Archive of Our Own

1

Sitting on the couch with a perfectly swaddled two week old in the crook of his arm, Shane was glad to have been knocked out of the playoffs in the second round. His body was worn, mind exhausted, but he’d taken a shower that lasted longer than a minute, had properly shaved and combed his hair for the first time in days and put on proper clothes in place of t-shirts spotted with baby spit-up and other foreign substances. He was now refreshed and cozy in the Ottawa home he and Ilya chose together, content in a way that seemed unreal. 

Their son, Leo, had chosen the perfect moment to arrive, right at the end of their season, at the end of May, a gift in between Ilya and Shane’s birthdays.

If the countless pictures they’d taken of Leo were mixed into Shane’s baby albums that his mom always pulled out when Ilya asked over the years, none of them would be able to tell the difference. They expected his skin to darken a little or his hair to curl as it grew longer, like Svetlana. But for now, his skin was milky pale, like Shane’s during the winter, and his head was full of wispy straight hair that laid flat, except for a cute cowlick slightly off center on top.

Many people had warned them that having a kid would change them. But Shane hadn’t anticipated just how much. Even after years spent loving Ilya with his entire being, he didn’t know he could love someone this much. He didn’t know it was possible to fall in love with Ilya hundreds of times more like he had in the past two weeks and counting. 

They both had their moments of panic since Leo was first placed in Ilya’s arms. Mostly involving diaper changes for Shane and any time Leo slept for more than a couple hours straight for Ilya. But they were figuring it all out together and Shane had never been more grateful to be on Ilya’s team. Their rivalry only existed now in the race to choosing Leo’s first outfit of the day or changing his diaper fastest or getting him to smile first. So far, Leo had only managed a quick purse of his round lips once for Ilya, but Shane maintained that it was a reflex more than anything, which he’d read in a book on the First Year, and was definitely a precursor for the stinky diaper that followed shortly after. Ilya grinned the entire time he changed him with ease, like he’d been doing it for years, and still slightly quicker than Shane.

Over highlights from game five between Florida and Carolina playing low on the tv, Shane could hear Ilya in the kitchen, glass and silverware clattering around as he loaded the dishwasher and then the low hum of the sterilizer with yet another round of bottles to clean. Shane was typically the first one up in the morning doing household chores. But that was another change, he’d miraculously gotten over his slight obsessive compulsion in the first few days of being a dad. It didn’t bother him that Leo’s closet he’d carefully curated was already in disarray thanks to Ilya’s hunt for the cutest outfits, or that there were diapers and package of wipes spread out over the coffee table in front of him even though they had an elaborate changing station upstairs. And what were a few dishes left in the sink or a load of laundry left in the dryer overnight when Leo was there. 

As if on cue, Ilya came into the large living area carrying a basket of Leo’s clean onesies, burping cloths, and blankets. He hadn’t shaved since they brought Leo home, and the dark shadows under his eyes matched Shane’s. Admittedly, the lack of sleep wasn’t so much Leo’s fault as it was theirs. Their baby only needed to make the softest of whimpers and they were wide awake and alert, ready to tend to his every need. They both insisted that he slept easier when one of them was holding him. There would never be such a thing as letting him cry it out. Even if Shane was tired enough to consider it, Ilya would have divorce papers drawn up before the tears could dry on Leo’s soft cheeks. 

The thought made Shane smile, or maybe it was the bulge of Ilya’s arms as he carefully set the basket on the opposite end of the long sectional. He was in mesh shorts and one of those tank tops he still tormented him with, gray this time. His hair was longer and fluffier, and Shane wanted to run his fingers through it.

Ilya looked over at him and smiled too, before he pulled out a thin blanket dotted in rubber ducks to fold.

He was quiet when he asked, “He is still sleeping?”

Shane gently shifted Leo to his other arm so Ilya could see his face and the way his dark lashes fluttered slightly as he continued to sleep undisturbed.

Ilya clutched the blanket to his chest and Shane knew exactly what he was feeling, that sweet ache in his heart every time he looked at Leo. Shane felt it too and didn’t expect it to ever stop.

“Why don’t you go sleep?” Shane offered, still smiling at his husband. “Mom and dad are coming by this afternoon.”

Ilya knew this. They were bringing Anya back home after taking her in to give them a small respite and let them settle in fully with Leo. Secretly, his mom was also coming to arrange the final details for a surprise party for Ilya’s birthday next week.

“Exactly,” Ilya said, none the wiser, shaking out the blanket and folding it neatly. “I will clean before they come. I don’t want them to think we cannot handle this.”

That made Shane’s smile falter. “They don’t.”

He was sure of it. They were only able to do this, become parents before retirement, because of the support of his mom and dad who were eager to help in any way they could. Once the pre-season started in September, they would have to depend on them a lot more. But Shane couldn’t allow himself to think about that right now, the thought of not seeing his son for one single day would make him sick, let alone multiple days at a time.

“And, more importantly, moy lyubov,” Ilya went on, “I do not want this mess to start bothering you.” 

