Chapter Text
Diana felt that she was lost. After Darkseid’s latest invasion, she was left questioning herself, her history. Darkseid was now the least of her concerns, though he was not put to rest once and for all. He was around. Somewhere.
But as her memories of long past began to contradict each other and she couldn’t find her home she knew she couldn’t turn to the people she normally worked with. The Superman that appeared after Clark’s death hadn’t quite warmed up to the Justice League. Batman and the others were not there for her beginning. They would not be of any help.
A part of her felt bitter and self loathing. Why had she lost sight? The people who had been there in the beginning had always been there. She had moved on, leaving them behind. None of them deserved to be tossed aside for the sake of her new role in the world. Her reasoning for losing contact, in fairness, was a valid reason. She did not want them to get hurt. Especially after one of her dear friends was nearly killed twice within the last couple of years just for the fact that he was involved with the League by association.
Already, she had lost a great love in Clark Joseph Kent, replaced by another Superman again...except it isn’t him. It will never be him. This Superman didn’t know her history like the past one did. Hell, the Superman she knew didn’t exactly know either.
And now, more than ever, she needed people who knew her before she became Wonder Woman. When she was Diana who first stepped into this strange world. When she was at her most vulnerable. Those who offered a hand to get her acclimated into this world.
She realized that she missed that connection, the connection she had with the people here when she could barely understand the language. Those who she could communicate with just on emotion alone.
She would always find it incredibly ironic yet highly appropriate that the first person she met from the outside world was a man. Not one who came bearing war and aggression, despite his uniform and the tales from her sisters. A man who came injured and wanting help. Diana had come to realize that this man felt deeply just like she did and try as she might, she could not ignore that their history since the moment they met was always linked. And would always be surrounded by conflicting emotions, deep wounds, and heartfelt feelings.
The closer and more complicated her relationship with that man, Steve Trevor, became, the more she tried to distance herself. It was too much. She never let him know that, but it was. It was of no fault of his, but Diana really needed a place where things weren’t complicated. Where it felt that she and everyone around her would be simplified. She wouldn’t have to worry about having the blood of Steve Trevor and many of her friends on her hands. She could BE a hero among heroes.
Now she realized that was a shallow and forced thought. Steve Trevor and Etta Candy are heroes. Both fight for things without the benefit of having any powers. But their fights were complex. Diana fought to protect mankind. Etta and Steve fought often against fellow man but still pursued the greater good of humanity.
She found Clark. Who appeared to be best of both worlds. He was raised in this world but still had perspective she had. They both became close, both sharing the fear of what would become of their loved ones should the worst come to fruition.
Diana at this time she had assured Steve that they would remain forever friends, but she was disgusted with herself with how she handled it. Rather than sit him down and tell him the truth, she stopped contact while keeping the door open. That was perhaps harder than their relationship, leaving him oblivious to what she was wanting and feeling. Leaving him with the burden that he had somehow failed her. That he somehow wasn’t good enough.
It was one thing to peg down the male ego. It was quite another to inadvertently crush a man’s self-worth. And that she did. And that she would never find the heart to apologize for. No apology would suffice. Not after he was STILL hurt, despite her distance.
Lex Luthor called him pathetic. Grail called him a pet. Everyone called him “ex boy toy.” As if everything he had built up for himself over his life was suddenly just a shallow facade after Diana cut off contact. Those words spoken about him likely hurt her more than him. It brought the guilt to the surface. And it still connected him to her, despite her being involved with Clark.
Then with Darkseid and his daughter Steve was used as a weapon against Diana. The most vindictive kind of punishment for an innocent man.
Punishment seemed to surround the people she was closest to. Barbara Minerva, the first woman she could have a full conversation with in this world, was punished for her own greed and curiosity. Meeting Diana directed Barbara to the wrong gods. Gods who took advantage of her willingness and thirst for knowledge and the divine.
Etta Candy, along with her supportive generals were frequently dragged through the mud by their peers for making such accommodations for the metahumans, especially Diana. Etta handled it well. She ignored the criticism and remained on task. She got a happy ending in getting a promotion she so desired, but so long as Etta was considered an ally to the metahumans, she would receive the most ire should one of the metahumans go rogue.
All three had been shot at, stabbed, maimed, mind controlled, and broken during the hard years of working directly with Diana and her influence. Even more had suffered.
However, shame was the last thing on her mind when she reached out to Barbara after years apart and Barbara, now cursed with the Cheetah, was still dwelling in the jungles. Her great fortune not only brought her back to Barbara but she found Steve as well. Tied up and in a bit of distress, but probably not the worst thing he experienced. Quite quickly, her desire to get help from her first friends brought them all back to her again.
After they took Barbara home, Diana thought to confront her feelings head-on. And the first person she had to confront was Steve. She asked him after his meeting with his commander if they could meet somewhere alone. Wherever he chose, she would find him.
