.
He watched on, but he couldn’t do anything about it.
He had died months earlier, after all.
-x-
This was Yamaguchi’s life now.
Or his afterlife, you could say.
It was mostly spent in almost darkness. It was endless grey hills, with endless grey skies to match. He heard the shouts of other souls, screaming as they were ripped away from their life. Even though it had been months since he himself had died, he still felt the incredible sadness when he first realised he had died. He remembered turning up to this place, not knowing what had happened. It took a few minutes for the memories to come back, but once they did, he was numb. He had thought about everyone he had left behind.
Then he had cried.
He cried for a long time, knowing he’ll never see any of them again. His team, his family, his best friend. Time didn’t exist in this place, so he had to estimate the time it took. He guessed he cried for many days. He never felt the need to eat, sleep, drink, or do anything.
He was dead, after all.
However, every now and then, there was an opportunity to see someone you had loved in your life. The first time the opportunity arose he had checked on his family. They were all distraught, and most of them never left the house anymore. The second time, he checked on his team. They were at normal practice, but there seemed to be tenseness in the air.
Every now and then Yamaguchi would spot tears on the face of his teammates, which would break him down even more. The thing that worried him the most was that he couldn’t spot his best friend among them.
So now, the third time, he was watching his best friend. He regretted it, but didn’t want to stop. He was watching his friend cry, and that was hell enough for him. The thing is, while watching, he wasn’t there in person. He simply watched on a screen that had appeared. He thought of the one person he wanted to see, and it played. As he had cried, Yamaguchi spotted something that made his heart stop - if it was beating, anyway.
His best friend, Tsukishima Kei, was clutching a photo of them to his chest.
Yamaguchi knew that he was crying over him, as he had mumbled his name a few times. But this really hit him. The photo was them at a carnival earlier that year. Yamaguchi had stolen his phone and forced Tsukishima to take a photo with him. Tsukishima had acted like it was stupid, but in the photo he had a small smile on his face. Yamaguchi’s dark hair was blowing in the wind, along with the blond of Tsukishima’s. Yamaguchi’s dark eyes were lit up with joy, while Tsukishima’s were still dark, but happy.
Yamaguchi couldn’t bear it any further and smashed the screen with his hand. The screen disintegrated, the sound of his best friends sobs fading away. Yamaguchi collapsed to the floor. He buried his face in his hands. “Why did this have to happen?” he murmured to himself. It was now eerily silent, and the screams of the souls had stopped. There wasn’t anyone else here in this limbo, and Yamaguchi was all alone. “Why did I have to die?” he asked himself. He knew he was crying and he didn’t stop it. “Why did it have to end like this?” Questions were coming to him. These were questions that he had thought of the entire time he was dead, but now they had more meaning than ever. He lifted his head up; tears were still falling heavily down his face. He took a deep breath in, and stood up shakily.
“W-Why do I have to be so alone?!” he shouted into the emptiness. His nervous voice echoed, bouncing the question around the deep limbo. He heard his voice crack over and over, he heard his stutter being repeated, and he heard the sadness in his voice. He closed his eyes, and waited for the echo to stop.
He felt dark hair blow gently in the wind. His eyes shot open.
There isn’t supposed to be wind down here.
-x-
He looked around, incredibly confused. He took in a familiar sight that ran shivers down his entire body. My bedroom. He was in his bedroom. His bedroom from when he was alive. He turned to the right where his window was open, which must have been the source of the draft earlier. His breathing sped up. How can I be in my bedroom? He was sitting on his bed, and it felt too real to be a hallucination. “Tadashi, come downstairs when you're ready!” he heard a shout. He was shocked to hear his mother’s voice, and it made him tear up. As he got out of his bed, he saw clothes laid nicely on the end of his bed. He quickly changed into them. I don’t understand what’s happening. I’m dead, aren’t I? Why are things continuing like they used to? Don’t tell it was all a dream. It can’t have been. The limbo was too real. Their… grief… was too real, he thought. He looked for his phone, and spotted it on his bedside table. However, when he lifted it up, a small piece of paper fell from on top of it and onto the floor. He picked it up, wondering what it was. He unfolded it and revealed it was a small letter. The words on his made him freeze.
“This is your last day.
If you can, avoid changing it too much.”
He shook his head violently. No, I don’t want to do this, he thought. He knew the events that let up to his death, and he had never wanted to experience them again. He flipped the paper over, and spotted another few words written.
“Don’t try to change the fate that awaits you.
Accept it with open arms.”
He dropped the paper in shock but, before it hit the ground, it disintegrated. It reminded him painfully of the screen in the limbo world.