He continued folding a ridiculous black onesie with the Raider’s logo embroidered on the front, courtesy of Cliff Marleau who’d already texted his RSVP, like he hadn’t made Shane’s heart ache in his chest, just like their son.

“It won’t,” Shane said, also certain.

Not when Leo smelled so good and fit perfectly in his arms. Not when Ilya looked so good and was taking care of them and making sure his parents had no reason to doubt his ability to do so, even though he was just as tired as Shane. 

Ilya gave him a look that suggested he thought otherwise, and Shane almost rolled his eyes.

But he was so goddamn happy and so full of love. Like at any second his heart would reach max capacity and would give out. That risk didn’t stop him from calling out to Ilya softly.

“Come here.”

Ilya didn’t hesitate in dropping the laundry and making his way over to him. He stretched out along the couch and gently laid his head back onto Shane’s lap. Shane kept his arm secure around Leo, and then he buried his other hand in Ilya’s curls. Ilya closed his eyes and leaned into it. Even when running on so little sleep, he was the most beautiful thing Shane had ever seen. The fact that there was very little they could do about it right now and that they hadn’t done anything about it at all since becoming fathers, was his sole point of concern at that moment. 

They hadn’t had so much as a proper kiss since that brief moment they shared when Ilya had come to get him from the waiting room and Svetlana’s mother stepped in to be with her in the delivery room as she recovered. Ilya had held him impossibly tight and then kissed him, his cheeks wet with tears as he whispered I love you and thank you over and over into Shane’s mouth, kept kissing him, like he might never get a chance to do it again. If Shane had realized how true that was, he might have held onto him half a second more before letting his husband lead him down the hall to meet their son.

Shane stared down at him, tracing every centimeter of his beautiful face, until Ilya peeked out of one eye.

“Uh oh. You are making that face.”

“What face?”

“That I want my sexy husband to do naughty things to me face.”

Shane snorted and pushed his face away. “I am not.”

Ilya laughed as he snatched his hand and held it to his cheek.

“Is okay, I make the same face,” he smirked.

Shane caressed the height of his cheek and felt his own heat up before he said, “Just because we can’t right now, doesn’t mean I don’t think about it.”

Ilya’s grip on his hand tightened. “Oh yes? What do you think about?”

It was crazy that Ilya still made him feel this way, like a blushing teenager who thought he’d never be brave enough to touch a man until Ilya offered up himself. Before Shane could answer, Leo made one of those whimpering sounds, wiggling slightly in his swaddled blanket. Ilya was up instantly at Shane’s side, gentle hands moving over their son with a string of sweet mumblings in Russian until he was settled in Shane’s arms again.

He truly was an incredible father, so careful and sure, and Shane knew that he would never look at their son with anything short of adoration and pure love.

He leaned in and pressed the most delicate kiss to Leo’s forehead. 

“What about me?” Shane asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Ilya smiled and then kissed his cheek, then the other, mindful of Leo between them, and finally his mouth, reverent and deep and Shane felt it throughout his entire body.

Lips still pressed together, Ilya drawled, “You look nice. And you smell nice. I want to eat you.”

He nipped at his chin and Shane chuckled before nudging him up to kiss him again.

“We can talk more about those thoughts when his grandparents are here.”

Shane leaned back then, tried to be firm when he said, “Ilya, we’re not fu- sleeping together with mom and dad in the house.”

Ilya snickered. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“And it won’t be happening again.”

“We will see about that.”

Then Ilya laid back in his lap, tucked his face into the non-existent space between Shane’s belly and Leo’s diapered butt, breathing them in, and Shane fell in love all over again.

2

“Please try to get him to eat avocado again, but if he won’t, we have bananas. He loves those. And Mom left a container of his favorite oyaki in the fridge, and remember, if you make pasta, he can have a tiny bit, but don’t use too much cheese. It makes him constipated.”

Ilya found it more adorable than annoying as his husband reminded him of their son’s evolving palate and dietary preferences, not for the first time that morning. Ilya already knew all of this, of course, but he let Shane fret. Shane, in jeans and a cream colored quarter-zip sweater, was slow to put on his shoes in the foyer, and it seemed intentional even though Yuna was already outside waiting in the car. 

She and Shane were attending a gala for Asian excellence in sports and entertainment in LA, and it would be the first time in ten months that Ilya would be alone with their son overnight. 

Their first road trip with the Centaurs had been agonizing. It was a miracle neither one of them was seriously injured that first game in Columbus. Leo’s absence had felt not like missing a limb, but missing all four. They’d had to video call David and Yuna during halftime to see his sweet little smile, which eased their mostly irrational worries. There had been a few more roadies since then, and Ilya liked to think they were getting better. They could wait until after a game for a video call. 

David and Yuna were incredible, the perfect grandparents, always so calm and patient. Not just with Leo, but with Ilya and Shane, and they were all lucky to have them. Ilya had loved them before, for creating Shane, for accepting him into their family and trusting him with their only son, for treating him like a second son and loving him in return. But he loved them even more for the way they loved Leo. He never felt like his son was at all lacking with two grandparents, but there was very little he wouldn’t give for his own mother to be there too. Just as Ilya was sure she would have loved Shane, she would have absolutely adored Leo.

