Archive of Our Own

They say the longest lasting relationships are the ones that start with a pure friendship. One that holds no hidden agendas from both parties. They both come into this new connection, this...unfamiliar bond, willing to grow together and shield each other from life’s cruel pains without any romantic baggage or expectations. It makes sense. You get nothing in return romantically and yet, you’re invested enough to go the extra mile for that person - someone who started off as a stranger - simply because you were introduced to one another at some point in your life. 

This was the case with Jimmy and Sea. Sea ponders on the theory with a heavy ache in his heart, with a hope bubbling simply because their friends were having too much fun indulging in their shenanigans and rooting for them like they’re the only BL couple in Thailand. Jimmy - the person Sea knew was going to be one of the most special people in his life from the moment they met  - carried himself in an aura that was humbling. It made Sea feel inadequate, lacking, when standing next to him like they were being compared instead of being paired. 

A simple interaction would leave him feeling flustered all those years ago, and it wasn’t because he had a crush or even entertained the idea of being interested in him....you know, like that. Sea fought a long and hard battle to get to where he is now. The person he was all those years ago is not the same one standing before his fans. He never felt like he belonged, and he never felt understood. He’s been told his heart is too big for this world, and he used to see it as a curse. But now, with Jimmy by his side, the man offers his unwavering support for Sea’s fragility to lean on, and with not many words, with a single glance his way or a fleeting concern on his face, he feels the calm wash over him just because he’s there.  

And slowly, yet surely, that bond shifted, then maneuvered, then dodged any allegations of a simply friends theory, a skill their devoted fandom fought hard to hold onto, their patience steadfast despite the fact that their whole career revolved around fanservice.  

Not that Jimmy and Sea gave them anything beside the crumbs they could spare here and there, each crumb scattered weeks and sometimes months apart. That didn’t matter to their fans. They survived on whatever they could find, glances, accidental touches, so small they barely existed if you didn’t have the patience to slow it down and zoom in like a detective solving a crime. 

“Hey, you ready to go?”  

Sea is slightly startled when Jimmy pats him on the back, the fleeting touch igniting something deep, something that tastes like a fresh start; a flourishing beginning he can see so clearly as Jimmy gives him a smile that carries the weight of all the implications and relentless teasing the past three days. It’s okay. He nods, gesturing for him to get inside his car.  

Sea lets out a soft gasp. He walks to the door, fully expecting his partner to walk to his own side when he catches him off guard.

What is the meaning of this?  

Shy heartbeats pound impatiently against his ribcage when everything happens in slow motion only seen in their own series. Jimmy opens the door for him, and with a sweet, transparent warmth, he lets his gaze linger with a smile only reserved for his partner.  

“O-okay.” Sea lets out a sheepish laugh. “Thanks.”  

Jimmy looks around for anyone that might be sneaking an uninvited glance. He finds none, it’s too late for anyone to be watching creepily, the streets are dark, almost dead silent where they are. His hand hurries to be the shield that protects Sea’s head, a natural, involuntary reflection to the Thap that was always just Jimmy.  

Sea gets inside, eyes slightly widening at the intimate gesture. Jimmy’s never done that before. What is the meaning of this? He asks again, so many thoughts and what if’s floating in his already crowded, restless mind.  

He settles in, waiting for Jimmy to join him. When he’s no longer alone, they sit in their respective seats, not saying a single word or stealing a brief glance. Nothing but the dead silence in the cocoon of a car that smells like the man in the driver’s seat.

That scent, god, it’s dizzying. He’s smelt it, felt it, a million times before, but the after effect now wafts into his nose, making his heart plummet into his stomach in a way it hasn’t before. 

“You sure you wanna come back to my place?” Jimmy whispers, not brave enough to meet Sea’s eyes, who does the same. Please, please don’t let my efforts go to waste, Sea. Let me. 

“Um, yeah, I, uh, it’s too late to go home.” Sea tucks his hair behind his ear, he fidgets on the seat and it’s quite laughable really when he thinks he looks relaxed like he usually is around Jimmy now. Is he relaxed? Has he ever been relaxed around him, or perhaps this new feeling was never new after all. Perhaps his heart skipped a few hundred beats every time Jimmy breathed in his presence.  

The car barely makes noise when slender fingers turn it on, and yet it rumbles quietly, like it’s too ashamed to interrupt two lovers’ curious night. A night they haven’t a single clue on where it might lead. Jimmy’s condo, sure, but then what? What comes after the solitude they’ll find themselves surrounded with.  

Before Jimmy chickens out, and that’s not something he worries about usually, except for Sea it seems, he drives them off and onto the lonely road.  

The engine hums in pure contentment as the driver keeps his eyes ahead; a sound that never dared filtrate the vehicle until this moment. It seems that even inanimate objects can feel the palpable tension beyond senses only humans can perceive.  

Sea deliberately looks out the window, nervously tugging on his lower lip, barely emitting a single whispered breath, because he’s nervous.

So nervous, his stomach flips a hundred different ways, a bundle of excitement in all shades and hues, and the cause is one. One person who rests in his place like the last three days didn’t do a single thing to faze him. 

But they did, Sea’s sure they did. Jimmy was stumped, he wasn’t being himself, not the one Sea is used to. So many signs, so much painful hope planted right in the centre of his heart, and it’s all because he was stupid enough to fall for this perfect, magnificent human. He realises now that his feelings were nothing but a path as inevitable as growing up. You cannot possibly prevent it from happening and you cannot possibly undo it; a wildfire destined to spread through his body like growing pains. 

Fragile nails suffer the abuse next, with Sea trying to be subtle and failing as his teeth ache. When it gets too quiet, he turns his head slightly, and steals a glance of Jimmy’s form, illuminated by street lights, to see if the man of his dreams is fairing better than he is.  

Jimmy meets his not so sneaky gaze. Shit! They both snap their heads, with Sea glued to the now foggy window that memorised the flustered outline of his face, panic widening his eyes, while Jimmy....Jimmy immerses himself in the secluded highway like it’s a fascinating phenomenon. He grips the steering wheel hard, hard enough to not fall into the trap of regretting inviting Sea to his apartment. What was he thinking? What is he planning to do when they get there? Jesus, he’s a stupid, stupid man. A moron if he ever saw one. 

Oh my God, he’s never been with a man before. He’s....only been with girls. What does he do? How does it even work?  

Okay, calm down Mr. Like I’ve Never Had Sex Before.  

Whoa. Hold your horses. Who the hell even says Sea wants to have sex. That’s insane, even for someone who’s as crazy for their co-star as you are, Mhor. 