Talking to him had been on her mind ever since Darkseid’s defeat and Clark’s death. But just thinking about Steve gave her great sorrow. How much she wasn’t able to protect him from Grail and how she treated him when they broke it off. Steve wasn’t the type to hold a grudge, but she had a feeling that she and Superman were not people he wanted to engage with recently.
But he said to her in Africa, “I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” she replied, not even thinking.
Now, she found him sitting on his truck, overlooking the beach, taking a harsh swig of the beer he had in his hand. He cleaned up, shaving his beard into a goatee, washing his hair so that it was no longer damp with sweat and grime, but rather soft against the setting sun.
He looked older than his years, not by much, but here in his mid thirties it wasn’t hard to tell that his experiences was having an affect on him. It was strange thinking of Steve and how he had progressed throughout their time together. When they first met, he was fresh faced with a sunny disposition, naive, optimistic. Then as his responsibilities in the military grew his temperament took a bit of a 180, especially once he became the Justice League liason. He still did his best to considerate to everyone, but his patience was thinning. His new responsibilities trained him to be paranoid around metahumans and the League. The amount of pressure and abuse caused him to have a more bitter outlook. Defending the League for their mistakes in front of Congress left him enemies within the very government he served. The League didn’t exactly treat him well either. With the exception of Batman, who recognized his value as an ally in government, he was otherwise regarded as Amanda Waller’s dog, a bureaucratic slave. Sure they would save him if he was in trouble, but in every other regard he was treated with little to no respect, in spite of his attempts to help. Diana leaving him certainly exacerbated his bitterness, and left him a more taciturn man, prone to distrust and anger, and becoming less and less willing to defend a group of superpowered beings who all but proved to him that they regarded mankind as inferior.
By all intents and purposes, one would think it would get even worse for him when Amanda Waller removed him from his position in A.R.G.U.S. Apparently, the Wall wasn’t exactly keen on having a man who was just mind-controlled by an Amazon and the Anti-Life Equation being the top officer in the unit. To her, it was a weakness. A weakness she could not tolerate in an agency that dealt specifically with metahumans. He wasn’t demoted, per se, but he no longer held as high of a command that he did previously. Being transferred to being Master Chief upon Waller’s recommendation meant that he would be serving under a longer line of authority, taking direct orders more often, and only working in military affairs.
It turned out to be the best thing to happen to him. In his new position he could help people, one of the very reasons he entered the military. He could save lives, instead of playing politician between his government and a group of powerful beings.
Now he seemed calm. The world weariness settling down into calm wisdom of how the world works. A maturity that they both had grown into.
Diana herself had changed. She came into this world full of wonder, critical but loving every step she took, every person she met. Joining the League, she now had a specific role to play. Usually aggressive, just given her part on the team as an enforcer. High pressure, high anxiety, she wasn’t exactly the wistful optimist she originally was. She learned that was not her path. It shouldn’t be her path. She was resolved that the only reason why the last several years had been as dark as they have was because the people who were supposed to bring hope were largely jaded individuals themselves. Now, after Darkseid, the Anti-Monitor and the loss of Superman, Wonder Woman had herself matured, realizing that loss and heartache was sometimes unavoidable.
Diana was late, but it should have come to no surprise to her that Steve was still waiting. He picked the location, probably incredibly telling that it was a beach, a similar setting of their first meeting. It may have been subconscious or that Steve like the sea. Either way, they were alone, walking side by side along the shores, struggling to come up with words. After a few moments of trying to decide who should speak first, Steve repeated, “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you a lot.”
She had no choice to but to repeat “I missed you too.” It was the truth. She had to speak the truth. And in speaking the truth she had reminded Steve that if ever he needed her she’d be there. The broken expression on his face was telling. Diana pushed him to tell the truth. “You never did.”
“You already had someone,” he replied staring down at the waves licking at their feet. That burned. It burned even more when he continued, “And he was Superman.”
There was bitter feelings. A bitterness that needed to be cleansed, even as his response to her reasoning behind her relationship with Clark was simply, “Well, when you two can fly…”
There it was. The insecurity. The belief that her relationship with Clark was superficial at best. He didn’t say it outright, but Steve wasn’t hard to crack. She would’ve been angry in any other situation. To imply that she gave her love away willy nilly to the first flying being she’d met should’ve offended her. But it didn’t. She knew what it looked like and a small part of herself believed that she was with Clark for the fact that he had similar powers as she. But she could not ignore that she loved Clark Kent at a time, despite an increasingly rocky relationship and a very apparent lack of understanding with one another as their relationship grew deeper. She wasn’t quite over his death, but she was prepared and ready to move on.
Diana told him what she long ignored. “As arrogant as it may sound I am very good at loving, but not romance.”