With Leo, in his teddy bear hoodie with the cute little ears, held secure in his arms and Anya circling their feet, Ilya could see the struggle written all over Shane once he finally got his shoes on. Because he wasn’t just leaving Leo this time, he was leaving Ilya too. Shane had one foot facing them and the other angled slightly toward the door. His mind was already in the car with his mother, always wanting to do his job and do it well, but his heart and soul were stuck right there with Ilya and their son. It never got easy, spending time apart. The team liked to tease them about co-dependency. But if being this in love and happy made them co-dependent, then Ilya didn’t consider it a problem.

“Call Dad if you need anything,” Shane said, slugging his carry-on backpack over his shoulder.

“Sweetheart, stop worrying, we will be fine.”

“I know, I know. I just…I’m going to miss you.”

The backpack was going to fall to the floor if Shane’s shoulder sank any further. They were supposed to have this weekend together, but Shane was being honored and didn’t want to turn down the special recognition and a networking opportunity for the Irina Foundation. 

A fuzzy ear on Leo’s hood tickled Ilya’s chin as Leo looked over at Shane. He was still Shane’s twin. His quiet curiosity was very much inherited, but the easy smiles to everyone he crossed paths with were not, according to Yuna and David and all the photographic evidence of Shane as an adorable yet grumpy baby which Ilya never tired of seeing.

“Da-da,” Leo said, and Ilya knew he was smiling then, simply from the look that came over Shane’s face.

“Leo,” Shane answered, voice a little strained like he was trying not to cry, “my baby.” 

Then he leaned forward, placed a hand gently over Leo’s back above Ilya’s arm and kissed his cheek. 

Ilya loved being a dad in ways he couldn’t describe without collapsing into full body disgusting and snotty sobs, but equally, he loved seeing Shane be a dad. He always seemed to know exactly what Leo needed before anyone else, and when that was Ilya, he was happy to hand him over. He was so serious sometimes with their baby who had only just mastered dada. He would prop him up in his booster seat on the kitchen island and hold up an egg or a spoon and name it in all the languages he knew. Ilya mostly spoke to their son in Russian and was working very hard on getting him to say papa, but when Leo could transition effortlessly between multiple languages, it would be due to Shane’s efforts and diligence.

Shane had always been the definition of gorgeous and breathtaking, since they first shook hands in a parking lot at seventeen years old, with the big earnest eyes, distracting bottom lip, and beautiful freckles. But there was something about dad Shane that was on another level, and it took all of Ilya’s self control not to lock their front door and keep Shane inside with them forever.

“We’ll miss you too,” he said instead, because he was a good husband and not a complete psycho. “But three days will go by quick.”

“What if he starts walking while I’m gone?” 

The frown on Shane’s face broke Ilya’s heart, but it was a valid concern he hadn’t realized until then. Leo was a pro at standing up while holding onto the couch or the low tables or their pants legs, but he hadn’t quite gathered the courage to let go. 

“I will carry him like this all weekend.”

That made Shane smile as he pulled Leo’s hood back so he could brush his fingers through his hair, taming some of the wild mess.

“You’re not joking.”

“I would not joke about this.” He wouldn’t let their son have the chance to take his first steps while Shane was away. “When you get back, we will sit down with him and practice again.”

Shane nodded, looking pleased. “And afterward, we can talk about that hair cut again.”

Ilya gasped, “Shane, no!” He immediately turned to the side and away from Shane, cupping Leo’s head protectively. Even Anya was on his side as she moved closer to him, more than likely it was due to the fact that he was the one holding Leo. The first time they’d had this heated discussion the week prior ended with Ilya sleeping on the floor outside Leo’s crib, until Shane had come and dragged him back to their bed.

“Ilya, it’s time. Just a little trim in front so it doesn’t get in his eyes.”

Ilya had taken to tying up Leo’s long fringe in a tiny pony tail, turning their son into a little apple. Shane got a kick out of it when Ilya tied his own up to match and Leo seemed to like it, always giggling and smiling when Ilya poked his cheeks and kissed his face. That image was currently Shane’s background on his phone.

But Leo rubbed his hand over his forehead then, huffing cutely as he pushed his hair out of his face, just for it to fall right back into place.

Shane gave Ilya a well used I told you so look, but it was betrayed by the sparkle of amusement in his eyes. 

Ilya pouted but slowly moved toward Shane again. “Just a little?”

“Yes, mom has offered to do it. She always trimmed mine when I was a kid. Or we can call a professional or maybe I can do-“

“Yuna, definitely Yuna.”

Yuna, who reminded Shane of the time and the flight they had to catch with a sudden blare of the car horn from outside. 

Shane sighed then before pressing another kiss to Leo’s cheek. “I love you.”

He looked over Leo’s face and then Ilya’s, as though cementing them to memory, before he grabbed his phone and wallet off the console table as well as a black Centaurs ball cap. Ilya had just a second to appreciate the complete look when he put the cap on and then dashed out the door.