And how are you so sure that you’re ready for that either? 

No. They’ll simply talk, that’s it. God knows they need it. Jimmy knows he does. And Sea, well, the man used to love to hide away from letting himself speak his mind, especially with Jimmy, but that’s changed.

Jimmy feels it. And yet, he’s not so sure. Where do they go from here? What do they talk about? Hell, how does one start such a delicate subject? From which end of the thread is he supposed to pull to make sure whatever this is doesn’t snap. 

Every couple of minutes, Jimmy becomes helpless to the magnetic pull from the other side. He clears his throat, gentle but loud enough to grant him a speck of fearlessness to place his hand on the armrest, fingers restlessly tapping, a bold invitation to be held by another. 

Bold to himself, that is. He suspects his co-star barely notices, until he does.  

Sea turns his head ever so slightly, the energy shifting around him, pushing him to look from the corner of his eye, and finds Jimmy inching his hand closer, so subtle you’d miss it if you weren’t head over heels in love. And that is not who Sea is, for he is brazenly smitten and – far too creepily - observant to the man’s every move, and so he falls immune to feigning obliviousness.

He doesn’t wish to be. He can’t be, because the fragile organ beating inside his chest avidly tugs on the hem of his weakness, and exploits the river of love that courses through him tirelessly. 

The electrifying charge between them hovers gently, only to intensify unapologetically when neither man makes a move; yet another inanimate object playing cupid . The surge of the current is merciless as it bursts through their heated blood.  

Sea lets out a long, slow breath, gulping down his cowardice. 

Sadly, he still second guesses himself ten more times, alternating between bringing trembling fingers closer and pulling them back like he forgot he had an itch to scratch at the back of his head. 

This teasing dance continues for another ten minutes, frustrating to say the least when unsurety plagues the tight space. Sea eventually loses his resolve and decides to huddle into the passenger door until his heartbeats can take a moment to recuperate just so that he can give a pathetic pep talk to his numb fingertips.

Thanks a lot for nothing. He silently grumbles, lips trembling uncontrollably.

Why is he so weak? Hell, why is Jimmy so weak, he’s supposed to carry the weight of....whatever this is, whatever change their relationship is about to step into. A whole new world of unexplored possibilities lie in the horizon and they all feel daunting; a hefty, thousand-ton quandary crushing his chest.  

It’s a huge step, one that cannot be taken lightly. Jimmy feels the weight of it growing heavier as he pulls into the parking space of his building. And just like that, his mind is made up. Perhaps coming home was the nudge he so desperately needed for the both of them. He knows it’s a daunting shift, this transition from friends to something more, and, god, he doesn’t want this to backfire, not when his partner is so vulnerable to having his heart broken. His pure, gentle heart. 

Oh Sea, there is nothing to be afraid of. It’s just me. The silent assurance runs through his mind when he looks over and finds Sea staring out the window still long after the car dies—too nervous to even look his way as the sore fingers of his left hand wrestle each other, locked in a silent game of who can squeeze the hardest. 

“Sea, we’re home.” Jimmy gently nudges with a whispered tone, his hand hovering on top of Sea’s shoulder before it retreats. 

Home. Sea’s eyes fall on Jimmy’s hand as it now rests on the gear. That hand. He knows that hand. He loves that hand, the one with elegant veins engraved therein. The one he saw and felt as it teased the air around his tense shoulders a second ago.

It’s his Achilles heel. Being able to sense everything that has Jimmy’s name on it. Even his hesitations. Especially his hesitations 

However, the tension suddenly melts into nothing when Sea turns slightly. “It’s late, thank you for letting me tag along. You must be tired.” 

Jimmy rubs at his nape before he turns more towards Sea, the mannerism so innately Jimmy that Sea lets out a small laugh despite himself. “I’m okay, don’t worry. Are you okay?” The question encompasses far more meanings than one. Sea knows that. 

“I am, hia.” Sea flutters his pretty lashes, his hand almost reaching for Jimmy’s before withdrawing and pretending the gesture was intended for something else entirely, leaving him with crossed arms that look more awkward when it’s just the two of them. 

Jimmy suppresses the breath that was threatening to leave him. Hia, that softly spoken three lettered word wrapped in unconditional loyalty and a devotion that runs so deep, Jimmy knows there is nothing but love at its very core.  

He can’t pretend to be blind to that momentary courage Sea displayed, and it lights up a wave of relief only to smother it when he sees the light disappearing in those beautiful, trusting eyes.  

“Hey,” Jimmy clears his throat, “you wanna go upstairs and get some sleep?”  

Sleep? Really, Jimmy? Sea can’t stop the slight frown from souring his features. Once again, his expectations ran wild and he only has his wishful thinking to blame.  

“Come on, let’s go, and I’ll take a look at that.”  

Sea looks at his calluses and exposed wounds, the ones he endured in hours upon hours of grueling practice that finally paid off in the end. “Oh.” A tiny smile slips between the corners of his lips. He cares about me, doesn’t he? There it is, his poor, love-battered heart, knocking frantically, recklessly, for its owner to surrender it to the one that made it this way. The lines on Sea’s brow smoothen out, and it somehow does the same to Jimmy’s own tightly-wound overprotectiveness. 

“Okay.” Sea nods and leaves the car in a hurry, and with his lower lip giddily trapped between his teeth, he scurries away from the man lest he sees the red hot blush and blows his cover. 

“Come on in.” Jimmy holds the door open, waiting for Sea to make himself at home like he’s done a thousand times. Sea lets out a relieved exhale and, for the first time tonight, since they got inside the car and made their way here, the doubts bleed from his body, and he no longer feels that familiar anxiousness twisting his stomach into knots.  

“Nice place.” Sea jokes and looks over his shoulder. “I mean,” he draws out, “it’s so-and-so for a doctor-slash-actor that makes a fortune but, eh, it’s alright.” 

“Ha ha. Mr Tawinan, the jester of the century.” Jimmy spits back with a flat voice, betraying how much he loves it when Sea acts like his normal self, and in his own home no less. It gives him an intense feeling of rightness that they are right. 

Sea lets out a giddy laugh, his heart jumping with joy. He loves it when they’re like this, when nothing blurs the bond of their friendship, because they were friends first, and that bond will never be blurred. Sea hopes it will simply morph into something stronger, something of an infinite love that runs deeper than the platonic one that hides behind shallow waters. 

Jimmy grabs a jug from the fridge as Sea settles in on the kitchen stool. “Here.”  