Romance was something that eluded her. She can love with all her heart, but when it came to steps in being in a part of romance, she had very little clue. Perhaps it was because she came from a place where love was free and flowing. The relationships she had on the island were the result of feelings and passion bubbling over. She had fallen in love with many women on the island, but obligations were not necessary. Romance, therefore, wasn’t needed. When it was time to move on, they moved on. Life moved on in blissful immortality.
With her male relationships it was different. There was an unvoiced expectation that whatever romance they brought, it should be reciprocated. It may not have been asked, but appreciated. Thinking that a romance would be easy with a man who was fragile enough she could hurt was naive.
It was also naive to think that a romance with a man with her powers would be any more simple. Steve’s expression, one that used to be full of hurt and strong feelings had softened to one of understanding. He listened. He paid attention.
He was patient as she tried to resolve her feelings and she explained them the best she could. “I have never forgotten you, Steve.” she pronounced.
Steve likewise made a pronouncement that shook her, “Wherever you are. Whatever you need. I will be by your side. As long as I live.”
She turned to face him. He looked timid, as if he didn’t intend to let that pronouncement slip. But he didn’t take it back.
“I am going to kiss you now, Steve,” she warned.
Expressionless, he replied, “I am entirely okay with you doing that.”
No more exploration. She knew how to kiss a man now. It wasn’t that much different from kissing a woman. The difference was the scratchiness of Steve’s beard. Even then, she didn’t much care. It wasn’t passionate. That wasn’t either of their style, especially at this point. No lust was involved, just intimate affection for one another, shared in one single moment.
When they pulled away, they didn’t part immediately. They let the sounds of the ocean fill the air as they touched foreheads, their touch portraying their feelings rather than spoken word.
His buzzing cellphone interrupted the quiet.
Laughing in his chest he pulled away. Now he seemed rejuvenated, as if Diana’s kiss washed away the years of stress and weariness and sadness. They smiled at each other, a wash of relief flooding them.
The phone call was moderately urgent. Diana was surprised at how quickly Barbara and Etta cracked the code to getting her back home. But the conclusion they came to made sense. Her home, her life was of spiritual existence rather than physical. No matter how much she refused to say that she was a god, they brought up points that seemed to indicate otherwise.
Regardless, Diana was set to get home immediately.
“I will take Steve with me,” she said. “His experience as an outsider landing on Themyscira can be useful. And to keep me focused.”
Etta would not stop grinning. Barbara rolled her eyes, but agreed, “Yes, however Mister Trevor landed on your island when it’s a spiritual place is quite baffling. It took me a while to find Themyscira and I was actually LOOKING for it. Mister Trevor for all intents and purposes stumbled into a spiritual dimension inadvertently. He could be a piece of this mystery.”
“But it all relies on her,” Steve spoke up. “I cannot just find Themyscira. She has direct access. Or had. I doubt me walking around will cause us to ‘stumble’ onto paradise again.”
Barbara gave a hollow laugh and rebutted, “See, you say that Mister Trevor as if you don’t have a history of falling into strange things yourself.”
“Hey--”
“I am just exploring the theory, Steven, that all of us, all of our involvement was no accident. If something’s messing with Diana’s memories, then who’s to say that same entity or whatever it is, has had a greater hand in this than simply confusing our princess here.”
“Please don’t tell me the good doctor here believes in One Consciousness. That everything isn’t coincidental.”
Barbara flew up her hands in a mock astonished gesture, “Says the man who is one cosmology book and a Bill Hicks album away from being a psychonaut.”
Diana thrust herself between the two, “Okay, okay, enough of theories, they don’t matter right now. But Barbara is right Steve, we have to assume that everything is connected somehow for now.”
“Right,” Etta spoke up, “We will reserve a landing point for you tomorrow late at 1900 hours. Steve will keep us in touch, just in case you two need any assistance. Right now, all of you go home and get some rest.”
“I would hope that would include you Etta,” said Diana, “You’ve been up non-stop for the past few days.”
The short, plump woman smiled, her freckles stretching with her grin, “I will most assuredly get rest. No need to worry. Now get along, all of you.”
Everyone murmured their agreements. Steve however lagged behind with Diana.
“Well, as the boss said, I should probably head home. Do you need me to drop you off somewhere Diana?” he asked, cursing himself for the offer. Diana could goddamn fly, she didn’t need a ride from him.
“I think I’ll go home with you,” she said casually as if she were deciding on which restaurant to go to, but it made Steve give a sudden stop. He glanced around wondering if anyone caught what he just heard.
He lowered his voice, “Y-you wanna go home with me?”
Diana nodded, looking rather impatient, “I would.”
Perhaps she was going too fast for Steve, but tomorrow they would search for her home. She wanted him with her, but who knows what would await them. She rather spend her evening with someone she held newfound affection for rather than alone.
Steve licked his suddenly dry lips. He ran a rough hand through his goatee as if the very request was a surreal dream.
“Sure, sure, of course.”