“Love you!” Ilya called out after him.

Leo babbled a few syllables that could have been interpreted as I love you, only if the sound was recorded, manipulated and played backwards like those ghost hunting tv shows. Still, Ilya cuddled him closer and praised his attempt. He giggled and Ilya was so fucking happy even though half of his heart had just walked out of the door. Because Shane was coming back. He always would.

Then Ilya felt that dreadful sinking feeling in his stomach as he realized that his husband had forgotten something very important.

“Your daddy is in so much trouble, Lyovushka,” he said to his son in Russian. 

Leo babbled back, like he understood, soft little hands playing with Ilya’s cross pendant. They remained in the doorway, Anya’s nose pressed to the wooden frame, already mourning Shane.

She barked and moved back in the knick of time as the door flew open and Shane reentered the house, the cap now on his stupid and attractive head backwards. He quickly crossed the small distance to Ilya, licked his lips and then took Ilya’s face in one hand and finally kissed him.

“I’m so sorry,” Shane said, breathless, “forgot to do that.”

“Do it again.”

He did.

“Again.”

He chuckled but he followed Ilya’s command.

“Just one more,” Ilya pleaded and waited with his eyes still closed.

Shane gave him two more, then he kissed Leo one more time, and only then did Ilya let him go.

3

The game against Boston was nearly over. Ottawa was up two and there wasn’t enough time for anything to change that. Ilya was on the ice, running down the clock, and Shane was on the bench, counting down each seconds until they were back in their hotel room with Leo.

After he’d turned one, they started taking him with them on short flights. His mom had gone with them to Buffalo and his dad joined them in Toronto, but Svetlana was there with them this time. Every once in a while, Shane would find them in the crowd behind their Centaurs’ bench and smile at Leo in his Hollander 81 jersey. The custom jersey technically wasn’t wrong, though Ilya still went by Rozanov professionally. But Leo had Shane’s entire face, so it was only fair that he wore Ilya’s number. 

Shane was turned around, watching for just a moment as Sveta offered a piece of what looked like soft pretzel to Leo, when there was a violent crash against the boards at the end of the rink. The arena filled with enraged shouts and boos before it fell eerily quiet.

Dykstra and Chouinard were already gloveless and swinging when Shane began to process what happened. They were close enough to the goal, even Wyatt got involved. But all of the chaos faded away when he spotted Ilya laid out on his back on the ice. 

He wasn’t moving.

Luca’s tight grip over Shane’s arm was the only thing that kept him from jumping over the boards.

“Wait,” Luca said, “Bood’s got him. Just wait.”

Bood was kneeled beside Ilya, Cliff circling around anxiously while medical staff flooded in, slipping over the ice in their shoes. Troy guided the team doctor, Terry, to get him to their captain faster. 

Shane held his breath until Ilya started to move, just a slight bend at the knee and one hand raised which sent the crowd into wild applause. 

The replay filled the jumbotrons over the rink, showing a desperate rookie Raider making a dirty and targeted blindside when Ilya didn’t even have the puck. 

Ilya tried to sit up with the help of the doctor, but it was a slow struggle as he clutched his side.

He refused a stretcher, but let Bood and Troy lead him slowly to their gate and then he disappeared down the tunnel with Terry and the rest of the medical team. Luca finally released Shane, and he was on his skates in an instant, locking eyes with Coach Wiebe. Wiebe only nodded and Shane followed after his husband.

Thankfully, Ilya wasn’t showing signs of a concussion. But he looked queasy, sitting on the medical table down to his compression pants with his legs hanging off the side, like every breath was triggering a new bout of nausea. It was his ribs, likely broken. His mid-section had been wrapped and Terry was readying him to be whisked away to Mass General for X-rays and a more thorough examination. Shane, still in his full uniform, stood at his side, unable to keep his hands still as he clutched Ilya’s thigh, then ran his fingers through the damp hair at the nape of his neck, then rubbed the warm skin over his shoulder, where a roaring lion was inked a couple months after Leo was born. 

Leo.

Shane felt nauseous too, suddenly remembering that their son was in the arena.

When they decided to have a child, they knew the risks of their occupation had grown exponentially. That every career ending hit wouldn’t just devastate them, but Leo as well. But the reward vastly outweighed that risk, and until then, their injuries had been ones they could hide away from their son with a couple days rest. But this was different, and Leo was there to witness it. 

Shane gripped Ilya’s shoulder hard, making his husband look up at him with worry mixed into the agony already on his face.

Then, a bright and familiar giggle came from just outside the door, and Ilya’s misery vanished as Shane’s entire body settled.

“No, little man, say Luca. Luuu. Caaa.” 

Leo was in his auntie Sveta’s arms with Luca trailing closely behind them, his stick clutched in one hand and Leo’s diaper bag in the other. Leo was looking back at their teammate, and Shane could tell that he was smiling before he turned around and spotted Ilya.

“Papa,” Leo called out, grin stretching wider while Luca playfully sighed in defeat. 