Refreshing water pours into a sparkly clean glass. Jimmy slides it across the counter before Sea, who hums in a silent thanks. You know, that nonchalant effect he’s trying to go for instead of the little girl that’s squealing inside. It’s water, not a love confession. Talk about high expectations. 

Sea sips the cool liquid then rests it on the marble surface. Jimmy comes around and takes the other stool, facing him. 

“Does it hurt?” 

“Hmm?” 

Concerned eyes fall on Sea’s hand. 

“Oh this?” Sea examines the little cuts. “Nothing that a few days of rest won’t fix. Don’t worry.”  

As always, Jimmy’s concern reaches further than he thought it would. Every single time Sea gets hurt, he expects himself to be composed, calm on the inside, but the reality is something else. He tries to take it easy on the mother-henning, especially since he hasn’t breached the sensitive topic of them yet, and he doesn’t want to mess that up like do something that hurts Sea’s feelings, or perhaps make him feel like he’s weak.  

“Come on, let me take a look.”  

Sea follows Jimmy to the couch, he hovers around awkwardly when the man just stands there. It was probably only for a moment but to Sea’s finite patience, it felt like it was stretching endlessly. 

“Have a seat, I won’t be long. Wait for me?” With a gentle tap on Sea’s arm, Jimmy leaves him alone with a tired smile that Sea can only decipher as a plea to actually wait for him in more ways than one. 

Wait for me. He says. Sea plops down on the sofa, getting too comfortable for a co-star that comes to visit now and then. Those eyes, warm and misty, were clearly trying to give him a cheat sheet, a clue to read between the lines of those spoken words.  

Wait for me. He said. 

I will, Jimmy.  

I am.  

I have been. 

“Okay, let’s do this.” Jimmy finally emerges from the softly lit hallway with a first aid kit, because doctor, duh! Sea lights up too, his heart brightening intensely, with a glow that could be seen illuminating through his eyes. He wonders if it’s obvious. Is it? It doesn’t sound like the most terrifying thing if it was. He desires to be seen; for his love to gently circulate around Jimmy as his footsteps mark the beginning of an era, and the end of another.  

Jimmy places the box on the coffee table and pulls up his sleeves, revealing a tasty line of veins that pop up in a teasing display, and it makes Sea’s mouth water. The instinct to trace them with his fingers is strong, and yet, it’s not as powerful as the instinct to replace them with his own tongue instead , to feel each one bounce as he caresses the protruding lines.  

“Hey, you alright?” Jimmy shifts closer, the proximity making Sea dizzy with a heady want. His knee moves dangerously close to Sea’s legs—where a palpable desire lies beyond their border. 

“Um,” the hesitation quivers pitifully. Sea is not really nervous or scared. He’s just...gosh, he doesn’t know what he’s ‘just’ anything if he’s honest with himself.  

Is it the natural rhythm of a swarm of butterflies in his stomach seeking to be released? 

Is it the painful, prolonged longing that stretched over years of platonic pleasantries? 

What truly lies beneath this reluctance his lips are barely speaking? 

“I’m okay.” Sea answers with a smile and thankfully he’s rewarded with a sweet mirror of its own.  

“That’s what I wanna hear.” Jimmy looks through the kit and takes out what he needs. Letting out an exhale that sounds like it’s about to precede a speech, he gently brings Sea’s injured hand and rests it on his own knee. Sea lets out a gasp, his heart beating in his throat when he suddenly spots a smirk that can barely be seen with Jimmy gluing his attention to his fingers, too preoccupied with playing doctor to reveal his true intentions so swiftly. 

The dull ache is barely registered when Sea is tended to so delicately. Jimmy dabs the Q-Tip on the affected skin, as careful as a benign scalpel held between a surgeon’s skilled fingers.  

Sea doesn’t dare hiss when a loose end of a scab is accidently peeled back against the grain. The trust between them is too precious, the new layers painfully fresh and he does not dare make a sound that threatens to close the door of opportunity when it is just peeking.  

“Am I hurting you?” Jimmy naturally leans in, his body swaying, and perhaps he wasn’t aware of it, but the closeness feels so intimate, that Sea can’t see it as anything but a deliberate, calculated decision that is inherently genuine. 

“No.” Sea rushes to say. “You have never hurt me....hia.” He finishes with an assuring whisper. He stills his hand, the sting no longer present, not when it’s being held with an agonisingly tender grasp. Jimmy allows it to rest in his palm, the air thickening. His gaze slowly meets Sea’s as he looks up.  

“Oh Sea.” With a softness that makes Sea’s heart ache, Jimmy brushes stranded locks that grew too tired to stay upright to avoid blocking Sea’s vision.  

A gentle caress on his head, and a pining that has been years overdue glisten in Jimmy’s eyes, and Sea feels his heart blossoming into a nameless identity that only recognises itself with Jimmy around. “Jimmy.” He breathes out.  

“God, your lip.” 

The words would have made Sea blush if it weren’t for that strained tone and the eyes that fall on his mouth. “W-what about it?” He asks, his voice intensifying the legendary pout. 

“You and that lip picking habit, you always do this. Especially with me.” Jimmy throws him a knowing look. 

Sea nibbles at the skin, failing at rebutting Jimmy’s argument. 

“Knock that off, jesus Sea.” Jimmy thumbs his lower lip, just at the surface, fearful of hurting him. Instead of scolding some more, he lets a sigh do the job. “Here.” He takes out a tiny jar from the box and dips the tip of his index finger in the smooth salve. “Lean closer.”  

Sea obeys the gentle request, falling for any words that spill from Jimmy’s lips. He’ll take them all, he’ll capture each breath and save it as a token of nostalgia in case this dream doesn’t turn into a fairytale. Jimmy’s gaze, now warm and utterly mesmerising, holds Sea still as his lips are unhurriedly caressed from one corner to the other, swiping back and forth with a light touch. “God, your lip.” Jimmy’s breath comes out broken, but this time the twin words from a few seconds ago shift into a different tone. One that races Sea’s heart and causes his stomach to flutter; a slow, smouldering burn at the edge of his dormant libido.  

The phone buzzes, butchering the moment. Jimmy flinches like he’s been caught by a homophobic cult marking his execution. He curses under his breath as he reaches inside his pocket.  

“Is everything okay?” Sea glances at the screen, its pale glow catching the hard focus in Jimmy’s eyes. Thankfully before he opens his mouth to press for answers, Jimmy snorts and shakes his head.  

“These idiots won’t let up, will they?”  

Sea feels the relief enveloping him. The fear vanishes and in its stead, a sweet playfulness overtakes.

“What now?” The amused tone in his question is clear.  

