Chapter Text
"Natsuki, I'm sure you could fit in a locker, you're like petite."
People even my friends often said things like this to me called me thin, skinny, petite, small. I was honestly somewhat okay with hearing it but deep down I never really felt skinny. I felt I wasn't small enough I honestly still do. I wanted to be thinner but even thinner than that so by the time I did gain I'd still be small. But that was only a backup plan for one time. I needed to be skeleton small.
Unlike most people I didn't want people to notice. I only wanted them to see how small I could really be. I didn't want them to hear me purging alone in my bathroom sink. So when my dad started restricting my intake it didn't hurt at first.
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I quickly rush for my school bag.
I look around near the kitchen making sure Dad isn't around.
He's not.
I quickly go to grab an apple.
I place my hand on the stem
I feel a sharp cold hand gripping my wrist.
"Natsuki"
I look up, its my Dad.
"You weren't going to grab that apple without my permission were you?"
"No, I wasn't! It was about to fall out of place so I was trying to-"
His harsh hand slaps me across my face.
"You bitch, you don't deserve to eat. You're not eating tonight."
My vision is blurry.
WHY is it blurry?
WHY am I crying?
No no no NO
I can't cry about this
I HAVE to be strong I CAN'T be weak infront of him
"I guess you really were just a stupid weak girl after all,"
I have nothing to say, I can't face him.
"But you are my daughter, before you go to school what do you say?"
"Bye Papa.."
"Watch your figure Natsuki," He says eyeing my waist.
I rush out the door.
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"Natsuki this is the horror novel I was telling you about!" Yuri says to me.
"It's not bad, I guess."
Monika walks in, later Sayori does too.
"Hey Sayori, how's it going?" Monika asked.
"I'm great! What are we doing today?"
"We are just having a discussion about how to plan for the festival!"
Oh my gosh.
What if someone takes my job?
If someone takes my job I won't have another chance to eat.
"I'm doing cupcakes!" I say quickly.
Yuri slowly looked up from her book, "I can do banners, if you want?" She asks Monika.
"Of course! Sayori, do you think you can make flyers? So we can hand them out to people during the festival? Maybe we'll get more members that way!" Monika said.
"Sure Monika! I'll bring them all tomorrow!" Sayori says.
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I'm in my final class of the day, Math. I really hate this class.
I'm trying to pay attention but I can't, I never really can. However, today feels worse. My head hurts.
My vision turns pixelated.
I'm about to faint.
Why now?!
Hell, I can't if I stand for one more second I'm actually gonna pass out.
I go upto the teacher's desk.
"Miss, I feel dizzy. Can I go outside?"
My heart is beating. The whole class is staring at me.
"Yes, and take this." She says as she slides me a protien bar.
I take it and rush outside.
I sit down on the floor,
hurriedly I open the protein bar and eat it all.
Okay I actually feel better now. My vision isn't as bad.
Out of curiosity I turn over the protein bar onto the side. The nutrition facts show, the calories are displayed.
WHAT
WHY is it so much?!
Oh my gosh this will make me gain
No no no no
Why am I so stupid?!
I stand up and run to the school's bathroom.
The rest isn't much clear in my memory.
Two fingers.
Purged once,
then twice,
then one last time.
By the end of it I'm dizzy again. But atleast most of it is out. The bell rings. I can go home now.
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"I need to bring cupcakes to school for the literature club's festival."
Dad stares at me.
"For your silly club right? Not for you?"
I nod.
"Who told you I'd even allow you to go to your club's festival?"
"Can I? I'll do whatever you want for a year if you let me go."
"I'll think about it."