Svetlana set Leo on the ground and he took off toward them. Barefoot, he was super quick and nearly impossible to catch unless Ilya and Shane worked together to corner him, but he was still getting used to shoes. The added height of his sneakers threw off his balance and slowed him down, so Shane met him halfway before he could trip over nothing and then brought him over to Ilya.

“Moy lyubimyy synochek.”

Even those who didn’t speak a word of Russian could hear the pride and joy in Ilya’s voice. He smiled at Leo, pain completely forgotten.

Leo looked so much like Shane, but when he and Ilya smiled like this, more often than not at each other, it was the closest they got to being unable to deny the ridiculous claims they somehow defied biology and created their son together. Ilya tried to take him from Shane but hissed and curled an arm around his waist instinctively. Just a moment later, Terry let them know they were ready to transport him to the hospital.

“I want to go with you,” Shane said. 

Ilya shook his head. “You stay with Leo.”

“But-“ He really didn’t want to be apart from his husband. His entire chest hurt like he’d been the one hit, and he saw Ilya laying on the ice every time he blinked.

“Shane, I will go with Ilyusha,” Svetlana spoke up, tone gentle but not to be challenged. “I’ll text you the entire time, I promise.”

Ilya pulled him close until their foreheads were together. “Okay?”

It wasn’t okay, but he knew Ilya would respond better to treatment knowing that Leo was with Shane. He would go through the exams and accept all remedies and medication if it meant he could get back to Shane and Leo sooner. 

So Shane held their son out to Ilya so he could curl one arm around him gently while rubbing their noses together.

“Ya tebya lyubov,” Ilya said.

Just a moment later, Leo echoed, “Lyubov.” 

It was a little choppy and the vowels needed some work. And Ilya fucking beamed. 

Shane turned to leave before he started crying, but he was jerked back by his jersey.

“Gimmie kiss,” Ilya said then puckered his lips.

He was already leaning forward so Shane rushed to meet him, to keep him from moving around too much. They shared a quick peck before Ilya reeled back in pain and yelled, “Fuck!”

Shane froze. Ilya froze. The room went silent, waiting to see if Leo decided to parrot that too. They tried hard not to curse in front of him, but Leo was growing up around hockey players and Yuna Hollander. It was inevitable that he’d picked up a curse word or two in some language, a matter of if, not when.

But instead he said, “Kiss. Papa.” And then wiggled in Shane’s arms, stretching toward Ilya until Shane took the hint and brought him closer so he could kiss Ilya, right on the tip of his nose.

Shane’s eyes watered and Ilya looked like he was a second away from jumping from the table and following them back to the hotel, to hell with the hospital, regardless of how much pain he was in.

“They are so sweet, it’s making me sick,” Luca said, and Svetlana laughed.

4

It was late when they arrived at the cottage. But the second Ilya set Leo down in the entry way, he took off running, well waddling as quickly as he could in his puffy winter coat and boots, straight to the wall of windows leading out to the deck, Anya not far behind. Their noses pressed against the glass and there was just enough light left in the day to make out the back yard and the vast open lake beyond it. There was snow on the ground, which had made their drive slower than normal, and more snow was forecasted during their stay.

They had celebrated Christmas there a few times when it was just the two of them. Shane never bothered with decorations, and they only helped put up a tree at David and Yuna’s, who otherwise kept the holiday decor to a few tasteful pieces around their cottage and crystal white lights strung around the exterior. But this was their first Christmas there with Leo, so Shane had a big box of decorations in the back of the car, including dozens of strings of rainbow lights, four fuzzy red stockings, and an elaborate train set to put under their own tree they would procure the next day.

The cottage had always been a special place for Ilya, the place he and Shane became Ilya and Shane, the place he gained a family. Now with Leo, it was even more special and he loved every moment of getting to see the wonder of their home away from home through the eyes of their son.

That past summer had been the first when Leo, at two, was able to properly enjoy the trip there. He’d spent days under the sun, playing in the lake and the yard with Shane and Ilya and his grandparents. His skin and tiny freckles had darkened regardless of all the sun screen Shane slathered over him and Ilya both. Every day, he fell asleep from joyful exhaustion in his new big boy bed with Anya curled at his feet. 

It was clear that he remembered. 

“Daddy, swim?” Leo asked, little palms leaving prints on the glass.

Shane looked over from where he set a bag of road snacks and Leo’s empty sippy cup on the kitchen table. There was pride on his face, just as proud as Ilya that Leo could express himself so clearly.

“No, not this time,” he said, voice regretful. “It’s far too cold.” 

Leo didn’t falter when he looked passed him to Ilya, dark eyes wide and bottom lip stuck out. Ilya, balancing on one foot in the entryway as he removed his boots, had no time to prepare any defenses.

“Papa, swim?”

Shane snorted. Ilya ignored him, yanked the last boot off painfully, and bypassed him on his way to Leo.

“You want to go swimming, my little lion cub?” he asked as he kneeled down to help him out of his boots.

Leo nodded. “And Anya, please.”