“Nothing, it’s just Force and Ju. They’re sending me all these....” he gestures to the screen, “immature messages about tonight, don’t worry about it.” He turns his attention to Sea, his phone tucked away in his pocket again. 

“What...” Sea’s voice comes out hoarse. “What are they saying?” A nervous chuckle escapes.  

The nervousness in Jimmy’s eyes are equal to Sea’s when he blushes and looks away.  

“Tell me.” Sea brings his body closer, hoping for, perhaps, a smidge of a hint, something to keep him in this ‘improper’ loop Jimmy refuses to share. “Please.” 

When excuses fail him completely, Jimmy turns to his partner again. “They’re asking me if I...” his courage takes a pause, only for a moment, if only to gaze into Sea’s teary eyes and find the love he was too terrified will always be a friendly one. He finds nothing there, and a wave of relief washes over him. “They’re asking me if I kissed you yet.” The words tumble, one after the other, like Jimmy’s discussing the weather. A skill he’s honed over years of hard work. 

And instead of the gasp that lets itself out, Sea finds nothing but tranquil calm; a wholehearted acceptance if his lips were to ever touch Jimmy’s offscreen, beyond the camera lens that stalk them wherever their shadows wander. 

Jimmy’s hand finds Sea’s neck, he feels the pulse erratically chasing the callused tips of his fingers and he’s taken over by a desire to hold this boy’s heart in his own and never let him down again. “Sea.” 

“Yes?” Sea breathes out. “Hia?” 

“God, I...tonight, the past three days just...” Jimmy lets out a faint groan and pulls back, letting his hand drop. 

Sea stays still, waiting as he lets his arms go limp by his side. His own voice laced with fear for daring to think about speaking. For the first time since he’s learned to speak his mind to his co-star, he’s happy to let his voice take a backseat. 

“Sea, I’m sorry if those guys made you uncomfortable.” Jimmy looks into his eyes, and sees nothing but wide ones of which he doesn’t know the cause. “Sea, are you uncomfortable?” 

“What?” Sea recovers from this strange trance and shakes his head, “are you, are you being serious right now?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe? I don’t wanna assume. I can’t possibly put you in a position that will make you feel cornered just because I had this wild idea in my head that you might....” He trails off. 

“Might what, Jimmy?” Sea presses. 

“I’m too scared to say.” 

“Say it anyway.” Sea whispers the plea. 

“That you might feel the same way as I do.” 

“Which is?” Sea’s lips tremble, eyes brimming with tears. 

“I...” The anguish in Jimmy’s voice can be heard from miles away and yet, Sea knows the intention is pure, “I like you.” He breathes out, finally, his heart breaking the chains he was a prisoner of for so long.  

“Oh.” The gasp Sea releases comes out in waves; a tide finally surrendering to the moon. His hands, which were frozen at his sides, unclench slowly, fingers trembling as if relearning what it means to reach for something so fragile. 

“Oh.” The sound leaves him again, but softer this time. The single syllable carrying the weight of a thousand unspoken conversations they only had in their dreams. The ones that almost played out in real time amidst stolen glances, in the silence of late-night walks where their shoulders almost touched, in every sentence that started then died before it could become their truth. 

Jimmy stays rooted where he sits, as though a single twitch will shatter the moment. His confession hangs between them, luminous and utterly terrifying, a newly freed baby bird lost in the mightiness of a vast, overwhelming sky that feels dauntingly foreign. 

“I didn’t think—” Sea starts, then stops. His eyes, always so quick to smile, now hold an unwavering seriousness, capturing Jimmy’s gaze like it’s the only solid thing in a world that just flipped on its axis. “I mean, I hoped, but simply hoping felt like…” His misty gaze falls on the space between them, breaking the hypnotising eye contact. He was never strong enough to hold on. 

“Like drowning?” Jimmy asks, with a ghost of a smile that flickers across his face, pained and hopeful all at once. Still unreasonably terrified of a bitter tasting rejection. 

Sea nods, exhaling shakily. A tear falls, sliding down his flushed cheeks and clinging to his chin. “Like drowning in plain sight.” 

The unsure energy separating them suddenly awakens with a pure clarity. The gap is closed, narrowing in its doubt, and it’s not because either of them move, but because the air itself contracts, its very own fears shrink up until there’s no space left for anything but courage. They’re pulled together by invisible threads, their own hearts reaching for one another with shy heartbeats akin to fingertips. 

Somewhere outside, a car swooshes by, the distant sound of a world that hasn’t just cracked open and rearranged itself a million times. 

“Say it again.” Sea whispers, and it’s not a demand. It’s a prayer encased in a breathless desire. 

Jimmy’s bravery makes a bold move as he, himself, moves. He is hesitant yet close enough to count Sea’s eyelashes, close enough to feel the heat radiating from skin he’s only ever dreamed of tasting outside the watchful eyes of cast and crew alike; of people who know a little bit too much. 

“I like you. I think I liked you from the moment you laughed at a joke so lame I should have been embarrassed to let it leave my mouth. I just didn’t realise it at the time.” 

Sea lets out a small laugh; a wet, breathless sound, so real and....raw. He reaches up to press the heel of his palm against his own chest, futilely calming the storm raging beneath his ribs. 

“Jimmy...” His lips part around the most beautiful name ever spoken, but it has never sounded like this before. Like an answer to a long journey of discovery. Like the end of a an endless, lonely question that stretched for centuries of dark, relentless emptiness. 

And when Sea closes the remaining distance, when his hands finally find their place on Jimmy’s shoulders, when their foreheads meet and they sit there breathing each other in, neither is sure who moved first. 

Perhaps they both did. Perhaps they have been moving towards this moment their entire lives, two tides finally recognising that same moon that was left waiting. 

The hesitation buzzes in every inch of Sea’s limbs. It lingers before it has a chance to morph into redundant words. What else can he say, in this beautiful, almost dream-like moment. A moment his logic and reasoning all but mocked with a laugh and a wicked consoling pat on his back like they truly cared. 

And in that magical pause, in which Sea chooses to blindly silence all his reservations, he feels Jimmy’s breath, and it’s oh so warm against his lips, so enticing, close enough to taste, enough to blur the edges of everything they have ever been to each other. But Jimmy doesn't close the final distance. Something stops him, and that panic builds up again in Sea’s core, threatening to engulf him in that painfully familiar cloud of drowning he was moaning about so soon. God. He’s pathetic, always letting his guard down before this man, like they are already ‘something.’ It can’t be helped. When it comes to Jimmy, Sea turns into that little boy that wants to be loved and cared for, and he wants this man to be the one to do the honours. No one else. 

