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1. No Better Version Of Me I Could Pretend To Be Tonight by Shinybluerock

   Fandoms: Men's Hockey RPF  

   • Explicit
   • Graphic Depictions Of Violence
   • M/M
   • Work in Progress

   13 Jul 2026

   Tags

   • Graphic Depictions Of Violence
   • Ivan Demidov (b. 2005)/Arber Xhekaj
   • Cole Caufield/Nick Suzuki
   • Kaiden Guhle/Juraj Slafkovsky
   • Jakub Dobeš/Jacob Fowler
   • Ivan Demidov (b. 2005)
   • Lane Hutson
   • Michael Matheson
   • Nick Suzuki
   • Arber Xhekaj
   • Brendan Gallagher
   • Cole Caufield
   • Juraj Slafkovsky
   • Kaiden Guhle
   • Montreal Canadiens NHL Team Ensemble
   • Florian Xhekaj
   • Sub Ivan Demidov
   • Dom Arber Xhekaj
   • Soft Hockey Boys
   • Dom/sub
   • Alternate Universe - BDSM
   • Past Abuse
   • Past Rape/Non-con
   • Anxiety
   • Montreal Canadiens NHL Team
   • Emotional Hurt/Comfort
   • Subdrop
   • Crying
   • Men Crying
   • Safewords
   • Hurt/Comfort
   • Angst
   • Fluff
   • Domestic Fluff
   • Non-Linear Healing
   • Blow Jobs
   • BDSM Scene
   • Bad BDSM Etiquette
   • Past Sexual Abuse
   • Trauma Recovery
   • Miscommunication
   • Team as Family

   Summary

   "No." The answer came out before he could stop it. "No, that's reward. I don't deserve it."

   Mike blinked.

   "A reward?"

   Ivan nodded frantically.

   "Yes. That's not—" He struggled for the words. "I do not deserve that."

   Series

   • Part 1 of if i can dream of a warmer sun

   Language:

   English

   Words:

   30,318

   Chapters:

   7/?

   Comments:

   109

   Kudos:

   257

   Bookmarks:

   45

   Hits:

   5,478