As he walked down the stairs of his house, he felt an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. His legs shook as he made it to the bottom of the stairs. He saw his mother smiling at him from across the room. Tears built up in his eyes once again, but he quickly removed them.
“Are you okay, Tadashi?” his mother asked. He nodded quickly.
“I’m fine, mum,” he said, sitting at the table.
-x-
After a quick breakfast and a lot of pondering, Yamaguchi was just lying down. He was reflecting on what was going to happen that day. He heard a gentle laugh from behind him.
“Tadashi, have you forgotten already? You were so excited about it yesterday,” he heard. He spun around and saw his mother, who was smiling. Yamaguchi tried to remember anything, but he couldn’t. Or he didn’t want to. His mother gently smacked him in the back of the head, in a joking manner. “You're going out with- I mean, to the town with Tsukishima! I can’t believe you forgot,” she sighed.
“Oh yeah, I can’t believe I forgot either,” Yamaguchi said, with a weak laugh. He did in fact remember, but he was trying his best to repress it.
“Well, go and brush your teeth and hair and whatnot, you look like you just woke up,” his mother stated, walking over to the kitchen area.
“But, I did just wake up,” he joked. He then sighed, and then walked to the bathroom.
When he got there, he looked at himself in the mirror.
He was taken aback with his reflection.
It was normal, but he instead had bright golden eyes. He moved closer to the mirror, studying this rare colour that had just found itself in his eyes. They were shining brightly, almost like they were made of the real material. He found himself gently touching at his eyes, to see if maybe it was an odd reflection of some kind. It wasn’t.
Oh. This must symbolise that I’m... dead.
Yamaguchi was too entranced by his new golden eyes he completely ignored the doorbell, which rung through the house loudly.
“Tadashi! Someone’s at the door for you~!” Yamaguchi’s mother called out. Yamaguchi snapped out of the trance-like state he was in. He quickly adjusted his hair and ran into the front room where he saw him.
Tsukishima was in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe.
“H-Hey Tsukki!” Yamaguchi exclaimed, hoping that the stutter would go unnoticed. Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
“We should go as fast as we can, or we’re going to be late,” he stated. Yamaguchi nodded.
“Bye, mum,” he called out, and turned back to Tsukishima. He heard a faint reply but he didn’t take it in. He was too busy staring at his best friend, feeling sadness welling up in his chest. Tsukishima looked back in confusion.
“Yamaguchi, what are you doing?” he asked. Yamaguchi shook his head.
“Oh, nothing. Uh... we should go!” he said. Tsukishima sighed, then walked out the door. Yamaguchi followed, closing the door behind him, “So, we’re taking the bus, right?” he asked. Tsukishima nodded.
“Yes, and if we don’t hurry up we are not going to get it in time,” he replied. Yamaguchi promptly picked up his pace, along with Tsukishima. They made it to the bus stop in time, so they sat and waited. Yamaguchi turned to Tsukishima to say something, but suddenly the loud noises of a bus arrived and ruined his opportunity. They got onto the bus, and Yamaguchi got the window side. As they were getting driven through town, Yamaguchi looked out the window. It wasn’t like Tsukishima was going to make conversation with him, he had his headphones on at full blast. Yamaguchi didn’t mind, though. He wanted to spend as much time as he could in Tsukishima’s presence. Yet, there was something that was constantly nagging at him. His mind kept going back to the thoughts that he was dead, and this day would be his last. Why did I even get this opportunity to live again? I don’t deserve it in any way. I’m just going to go through it, and I know that... Tsukki’s heart will be crushed all over again. I don’t want him to feel the pain again. I... don’t want to have to see him suffer. I- his thoughts were suddenly cut off by a voice.
“Yamaguchi, stop crying. I don’t know why you’re crying, but it’s not like you. We’re just going into town anyway. What’s to cry about?” he heard someone say. He turned around and Tsukishima was looking straight at him. Yamaguchi touched his eyes to find them wet. He quickly wiped his eyes.
“Oh, it’s nothing. I just got something in my eye. It’s really nothing,” he lied. I can’t keep tearing up like this. Tsukki’s very observant. He’ll realise something’s wrong, and he will keep bringing it up until I break and give him an answer. But even if I do tell him, that will ruin the “avoid changing it too much” part of the note I was given. I can’t tell him. I have to live this day properly, like I don’t know how today will end, he thought. Tsukishima rolled his dark brown eyes.
“Sure, whatever you say,” he stated, then put his headphones back on. When he turned away, Yamaguchi gave him a smile.
It wasn’t a smile of happiness, though.
It was a smile of sadness. An in-advance apology, possibly. Yamaguchi almost felt pity for him, because he knew what was to happen. He knew that sadness he would have to put his best friend though again, though he never wanted it.
In fact, it was a smile of sorrow.