Jimmy - clueless to the doubts his partner is wrestling - hovers there, trembling, his hands rising to cup Sea's face with the tenderness of someone holding something they're terrified to break. This boy is too precious, too....pure.  

Ask him. Ask him before you start what he can’t finish. 

"Sea," Jimmy buries the pain of being possibly friend-zoned, somewhere deep down, and speaks. That beautiful name shudders out of him like a second confession. His thumbs trace the line of Sea's cheekbones, feather light, reverent. "Are you sure?" 

Sea's eyes flutter open. When did he even close them? 

He finds Jimmy so achingly close that his features greet him with a familiar, yet wholly new softness; an indistinct sensation, a mixed palette of worry and pining that holds itself back.  

His brow is furrowed, not with doubt, but with the weight of what this means, of what he could possibly lose. 

God, please, not this. Not him. Anything but him. 

"Are you sure you want this?"

Jimmy asks, and his voice is not strong enough to not crack on the last word. "Because, Sea, if we cross the line now…" He swallows, his throat drawing Sea’s attention for a fleeting moment before those eyes will him to yield for another staring contest. They didn’t look that way before, when being just ‘Phi-Nong’ was the safest path. "There's no going back. Not for me. I can't go back. If you turn me down after you let me in, I can’t just pretend I don't know what your lips feel like, or what it sounds like when you say my name like that, like you don’t wish to speak another’s but mine.” 

Tears silently course down Sea’s face, each drop sweet on his lips stead of the salt that loved to spoil his hope that this man could ever be his. 

“Sea, I won't be able to sit across from you at crowded tables and laugh like my whole world isn't standing on the edge of yours, waiting for another naive chance." A quiet note of desperation bleeds into his words; a subtlety no one else can master. 

His forehead presses firmly against Sea's, as if the contact is the only thing keeping him upright. Letting out another shuddering breath, his grip rests on his nape, gently pouring all the words he’s yet to speak into the soft hairs that tickle his fingers. 

"I need you to know what you want." Jimmy continues, his voice quieter now, hushed. "I'm not brave enough to lose you halfway, I can’t.” He forces out. “If you give me this, I'm going to want all of it, all of you. Every version of every tomorrow. The mornings and the arguments and the quiet, boring nights where we run out of things to say. I'm going to want to hold your hand on the film set and fight over who should practice their lines first. I want to....” his voice breaks, “I want to be lulled to sleep on the sound of your breath. That's what 'crossing the line' means to me. Do you understand?"  

He pulls back just enough to look into Sea's eyes, and there's nothing guarded left in the glistening moisture, because he’s laid himself bare, with a love so transparent it is as though he confessed a thousand times before. 

"So I'm asking you...” he takes in a shaky breath, “....I'm asking you to be sure. Because once I start loving you, really loving you, the kind that doesn't know how to stop, I'm never going to want to find my way back to the other side of that line again." 

The silence that follows is not empty, but one that fills the tension until it overflows. One that holds everything they ever wanted to say. 

“Sea.” Jimmy speaks one last time. “I have never felt this way about anyone, and god, I know this sounds so cliche and overused but I swear, you know me, and I....” the emotions are hastily swallowed, almost threatening to spill his entire composure. He’s Jimmy, damn it. He doesn’t break like this, doesn’t let his body decide what his mind allows to roam free. And yet.... 

“I can’t swallow my words until you know how I feel about you.” 

And in that sweet vulnerability of a man who never dared to wear his heart on his sleeve, Sea lets out a wet relief; a laugh mingled with a cry, his hands still resting on Jimmy's shoulders. His fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt, anchoring them both. His eyes misty yet clear somehow, but he doesn't look away. Doesn't blink. He simply breathes Jimmy in. The fear, the hope, the unbearable tenderness of being asked to be certain. He takes in all of him, unabashedly. 

And so softly it might be mistaken for the wind, Jimmy’s name escapes his lips. "Jimmy."  

One word. But it's an answer. It's a door swinging open. It's a line already crossed, waiting for Jimmy to realise he was never standing on the other side alone. 

“Sea.” Jimmy’s voice is now tinted with so much longing, so much desire that never wishes to impose on an invitation his heart is yet to receive. 

Before that desperately awaited kiss plants itself right on their lips, they’re pulled closer, with invisible hands, a magnet with a charge that only recognises each other’s touch.  

Sea’s heart pounds, racing, and it’s all so crazy that he’s getting nervous over something they have done a million times on set.  

But that’s just it. This time, there is no movie set.  

No cameras.  

No intrusive lens that pry over whose mouth moves first or which upper lip is pulled.  

No planned choreography of movements that only belonged to characters on a page. 

 No. This is them, and only them.  

They are alone and free to let their hands roam, for parched lips to make mistakes and kiss imperfectly, with heavy breaths that leave without thinking about how loud they shouldn’t be. Their bodies are free to resume the torture of holding out, or letting the fire consume them whole. This is their plot now, their own story written behind the shadows, and it’s perfect in its own messy storyline, with no side characters or villains tainting the clichéd romance of two people who were friends first. 

Jimmy wills his own erratic heart to slow, to pace itself before it gives out altogether. And when he leans in, just shy of feeling Sea’s desire tingling his own lips, the phone buzzes, and instead of cursing the whole universe for this unseemly disturbance, he reaches inside his pocket and blindly silences it once and for all.  

“Hia?” Sea whines with his eyes closed.  

“Shh, I’m here.” With no more interruptions to spoil the moment, Jimmy assures Sea as he strokes his hair, because he knows. He knows how much that pure heart overthinks until it aches, until it cries from the sore abuse. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” 

“Hia.” Sea sniffles, finally opening his eyes and seeing Jimmy before him, so close it’s agonising. Everything burns. The closeness, the heat of his body, the dizzying scent of his cologne married to the warmth of his sweat.  

Jimmy gently wipes those heartbreaking tears away, even if their source is one of relief, one of pure joy hiding behind the moisture.  “You trust hia.” A subtle smirk. An armour Jimmy clings to for the image he wants to maintain before the love of his life. Oh. He’s said it, hasn’t he?  

“I trust hia.”

The same words Sea spoke on that stage, but now, with their love uncensored, each one comes out stripped raw, a version of himself he doesn’t recognise.

How can one love so deeply, so...manically? 

How can one love so desperately, until love itself stops feeling like love and starts feeling like survival? Like a hand reaching into the depth of the fire and wishes to be scalded. 

