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Chapter 1: The Beginning
Izuku has always struggled with depression. He felt crushed beneath these feelings that told him he was useless and he didn’t deserve to live. He wished someone could tear the pain from his chest and bury it where he could never find it again.
Even if that were possible, there would be no way for the heavy feelings he held in his emotions or this desperation for this misery to end and for him to be pulled out of him. It was hopeless. He had tried a few things that had pulled him out of his heavy feelings for dying. He tried banging his head on the wall, but that was too loud and his mother, Inko Midoriya, had caught him once.
He tried pulling on his skin until it got red, but it looked like his mother abused him, but she didn't and he didn't want to get taken away by CPS. But maybe if he did get taken away he would be able to kill himself without worrying about his mother.
He tried snapping a rubber band on his wrist, but he got yelled at by the teacher for being disrespectful for making noise while he was talking, and he didn't want to go back to the principal. The one who did bad things to him, who touched him in places that were not right for anyone to touch.
But nothing seemed to work. Besides one thing, self harm. Every time he cut himself, he felt the liberating feel of the emotions exiting his body, even though they were just suppressed by his mind focusing on where he would cut next, and hopefully not go too deep.
Even now he still does it. He tried to quit and get clean, but his mind never let him forget that liberating feeling of razor sliding and slicing through his skin, blood coming out of the cut, dripping down his wrist and falling down onto the cold hard floor, that didn't feel anymore comforting then how the principal made him feel. He felt disgusted and watched with hungry eyes every time he walked into that room.
Now he sits on the floor doing the same thing he tried to quit. Blood coming through the cut that looks a lot deeper than the other ones, the blood that curved around his wrist and falling onto the cold hard floor. He feels something as he does it, he feels free .
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Golden sunlight slipped through a crack in the curtains, brightening the once-dark room. Reflections danced across the posters hanging on the walls. His eyes flutter open slightly trying to adjust to the brightness of the room. He takes in how the sun seems to make him feel somewhat liberating and feels as if it's easier to breathe.
As his eyes adjust to the brightness, he slowly sits up. He uses his left arm to push himself upright while his legs hang off the bed, his feet barely touching the floor. He already feels tired from just moving to sit up, he doesn't want to do anything, let alone get up.
“I'm so tired.” And he is, mentally.
Izuku gets up feeling like one hundred rocks are glued to his body as he walks to the bathroom. Each step he takes makes him even more tired than the last. The floorboards creak with every step. ‘Mom really has to ask someone to fix these’ he thinks. Even though he’ll wish for these floorboards to get replaced, he doesn't, they make him feel connected to the world somehow and take him out of his own mind.
As he pushes the door to the bathroom open he can already feel the dread and regret from what he did last night. He takes a step and feels his foot hit the cold tiled floor, making it send shivers down his spine. He doesn't want to look into those eyes. And find those sad, sad eyes he dreads looking at every morning. But he has to as he takes those few steps that seem so far towards the sink.
When he looks up, all he can see are those eyes. The ones that used to be bright and green filled with hope, joy, and dreams within them, that would blind you if you looked at them too hard and too deeply. But now those eyes are gone, they're dark, empty and hollow. The hope, light, fun and dreams that used to exist in those eyes are now gone, and are replaced with sadness, darkness, despair and nightmares. The nightmares of that man. The principal who looks at him with something other than principal and student but more, lust and hunger.
After looking in those lost and dark eyes he starts to get ready picking up his toothbrush and the toothpaste that he very much dislikes. After suffering through the pain of the extra minty toothpaste his mom bought, he moves onto the mess or curly hair he has. Wetting his hair and trying to brush through it, even though the brush got stuck half through his hair.
In the end he gives up and starts to walk out, but catches a glimpse of his wrists and stops. He knows what he did last night and regrets it, but it helps him even though it's not the best method, but it helps cope with his depression. He doesn't want to look at it any longer, because he knows he’ll be late for school and be sent to the office to see that man.
After what feels like hours staring at his wrists he gets ready for school, dreading and hoping he doesn't see Kacchan, his childhood best friend, the one person he thought would never bully him, but he is. And Izuku hates it. Why did Kacchan bully him, what did Izuku ever do to him?