Anya perked up next to Leo, tongue wagging, and Ilya’s heart swelled. He joked that Anya was their first born, but it wasn’t completely untrue. Leo loved her so much and Anya was a true protector, always at his side and looking out for him. She was family, and it was Ilya’s goal in life to give them everything they wanted and more.

He whipped his head around to Shane, hoped and prayed that his pleading eyes and pout had half the effect that their son’s had on him.

Shane’s amusement faded and he seemed to waver for half a second before he said, “Ilya, the lake is literally frozen.”

“Shane-“

“We cannot go swimming,” he stated in Russian pointedly, reminding their clever toddler (and Ilya) that he couldn’t use the language to conspire against him, as he came over to ease Leo out of his coat. “But tomorrow, we’re going to teach you how to skate. Grandpa and nana are going to join us. It’ll be so much fun.”

Shane had bought his first pair of ice skates, top of the line, perfectly fitted, and Ilya had cried when he saw how small they were. He was going to be a mess when they set him on the ice. He teared up then too as Shane lifted their son into his strong arms and Ilya got back to his feet.

“Why don’t you go with papa to take a warm bath while I make us some dinner?” 

Leo was too tired to get upset, and after such a long drive, a bath and a hot meal sounded really nice, even to toddler ears. He snuggled into Shane and accepted a kiss on his forehead, and Ilya’s heart flipped in his chest, as it always did when their twin faces were so close, the endless love between them palpable. When Shane handed Leo over, Ilya couldn’t help but kiss him in the same spot. He was going to fill the tub to the very top so Leo could pretend it was the lake.

He set off to do just that, but he didn’t make it halfway to the stairs leading to the lower floor, before Shane called out, “Hey you.”

Ilya turned back to him and Shane was smirking, brow raised. “Forgetting something?”

It only took a second for Ilya to realize just what, but he decided to play difficult. 

“I don’t know if you deserve it. You won’t let us go s-w-i-m-i-n-g.”

“You missed an M,” Shane said, moving closer.

“No, I didn’t.” Ilya moved close too.

“You did.”

“So.”

Shane stood directly in front of him, hands behind his back, waiting. He was still fucking smirking. And Ilya’s resolve shattered in seconds. He leaned in and smacked a kiss square on Shane’s mouth. 

“Happy now?” He asked, dramatic.

“Yep.”

“Can we go now?”

“Yep.”

But Ilya stood still, finding that he was the one who wasn’t exactly satisfied, not when Shane’s lips were so glossy and pink. Fifteen years had passed since the very first time they shared a kiss, thousands of kisses since then, and he never got tired of it, never would.

So he dove back in, kissing his husband far too long and far too wet while he held their son between them. It drew a low moan out of Shane before Ilya was shoved away. Then he dashed off, grinning and bouncing Leo until he giggled, Anya tagging along. Shane, with his blushing ears, shouted after him not to run down the stairs.

5

“We’re getting rid of the damn swing.”

“Hayden,” Jackie was quick to chastise her husband.

But the sound of their voices seemed far away to Shane, even though they were hunkered down in a small private waiting room just off of the ER. 

It was a three year stroke of luck that they hadn’t been here before, not for Leo. He had been a healthy baby and the one time he had the slightest of sniffles, his grandparents had to talk Shane and Ilya out of calling for an ambulance. Shane should have anticipated that luck drying out, given that Leo loved the outdoors, loved running and jumping off the dock at the cottage, and had taken to ice skating as well as Shane had at his age. But there was no way to actually prepare for this.

It was worse than it was with Ilya, who could understand his injuries and compartmentalize the pain. But Leo was Shane’s baby, and he was alone and afraid. And there wasn’t anything he could do about it but wait. 

It happened in the Pikes’ backyard, fearless Leo swinging across the monkey bars with Ruby spotting him on the ground below. Ilya was occupied with Amber and Arthur on the swings, while Shane, Hayden, and Jackie were inside getting lunch together. The Pikes had outgrown the old play set but kept it for Leo, and they always played together when the Hollanders visited Montreal. Now Shane wished desperately that they had gotten rid of it years ago.

“I’m sorry, Uncle Ilya! So sorry, Uncle Sh-Shane! Leo is hurt because of me!” Ruby’s sentences ended in drawn out sobs, still strangely muffled to Shane. 

His heart was locked in a death grip, suffocating and unbearable, and seeing her so upset added more pressure. The twins were almost teenagers, nearly the same height as their mom now, but to Shane, they would always be the tiny girls who officiated their first wedding.

“He’s going to be okay, Rubes,” Hayden said with panicked eyes, still overwhelmed by the hysterics after all these years as his eldest cried into his chest. 

Jackie was far more composed, surrounded by the other three in a line of chairs across from their father, all looking like they were on the verge of tears too. They shouldn’t be here, but inconsolable Ruby had insisted on coming, Emma followed, and so did the rest. 

Shane couldn’t sit. He’d been pacing since they were escorted to the small waiting room. If he stopped, he would collapse to the ground and disintegrate into pieces.

“It is my fault.” 

The soft and broken voice was like a gunshot, and it shocked Shane to a stop.