“I trust hia more than anyone.” Sea returns the favour and wipes a single, lonely tear fighting for its life on the corner of Jimmy’s eye, its ego too prideful to let itself be seen. “You trust me?” His voice wavers, and it’s a good thing that his question only had three words because he would have collapsed then and there, and it would have been downright embarrassing, a horrifying story to be cried over instead of the ones you remember and laugh at its silliness.  

“Shh, you don’t need to ask me that, just like how I didn’t need to ask you.”  

“You gonna kiss me?”  

“You want me to kiss you?” 

“Y-yes.”  

“This is it, Sea, no going back. I’m not selfless enough to let you change your mind. I told you, once my lips taste yours...” he lets the silence speak for itself. 

“I know. I know.” Sea whimpers, “please, kiss me, please Jimmy. Don’t take it away from me.” 

“Shh, shh, that will never happen.” 

Jimmy's words leave his lips; an unbreakable vow pressed into the space between them. The warmth of his palm pulls Sea in by the goosebumps on his neck, fingers threading through the soft baby hairs. 

And just before the agonising waiting becomes indefinitely unbearable, and before the love that was simmering turns into a volcanic eruption of emotions, he leans in and takes Sea’s pliant lips. 

The first brush is barely a kiss at all. Just a faint ghost of lips touching, meeting for the first time, permission wrapped in a silent question encased in stuttered breaths that yearn.  

Sea shudders against him, his fingers curling tight in Jimmy's shirt, pulling him closer, lest he dissolves into thin air between a heartbeat and the next. 

But Jimmy doesn't dissolve. Jimmy doesn’t disappear, for he stays, as solid and real as he’s always been. Solid. Real. His. 

The second kiss is bolder. Jimmy tilts his head, finds the angle that makes Sea moan against his mouth, deepening it just enough to taste—salt from tears, sweetness from the saliva adorning his delicious skin, and a flavour underneath that is purely, irrevocably Sea. Like a Sea breeze wafting along the shallow lines of the shore, refreshing and warm, spreading through your limbs like it’s a part of the very essence you were made of. 

"I've got you." Jimmy murmurs against his lips when he hears a weak whine, the words swallowed between them. "I've got you." 

Sea makes another sound - a sob mingled with a joyful laugh - and kisses him back with all the desperation of someone who was drowning for years and has finally been thrown a lifeline. Hands slide up from Jimmy's shoulders, fingertips grazing the curve of his jaw, the shell of his ear, memorising every speck of clothed skin through touch alone.  

They kiss like they're learning a new language. Slow, hesitant, each movement a question answered only by the one that follows. Jimmy's hand splays across Sea's lower back, pressing them closer until there's no space left for doubt or change of mind. Jimmy made it clear, he will not allow returns, not when his tongue has delved deep, making itself at home into the warmth of that velvety slickness. 

 Sea's legs part slightly, instinctively, and Jimmy follows the pull like a man in heat. 

When they finally break apart, just for air, just for a single ragged breath, their foreheads rest together. Their heartbeats too loud for their eyes to open. One sense at a time. It’s too much. Too intoxicating. The thrill of finally crossing the line tastes like blissful sin. 

"That was—" Sea starts, voice wrecked. 

"Not enough." Jimmy’s chest heaves. "Not nearly enough." 

Sea lets out a shy laugh. "I was going to say perfect." 

"Perfect." Jimmy hums, thumbs brushing Sea's cheekbones, tracing the tear tracks still glistening there. "But still not enough." 

More kisses are pressed into the corner of Sea's mouth, his jaw, and a spot just below his ear. The exhilarating rush of sensations from that single touch cause Sea to shiver, to flutter his eyes with a thrilling realisation that these lips have somehow awakened something in him after a long and hard slumber, birthed from nothingness and into the light. 

"Jim—" 

"Shh." Jimmy pulls back just enough to look at him. Sea's lips are rosy red as they part. Plump, tempting, seductive in the moisture glazing its skin. His eyes are wet with tears and two shades darker. A thin strip of lust staining the innocence. His chest rises and falls like he's just run a marathon. Beautiful.

 "You have no idea how long I wanted to do that." 

"Then do it again." Sea whispers. "Please." He bites his lower lip, hoping for the alluring gesture to be the push his partner needs to throw them both over the edge. 

And Jimmy...Jimmy doesn't need to be told twice. 

This time, the kiss is deeper. Hungrier and more deliberate, like they suddenly realised there's no need to rush anymore. There are no directors waiting to call ‘cut.’ There is no script dictating when to pull away or how much to push.  

It’s just the two of them, suspended in the soft amber glow of Jimmy's living room, the only two main characters in a world of NPC’s, and it holds no significance to the them of the here and now if the world suddenly ceases to exist beyond the tonight of their new beginnings. Tonight is a JimmySea cocoon that shall not dare disturb the peace they found in each other. 

When Jimmy steals another shameless taste from Sea’s lips, he is hit with a flavour of graceful surrender. A coming home to a place he's never been. Jimmy drinks him in like a man dying of thirst, and Sea lets him, he lets him take it all, he gives him everything he’s dreamed of giving him. He opens his mouth and heart and every locked door he's kept guarded for years. 

"I want you." Jimmy breathes on his lips. The words slip out before he can catch them. But he doesn't want to catch them. Doesn't want to take them back. "I want you, Sea. I wanted you since—" 

"Since the lame joke." Sea supplies, tears spilling fresh down his cheeks. "I remember." 

"I'm never going to stop." 

"Don't." Sea pulls him back in, fierce and trembling. "Don't ever stop." 

Jimmy smiles into the kiss. A real, genuine smile, the kind that crinkles his eyes and makes Sea's heart ache with the euphoric dream-like feeling of it all. "Wasn't planning on it." 

Their bodies stay glued to the sweat on their covered skin, tasting and trading kisses soft and deep and everything in between. Some are lazy, barely a press of lips. Some are hungrier, hands wandering to hips and waist and the hem of shirts that suddenly feel like too much fabric that is personally out to get them. And yet, Jimmy finds his composure and self-control somewhere amidst the sensual chaos and pulls back before either of them gets lost too far, his restraint fraying at the edges but holding. Just barely. 

"Not tonight." He whispers, though it costs every inch of him dearly. "Not like this, Sea. Not when you're still shaking." His voice trembles. 

Sea looks down at his own hands—trembling, yes, but not from fear. "I'm not scared." 

"I know." Jimmy presses a final, chaste kiss to his forehead. "But I want to do this right. You deserve right. You deserve slow and....romance." 

Sea opens his mouth to argue, then closes it. Because Jimmy is looking at him like he's the most precious jewel he’s ever seen and it makes him want to try to see himself just the same way. And maybe, just maybe, he can afford to share that belief.  

If his partner, his perfect, beautiful partner, finds him worthy of being loved, then who is he to say that he shouldn’t be loved. 

"Okay." Sea’s voice quivers. "But tomorrow..." 

"Tomorrow." Jimmy nods. “Tomorrow, I'm not letting you leave this couch." 

Sea lets out a bubbly laugh. "That sounds like a threat." His lower lip is taken between this teeth. 

"It's a promise...but to talk.” His hand strokes Sea’s hair, a silent apology for the misleading temptation. “About us. About this." He gestures between them as he takes Sea’s hand. 

Sea resists the urge to roll his eyes. “Haven’t we talked enough?” He grumbles, but deep down, probably on the surface even, he realises that he loves Jimmy just that much more because of it. 

“No.” A shy smile opens Jimmy’s mouth. “I still have to tell you about when I started falling for you, really falling for you. There’s so much I want to say.” 

“Wow, you, Dr Jimmy, who’s all about actions speak louder than words. How did you get so....” 

“Good at talking?” 

“You’re good at everything.” Sea shakes his head. “But, this, with me....I’ve never seen you like this before.” Sea speaks with such giddiness. He bites his lip, so excited he can’t stop smiling. 

“That’s because you have never seen me in love before.” 

“What?” Sea feels another burst of wetness on his cheeks, another flood of emotions materlising into tears. “You’re in love with me?” 

Jimmy lets out an exaggerated sigh, “that’s what threw you off? Really?” He tils his head. 

“You said you liked me.” Sea’s brow furrows like he’s got one on Jimmy when really he just wants to make sure he didn’t misread the room. 

“Well, yeah, I mean,” Jimmy stammers, “I wasn’t gonna tell you I love you when I had no idea how you felt about me.” 

Sea scoffs, “yeah right, because I’m not the world’s most open book.” This time he does roll his eyes. “Really, Jimmy?” 

“When?” Jimmy is suddenly curious. 

Sea blinks dumbly. 

“When did you know?”  

“Oh. It’s kinda pathetic, but...” Sea looks away. 

“You and that word just don’t mesh well together, like at all, sorry to say.” 

Sea blushes despite himself. Jimmy gives him an expectant look, and that’s when he lets all of his inhibitions go and goes for it.  

“When you went to Switzerland.” He risks a glance as he plays with his fingers. “That’s when it....when it really hit me. How much I needed you, how much I felt for you.” His confession flows out of him like a river, too powerful to put a dam on his own heart.  

“I missed you. So much.” He’s now brave enough to meet Jimmy’s warm eyes, the ones that say you’re safe here. And he is. Sea is safe to breathe, safe to share what his heart has known all along, and this man makes him feel all of it. “I couldn’t eat properly. Barely slept. I would stay awake until my eyes hurt from staring at the screen. Refreshing the page, stalking your updates, your photos, wishing I was with you. Wishing I made you smile like you did with your colleagues. I was so...jealous. It’s so stupid. And it hurt, god, it hurt so badly when I would tell myself God has cursed me with the world’s worst unrequited love because there is no way in hell anyone could ever love another the way I love you. It hurt so bad.” 

“Not anymore, it doesn’t. You have me, Sea. I love you back just as much. You are my friend, my partner, my....everything.” He whispers. “I need you to know that. You know, before I’m tight-lipped again and I go back to being the actions speak louder than words doctor you apparently love so much.” 

“Oh shut up.” Sea wipes his tears. “I do love that doctor, very much so.” 

“And he loves you too. If not more, to be honest. Just because I’m not bawling my eyes out doesn’t mean I love you any less.” 

“It’s not a competition hia. I know how you feel about me.” 

“And that will never change. I promise.”  

The world outside continues spinning: cars swooshing by on the wet pavement, distant city lights flickering, a universe indifferent to the two men clinging to each other on the body heated sofa. But inside, in the private secrecy where not a single speck of air deserves to be released, wrapped in the quiet and warmth and a lingering taste of each other's lips, a fresh new story begins. 

Tomorrow, I'm not letting you leave this couch. 

The words echo in Sea's mind long after they finally untangle themselves. Long after Jimmy's hand found his in the softly lit hallway, fingers interlaced like they have been doing it for years. Long after the bedroom door clicks open, revealing a space Sea had seen a hundred times before. But never like this. 

Never as his, too. 

Jimmy's bedroom is exactly as Sea remembers it. The same sparkly clean beige sheets. The same lamp on the nightstand and the minimalistic decor. The same faint smell of laundry detergent. And there’s something else here too. An aura so uniquely Jimmy that always made Sea's chest ache with longing he was too cowardly to name. 

But tonight, standing in the doorway with Jimmy's hand still clutched into his, everything looks different. Feels different. 

Softer. Warmer. Like someone turned up the saturation on a black and white world in Sea’s mind, and now he’s overtaken, overwhelmed with the vibrant intensity of the infinite array of colours. 

"Hey." Jimmy's voice is low, gentle. He squeezes Sea's fingers. "You okay?" 

Sea nods, then shakes his head, then nods again. A laugh bubbles out of him, nervous and breathless. "I don't know. I slept here before. On the couch I mean." 

“I know.” Jimmy nods. 

But Sea doesn't move. He stares at the bed. Jimmy's bed, the one he's only ever seen from across the room during quick visits, the one he's never touched, never been on, and feels an embarrassing flutter in his chest. 

Not fear. But a buzzing anticipation. 

"I've never..." Sea stops. Swallows. Tries again. "I've never slept in your bed before." He ends on a trembling whisper. 

Jimmy turns to face him fully, his expression softening into something so tender it almost hurts to look at. "I know." 

"I'm nervous." Sea chooses to be transparent, to let all his emotions be shared with one person, his rock, the person that never once judged him or belittled him, or made him feel weaker. "Is that stupid? I mean, it’s not like we’re gonna do anything tonight. And we have literally been in each other's personal space for years. We fell asleep right next to each other during flights. We, god...." 

"It's not stupid." Jimmy steps closer, close enough that Sea can feel the warmth radiating off him. His hands find Sea's lower back, settling there like they belong effortlessly. "It's different now. I know." 

"It's good different," Sea rushes to say. "I'm not....I mean, I don't regret anything. I just. God, my heart won't stop pounding and I feel like I'm sixteen again and I don't know what to do with my hands and—" 

"Sea." 

"Oh God.” Brown eyes widen with unrealistic scenarios. “What if I snore? What if I kick you in my sleep? What if—" 

Jimmy silences his paranoia with a kiss. 