He’d been so focused on trying to keep the kids calm, texting his parents, who were on their way from Ottawa, that there still wasn’t any update, and not losing his shit thinking about his only child in pain and calling out for him, that he’d somehow lost sight of his husband.

Ilya hadn’t made a sound since Leo was wheeled down the hall by the nurses and disappeared around the corner.

Now, he leaned back in a corner of the room, arms wrapped over his chest, and it looked like the walls themselves were holding him up.

“Ilya,” Shane croaked.

“I wasn’t watching him,” Ilya said, eyes on the tile floor. “I was right there. I should have-“ His face crumbled.

Shane’s feet were moving before he even considered what he could say to ease the guilt eating away at his husband. He wasn’t sure there was anything anyone could say to him to alleviate his own. But he knew one thing for certain. 

“Shhh, it’s not your fault,” he said, taking Ilya into his arms and holding tight. “It’s not anyone’s fault. It was an accident.”

Ilya tried to shake his head, but Shane cupped the back of it and held him into the side of his neck. Then he let words continue to pour out of him, hoping that some of them landed in Ilya’s heart and mind.

“Baby, you took care of him. You were so calm and knew what to do when I was on the verge of a panic attack. You got us here quickly. You did exactly what you needed to.”

“But-“

“No butts,” Shane cut him off, sliding his hands along his trembling back, down to his waist and lower. “Unless it’s this one.” 

Then he grabbed two handfuls of his husband’s perfect ass.

“Oh my god,” Hayden groaned just as Emma shrieked, “Uncle Shane!” 

Jackie laughed while trying to distract the youngest two with a game on her phone, and Ruby had finally stopped crying. The tension in the room had broken, and Ilya let out a shaky huff against his neck that Shane took as a good sign.

The doctor came into the room a few minutes later, and Shane bombarded her with questions. Ilya put a gentle hand on his back, getting him to slow down and let her talk.

It was a radius fracture with a clean break, and fortunately, surgery wasn’t required. 

Shane and Ilya were ushered to Leo’s room and the moment they opened the door, they were surprised to be greeted with their grinning son.

“Papaaaa,” Leo slurred, propped up against a couple pillows on the reclined bed. His eyes were black with dilated pupils. “Papa, I have two arms.” 

He held up his good one, but the other was stabilized in a sling over his shoulder, a royal blue hard cast over his wrist and palm. He tried to sit up, but an amused nurse pressed a gentle hand over his shoulder to keep him in place.

“You do, baby, two big and strong arms,” Ilya praised, already on the other side of the bed, his eyes still red from crying. Ilya kissed Leo’s cheek and he continued smiling. 

He looked even smaller in the center of the big bed, so unbearably fragile. But Shane knew, even in twenty years, when Leo’s feet stuck out at the end of the bed where he stood, he would always see this little boy.

Shane realized that he’d been having a panic attack this entire time, still was, but he managed to take one deep, shaky breath as a few tears fell from his eyes. He quickly wiped them away when Leo looked over at him.

“Daddy,” Leo sighed happily and held out his hand, beckoning him closer.

The nurse quickly stepped aside and Shane rounded the bed, careful of the cords monitoring Leo’s vitals. He carefully leaned over his son, his arm crossing Ilya’s over his belly, and then kissed his other cheek. He whispered I love you again and again into his warm skin.

The doctor eventually spoke up to provide more information on Leo’s pain medication, which was clearly working very well, and let them know that they would be able to take him home after a few more hours of observation. Then they were left alone.

Shane didn’t remember moving to get on the bed, but Leo leaned into his side and Ilya’s arm was around his shoulder, holding them all together. Each breath felt a little easier the longer they sat there. Shane tilted his head down and pressed a kiss into Leo’s hair.

“Daddy and papa, you didn’t kiss.”

Ilya was quicker to realize what exactly Leo meant.

“You’re right, my darling, I must kiss Daddy now. It will make us both feel better.”

Then Ilya used his hand over Shane’s shoulder to tilt the side of his face toward him, then he kissed him on the lips. It was so delicate and sweet, and another tear slipped down his cheek. Ilya stopped it in its track with another kiss. Then he kissed the other side, before turning on Leo, smacking kiss after kiss over his face until his giggles filled the room.

+1

A sudden boom of thunder sent a shudder throughout the cottage. Shane and Ilya, pressed together as close as humanly possible in their bed, flinched at the violent noise and then they froze, waiting to see if it woke their son. 

It was Leo’s fourth summer at the cottage, and it had done nothing but rain since they arrived three days earlier. Though the weather did nothing to darken his excitement of being there again and they’d spent every hour together, mostly in the downstairs entertainment room turned Leo’s playroom turned in-home skating rink, which they had installed for his birthday. 

Fortunately, after a few quiet moments, there was no ear piercing cry for either of them nor was there any sound of little feet racing up the stairs to their room and the tip tap of Anya’s nails as she followed them.

Ilya grinned and leaned down to kiss Shane again.

It felt like they had been doing this for hours, skin to skin, not a breath of space between their bodies, mouths sparing just a second apart for breath and then reuniting once more. They could keep going, just like this, moving against each other, slow and intoxicating until they reached the end. But it had been so long, weeks since the last time they had time or energy to do more. Another cup win that cemented the legacy of the Centaurs, and now, they were finally back at the cottage and the desire for more was too strong to ignore.

Ilya had thin lines in the corner of his eyes and his smile lines never went away, and Shane had recently found a couple grays in his hair. They were getting older, and hockey was leaving its mark on their bodies with each season. But after all this time, the craving for each other hadn’t dissipated at all. It was eternal, a raging fire that could never be extinguished.

Several minutes later, their left hands were linked together on the pillow beside Shane’s head as Ilya began the slow push in-

“Tu fais quoi?”

Shane shoved Ilya off of him so quickly, there was no time for Ilya to brace himself.

“Ow,” Ilya groaned from the floor beside the bed.

He’d taken half of the comforter with him, and Shane tugged on the remaining section over his lap, but there was zero give.

Shane looked over at their son standing in the doorway. His Spiderman pajamas were rumpled and sweaty, and with the way his messy fringe hung near his eyes, it was clear he would need a haircut by the end of the summer, if not before. He was getting so tall and was eager to join the Hockey Tots program in the fall. The introductory program was unlikely to teach him anything he hadn’t already learned from his All-Star parents, but it would be great to work with other kids and learn how to be a part of a team. Shane and Ilya looked forward to when he’d be old enough to take part in their summer camps, more so than just running around the arena like he had done the past couple of years. But he was already growing so fast, it didn’t need to go any faster.

Now, he was less of the confident and agile kid on the ice and more of a toddler with a trembling bottom lip and a stuffed teddy bear dangling from one hand.

“Baby, are you okay?” Shane asked, shifting uncomfortably on the bed.

“No,” Ilya whined at the same time Leo shook his head and said, “Wanna sleep with you and papa.”

“Wait there for just a second.” Shane hunted around the bed for any piece of clothing they’d thrown around in a rush. 

A pair of briefs flew up from the floor and smacked into his chest. He almost cursed and then remembered the little ears across the room. As he tugged them on, a flash of lighting lit up the glass room even with the shades rolled down and then another clap of thunder drew a panicked cry from Leo.

Ilya was up quickly, in Shane’s athletic  shorts and no trace of injury on him. “Come here, moy lvyonak.”

He gathered their son up and Leo clung so hard to him with all four of his limbs, he dropped his bear. He didn’t really need it now that he had his papa.

Ilya laid him in the center of their bed, pulled the comforter back over them and then they cuddled Leo from both sides. With Ilya’s gentle hum of a Russian lullaby and Shane’s steady fingers in his hair, Leo fell back to sleep in minutes. 

Once Shane was sure he wouldn’t wake again, he went to the bathroom to clean up. When he returned, Leo had shifted closer to Ilya, snuggled into his side with his little fingers curled around Ilya’s cross necklace, a habit since he was a baby.

Ilya watched Shane round the bed, his gaze sharp and full of heat.

“You can’t look at me like that while you’re holding our son.”

Ilya smirked. “He is lucky he is so cute. The cutest cockblock.”

“Don’t call him that,” Shane said, getting back under the covers, careful not to disturb the bed too much.

“What, is true, admit it.”

“He is the cutest.” That much Shane would never deny.

It was quiet for a moment before Ilya said, “When he is sleeping in his room again, maybe we can try to make another baby.”

Shane turned and eyed him. “For the last time, you cannot get me pregnant.”

“There are some fans who still believe you gave birth to Leo.”

“And for the last time, please block those people.”

“Never, they make me laugh.”

Shane shook his head, not bothering to hide his amusement. “You need to find a better source of entertainment.”

“I already have yooou,” Ilya said playfully before his tone shifted into something more serious. His eyes locked on Shane’s, vulnerable and searching. “You want another, yes? I know Leo will be the best big brother.”

Shane didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

Ilya blinked, and there was a brief pause until he did that thing where his beautiful smile took over his entire face, and he went to sit up, ready to launch himself across the bed at Shane, before their son’s grip on the chain around his neck jerked him back into place. Leo grumbled in his sleep, and Shane barely managed to stifle his laughter.

“We will talk more tomorrow, okay?” Ilya said, unable to stop smiling.

Shane couldn’t stop smiling either. “Tomorrow.”

They would have to plan, like they did with Leo. Adoption maybe or another surrogacy. A part of Shane, a pretty big part, wanted a little girl with Ilya’s curls and eyes chasing after Leo. But he would be more than happy with whatever Ilya wanted to do and would love any child they had the honor of calling their own with his whole heart.

“Goodnight, moy lyubov.”

“Goodnight, baby,” Shane said, and then settled into bed, curled around Leo’s back.

The storm outside had calmed to a light stream of rain tapping against the windows. It was peaceful, as always when the three of them are together. As it would be when they became four.

Ilya’s head popped up just as Shane sat up again. He carefully leaned over Leo and placed a kiss onto Ilya’s lips, pursed and waiting. Then they both laid back down, cuddled around their son and drifted off to sleep.