It's soft. Gentle. A whisper of lips that says calm down, I've got you, breathe. Sea melts into it, his hands finding Jimmy's shoulders, then his chest, fisting in the fabric of his shirt because he needs something to hold onto.  

When Jimmy pulls back, Sea's eyes remain closed. 

"Better?" Jimmy lets out a sweet chuckle.  

He’s teasing. Sea knows how he sounds like when he teases but it’s a welcome, playful form, one that feels like acceptance rather than mockery. He opens his eyes slowly, lashes fluttering. The nervous energy hasn't fully dissipated but it's softened, diluted by a trust only known to them. 

"A little." Sea nods. ”Although, my heart is pounding for another reason now.” He finishes with a sheepish laugh. 

Jimmy grins. That boyish, unguarded grin that Sea always secretly hoarded in his memory like stolen treasure. "Then I'll just have to kiss you again. And again. Until you forget how to be nervous." 

Sea throws him one of those cheeky looks that definitely say I’m up to no good. "That might take a while." The nervousness still shows though. It’s like someone trying hard to be normal around their crush. 

"Good thing I'm patient." Jimmy’s eyes fall on Sea’s lips, contradicting his boasting claims. 

He makes good on his promise either way. 

His mouth searches for Sea’s in the dimmed lighting and finds it in an instant, a buried instinct in his limbs that triumphs any hopeless blindness. He lets the touch explore languidly, slowly, as his tongue savours the shy-pink lips like they have all the time in the world. His hands never wander downwards, never go beyond Sea's waist, never press for more than his partner is willing to give. He simply holds him, steady and warm, and kisses him like the night is infinite. 

Eventually, somehow, by an almighty miracle, they end up on the bed. 

Sea’s not sure who made the transition. Maybe Jimmy guided him down. Maybe his own knees simply gave out from the sheer weight of wanting. All he knows is that he's suddenly on his back, enveloped by Jimmy's scent, looking up at his face haloed by the soft glow of the streetlight filtering through the curtains. 

"You're beautiful." Jimmy whispers into his ear. A fact as true as ‘the grass is green.’ 

Sea's throat tightens. "You can't just say things like that." He gnaws on his lower lip. 

When he leans back, Jimmy looks him dead in the eye as his twinkle with mischief.  

"I can, and I will. Better get used to it." 

Jimmy lowers himself beside Sea instead of on top of him. Giving him space to breathe. Giving him room to think. Giving him the freedom to choose how close he wants to be tonight. It's such a small thing, yet the underlying gesture is vast in its mightiness, and Sea notices. He notices everything. He sees everything. 

"Come closer." Sea whispers, extending one arm as he lays on his side, facing his ‘partner’ who has now become his in so many different ways. 

Jimmy goes willingly, curling around Sea like he was made to fit there. And Sea feels himself floating somewhere between waking and slumber. Between lines blurred and crossed, but never erased. The comforting weight of Jimmy’s arm drapes over his tiny waist. His nose tucks into Sea's hair, his legs tangle with Sea's beneath the cool sheets, divinely smelling like comfort and home and Jimmy. 

They lie on the comfortable mattress, wrapped up in each other’s warmth, breathing in a perfect, unconsciously planned rhythm. 

Sea's heart finally stops racing, reaching a gentle equilibrium. 

"Is this okay?" Jimmy whispers against the side of his temple. 

Sea nods, making himself smaller as he huddles closer. "It’s perfect." The assurance comes out muffled but Jimmy can still hear the clarity intertwining between its nervous folds. 

"Too fast? Too much?" Jimmy asks, choosing to push just a little bit more in case Sea changes his mind. He lied. His heart may already be a house where Sea lives rent-free, but he'll never be so cruel as to lock the door. He'll let Sea come and go as he pleases a thousand times before he dares to imprison him in his fanatic idea of love. 

"No." Sea pulls back just enough to look at him. Jimmy's eyes are dark and soft, full of questions he's too gentle to ask out loud. Sea reaches up and traces the line of his jaw, the curve of his lower lip, the small mole under his left brow, the one he's always wanted to kiss. 

"I'm excited." Sea breathes out. "Not just about tonight. About... all of it. Waking up next to you. Falling asleep together. Cooking together. Working together, bickering and fighting over the last piece of avocado and—" He laughs, cutting himself off. Embarrassed by his own honesty. "I've thought about this for so long. I just never let myself imagine it could actually happen." 

Jimmy's expression falls slightly, just for a second, before he presses a kiss to Sea's forehead. "I'm sorry it took me so long." 

"Don't be." Sea shakes his head. "We're here now. Together. That's all that matters, hia." 

"Here." Jimmy echoes the word on his tongue, like he's tasting the word instead of testing it. "I like the sound of that." 

The tingling of their lips meet once again, the yearning still too fresh to bandage, but it’s lazy this time, the touches unhurried, like they're learning the geography of each other's mouths by heart. Jimmy's hand splays across Sea's back, pulling him closer but never pressing, never demanding. And Sea lets himself be held, lets himself be kissed, lets himself believe that his dream has finally manifested, and that his wishes were indeed a future that was simply taking its time getting here. 

When Sea’s lips barely give back and he lets out a soft moan of exhaustion, Jimmy breaks the kiss, his heart aching when his lids are too heavy to even blink. 

"Sleep." Jimmy murmurs, brushing the hair from Sea's forehead. "I'll be right here." 

"You promise?" 

"I promise." 

Sea wants to stay awake, wants to memorise every second of this. The weight of Jimmy's arm, the sound of his breathing, the way the sheets smell like both of them now. But his body is exhausted, wrung out from years of longing and days of emotional heartache seasoned with relentless teasing, and the sheer relief of finally having everything he was too afraid to wish for. 

His eyes finally flutter closed. 

"Jimmy?" He speaks just as he’s dozing off. 

Jimmy answers, never missing a single question. "Yeah?"  

"Thank you. For waiting. For loving me back." 

Jimmy's lips press softly against his brow. "Thank you for trusting me enough to let me in. Now sleep...terak." 

Not Sea, Not nong. Not the safe, public nickname that belongs to fans and cameras and characters they play. But an endearment custom made for them. A word worthy of their love for privacy. A word that shall never be heard by their fans’ eager ears. A word that sounds like mine. 

Sea hides his smile into Jimmy's chest, feeling warm and small and utterly content. 

For the first time in a long time, falling asleep doesn't feel like another temporary fix to the ache in your chest, not when the person you have loved for what felt like forever holds you close enough to heal your wounds. 

And the last thing Sea hears before sleep claims him is Jimmy's soft voice, barely a breath as he caresses his hair.... 

"Fandee na. Terak."